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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of June 23, 2002
edited by



Name: MARGIE

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
FIRST, THE BAD NEWS, I LIKE TO THINK

[Suuuure you do. Sell any bridges lately?]

I AM A CHRISTIAN WOMAN, ALTHOUGH I DRINK BEER (AND MORE), AND SOMETIMES CUSS. I HAVE ALSO SAVED SOME OF YOUR PUTRID WEBSITES ON MY FAVORITES LIST.

[Do I look like a priest to you? Why the (boring) confession?]

THE GOOD NEWS, I LOVE YOUR SITE. IF YOU LET ME JOIN, I WILL VOTE TO NOMINATE YOU IN THE WEBBY CRAP THING.

[We don't barter for membership. Either you don't suck and you're in, or you DO suck and you aren't, at least temporarily.]

HEARTLESS ENOUGH? LET ME KNOW, ALTHOUGH I WON'T BE LOSING ANY SLEEP OVER IT.

[Cue foreshadowing music.]

One Liner:
I SCREW PEOPLE IN BUSINESS (I OWN A SMALL BUSINESS). I ALSO LOVE TO USE MEN FOR MY PERSON GAIN.

[Can't you just see her picking up men? " I'll give you a turkey and two chickens if you'll take me to a movie."]



[Margie, who isn't going to lose any sleep, says:]

I want to be able to post to the board. I have applied to be a memeber. My grammer is perfect.

[While your grammar is pretty good, your spelling suks roks]

How long does it take you assholes to respond? Don't make me hurt you; it IS within my power!!!

[Keep up with the site? I try to update on a weekly basis. Allow me to reject you. That IS within MY power. Ass.]



Name: courtney

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
why the F*** do i need to complete this for anyway

[One day I'm going to count how many times I've been asked this question, and how many times I've answered it here.]

......its damn hard to explain why iam a cold hearted bitch, if you's could only ask the people who know me.

[...don't take YOUR word for it. You are going to get to know yourself so you can express yourself properly. I wouldn't trust people I know to paint a more accurate picture of me than I could.]

... i dont hate men, i dont burn my bras

[When is the last time we had a good, ol' fashioned bra burning, anyway? They're too expensive nowadays.]

or fight for womens equality

[There are some who would feel that you wouldn't be entitled to any.]

but i do hate what certain people are about and im definatly not afraid to show it or them..

[This isn't a place where you can just feel free to get your hate on.]

im just not a typical girl

[Oh, yes, you are.]

.... i hate how some people act, especially girls... im not into the whole victim, poor me or the bitchiness, or the whole populaur HAVE TO HAVE THE BEST DRESS, MAKEUP, MAN AND BODY (dont get me started about womens body issues)

[You're going to have to come back when you have it all sorted out in your head as to why we're here, and why you want to join.]

thing.. ok ok to sum it up, im the perfect member for this club!! im stubborn, im strong minded, im ginuine and im real,and i often get myself into situations because of my cold heartedness lol

[That kind of thing can happen when you're all about you, you, you.]

One Liner:
im loved by lots, im hated by many more but to be honest I JUST DONT GIVE A F***

[I KNOW!]



Name: franki

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
my heartless bitch qualities r not qualities really

[Goodie! An honest application.]

i just hate everbody that even gives me a dirty look i made my brothers friend cry becuase i called her stupid for talking about something she didnt no about(did i say i was 6 years younger then her?)

[Little Miss Dish-it-out-but-can't-take-it. Age doesn't disqualify you from making mistakes.]

every thought that i didnt want her 2 hear it HELL YA I DID.

[You seem to be asking me if I ever thought that you didn't want her to hear it. I'm not sure what you're saying, but I am sure that it's not worth the effort it requires to decipher stupid.]

i have more stories an ass load better then this

[Why on earth didn't you open with your best stuff?]

and if u guyz dont exept me the go fuck ur selves, ok?

[Are you asking me or telling me?]

One Liner:
i like all people BUT you!

[I can live with that, you little freak.]



Name: Michelle

URL : why the fuck would i?

[Some people like them.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I killed a bird by drowning it.

[Ah, a faker. Let's see if she can make up some good ones.]

I have had 30 boyfriends, of which i dumped and cheated on. I have kicked four guys in the nuts and laughed, I make others suffer,

[Now THAT one is true. I AM suffering.]

I stole my friends boyfriend, I make fun of Preps,

[Oh, who doesn't? I'm really sick of prep-envy.]

I get in cat fights, and I trained my hampster to bite and drink people's blood.

[And all I ever trained mine to do was come out of the house when I came near.]

Also, I cus out people everyday. I am Punk

[Don't skip the articles. You are A punk.]

and have been called a bitch everyday for the last five years.

[How long have you been called an idiot?]

One Liner:
Get the Fuck away from me 'cause I will slit your throat and steal your boyfriend if you mess with me you preppy skank!

[I guess she will care that he's gone after she's dead.]



Name: Gina

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[This one is rather tricky.]

I believe that people ought to be able to think for themselves, that people should be able to defend their opinions with reason, that people should stay true to their own moral codes and that fact- based books should have footnotes or how am I to tell they didn't pull their stats out of their asses.

[I was heating up the accept file when I continued reading.]

I don't tolerate sheep, but I respect the wishes of said sheep to be left alone until they intrude on my life. I relate to Faith, Anyanka and Cordy and believe

[Free tip: Don't reference how you relate to any fictional character, ESPECIALLY from some television show. Never, never, never, NEVER do this.]

that I can look good and kick ass mentally and physically, that life can be boiled down to the simplest facts occasionally (and should be) and that if I am honest all the time (avoiding 'white lies and foolish tact') people will believe me when I have something nice to say.

I use the same ruler to measure me that I use on other people.

[This girl shows great potential. Unfortunately, she's her own worst enemy, torpedoing her own chances. It's like I put two applications in the blender.]

I have been called a 'geek' by computer geeks for fixing an NT problem, been told that if I walked into a brick wall the bet is that the wall would fall before I did, and male friends will tell off color jokes in front of me but not their wives and girlfriends.

[I'm so not interested in what you say that OTHERS have to say about you.]

And, in the long run, while I would like to be an official HBI member, I know I belong and if you don't think so from a few short lines,

[I thought you were going to be honest. Of COURSE you care. Only people who care bother to tell me that they don't care, that they will be unaffected, or that it makes no difference.

If you thought that just a few short lines would be insufficient (it isn't), you could have written more. You're the editor here.]

One Liner:
Oh, I believe in love. I believe in anything that gets me what I want. me, at 15

[It's extraordinarily hard for me to welcome someone this manipulative. She indicates that she is in the 26-34 age bracket. At this age, she should know better.]



Name: Teri

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
The first person to call me a heartless bitch was my former husband.

[Sometimes you can just TELL when it's going to be good.]

It happened when I arrived home from grocery shopping with our two small children, to find Hubby sitting on the front porch clutching his left foot and moaning in pain. He had fallen off a ladder while painting the house--after consuming about eight beers. He fully expected me to drop everything, scoop up the kids, and drive his sorry drunk ass to the emergency room where we could all spend the rest of the day waiting for him to get a cast on his foot.

[Pretty much. Did you skip the chapter on being a decent human being? Most accidents result from abject stupidity. Think about it. You'd want someone to take YOU to the hospital if you were hurt, no matter what the circumstances were that got you hurt. Those children are bound to do some pretty crazy things in the learning process of growing up, too. Are you going to penalize them by not giving them proper care because they do something really stupid and hurt themselves?

Get a grip, whydoncha? He had a little more than a six-pack while he painted the house. Big deal.]

I'll never forget the look on his face when I told him to call a cab or take a bus to the hospital. He still loves to tell that story as an example of how mean I can be.

[That man is more clever than I thought. He's laying the groundwork for his cover story. When you get the ass-whipping you so richly deserve, be sure to remember how you gloated over not taking HIM to the hospital for being foolish enough to drink and climb.]

I prefer to think of it as how determined I am to not let a loser ruin my day.

[That loser is your husband, you know. You picked him, and you stay with him.]

One Liner:
I've certainly had times when I've been in bad relationships, but the times I've been single have never been bad.

[Yet you get married anyway.]



Name: Allexa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
"I'm a Heartless Bitch because..." Well, If you must know, it just comes quite naturally. Like a second skin! Muahahahahaahaha!

[Euw. Second skins don't come naturally. Something FITS you like a second skin. You might be thinking about "falling off a log," but first you should "crawl out from under that rock."]

One Liner:
Ok, you asked for it! I really hate filling out these freakin' forms, but if you insist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Then what? You're going to submit shit? Big surprise there.]



Name: pinkylizard

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
if i go out with you it doesnt mean i like you and if i say 'i love you' it doesn't really mean that i do.

[I'm glad that you cleared that up. We can always use more artificial relationships.]

One Liner:
it's all but natural.

[It's ANYTHING but natural. It's got more additives than crack and it's twice as confusing.]



Name: Liz

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I haven't cried in two years because I think it's a sign of weakness.

[What do you think faking your emotions is a sign of?]

My friends have nicknamed me "The Rock" because

[...they can smell what you're cooking? No, wait...because HIS symbol is bull?]

I have no emotions.

[You have them. They're just immature and underdeveloped.]

One Liner:
A year from now it won't matter so who gives a fuck.

[I love these Gordian knot conversations. If it doesn't matter, cry.]



Name: Mark

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm on this website, aren't I?

[You want credit just for showing up?]

One Liner:
calm and collected

[Overcast with 90% chance of stupidity.]



Name: Miranda

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Men have made the horrible mistake of cheating on me and then having to deal with the wrath of me afterwards.

[I'll bet she runs the full gamut from crazy to insane. "The Wrath of Me" sounds like a Lifetime special starring Stephanie Zimbalist and Gary Cole.]

My current situation has entitled me to get even with the man who screwed me over with the only way I can, his way!!

[My way of being screwed over is financing my hobbies. I'm really crushed when presented with bankrolls. I just can't STAND it when someone else buys me stuff.]

I have been learning the art of "bitchcraft" from my stepmother and have been using my knowledge for obvious gain on my part.

[Nothing is going to top that fish recipe scene from "Something to Talk About."]

The last guy who screwed me over is still going through repercussions because of it.

[Living well is the best revenge. Considered that one yet?]

In fact, my stepmother was working on something for him and still needs to complete it so he comes over to "pay his penance". We then proceed to fuck with his head constantly like he did to me. This is just one example of the shit I deal with when it comes to me. I'm still young but learning fast with help of my stepmother and other "heartless bitches" that I know.

[You may know OF some, but you've yet to know some. We'd never let you waste your time on people who've proven to be a waste of your time when you cared about them. All this revenge and getting even is just a drain on the life you COULD BE LEADING right this very moment. They aren't worth any more of your time, so GET OVER IT and GET ON WITH IT.]

I feel that I would be a significant addition for the heartless bitches because,

[You already are. You're a shining example of what NOT to do.]

lets face it, we all need each other for new tricks to pull on the undeserving males out there!!

[I don't waste time like this with the deserving, and you want me to do this with the UNdeserving? Hell, no.]

One Liner:
"Bitchcraft": the art of using everything you know about men(and some woman) and using it to destroy them.

[Burn your copy of Lives and Loves of a She-Devil this minute.]



Name: Beth

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am rude, decietful, two-faced, fed up with MEN, and tired of being used and taken advantage of...

[You're just looking for new hunting grounds. You wouldn't have lasted a day anyway.]

One Liner:
Screwed over by men and now baybacks are a BITCH!!!

[Am I the only one who reads "baby backs" in there and thinks "ribs"?]



Name: Cindy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I was married for 23 yrs. only to find out the sorry bastard was cheating on me.

[It didn't take you 23 years to figure that out, did it?]

Now I am remarried to a man with custody of 3 sons that, at time, make my life a living hell. If I weren't a heartless bitch, I would go insane.

[If you WERE a Heartless Bitch, you wouldn't keep marrying losers.]

Life has made me turn a cold heart to protect myself from the assholes that insist on breaking my spirit!!!

[And you stay with them, broken spirit and all.]

One Liner:
I tried being nice, it doesn't work!

[You tried being a doormat.]

Barbed wire heart...so watch out for the pricks!

[Careful. Mending a broken heart with barbed wire is a sure path to myocardial infarction.]



Name: Deirdre

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I could give you numerous examples of my heartless behavior, but because it is more upsetting to others than it is to me, I seem to have forgotten it.

[So how'd you remember it to tell me that you'd forgotten it?]

You'd have to talk to the squelched and wounded I've left in my wake.

[I think your words speak for themselves.]

One Liner:
I want my Fuckuppance.

[You've got it. You're fucked up.]



Name: Tisha

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
la la la la la la la la la de da do doshananamiskoboleelee

[Man, it's not every day that someone submits an application in scat. Scoobedy-doobie-doo.]

la la la la la la la la la de da do doshananamiskobo lee la dippy dippy do do she lasko muchopregnato

shiskebabthelesbianstilltheydieandgotohellohyeahthatturnsmeonsomuchthinkiwillgos uckthedevilshotredcockrightnowtillitsquirtsoutmyassandyourstooyoulousyworthlessp ieceofshitwhodeservestoberapedandmurderedonceinthislifetimeandamilliontimesmorei nthebowelsofHades

[It's not the hate, it's the stupidity.]

that's allthere is AIN'T NOMOreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[You're fresh out of stupid? I'm sure that you'll recharge.]

fuck you

[How could I follow the devil?]

One Liner:
kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa340823048230842308

[Now that I've got your number. I'm gonna make you mine. Jenny, don't change your number...867-5309.]



Name: Patti

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Always have been, always will be.

[This is like reading a commercial.]

One Liner:
See above

[This has been Wilford Brimley for Quaker Oats: "Never had it, never will."]



Name: Lauren

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Attention: If you think you've had a rough life ,read this ~~>

[Or don't. Why make it worse?]

I would rather slit your fucking throat, than to listen to your goddamn whining about how life has dealt you a bad hand. Do me a favor. Shut the FUCK up,

[It's one thing to want to rid your life of excuses, or to want to avoid the same sob stories as a rationalization for being in bad situations. You don't want to hear them because they distract from you being the little gloomy star in your "I'm so miserable" universe.]

Please! I dont really want to hear your sob story. I got my own problems. Who needs yours? Ya, Life sucks. If you cant handle it, then kill yourself. Drive yourself off a bridge, or stab youself. Yes, please make it a violent death.

[Ever take your own advice?]

Hell, you deserve it, after making me listen to a story about your pathetic life. "My dog just died." "My wife left me for her cousin." "And now my life is all fucked up!" Or this one: "My boyfriend beats me." Well murder him. I Don't give a rat's ass. Write yourself a country song. Tell someone else. Just don't tell me about it.

[I can't imagine that you have a problem with people who keep wanting to talk to you.]

One Liner:
Boo-Hoo! Cry me a fucking river. I don't pitty you. If I felt the need to pitty someone, I'd pitty myself!

[And you DO.]



Name: Jaime

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I get so freaking pissed off when my two best friends bitch and moan about their boyfriends.

[At least they aren't parading around their Hollywood infatuation.]

One of my best friends, We will call her M, ok- her boyfriend called her ugly. Regardless of the fact that she is very pretty, he has the nerve to say that, and she has the nerve to stay with him! Now, my other best friend, T, she is the same way! All she wants to do is please men, regardless of what happens to her feelings. ITS SO FREAKING PATHETIC!

[Yet you have the nerve to stay with them. Does that give you any insight?]

I am so damn sick of telling them to get over themselves. All they do is rant rant rant. Well ya know what? Go get a freaking dildo.

[Go get a pacifier.]

One Liner:
Proud to be an American Bitch, circa 1985

[Patriotism: the NEW trendy.]



Name: Jane

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
In my position as principal,

[Oh, am I going to enjoy this.]

I deal with whiners all the time;

[You don't mean your students, do you? They are children, and they will be inclined to whine in the principal's office.]

the men are the worst. They bring "problems" for me to solve and I'd like to be able to tell them, "I"m not your mother. Figure it out."

[How many men have to come to you with their problems? You've limited this to your being a principal here. You are going to be dealing with children, and you can expect some parents to come in your office without a clue. It's not as if they give an IQ test to breed.]

I had to learn to say that but not in those words.

[Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, criticize. Those who can't criticize, become bitter principals.]

One Liner:
I've been a bitch for so long I've raised it to an art form. Since I'm older, brighter, and more vicious, I have few superiors.

[You're the principal, right? Isn't the buck supposed to stop with you? Be glad that I've kept your identity private. I'll bet quite a few of your students read the site. Pay attention to how many snicker at you in the halls.]







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