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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of August 4, 2002
edited by



Name: Dana

UserID : fucknuts

[She's fuckin' nuts!]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Everytime I tell a guy how I feel and express my opinions I am automatically called a bitch. I don't let guys manipulate me or make decisions for me. And when guys decide to whip their insignificant little "friends" out of their pants, I just get the urge to bite their balls off and laugh about it.

[When I see guys who aren't worth my time, the LAST thing I want is to stick their nuts in MY mouth.]

If men can play games with girls, than I am all for playing the game with them.

[Schoolyard antics.]

And I've been doing that for 5 years, up until I met "him", and fell in love. But now that I have once again been taught that men can not be trusted or expected to be faithful,

[In other words, you got burned.]

I am back on the rampage again to find those little insignificant fools so that I can be the bitch that I am to them.

[Get a hobby.]

One Liner:
I let you know that you piss me and if that makes me a bitch, than I'm proud and you're fucked because I don't care.

[What all the noise about, if you don't care?]



Name: Jennifer

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have no heart. I'm mean and cruel and evil and b8tchy all year round and all month, and it ain't the PMS. It's the Bms.

[Bowel Movement Syndrome?]

. I invite the b8tchiness,

[Batchiness? Bateiness?]

it is a welcome feeling. I like to be mean and rude and nasty, it's quite fun! I hate stupid, idiotic a$$holes, and I do NOT take their crap. People are actually funny to watch when they are scared that if they look at you wrong you will hit them.

[Terror IS funny.]

I hate sweet, cutesy things...it's sssooooooooo gross, and I HATE dainty prissy flighty flakey little women! God, GROW UP!!!! Be a REAL woman for cryin' out loud! Ya DON'T need a man, ya DON't need anyone, and you DON'T need to whine!!!! I generally just plain come off as an Ice B8tch, one of MANY nicknames given to me by my friends, and I like it that way. People LISTEN to b8tchmonsters.

[People make small movements and use placating tones around "bitchmonsters." It's because they think you're CRAZY. This isn't an improvement.]

And technically, we ARENT b8tchmonsters. Just cuz we have boobs does NOT mean we lack brains, intellegence, and integrity!

[No, that's just the first impression, then you open your traps and confirm it.]

I'm sorry people see me as a b8tch simply because I have no problem voicing my thoughts and opinions and am still a female!

[You can change gender? Why are we surprised that you're still a female?]

We live in a society where it's supposed to be okay.Granted, I'm no feminist...

[The reason that it's OKAY for women to have and voice opinions is because of feminism, you upstart ingrate. Go learn something.]

I'll be the first to ask, no TELL, a guy to open something for me, but dont disrespect me, son! i'll beat you down!But anyway, i just like to be b8tchy for no good reason 'cuz it's fun!

[Feminism, however, is no reason or excuse to run roughshod over someone. Get your OWN DAMNED DOOR, little miss flake-out.]

I like to rip people's heart out, and make them watch whilst I crush it into the ground...for fun!

[It's like she's a commercial for the BeDazzler.]

Especailly guys...so fun to wound!!!Is it so wrong to have a hobby these days?!?!?! My friends, family, and loved ones have advised me to seek immediate counseling, but I don't think it's needed!

[How many times can I get away with quoting Se7en?
"I've been trying to figure something in my head, and maybe you can help me out, yeah? When a person is insane, as you clearly are, do you know that you're insane? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading "Guns and Ammo," masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go, "Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am"? Yeah. Do you guys do that?"]

it's all in fun, somewhat! i'm a normal b8tch! think i'm qualified!? ::sings ::: I'm a big b8tch I'm a really big b8tch I'm a big b8tch oh ddooo da day!

[You are seriously fucking up Cartman's song.]

One Liner:
I'mma b8tch. It's my opinion or you dont get one.

[OR? Or doesn't make sense there.]

I'm always right, and I know it's not exactly completely original, that's just what best sums me up! You're lucky you even GET an opinion of you own, so be careful or I will take it away!

[You can't take away anyone's opinion, even IF you manage to silence them. This application was brought to you by the letters B and M, and the number 8.]



Name: kelly

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I used to be a princess, until my husband taught me haw to difend my self or let every one walk all over me. He had me so brain washed into thinking he is always right and I am always wrong I was the pricess who became a slave,

[A gilded cage is still a cage. Princesses aren't free. They never were.]

and then in one moment he set me up took literally every

[Do YOU smell a bitter divorce story coming?]

thing including our son. Painful yep but only for a couple of months I had to learn to be a bitch and turn around and be two faced.

[Not a stretch for you.]

I had to play the game of my life if I was to win the things that he took. Court is a game and once you learn the way, court works if you have the will

[Will = $$$]

you can get back what is yours. 5 years I heard from 18 different attorneys I consulted, because of his vidictiveness and the set up he did would make me lose our son for 5 years. Hell know I did not give up, learned my sons attorney is calling the shots let my husband make a few mistakes, willing to to what ever I was asked, I fired my current attorney hired one in the same building as my sons, and of coaurse one when questiond worked very well with.

[What about this do I need to read?]

I have my son back from 1% to 90 % he may still have the house but I will figure out how to get him for that one and he poor thing is orderd to pay me 2600 month yet he can only afford 300 bull he is a lier I showed him the property agreement yesterday and I am a bitch but an honest one.

[BUT? You think we lie?]

He is scared and that is only because he had know legal orders to do what he did and I am just telling the truth I said why do you want me to lie like you. I really did not want you back

[You told him that you wanted to get back with him to get some stuff? Euw.]

I just need some evidence you kept me from and a few of my belongings you can keep the rest. How does it feel to be used cause you were, maybe youll get lucky and I will visit you in jail not. jail.

[Sounds like a band: Jail not Jail.]

One Liner:
How does it feel to be used. Maybe youll be lucky and Ill visit you in jail not.

["Open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur."]



Name: Jem

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because I found a bunch of grammatical errors in your quotes section:

[What you are is smarmy. You're not getting off to a good start. In the future, please provide links to what you're finding objectionable. This is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. There are 135 pages in Weak of the Week alone.]

Egocentricity is actually one word, not hyphenated (ego-centricity).
Phony is not spelled "phoney."
Tyrannically is not spelled "tyranically."
Onesself is spelled "oneself."
Agression is spelled "aggression"
Wherewithall only has one "L"

[Having a website that is free from grammatical and spelling errors is important to us, too.]

Manhaters and headgames are spelled with two words, not one.

[We link them together because in those situations, the ideas are very closely linked. While this may not be completely grammatically correct, English does allow for a moderate tampering with words.]

Tamborine is spelled "tambourine."

[That one is just plain wrong.]

Teflon is a proper noun that should be capitalized.

[This is my favorite part. I savor precious little moments like this. Teflon IS a proper noun, but it's also a very commonplace noun. Think of it as just one of those novel inventions that crossed the barrier into everyday life. Think vaseline, jello, and spam.]

"She's in the same boat, but SHE think's HER'S is a yacht..." (Apostrophe does not belong in *think's*)

[There's no apostrophe in HER'S either. We've got to fix THAT one. I must have jotted that one down at about 3 a.m. Don't quit your day job, armchair spelling queen.]

One Liner:
Butch up!

[Outside of typo-spotting, do you do any Heartless Bitch work?]



Name: Ron

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I never worked for ENRON, so I can tell this won't be an "automatic in" for me.

[That's just 'cuz you're of the stupid variety.]

There was that $20 donation I mailed to Hillary's Senate compaign ~ but supporting a Heartless Bitch into power probably doesn't count for much here.

[Assumption and stereotype won't get you very far either. How do you know that we like Ms. Clinton?]

I've been called "ooooohhhh Ronaldo" in times of heated passion by Sharon (a truly Heartless Bitch) ~ but being a Heartless Bitch's lover

[I guess THAT matters.]

is only an indication of my heart's desire. I get called a "rotten bastard" when I forget an important date (like our first lay-play-get-blown-away night) ~ but that would be Heartless-by-Stupidity. (Blown-away is "head" ~ in case you're wondering.)

[Wasn't.]

In my opinion: I

[Oh, why be coy? It's far too late to offer a real opinion now. You've lost what little interest I had.]

don't have any of those Heartless Bitch qualities you hold in such high esteem. Of course, you could let me in just for the Uncommon Opinions ~ or maybe your Board of Directors is looking for some Comic Relief. The ball's (mine?) in your court.

[I'm passing. We have ENOUGH wit and humor from people who are truly brilliant. We didn't take out an ad for a jester, and we have no need of a pet fool.]

One Liner:
I dog (correct, indicate to, point out to)

[You've been learning an incorrect version of "hoodrat." Dog is to "do dirty, disrespect, cheat, or use for your own purposes."]

those who say "she's a Heartless Bitch" by adding "yes, and that's just ONE of her redeeming qualities."

[If you mean it as you have put this forth, it's an insult.]



Name: Pam

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I found out my husband had an affair last winter with a woman in his military unit,

[You should know that every barracks has a slut.]

but he lied to me and denied it.

[You just think that you're mad about the lie. If he said that he was boning her on the regular, you'd have STILL cried and wailed.]

I wanted the truth, and I wanted it from him. So I went to Yahoo and faked an email address in her name and started writing to him.

[You wanted the truth, so you lied to get it? Why not just leave him?]

After 28 pages worth of email dialog, with him admitting not only to the affair with her, but others in the past, I made a package for him and mailed it to him in Korea. He has instructions to follow.

[He HAD instructions to follow when you got married, but he's not so hot at those.]

Step one is to listen to a tape of compiled songs such as Shania Twain's "Who's Bed Have Your Boots Been Under." When he figures out the main theme of all of the songs,

[You credit him with too much intelligence, and really, you've had time to plot and scheme. He'll probably not listen to the tape, much less figure out the "secret password."]

he is to open an envelope containing a photo copy of an anonymous note I received telling me of the affair. Then he is to open the letter I wrote him letting him know that the email address he's been writing to is not his girlfriend, but rather his wife, and "please take a few moments to finish cussing over all of the stuff you've admitted to while writing to 'her'." The next step is to open a manilla folder containing the entire dialog of emails between him and who he thought was his girlfriend.

[You savor this precious moment. I'm trying to figure out why he's worth this elaborate hoax?]

Am I going to divorce him? Not yet. You see, I'm an Army wife. After December 2, 2007, I can divorce him and maintain full benefits for life. I refuse to walk away without those benefits. I've earned them.

[How? By being married to him? You're a barnacle, a sponge, an albatross around his fuckin' neck. You don't earn benefits by marriage, and all that has cost you your dignity. In the five years, you'll take him back and sleep with him again.]

So, I'm planning to make him grovel and suffer for the next 5 1/2 years.

[Why? He doesn't need YOU to earn HIS benefits.]

One Liner:
Never forget: I am a conniving, devious bitch, and I'm smarter than you.

[If you were so smart, you'd have gotten a job of your own.]







Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999
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