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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of May 19, 2002
edited by



Name: Dana

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Fuck All of You, Die of AIDS.
Fuck All of You, Die of AIDS.
Fuck All of You, Die of AIDS.
Fuck All of You, Die of AIDS.
Fuck All of You, Die of AIDS.

[Does it have to be AIDS, or would any ailment do?]

One Liner:
Death to All People at All Times Everywhere

[That's pretty much how it goes.]



[File this one under attention-seeking and impulsive.]

Name: Sue

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
For some unknown reason people consider me a Heartless Bitch because I love my life and am happy - My guess is you need to be a Heartless Bitch to achieve these things in your life.

[This sounds like she has some idea of why she is here, and--more importantly--why WE are here. Don't let it fool you.]

One Liner:
Unwavering confidence, love and trust of myself - despite the fucked up sorry ass people who try to throw you down.

[Ironically, she's going to criticize me later for something similar to this. I guess my biggest fault is that I'm a bit more descriptive.]

[TWO HOURS LATER: My guess is that she explored the site, thinking possibly that a response would be automatically generated, as it is in so many other sites. You apply, and within minutes you are accepted. This would be the case here if we just let anyone in. (If I had MY way, I'd set up an automaton to kick ANY use of keychain quotes.) When she felt that she would be rejected, here is what she decided to send me.]

This is the first and last time I will visit this sorry site!

[I guess you should have read the fine print BEFORE you joined. You're just the type of person who would sign away her kidneys and cry foul later.]

Your sarcasm and cynicism are so poor,

[I'm not cynical. I'm JADED.]

you sound like you are in Junior High School (mabey your are?).

[In which case you'd apologize? I hold basically the same standards for ANYone trying to gain admittance. I figure if they want to be treated like adults, I'm more than willing.]

Which 6th grader

[When did 6th grade become Junior High? My, how times have changed. I still think that 6th grade is elementary school, but that's just me.]

did you get your comebacks from??

[Truly, I am reeling from your fine example of high-brow sarcastic wit.]

What's the matter baby?

[I could ask you the same. Two hours ago you were anxious to get in.]

Is this site suppose to be your personal therapy?

[SOME people seem to think that we're here to HELP them, anyway.]

Perhaps shitting on other people makes you feel like something special.

[What makes you think that I feel anything but amused and bemused at the rampant stupidity?]

Grow the fuck up already.

[Does shitting on other people make you feel like something special?]

Your ranting and comments bore me to tears.

[Yet your letter to me came with a request that I notify you when I saw it. I'm so boring that you want to know the very MINUTE I read your letter?]

Signed - Sue

[Just in case I got an advanced case of stupid and couldn't read the headers on her email.]



Name: Terese

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am sick to death of whiny ass patients who can't shit!!

[I suppose that they can't WAIT for constipation.]

Let them shove the suppository up their own ass and leave me the fuck alone.

[What do you expect to be paid for?]

One Liner:
Don't worry if your insurance won't cover an enema, I'll just SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!!!

[Wouldn't you be glad if that really worked? Remember, nutballs like this are caring for our elderly.]



Name: Paige

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
basicaly I cant help but tell it like it is (or at least how I see thing) to the people around me, I cant stand anyone who puts up a front ( most people in my high school ) and I tell them so....I'm also known for being "bitchy" to people who are just handed thing because of their family's money and are considered "better".

[Who is considering them to be "better"? This classism is mostly in your mind. Don't blame them because you put yourself down for being "lesser."]

High school is suposedly some of the beat years of my life

[In retrospect only, if ever. Wait, you said "beat" years. They most certainly will be.]

....and they would be if I wasnt surrounded by girls who turn into airheads whenever that "hot" senior comes around...or the preppy guys who look down on the stoners but secretly smoke crack. Thats the town I live in 4 ya. So I'm a bitch because I say what I feel and am I bit outspoken....plus i'm italian haha j/k

[Is that supposed to mean that you're in the Mob as well? Don't perpetuate stupid stereotype, it's no less stupid because you're the one being stereotyped by yourself.]

One Liner:
you dont need to ask, when you've offended me, you'll know

[How? By pouts and silence?]



Name: Lance

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
What? Did they run out of dildos at your favorite toy store?

[Oh, I'd have to have mine special ordered from HARDware.]

Lighten up. You need to get back to the things that count i.e., making babies, cooking supper, and cleaning the house. Spend more time pleasing the "King" in your life and quit your damn whining and please, no more cynical rhapsodies.

One Liner:
We were all born as equals, it's just the pecker fell off the dumb ones.

[Here, fishie, fishie, fishie....]



Name: Jurgen

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Based on your new member page, it appears that many HBI members are what I will call the TYPE 1 Heartless Bitch: the "I-am-my-own-universe-and-fuck-you-if-you-cannot-appreciate-it" variety. And yes, the world needs these women -- these accomplished vixens who unleash their considerable wrath and artful expletives on all those who offend their sensibilities. More power to 'em. A little honest rage is a beautiful thing.

[Yet you'll go on to put them down. Not a good idea to insult a good portion of the group that you're trying to join, new fish.]

But, I maintain that there is also a TYPE 2 Heartless Bitch. I know because I am one. Compared to TYPE 1

[When we set the definitions, we always fit the bill.]

HBs, we are more subtle in our methods. More graceful in our assault. We maintain a reserved confidence in the face of profound stupidity and toxic incompetence. And then we calmly, skillfully do what needs to be done. By the time the moralists, windbags and idiots in extremis realize what has happened, it is too late to react, too late to object. The outcome is a fait accompli. We have quietly, irrevocably prevailed.

[...and then there's Type 3. These morons have no idea of what Heartless Bitches are, and they burn your eardrums up explaining their wrong-headed theory to you. Aaaah! My ears are burning!]

TYPES 1 and 2 ultimately achieve the same ends, although TYPE 2s tend to be less overt. Still, make no mistake: What the TYPE 2 M.O. lacks in theatrical hair-trigger tongue-lashings,

[Are you calling the "type 1" Heartless Bitches drama-queens?]

it makes up for in eviscerating stealth.

[And outstanding cattiness with a helpin' helpin' of phony.]

We also understand that it is possible to be kind without being a pushover.

[They do too, only they aren't out to "GET SOMETHING."]

It is possible to be persuasive without resorting to profanity.

[Fuck you. How's that? Who are you to tell anyone how they should speak? Of course you don't come right out and SAY it, that's against your type 2 motto. I can see right through this steamin' pile of crap. Your brand of indirect assault is really manipulation. ]

It is possible to be strong without being belligerant. We DON'T believe "I am my own universe, and fuck you if you can't appreciate it." (See the new member page.)

[See yourself ON it?]

Frankly, we're not sure how one becomes one's own universe.

[Frankly, it's because I allow for a more-than-literal interpretation of sentences. In this case, "I am my own universe" really means that she operates independently, and needs no one. Unlike you. You actually NEED these type 1 Heartless Bitches (as you've termed them) for comparison to the supposedly graceful, indirect and more improved you. ]

Perhaps this is an updated hyperbolic version of "I am a rock, I am an island," in which case, it strikes us as a little sad.

[Who is us? It would probably not surprise you to know that those people do not care if you find them sad. THEY DON'T NEED YOU.]

We TYPE 2s recognize that we are mere mortals with all the imperfections that implies, as well as considerable strengths.

[As opposed to...?]

We enjoy the companionship of other mere mortals, who will sometimes do stupid things that offend us, and who will then have the strength of character to apologize. Those who cannot appreciate our unique gifts and betray little understanding of human decency will not be told to fuck off. They will be welcomed into the fold, broken, and used to our advantage.

[Manipulation. We Heartless Bitches of varying types hate you dishonest fuckers.]

One Liner:
I anticipate no small amount of misconception, misrepresentation, and ridicule, and yet I will persist.

[Much to my dismay, yes. I only wish you'd "get it."]



Name: Rachel

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a Heartless Bitch because..relationship reason...I don't take shit from a man. I try to be nice, considerate, compassionate and loving..everything a man wants until I notice that I am unappreciated...KICK TO THE CURB! It's like, I wake up one day and I say to myself...He's gone! And what is funny about it is the man is so astonished that I "cut him off" that he finally realizes what he did wrong and doesn't understand why I "don't love him anymore". It's not that I don't...I just can't tolerate the bullshit anymore. For instance..I was in a relationship with a man for 1 yr 1/2...I put up with the date no shows...the no return of phone calls for almost that long. He thought I was going to put up with that shit for the rest of my life. I even went as far as to PROPOSE MARRIAGE TO HIS ASS on Valentine's Day 2002

[You've got to be kidding me. You proposed marriage to someone who mistreated you horribly while you were dating and you expected him to say yes out of gratitude for your suck-his-dirty-ass behavior? If I were inclined to use people, I'd totally date you. Why NOT have a woman that will take your shit and clean it up, too?]

..he didn't say shit..he didn't say yes..he didn't say no.."I surprised him"...well..it was over after that.

[It was over BEFORE that. It takes that long for light to get to your planet.]

I got on one knee..bought a ring...nothing. It was over after that..and now "I'm going to be his wife"..NOT! It would have to be a DONALD TRUMP ring for all that!

[But YOU bought the ring, and now you'd sell yourself as cheaply? Well, considering how you marked yourself down, and sold (souled) yourself out, this WOULD seem like a fortune in comparison.]

Me being a single mom makes me a Heartless Bitch too. I left my son's father about 2 yrs ago.. the son of a bitch doesn't help..doesn't do shit..so I treat him like he ain't shit.

[You sure know how to pick 'em. Maybe it's you. Ever consider that? When a woman has a string of losers, she's the problem--the x factor--in her love life disasters.]

My son hasn't seen his father since CHRISTMAS of 2001!!! Fuck him.

[Asshole he may be, you're not doing your son any favors by degrading his father. You may even, in fact, alienate him eventually because of this. ]

I've done it all on my own this long..who needs him now...cough up some cash and I'll think about it.

[You're just for sale, aren't you?]

I'm not a man hater..I LOVE MEN...I LOVE SEX...but you know..you can be nice for only so long.

[You DID propose marriage to an absolute loser.]

I'm an independent woman who know what she wants..what she expects and I demand to get my way. I try not to be a bitch to my 3 yr old son..I love him dearly..but some days he needs to get checked too! "You listen or you get punished..it's my way or now way".

[You are not a bitch to your son when you are trying to discipline him because you want him to grow up to be a respectable human being. I have reservations as to whether YOU are able to do this, since you have little idea what that means.]

My son knows when he's crossed the line..and I love it when he says he's sorry...or asks if I'm talking to him now...or why am I not talking...

[You give your son the silent treatment, and think that it's CUTE when he's insecure? How horribly weak and victimized you must feel to get this gratification from tormenting a three-year-old. He's not your equal, he's a kid.]

and if he gets into trouble at his daycare..he knows he better be good the next day.

[Or what? Mommy won't talk to him?]

One Liner:
IT'S MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY...BABE!!

[Or she'll propose.]



Name: Sally

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I had never taken a stranger home from the bar before and one night I decided it was time. A hot fella was walking by and I asked him to dance and while dancing, asked him if he wanted to go home with me. So we get to my house, we're making out quite heavily and the clothes came off.

[Magically!]

Then I got on top and we started doing the deed. The fucking guy starts scratching my back and pulling my hair and going all freaky. I'm thinking that if I have scars or some shit on my back, his face is going to be toast. So anyway, in order to stop this bullshit, I have to think of something good. After all, I did take him home and I felt it was my obligation to at least get him off.

[Lord. When, Lord, when will women realize that they owe men nothing? If it's not working, SAY SO, end it, no hard feelings. ]

So I lean forward and whisper in his ear "Do you know what really turns me off?"

[Yes, tell him that you're not into rough sex. If he continues, you'll know that you've found Mr. Goodbar.]

He's panting and going crazy "What" he says. I say "I LOVE watching a guy masturbate. It gets me off even more than sex" So I get off and cuddle up to him and moan in his ear while he frantically jerks off. I was just bored and too lazy to put any more effort into this fucking loser. Then I passed out. The next morning, I

[Sounds like you'd already invested more than you needed to, and yet somehow you think you short-changed him.]

woke up, he's STILL there and I could sense that he was awake, waiting for me to wake up. After about an hour, he finally gets up and leaves. He left his number on my dresser. Can you guess how many times I called him?

[The year's still young. When you need to pay a bill, or a make a quick date, you'll call. You still have the number someplace, don't you?]

One Liner:
Fuck off pretty boy.

[I'm still wondering how you pass out with a stranger. Ever see Cape Fear? Ever see ANYTHING? You're lucky that you woke up and your wallet was still there. You're lucky that you woke up with your heart still in your chest. Hell, you're lucky that you woke up.]



Name: Susie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am self-absorbed....AND LOVE IT. I cannot stand weak women, who aren't really weak, they just play the role. Women were meant to be on top. Before the coming of christ,

[Christ likes it on the bottom? You know, that doesn't surprise me.]

all soceities were matriarchal, that is the way it should be.

[Oh, I don't know if I could handle having a meeting for all members at every corner of the moon just so we could get a consensus about punch flavors.]

I don't give a fuck about peoples' weaknesses, JUST SUCK IT UP ALREADY!!

[What's this got to do with matriarchy?]

One Liner:
Be invloved in yourself.... fuck everybody else.

[Stagnation rots, though.]

Yes my IQ does exceed the size of my bra.....does that mean i am a bitch?

[Well, you've got to have an IQ above 40 just to be an idiot. No, I would say that it doesn't.]



Name: ahnia

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[Glitter.]

One Liner:
I went shopping last weekendand all I could find were glittered or bedazzled

[SOMEbody's been watching too many infomercials. I can't blame you. I still talk about the Bedazzler.]

tube tops, and everywhere I went, Britney's tunes followed. It drove me insane, so I'm here to help rid the world of idiots who like that sorta thing.

[Your great mission in life is to rid the world of Britney's fans? Well, I suppose someone's got to do it.]



Name: kytn

[Prrrr. Mw. Hsss. Pat, can I buy a vowel?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i suck, now just gimme the membership =P

[How about settling for the boot?]

One Liner:
i only brake for intellects..

[If they actually WERE a road hazard, then you could get yourself one.]



Name: Tommie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I HATE MEN! All men! Men should be castrated at the same ages women reach menopause!

[You sure that you wouldn't want this done any sooner? Most doctors will tell you that they are old enough for neutering when they are over 6 months old. Otherwise, you're never going to stop that spraying.]

Male patterned baldness, does NOT make me feel any better about the balance of power!

[Does female baldness do anything for you?]

I also hate women who think their identity and value are based upon whether or not they have a man.

[Whew! For a second, I thought that you were going to say HATE a man. Glad you cleared that up.]

I have a man. Once is enough.

[Now your rant means so much less. You bitch about them, yet you have one of your own.]

Male arrogance - Need I say more?

[No. You will, though. Oh, you mean about male arrogance. I'd like a little more than a topic because there is just no telling what kooky ideas you have on the subject.]

Testosterone driven violence - Need I say more?

[You know that women are violent, too.]

Menstruation - Need I say more?

[I don't have a problem with mine.]

Salaries and Wages descrepancies - Need I say more?

[I'm wondering what you do that this is a problem for you.]

Muslim men - Need I say more?

[I prefer Silk men, or even Rayon men. Oooh, no, wait...VELVET men. Mmmm. You can rub my nap ANYtime.]

Priests - Need I say more?

[It's not that you generalize or anything, is it?]

Rape - Say NO MORE

[Mon amour. Oh, Rexy, you're so sexy!]

One Liner:
Lorena Bobbit was a trend setter!

[One weak-ass woman who decided to whack the weenie instead of leaving it is no folk hero of mine. She's a living testament of why women are victims and happy to be so.]









Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999
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