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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of June 9, 2002
edited by Jadesyren



Name: Elissa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I was sent to this site by someone who said I'd find it "homey".

[Maybe they meant to send you to Martha Stewart's site?]

I've been called a Heartless Bitch, or variations of it, more times than I can count. I guess I'm very insensitive because when people are in mourning I still

[Do you think it matters what other people think of you? Do you think that would matter to ME? Tell me what you think about yourself BY yourself.]

tell them that there is no God or heaven and that their loved ones are just plain dead. I can never shut up about religion, I really, really hate it. I

[So there is no room in your life for allowing others to have an opinion about something as intangible as religion?]

guess I'm something of an emotional cripple because so far there hasn't been

[You were really misdirected here, in that case. We don't make room on our couch for any emotional cripples.]

anyone in my life, anyone I'm not related to anyway, who I couldn't walk away from and never regret it. But I am a good friend, I guess that's not a

[Unless someone dies around you.]

Heartless Bitch quality but at this point I'm sort of compelled to offer something positive. I was raised by

[Wolves?]

shrinks

[My second guess.]

and I'm very perceptive and can usually pick up motivations under the surface. I'm kind of the perennial go-to girl when anyone I know has problems.

[This is your idea of positive? What if I want to go to you with my problems surrounding the death of a loved one?]

Anyway. I suppose I'm a cold fish because I've broken up with two men for crying in front of me.

[Oh, I'd love to see your diagnosis.]

I'm still not sure how that fits me in here,

[It doesn't.]

but I did some quick browsing and when I read the "Nice Guys" files I had some real hope. I'm 31 years old and this is the first time I've realized I'm not the only girl who knows that "nice guy" really means "whiny, manipulative loser".

[That means something to the REST of us, but in your case, your perceptions are really askew. Don't bother writing back to ask me why I say that. Ask your doctor.]

I think really bad things about slow-moving old ladies in front of me in line. I drive like a complete asshole and I love speeding through construction zones.

[Oh, I could hazard a guess as to your diagnosis now.]

I am pro-abortion; I believe that certain people should not allowed to breed and if they can't be sterilized then they should be forced to abort.

[I'd like to make them retro-active. If you have a child who turns out to be a waste of flesh, abort. Let me talk to your mother.]

I don't mean like genetic selection but I think there are good arguments for not allowing terminal (say, any child with less than a year to possibly live) babies to be born.

[I'd just start with the assholes who think that they are not.]

Um, I really could go on. Is that enough?

[Go on. Start by walking away slowly. No sudden moves.]

One Liner:
If I had the money and the drive, I would dedicate my entire life to wiping all traces of religion from the planet.

[It's a good thing that you can't stay focused long enough to implement a plan, then.]



Name: Heather

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because I'm sick of the weak of the world getting everything and when I need something,

[Wah! Why can't I be entitled, too?]

I'm told to take a hike. I've gotten to the point where I say if I cant get what I want with what I have already, I dont need anything else.

[The other option is to EARN it. Think of that one?]

I'm sick of women who spit out nine and ten babies sitting on welfare because they dont have to work, its a full time job just pushing out their kids. Drives me nuts.

[Wah! Why can't I have it easy? Why do THEY get all the breaks?]

I have one child, but he's going to respect women,

[Aw. Poor you. Only ONE child, and that means that someone with TWO children is going to get TWICE as much. If you want him to respect women, start by being someone he can RESPECT.]

but not let them walk on him nor is he going to be a doormat for any guy in any circumstance. I refuse to have a weakling for a son.

[Is this code for, "Please, Lord, PLEASE don't let him be gay"?]

I refuse to be weak any longer. I've been walked upon before, now, I'm doing the walking.

[Probably all over your son.]

One Liner:
Sick of Men, Sick of Bull, Time to Walk, and Here I Rule.

[I was thinking "Dull" or "Empty Skull," but they don't rhyme with Bull. What does?]



Name: Ami

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
although im only 16 you can definitly count me in as a true heartless bitch,why? you ask oh god dont make me get started.

[This form is completely voluntary. You don't HAVE to be a member.]

first its in my blood. i was raised by the two original hbi's,

[It's really NOT genetic, and it seems to be something that loses something in the teaching.]

well maybe not original, but close. my ma and grandma were total bitches. ma, on the first hand, had me arrested at 13 for; well i cant disclose that but i can assure that it was tottally unnessceary(?).

[When your MOTHER has you arrested as a juvenile, I'd bet that it was pretty darned necessary as well as a last resort.]

my grand mother she the worst, when shes in a good mood shes an angel, none better;but one thing gets her pissed and bam! shes got a grudge against every one and their brother for like a day and a half. ive seen her verbally-suckerpunch so many people its not even funny.

[Insanity...now THAT runs in families. Don't confuse the two. Maybe she's just tired of knuckle-headed grandchildren who get arrested before they're in high school.]

number two, after years of torment from classmates over my weight, ive baiscly lost all intrest in social functions with "people" my age and have learned to disassociate myself from them.

[Is your weight a problem? ]

ask any one im a very "get my point across person" i dont have time for this penny ass bullshit these little boys and/or girls come up with and diss them for it every chance i get. from cheerleaders

[Let's get this straight. They tease you, you diss them, and you wonder why there's no chance for friendship? I should have sent this to Dear Fuckin' bon.]

to footballs players to any one who listens to bishney spheres, somtimes i wish we could just round them all up, hog-tie them, put them in a huge frying pan with lots of grease,

[...nah. Too obvious.]

and stick them in the middle of a K-mart parking lot in the middle August. then we wouldn't have to listen to the constant drivel that comes out of their mouths.

[You'd have to listen to them whine about the heat, and the bugs, and the dirt. What's wrong with a nice, quick death?]

well i cant think of any thing else at the moment so fuck off and have a nice day

~     ~
   &
\___/
  \ /

[Do you go to school just because of the court order?]

One Liner:
get the fuck away from me, you dickless slut---mostly used towards males who annoy me

[You'd have to have a dick to be a slut...otherwise he's just emasculated.]



Name: Joy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
My attorney decided I might be good enough for him to fuck.

[Might be? Either you are or you are not.]

I explained to him that Hormel packed vienna sausages and that he might apply there first.

[Oooh, what a burn. Did you fire him?]

I then unlocked the door of my Prowler, climbed in and while grinning told him, 'I make more money than you, got 3 better cars and you

[That's the proof of the pudding right there. All you need to be better than someone is MORE MONEY.]

and your dick need to find someone to buy your bullshit. Never tell a smart woman all she needs is a good fuck because you write yourself out

[So until that moment he was in the running?]

of the game just opening your mouth. Stick to the dumb nookie, I got chips and dip at my party. When you find something else to bring besides wieners let me know..." He stopped emailing me. Go figure.

[I just want to know if you still have him on retainer.]

One Liner:
I can't stand rape victims with high pitched voices.

[That's a really important quality to have. Pitch your voices low, women.]

Vulnerability is one of the 7 deadly sins.

[My vote's with willful ignorance, since we're making up sins.]

Breast implants are a fucked way to look for love, get yer goddam brain replaced.

[They don't make those yet, but when they do, I've got a list of recommendations for them.]

No addictions of ANY kind will EVER be tolerated in my life. You shit in your wheaties and breakfast is served in the main lounge YOUR breakfast.

[This I don't get. Why are you still serving breakfast?]

When in love fuck like a monkey.

[Not a bunny?]



Name: Diane

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Let's try this again, shall we? I'm damned persistant.

[So it would seem.]

However, the moment you put me on the "accepted" page, you'll probably never hear from me again. So you might as well do it now, just to get it over with.

[You're never going to be so annoying that I will allow you access into our hallowed halls. It's not that hard to reject you, over and over again.]

One Liner:
Pick-up line dodger: "Yeah, okay baby. But only if you can bend over and blow yourself off. Then I MIGHT think about it."

[If he could do that, why do you think he'd need you?]



Name: Nurys

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a Heartless Bitch because, well first of all, I'm extremely antisocial,

[We don't need social misfits or outcasts, sorry. I'm sure that there's a yahoo group that would suit you.]

and I can't stand anyone that has no intelligence...it just disgusts me. I'm one of those social outcasts, so everyone stays away from me.

[Thanks for the warning.]

Anyone that pisses me off gets on my "I Want You To Die" list (descriptive isn't it?). I'm friends with the other outcasts (like the hardcore punk kids)

[That's an oxymoron if I've ever heard one: Outcasts with friends.]

and we just find people to make fun of and say shit to. If anyone (even someone I'm not that antisocial with) says something that pisses me off, I tell them to fuck off, and I stop talking to them.

[Isn't that the definition of antisocial? I'm just curious.]

During absolutely anything, I hate for people to be telling me the directions of anything while I do it, and try to do shit for me. You tell me what I need to do, and leave me the hell alone, I can do it myself.

[Sometimes it's painful to watch someone struggling with something so simple, though.]

I despise most teenagers and their preppy-ness, its just kinda sad. If you don't except me for this crap, I hate you all, and hope a pyromaniac burns down the Heartless Bitches international Company...

[Good luck storming the castle. It would take a miracle.]

if you do let me into this, thanks, I guess...

[Fat chance.]

One Liner:
The best thing about the world is that you can get the fuck away from it at any freakin time you want to

[Yep. The problem with that is that it's a one-way trip.]



Name: Phoebe

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I want to rip my childrens spirm doner into paper thin slices then role them into the shape of peperoni and serve him on the pizzas of every classmate in my elimentary school

[Cannibalism is not the answer.]

One Liner:
just a little ticked off,thats all

[Don't type angry. NEVER type angry.]



Name: Marisol

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
ok well you see i dont realy know if i could explain it im not a heartless bitch to EVERYONE

[Then you're just mean and obnoxious, not a Heartless Bitch.]

the one thing that bothers me the most is these people who write shit that are so stupid you know there trying!!!!!!!

[Yeah...I know JUST what you mean.]

like this one lady who was like she laughs at lil kids please lets see your not hartless your just a dick basicly im nice to who i want and when i want im not gunna suck up for shit or even give a fuck if someone likes me or not

[So you don't laugh at little children. You still don't show that you get what we are about, and you seem to have no functioning clue, either.]

One Liner:
well lets see you dont like me good!!! ill just talk to you more to bother the shit out of you

[The better to mock you with, my dear.]



Name: Katie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Story time:

[Noooo! Oh, God, NOOOOOO! Please anything but that....aaaaaaaaah!]

The Setting- Mall in City
Characters-
~protagonists-Katie(me), Ass and Licks(my best friends)
~Antagonists- 4 demi-pricks and 1 prick

[If you need THIS much set-up, your story will suck, I guarantee. I'm already bored.]

After a long day of shopping at the mall, dumping Ass's boyfriend(on a cell phone, he wasn't there),

[Too cowardly to do it in person?]

and me getting harassed by a stupid ass waiter at the rainforest cafe(different story) we were all in shitty moods.

[And looking to transfer the emotion to someone else.]

We were waiting by the entrance of Lord and Taylor for Ass's mom to pick us up. A group of guys passed by and one of them HAD to say, "Hey Ladies" like he was going to get a pleasent reaction out of us.

[It's a compliment, especially in YOUR age group. It's not like he started screaming obscenities at you. I don't think that you should try to date him, but put this in proportion.]

Uh, no, sorry, wrong girls. I turned around and screamed in the middle of the store, "Step off, Prick." Apparently this guy got hurt by the comment and his friends came back and were told me that their friend had heard me say that.

[Later you will wonder why guys act like pricks when they REALLY start acting like pricks.]

I retorted, "Why of course he heard me, that's why I said it so loudly in his direction." Apparently that thought had never crossed their minds.

[Apparently, they didn't think that they were doing anything wrong. It's not your job to teach them, but you might think about how you want to be treated when YOU make a dumb mistake. How big a mistake IS it to greet some attractive women by saying, "Hey, ladies"?]

Now I'll go back and explain the idiotic waiter at the Rainforest Cafe. I was ordering a Rumble in the Jungle Turkey Wrap, and I was sick and my voice was on and off.

[Yet you could yell at this other boy. No, you're just playing games.]

I, kindly, pointed at the menu the item I wished to order. Again, this wasn't good enough. The waiter kept coming back and asking me, "What's that you ordered?", "How's that...what did you order again?". I had to put an end to it. He might have been flirting, but he was like 20.

[He was trying to verify your order so you don't send it back a hundred times. Don't fuck around on his job.]

Sorry, I'm not into illegal activity. So the next time he came back I told him, "Excuse me, but would not harass me while I'm out eating lunch with my friends?" The other waiters nearby got a kick out of it. That's not really heartless though.

[No, it's very stupid.]

Enough of story time i guess. I'll try my best to write an essay now.

[Don't bother. You've still got some growing to do.]

I'm a Heartless Bitch because:
1) When someone acts stupid, I'm going to point it out to them

[Hope you can take what you want to dish out.]

2) I'm not mean, I'm "honest", and sometimes the truth just hurts(this is also down in the

[You're calling it honest, but do you really think it is? There is more to honesty than just taking your OWN internal temperature.]

summary because this is an inside joke between my friend and i. I don't know if it's not original, its a saying we thought of but someone else could have thought of it too)

[Only about hundreds of thousands of someones.]

3) If you say a fact is true, and I have proof that it's false, I'm gonna call your bluff, and embarass you in front of the whole English Class(I do that to my english teacher)

[Just the English class?]

Anyway, I'm not a tota heartless bitch, I'll admit that. That's why I have friends.

[We have friends, too. You haven't caught on to what we are about.]

I'm only 15 and this whole bitch characteristic sorta developed when I kept yelling at stupid people in gym class that didn't know how to play a sport. Sorry if I totally wasted your time!

[Yep, you did. Being 15 is not that great an excuse to be totally self-absorbed. People may not be athletically inclined, and I'm sure that you have your own weaknesses. I'm also sure that you'd yelp if someone treated you like this when YOU didn't know how to do something.]

Thanks for reading this.

[Oh, no. Thank YOU for submitting it.]

One Liner:
I'm not mean...I'm just honest. Sometimes the truth hurts.

[Ditto. Now grow up.]



Name: Tammy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I threw my husband out when he lost his job and became an alcoholic. When he called to beg me to take him back, I laughed at him. He sent me flowers and I gave them away. Needless to say he still tries and he is still getting rejected.

[This wouldn't be bad, but no, she had to continue.]

I see dead animals on the side of the road and I say to myself...One less animal that my car has to run over.

[Are you to blame for all the local roadkill? I'm sure that animal control wants to thank you personally for making them work harder.]

Whiney people get tuned out and most of the time I mock them. OHH POOR BABY, CRY ME A RIVER!

[...yeah, yeah. Build me a bridge and GET OVER IT.]

One Liner:
Mighty Bitch is here to ruin your day....

[Not if all you pack are cliches.]



Name: Chandra

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Well Now I am pretty pissed that I have to fill this shit out all over again .. heh because my hotmail account was rejected..

[How many warnings do you need?]

that is my main email.. but here I am just because I really feel I belong in this club.

[Not if you can't follow simple directions.]

I had a nice little paragraph or two written out the first time.. about my bitchiness but I am too much of a bitch to type it all out again so you will just have to ask me

[Actually, we're not that interested in you. If you want in, you'll have to type it all over again. Save it next time. (Copy it to your clipboard. Don't ask me where it is.)]

.. If I am accepted.. if not and you really wanted to know about me.. oh well sucks to be you..

[Don't forget that AND clause. I don't want to know about you.]

One Liner:
I dont have anything snappy to put in this space.. and that will probably get me rejected.. but I really dont give a shit.. heh.

[Which is the problem you had from the beginning.]



Name: Calyphra

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I dumped my last so-called 'best friend' by getting really drunk on shots with her boyfriend (sans her) and then stumbling into a taxi and turning up at her doorstep drunk, telling her and her Mom exactly what I thought of the little ho bag and all on the same day her grandfather died. Classy!

[With a capital K. She's not a so-called best friend, YOU are.]

One Liner:
If I'm breathing, I'm not interested, if I'm not then call a fucking ambulance, I need my life to torment you some more!!

[Who'd bother?]

(I guess thatd be it, but I don't live my life by many mottoes or rules, I just go with the flow, follow my heart and my dreams and keep it real, and when you do that, u find ur way no problem.)

[Keep WHAT real? Nothing about you suggests even a smigden of a connection with reality.]







Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999

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