Edited by JadeSyren
For the Week of January 16th, 2000
Email : twerp@cow.net
URL : don't think so
[Yes, I suppose that's best. You probably don't have an URL if you don't think you do.]
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I cannot stand my supposed best mate!
[But you still call her your best mate.]
She's sappy & useless with men.
[And has bad taste in friends.]
e.g. A very nice guy (one in a million) asked her out, and she cried cos' he was ugly!! WHAT?
[I'm guessing that you moved in on the kill.]
I answered yes to all your questions on the 'Heartless Bitches is Recruiting' page, so I wanna join. (+ I wanna show the card to this gay twat who thinks it's relly funny if he asks me out as a joke.)
[Oh, well, if THAT'S all you want to do is shock some gay person, we'll be more than happy to oblige you. Heaven forbid we stand in the way of a joke.]
One Liner:
I'm sorry, our race has evolved- we are no longer brainless bacteria!
[Only half-right. I'm sure you're not bacteria.]
Email : doofus@prodigy.net
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I dont wear make-up or other things that are suppose to make us look good and I dont like other women to either and I tell them so.
[Because you know what's best for everybody.]
(of course I do wear perfume, got to smell good for myself and my man). He also agrees with me.
[He's probably afraid to disagree. You'll douse him with Drakkar Noir, or something.]
I try to impress NO ONE at anytime.
[Unless it's with perfume.]
I am good at what I do professionally and the right people know it and that is all that matters.
[So much for SELF worth.]
So no one even tries to tell me what to do or when to come and go at work.
[Is your own opinion ever going to surface?]
Some people are very envious of this. Shit on them. Well thats some of the things I think will make me a good consideration (there are others).
[Spare me the others. I couldn't possibly rid myself of the odiousness of your application. Perhaps it's the designer imposter scent of what you think everyone around you thinks.]
see ya
[Shouldn't this be smell ya?]
One Liner:
I can smell your worth and it stinks!!!!
[How can you smell anything above the stench of this application?]
Email : boyfriendluver4ever@urlmail.com
UserID : kid980
[At least it's not his name again.]
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
"I'm a Heartless Bitch because I stand up for what is right and I am not a man hater,but if you stop looking the right one will come along and I believe that.
[Way to center your existence around men. Self-development not required, nor desired, eh?]
One Liner:
Yeah,I'm a Heartless Bitch.DEAL WITH IT.
[You mean while you're killing time, waiting for Mr. Right to make an appearance, don't ya?]
Name: liz
Email : lyzerd@onebigzero.net
UserID : lyzerd
[I love it when they're creative.]
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Why not? men are heartless dogs and pigs, it's about time for revenge. I don't see why there should be any emotional attachment anyway. just do the deed and go.
[Then why are you faulting them?]
One Liner:
I'm always on PMS... pre-menstrual, present-menstual and post-menstrual.
[Can't you just be angry without some hormonal excuse? This is as bad as claiming men incapable of keeping their dicks out of any available hole. Be different. Be angry, furious, or outrageous for an actual reason, not because of your pussy.]
Email : booboo@mantraonline.com
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
cause I DON'T LISTEN TO ANY CRAP UNLESS IT'S MY OWN##!!
[Here I was thinking that talking cereal was bad.]
One Liner:
GOOD SOD!!I THINK YOUR ACADEMIC BENT HAS A DENT!!!
[Great Scott! Were you trying to be clever? Did your crap tell you to submit this?]
Email : sweetheart_oram@confusedcity.net
UserID : angelwhore
[Wasn't this a movie?]
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i get what i want. you either dive outta my way, or fall when i hit u.
[Which is why all the capital letters got outta Dodge.]
One Liner:
no ta, you're not good enough for me
[Who the hell is ta?]
Email : Iwannaberich@aol.com
UserID : jaguar7
[If you can't own one, make it your id, your e-mail, your password...]
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I know what I want, when I want it, and how to get it.
[She got her gold-digger degree.]
I'm the only one I can trust cos everyone else out there is really out there just to screw you or stab you in the back, or both!
[She's living proof.]
Heaven dosent want me, and hells afraid i'll take over; shame really...
[About this application? Yes indeedy.]
One Liner:
If you don't like my attitude problem then don't talk to me!What's yours is mine and what's mine is.... mine!
[All you have is expensive tastes in ID's and screen names.]
Men are like doormats-you lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them
[Why don't you try getting a job, instead of pimping yourself out?]
Name: Mrs. Bitch
[And we weren't invited to the wedding.]
Email : crazyyougotthatright@aol.com
UserID : BJ_Masta21
[Not his screen name, but his skill and level.]
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I dont care about anybody but myself and always get what i want!
[Sure, if all you want is a mouthful of semen.]
i am not scred of anyone and will have my little peole do everything for me.
[Now you think you're Willy Wonka.]
One Liner:
Thats Mrs. Bitch to you dick, now pay up or get out!
[Doesn't it seem like these lame ones are written by tired prostitutes?]
[The AOL profile. If you needed something else by Crazy to laugh at.]
Member Name: º°*°ºCrEeP .. tHe LoVaßLe GrEeKº°*°ºa.K.a CrAzY C.
Location: Big City, small brain
Birthdate: SePt.23
Sex: Male [Ha ha ha]
Marital Status: Oº°'´¨?¿?¿¨°ºO
¨´'°ºO
Hobbies: 0o.·°º°·.ÇhiLLiN WiTh aLL My Bo¥z,SmOkiN,DriNkiN,PLaYiN ßaLL,DjiNg,RaV!nG,CLuBBiNG, Sh0oTi N PoOL,aNd iLL!N' fLy ShØrTiEz.ßiG UpS To aLL My N!GgAz,HeAd,J0hN,ChRiS,BreT T ,PeTeR, NiCk,MaRiA,EvA,dA X-SqUaD,CaRsOn LoNg ÇrEw,AnD EveRyOnE ThAt I FoRgOt.·°º°
Computers: °·-^v´¨A ReALLy $h!tTty 0nE´¨`v^-·°
Occupation: ~*~*~StuÐeNt At XaV!eR/Pa(r)T!Me PLaYA/Dj~*~*~
Personal Quote: ~^~^~·.×StAY HiGh AnD YoU'LL NeVeR DiE,I NeEd SoMe CaSh FoR HaSh,U StErE0 TyPe Me CuZ U DoNt LiKe Me,BuT Y0u DoNt EvEn KnOw Me So CoMe BLoW mE,E-mAiL mE FoR a PriVaTe PaRtY×.·~^~^~
[Don't blame me, you stereotyped yourself.]
Email : sugardyke@youvegottabekiddingme.com
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
My dad wasn't complete until you fucked up royally and blamed me..
One Liner:
Laffs, You think i have a horn for you? I have two tires and
a hood beckoning for your tounch. ::clink::
[Does anyone have a translator for this? Can anyone recognize the language. I thought it was English, but I can't be sure.]
[Just for kicks, and to gain better understanding, I translated this from English to Portuguese and back again. Here are the results:]
Full mine dad estêve until you it fodeu above real and me did not make responsible
Laffs, you thinks that I have a horn for you? I have two tires and a layer that beckoning for its tounch.
[This makes the same amount of sense.]
Email : da-veggie@ohgoodgrief.com
UserID : alex
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I always find my self hurting my peer's feelings when they think
[Ever heard of a possessive plural?]
they are better than me and if you do think you are better than me you can kiss my ass
[Is it MY fault that you suck?]
One Liner:
Kiss My Ass
[And you're witty too.]
Email : h.k.sundet@nowhereiveheardof.com
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i`m a heartbreaker and home wreker
One Liner:
Heart-breaker and home-wrecker
[We heard you the first time.]
Email : elsie@prodigy.com
UserID : cow
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I love to use words like cocksucker and pussy-ass, also slut, whore and cunt. My kids just can't take it!! They're a bunch of suck asses anyway!! Fuck'em if they want nuthin to do with me!! I proud to be a big hairy BITCH!!!!
[Your mother told me to tell you to stay the hell out of her account until you turn 12.]
One Liner:
I call it the way I see it, if you don't like it eat me!
[That should read BEAT you, and I'll take you up on it.]
Name: Kris M.
Email : kmentalmidget@aol.com
UserID : Kris
[Whoo, that's a tough act to follow. I'll bet her application is simply STELLAR.]
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I could fuck with your head if I wanted to, but that would require me to think about you, and I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment.
[How about if you just sat down and thought about why you want to join for a half-second?]
One Liner:
You want a one-liner? Ask Woody Allen.
[I give. What are you doing here, Kris. If you didn't want to participate, DON'T.]
Email : Elaine@stickybun.com
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I know what I want and i work my fuckin ass off to get it!
One Liner:
no one respects you more than yourself
[And take two]
Email : Elaine@jellydoughnut.com
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Just coz I can read don't make me no swat
One Liner:
You have the power do do exactly as you please
[Like take words way the hell out of context. What is swat?]
Email : LusciousL15A@areyouforreal.com
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I lost my six best friends because I'm a heartless bitch.
[I think the word you're reaching for is stupid, or useless. You're not bright enough to be a Heartless Bitch.]
They say I have a attitude problem but the truth is i just take no shit from anyone, my answer to this,
[I don't remember there being a question posed to you.]
we were in the schools Home EC room at the time so I threw aload of soggy dishcloths in their face and told them where to shove them.
[This is supposed to mean that you're something other than childish? I guess you're entitled, seeing how you're still in school.]
I mean, attitude Problem? Me? God isn't everyone entitled to a little PMS once in a while?
[No. And that's the sorriest excuse I've heard for a temper tantrum in a long time. Grow up, kiddo.]
I acept that I am a bad leader, I can't handle anybody questioning my opinion.
[I doubt that you're old enough to have formed an opinion yet.]
I've been called a "bad influece" and "an opinionated little madam" but I've also been called "bitch" but I don't take offence,
[Why? Because you can't spell it? You've got to be in 7th grade at least by now. These aren't hard words. If you're grown enough to sling a soggy dish cloth, you're old enough to crack a book or two.]
this is more of a comliment, because bitch isn't a word it's an attitude!
[You're not too old to be put on Ritalin, young lady. Keep in the direction you're going and I can almost guarantee a prescription in your future.]
One Liner:
I'm not bitch, I'm not even THE bitch ,
[You're absolutely right. I'm cutting you off there.]
Read the Previous edition of the Weak of the Week
Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999
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