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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of May 26, 2002
edited by



Name: Joy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Why in the fuck do I have to explain to you why I'm a heartless bitch????

[How else would I know?]

Who the fuck are you to judge whether or not I'm one?

[The BitchBouncer. It's my duty to see that the riffraff doesn't make it into the bar...er...Board.]

Kiss my ass!!!! You can either take my word for it that I'm a heartless bitch or you and your "board" can take a flying fuck!

[I can't imagine how we'll manage without your clever repartee, but I'm sure that we'll survive.]

Take a long walk off a short pier! You all can sit in your almightly positions and make judgement calls on people.

[If I had to judge right now, I'd say that you really don't have what it takes. You speak in clichés, and you crumple and fold when asked a simple question. If this is your example of your Heartless Bitchery, it's more of a tantrum, and I just can't get enough of THOSE into my life as it is.]

Gee, what does that sound like??? A man????

[Men are the only people who make judgments? Consider us the great equalizer.]

Hey this is like the pot calling the kettle black. I don't feel any need to give you any fucking details about why I'm a heartless bitch. Walk a mile in my shoes, ASSHOLES!!!

[Nah. Your feet are too dirty.]

One Liner:
It ain't none of your fucking business.....

[I'm guessing that there's a bad breakup in there. The more "secret" the information, the more likely it is to be trite, as far as applications go.]



Name: Tracee

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I know what I want, and I don't settle for less. I once was dating a guy who wasn't intellectually stimulating enough, and when I tried to break it off he decided he wouldn't allow it,

[Allow? Didn't you send him the I-22 form in triplicate?]

so I got him in an intellectual conversation with another man (who I'm now engaged to) just to prove that he couldn't keep up.

[Yawn. Yet another woman who needs a man to come to her rescue. If someone didn't get the message that it was over, I'd "allow" him to keep making dates with himself until he got the message. "Hey, I'm leaving you. Here's all your shit. If you don't get it through your thick head from this, find out how many things we do as a couple from now on."]

He felt so out of his league that he decided he'd "let" me break up with him.

[I don't know why you keep putting "let" in quotes. He DID dictate your actions based on his inability to get the point that you most likely hinted at in the first place.]

I'm known at work as the bitch with the huge stainless steel balls because I'm good at what I do (male dominated profession)

[Oh, if I had but a quarter for every time I heard this phrase. If these applications are any indication, there aren't many male dominated professions left for women to infiltrate and conquer. It would CERTAINLY help to have a field specified.]

and I don't take any guff from the men I work with. I've been known to wear a short red dress to a Board meeting with known mysoginists, beause I'm not afraid to use what Nature endowed me with.

[Just so you know that behavior is the reason women weren't welcome at Board meetings to begin with. Thanks for taking it back to the stone age with such pride.]

Few things are more pleasurable than raking a guy over the coals for being an idiot and he doesn't even notice because he's drooling over your tits.

[What's the point? Surely you have more than just your nipples.]

One Liner:
The sign hung over my bed: You must be THIS tall (line set at 6 ft) to ride this ride.

[I'd rather have one that reads: "You must be this LONG...."]



Name: Jaz

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
b"b" ?????
Is that the BEST you can do? Make some fucking effort, eh? Give us something to work with!

[Wasn't that MY line?]

One Liner:
b

[...is for butthead.]



Email : FreekyHotFlava

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because I'm bisexual and I sleep with my friends' crushes. Why? Because I can!

[This application is so obviously fake.]

One Liner:
I'll fuck anything as long as it doesn't give me lip.

[Who you kiddin'? You'd fuck anything that would hold still.]

[The AOL profile of trolls.]

Name: Try askin', duh....(P.S. I'm bi)
Location: [Dumbassville, USA]>
Sex: Male
Marital Status: Crushin' on a kute boi :)
Stuff I do for fun: Partyin', ravin', goin' tuh da mall, movies, shoppin', bein' wit muh homEz, makin' fun of people. . .juss da usual teenager stuff
Occupation: HS -home of da freeks, da hoodrats, and da faggots(and I ain't kiddin)
Quote:"Erase da h8" "White power, we r familE" "Don't take it tuh da butt man"

[How do you put those sentences in the same paragraph?]

Shout Outs: [Bunches of folk.]

[He's going to be disappointed when he learns that White Power doesn't include bi-sexuals...well, admitted ones, anyway.]



Name: Melissa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because I always get (or at least try to get what I want). I'm manipulative, vindictive, jealous, and I'm prepared to stomp on whatever is in my way. I'm a heartless bitch because certain people's difficulties in life make me laugh. I often laugh at things that aren't supposed to be funny. I can be cruel at times to people's faces as well.

One Liner:
As angsty Jenny Jones teen guests would say, "Whatever, whatever! I do what I want! You don't know me! Whatever. Y'all just jealous."

[Cut the shit. That's Cartman from South Park.]



Name: Lisa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't give a CRAP what people think about me. I am TIRED of people who think the world owes them! I HATE people who want to stick their noses in my business.

[Then why do you have your business so prominently displayed on your webpage? I know practically your life story from just a cursory glance. Why on earth would you send me a link to that mess?]

Pay my bills you stupid idiots, then I'll tell you anything you want to know!!!

[Don't bother. She'll whine online for free.]

I go out and work 40 hrs. a week and get treated like shit at most places.

[Boo fucking hoo hoo. That's what life is like.]

What REALLY pissed me off is, these crappy stores that close at 5:00 (that is when I get off work).

[They aren't open on weekends? Holidays? You can't make it on your lunch hour?]

What about us working people. I mean, the stupid F!@#$*& idiots, they cater to the NON-working people. I am not too keen on ignorant people either!

[I love to watch the irony sink in.]

One Liner:
Don't come near me when I am in a bad mood....especially on MONDAY'S

[Why is Monday worse than any other day?]

......unless you REALLY want to see a MAJOR bitch!!!!!

[No, I'd rather mock the ridiculous deadbeat dad site you have. I still can't understand how you claim that he doesn't have a job, YET complain at how he supports his second family. Is he just robbing people or is he independently wealthy? Futhermore, you list your child's disabilities like they are badges or medals, and I have to wonder how much of his illness is due to your poor parenting skills. If you read up on those illnesses, part of it IS environment. I'm not pointing my finger at you to say that this is all your fault, but you DID invite me into your private little hell, so you open yourself up for commentary. You seem to be more than willing to allow this man who really SHOULD be paying his obligation, and according to your site, is currently attempting to do so, to shoulder the burden for your troubles. I have to wonder how much poisoning you did as well, since your son is obviously suffering from it.]





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