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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of May 5, 2002
edited by



Name: LindAnn

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm sleeping with three of my husbands friends

[I wouldn't call them friends of your husbands, being as how they are all betraying him, and I wouldn't call what you are doing SLEEPING, would you? Then again, it could well be that they each take turns doing your husband a favor by distracting you so he can get his swerve on with that cute little number down the street. Just remember, what you can do, he can too…only not with YOUR friends.]

One Liner:
What ever\Fine

[You should be fined for this application.]



Name: Eliza

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
1.I can't stand it when others do better then me...and I let them know

[Hopefully you'll grow out of being a sore loser.]

2.There is nothing I am scared of apart from internal spontaneous combustion.

[There's always that risk when you're full of hot air.]

I really do mean nothing

[I know you mean nothing.]

and no one.

3.I have made mistakes. But I do not whine about them, and I hate it when others do.

[Yet you think it's okay to gripe about anyone more successful than you.]

4.I know what I want to do, and no one will get in my way, no teachers or grown ups or even friends and family.

[At your age they SHOULD be standing in your way. You sound like an over-indulged child, which you probably are. This explains your character flaws.]

5.I am one very sarcastic, clever 15 year old

[Telling me is not going to convince me.]

One Liner:
Life is too short to spend it worrying about others. Sometimes it's just about me.

[When was it NOT about you?]



Name: Julie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
No problem, I'd rather sidekick some jerks between the eyes than listen to 'em talk.

[You can't just walk away? Are your only choices listening to them or kicking them? Remember, when you corner an animal, it will attack. People should be able to do a little better than that.]

Men are penis heads and mine is king dick.

[You picked him, Queen Cock.]

Men that need nurturing and care have stepped onto the wrong porch and they ain't sittin' on my swing.

[But help yourselves to the "all-you-can-eat" buffet. She might not let you swing, but she'll marry you…probably.]

At 54, and almost divorced x3, I've done enough caretaking of kids

[It took you three tries to understand it? Third time's the charm.]

and men to last me a lifetime.

[Said as if this wasn't a choice you made.]

If we don't meet our own needs then no once else sure as hell will, right girls?

[This means more than just masturbation.]

Who says we gotta be married anyway.

[Why else would you do it three times?]

I'm sorry, but most men are so pathetic and whiney,

[Just the ones you marry.]

and never really passed through the stage of puberty.

[So what is it that you find appealing?]

Take a look. Better yet, ask any woman if they are truly happily married..I've never met one yet.

[You should try meeting women who choose better relationships.]

I'm convinced men need women more than women need men and that's a fact!

[That conviction has trapped many an idiot woman into doing more than her fair share of the work, simply because she believes that man is a "lesser" creature and therefore cannot do for himself.]

You go girls!!

[As we have been.]

One Liner:
Men think with their dicks, women think with their brains.

[Say that you're absolutely right. If men really DID think with their dicks, then the stupidity you accuse them of is justified. There's not much brain in a dick, after all. You claim to be using your brains, yet you're not any brighter.]



Name: Cora

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
well   lets see why   am i   heartless   well   fist off these people at work i can't stand   they get so   inmature about not liking me   who gives a fuck     they

[You give a fuck.]

go around ignoring me all day so   i tell her   get out of high school   your   in the real life now and   quit

[Next you'll be telling me that you've actually graduated.]

giving me bull shit before i   knock   you   on your ass   just   for

[I thought you were at least in high school.]

ruining my day.    ..when youwalk down the street where i   live   you   get guys who stare and the occasional one who actually   yells something like "hey   babe

[How insulting!]

(or whatever other degrating term

[This application is degrating on my nerves.]

they feel the need to say)"   i go right back   tell them " go fuck   your self i will be easier that way cause your never getting close to me at least not untill you find something suitable to   call a women you prick"

[Any attention is better than no attention to the lonely catcaller.]

One Liner:
i   don't come running   when yousat   psst   i   have a name so   you better   use it or i ain't giveing you the time of day!

[I'd sooner get a watch.]



Name: Tiggy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Well, to avoid the status quo opening phrase, I'll just tell you a bit about myself... my ex left me for my best friend who was also my neighbour,

[At least he didn't stray far.]

then tried like hell to take my kids... being a cold heartless bitch became a way of life...

[Don't confuse anger with being a Heartless Bitch, and don't confuse an ellipse for a period.]

i took both his cars (had them towed) among a numerous number

[This is like saying "too much many."]

of things.

[This mature behavior will do wonders to convince the judge to keep the children in your custody.]

I run an opennap network, and am basically know as a total bitch in the opennap world. I have found that being a bitch is the best way to get what i want in the world and where i wanna go :)

[It's not about getting your way by any means necessary, Princess.]

One Liner:
Behind every heartless bitch, there is a man exuding total idiocy!

[We try not to have them within 50 feet of us-and they certainly are NOT responsible for making us who we are today.]



Name: donkurleone

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I like it that way and it works for me. I am not an ingredient for Soylent Green.

[You're not people?]

I am not complacent and I do not shut the fuck up.

[Say it with me: "Oh, how we wish you would."]

I work hard and I play hard. I am woman, hear me roar. This is my APB to all assholes: Not listening? I am woman, see me destroy you.

[Who's got time to waste on random assholes?]

Outside, I'm smiling at you. Inside, I'm ripping your heart out and feeding it to my dog.

[She's not a friend, she's a faux.]

But overall, I'm really a happy person that is just so very happy to be kicking the shit out of your sorry asses!

[You're really a fake person, who blusters online.]

What about you? Let me enlighten you: You are unnecessary. There there, don't go away mad, just go away.

[Got any more cliche?]

One Liner:
That's nice, honey. Now why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself.

[Oh, shit. That's a game? Man, this could revolutionize the whole safe sex industry.]



Name: Crystal

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I hate people in general. Individuals r OK sometimes but people just r pain in the ASS.

[Wasn't this in Men in Black? "A person is smart; people are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it."]

When ur driving they cut u off,

[Pick up the pace.]

but then u have to go cut them off and make sure they can't pass u again.

[Who do you think you are, Richard Petty? Driving's not a competition.]

Also give the middle finger when u pass them.

[What are they going to do with it?]

When i go into chat rooms i always have to start a fight about something.

[So YOU'RE to blame.]

If some1 is younger then me i will tell them to go a kiddy room.

[You've turned it into a kiddie room. Where are they supposed to go?]

Of course some can't just be quiet and leave so i continue to BITCH telling them that their nothing but a immature lil spoiled brat.

[And illustrating the point.]

I won't do things for other people unless i know i'm gonna get something out of it. Such as i won't drive my sister anywhere unless i get money out of the deal.

[Yet you expect something for nothing.]

i am good at breaking up relationships even when i don't want the guy. I always have to put my 2 sense in regardless on how it will make others feel!!

[One day, and very soon, you will get over yourself. Fortunately, it's a short journey.]

One Liner:
Some people were not born a BITCH, i was and proud of it.

[It's not genetic.]



The Loser Section: "Please, won't ANY woman pay attention to me?"

Natalie rips up our desperate desperado in "PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE talk to me."

Subject: Male Flame form : Unpronounceable - let's use John
Below is the result of your feedback form.
It was submitted by John on Wednesday, May 1, 2002 at 18:21:57

Name: Unpronounceable - let's use John

[He's so *special*...]

WeeWilly: Sir Chester

shoesize: variable

RetardationLevel: tremendous

MyBossMakes: bum

AsIf: Concordia U.

FakeDegrees: Biochemistry, spec. hons.

blowupdolls: I've never asked

stupid: on

IAmALoser: on

COMMENTS: I'm not even certain this will be read, but it's fun, so here goes...

[Read: "Pay attention to meeeeee."]

This message isn't about me, it's about you.

[Sure it is. And of course, we clearly NEED to hear this because we are just soooo misguided.]

I remember a website having opened some years ago under the thought-provoking title 'All Men Must Die'. The main page featured a photo of a man sprawled on a sidewalk, dead or dying. The site had such interesting contents as the 'beg like a dog form' (like this feedback page) and other such features. And there was much rejoicing, and the people clapped and cheered and thought it was a capital idea. As it turned out, the person running the site had been recently dumped and this was her way of venting her bile out into the world. What do you think would happen if a man started a site named 'All Women Must Die'? I mention this because your site reminds me very much of AMMD.

[And I thought WE had cornered the market on hyperbole. HBI and AMMD. Notice the start of the attempts at manipulation... "what do you think would happen... your site reminds me of..." Never mind that the site author of AMMD never made any bones about why she created the site - he implies that her motivation was somehow hidden and came as a surprise... Of course, the implication here, is that HBI too, is borne out of bitterness about being dumped... what sad, pathetic creatures we must be. ]

Also like that one, I find it interesting how much of your site's focus seems to be on 'nice guys', and how they are whiny clingy selfish losers, etc. I believe this snippet sums it up best:

[Funny how these characters seem to focus on that ONE (small) section despite the fact that there are thousands of member pages, and dozens of pages and articles on a whole host of other subjects. Looks like somebody looked in the HBI mirror and didn't like what he saw.]

"homogeneous(sic) for jerk, homogeneous for interesting 6.25% These are the REAL MEN. Most attractive to women, highly successful in life. Frequently have careers they can't talk about, and incidents they won't admit to. Always one steps ahead of the law and past lovers. Rarely marry, unless in politics, but frequently leave children behind to be raised by lesser males. "

(from www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/genetic.shtml)

[So he takes an article that is SATIRE and presumes that we see it as gospel. My god this man is DENSE. You have to really work HARD at being that thick. It must consume a great deal of his energy.]

You chide nice guys for being selfish and short-sighted, and yet cling to this puerile Hollywood fantasy of the dark, brooding rebel with a troubled past? That's almost as bad as a guy fantasizing about being captured by an Amazon village... Moreover, your 'well-meaning' suggestions seem to be that all men become arrogant, self-centred abusers who take what they want and discard it afterwards.

[What "well meaning suggestions"? (I'm laughing so hard now it's hurting my ribs.)]

It has been said 'if we had no faults within ourselves, we would not so eagerly look for them in others'.

[Funny how he is so ready to point out OUR faults, eh?]

Everyone has faults; some simply refuse to admit them.

[And some project theirs on others.]

Before scouring the ether with one of your corrosive little missives, take a look at yourself.

[I do. Every day in the mirror. And I *like* what I see. I wonder if he can say the same?]

You accuse men of being unwilling to change, while you are guilty of precisely the same thing.

[The distortions and mental back-flips here are amazing. How did we get to "accusing men of being unwilling to change"? Where do we do that? Is this yet another far-fetched extrapolation from an article on whiny nice-guys?]

Finally, an interesting point which occured to me is, who would want to be with a bitter, cynical, arrogant, abusive, domineering creature such as yourself?

[Take a number.

(How many times have we seen men with fragile egos denigrating strong, capable intelligent women who know what they want and aren't afraid to stand up for themselves? My god. The next thing you know he will be calling me a... a.... Heartless Bitch! Say it isn't SO!)]

A true man would find those traits loathsome.

[*chuckle* A "true man"? Oh dear. True Men (tm) won't like us if we aren't all compliant and soft and accommodating.... whatevah' will we do?!

But then, if HE fits his own definition of a True Man, then I'm really glad that he finds women like me loathsome - it means one less idiot humping my leg.]

Most likely, it would be someone without much willpower, who needs to be led and dominated, an overgrown child who needs someone to worship. You attract them.

[So I wonder WHY he is spending so much of his precious time here trying to educate/berate us?]

And I think that's funny.

[Really!? Me thinks he doth projecteth too much. Clearly SOMEONE is looking for someone to dominate and worship them, but it ain't us...]

Would you like to debate?

["Pay attention to MEEEEEE". Obvious AND pathetic. ]

Again, I don't hold much hope that this will even be read by anyone, much less replied to.

["Please. Please PUHLEEEZE Pay attention to MEEEEE...."]

I have a hunch you only reply to the dumb ones so you can feel superior by adequately making fun of them.

["If I insult you will you respond? I'll try anything to get your attention...."

Gee, what does that mean if we reply to HIS missive? Irony. You're soaking in it.]

If you do answer, it'll be interesting to see whether you can provide a cogent counter-argument without resorting to a stream of insults. It's all in good fun, after all.

[Oh, THAT'S rich. Who just resorted to a stream of insults? He thinks because he couches his attempts at insults in phrases like "who would want to be with..." that it somehow legitimizes HIS personal attacks? Bwhahahahahaha. He's trying to set the rules of engagement? What an ass. I have no problem insulting him to his virtual face - I don't play silly little semantic games with MY aggression.]

Cheers,
John

[These are unfortunately the types that really prey on the women who have the slightest bit of doubt. This is definitely the "slimey prick" type. Funny how they think they are being clever but are just so transparent.]

[He doesn't wait until we respond; he can't. Driven to a frenzy, he writes even more junk and sends it to us in: "I Just Need Someone to Love…and I'm Willing to Pay."]

Name: Babaganoosh

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Unfortunately I don't believe I qualify as a 'bitch'

[Click.]

- WAIT Don't stop reading, hear me out!

[Too late now. You've fucked that up for yourself already.]

- Though I've been referred to as the 'kitchen bitch' on occasion (but they enjoy my chicken cacciatore all right, the bastards).

[Clean the cookie dough out of your ears. That's PRISON bitch, not kitchen bitch. No matter where you are in the cell, it's still a prison.]

Oh, I'm also a guy. Is that ok?

[Is it?]

(No I am not insecure dammit!

[You don't know if it's okay if you're a guy, and you want me to believe that you're not insecure.]

I just need to know if there is some rule I missed! Geez!)

[Try reading. It comes before writing.]

Anyway, this is an interesting site and you seem interesting people.

["Can I date you?"]

I may not agree with everything I've read here, or with your Dr. Laura style of therapy,

[We don't do therapy, and we don't pretend to. Your backhanded compliment is well-noted, however.]

but I would like to learn more,

[I'd LOVE for you to learn more.]

and I have many questions. Who are you?

["Can I date you?"]

Why couldn't I find any links to biographies, or anything more about the people who run this site?

["Can I date you?"]

Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10 and hot dog buns in packages of 8?

[Stupid question to throw us off the trail. He thinks he's so clever.]

Did you know that many of your collective views are similar to portions of Anton LaVey's Satanic Bible? It's true.

[That's the trouble with portions of collective views-they can be similar to portions of OTHER collective views, and some dimwit will try and make some asinine connection by pieces and parts instead of the whole. With this logic, you CAN compare apples to oranges.]

As for my qualifications...

[*cough cough*]

Well, I agree with a philosopher whose name I can't remember right now, who basically said that the world is not divided into the smart and stupid, beautiful and ugly, or rich and poor. It is divided into the learners and non-learners. Those who can adapt, grow and learn, and those who cannot, and simply complain.

[Guess which one HE turns out to be?]

Making lemonade and all that.

[I'd LOVE a glass.]

I don't believe in coddling people, I don't believe in pop psychology who blames society and promises to solve all your problems with huggy therapy.

["So, can I date you?"]

Have you ever watched one of those movies where some knife-wielding maniac is chasing a woman, and all she can do is cry and cower in terror waiting to be saved?

[And their sequels. *Yawn*]

Or when the maniac in question trips and drops the knife, instead of her taking it away or hitting him with something to make sure he stays down, she chooses to run away, leaving him to get up and continue the chase? I hate those.

[Those are movies, *yawn, yawn, yawn*.]

What about the billion-dollar porn industry?

[What about it? I'm sure that you did your share.]

Don't take this as puritanism, I enjoy fine erotica and believe that sex is still the most beautiful, natural, sublime expression of love money can buy.

[…and buy you do, don't you?]

But why do 99% of the movies depict women as objects to be used for the pleasure of men?

[Marketing.]

Why do they assume that a video with a beautiful woman is made better if some fat, balding middle-aged guy she calls 'Daddy' walks into the frame and starts pawing at her?

["If I come across as sensitive, I'm SURE to get a date." Buy better porn.]

What kind of freak watches 'rape fantasies'? I get advertisements for them on my free (i.e., junk mail) account, so there must be a demand.

[Do your own thinking, do you?]

That's not attractive, it's degrading.

["So…can I date you?"]

When I see some woman being 'used' by 5 guys at once, or displaying herself like some grotesque modern-day Sheila Na Gig, I feel saddened and disgusted.

["There is NO WAY I can compare with that…then I weep like a baby."]

As much as I admire people like Asia Carrera, I dislike the industry. And I am not a pantywaisted male neo-feminist and will probably slug anyone who suggests as much.

[But why, kitchen bitch?]

I also despise Michael Bolton, sugary teen-pop bands, anything similar to 'Cosmo' or 'Seventeen', trophy girlfriends, Fabio

[All the clichés covered.]

(I cheered for the goose)

[Consider yours cooked.]

, and beer-swilling, T-shirt wearing, hamburger-eating, sports-watching troglodytes who think that anyone who can cook, play piano and enjoy literature other than 'Juggs' and 'TV Guide' must be gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.

[Nitrous oxide makes monkeys gay?]

To cut things short,

[Not a moment too soon.]

I'm basically trying to say I liked your site.

["So…can I get a date now?"]

It was a breath of foul air in the midst of all the artificial sweetness.

[No, that was all that talking you did out of your ass.]

If you choose to grant me this membership, great. If you feel I would not be a welcome addition to the 'collective',

[We will not assimilate you.]

well, no hard feelings. Hope to hear from you soon, either way.

[Believe me, I know.]

Sunshine and Lollipops,
B

[This from the guy who compares us to Anton LaVey, Dr. Laura, and foul air?]

One Liner:
The only time you should let people walk on you is if you're the T-1000 making contact with their morphological matrix, planning to rise from the floor, take their shape and stab them in the eye.

[You can't do better than contrived Hollywood gimmickery from over a decade ago.]



[Guess who?]

Hello, having located your e-mail address (it wasn't under 'contact us' so I had to dig around for a bit

["Date me!"]

- found out you're in Canada?!? I had no idea, and I was there only a few months ago...)

["We coulda hooked up!"]

- I'm the creature who recently applied for membership to your fine site as Babaganoosh. Much to my chagrin,

[…I gave you my REAL ISP.]

I belatedly realized you won't be able to reply to the email address I supplied, since the real server is down and may be unstable for some time (I can't even log in to that account). Thus, would it be too much trouble if you could direct any replies to this temporary address? desperate@hotmail.com. Thanks a lot.

[Be sure to hold your breath.]

Babaganoosh - Tasty and Deadly

[If stupidity were fatal.]



Babaganoosh again. Sorry to bother you,

[No, you're not.]

I promise it's the last time you will hear from me.

[He doesn't prove to be a man of his word.]

I was in a peculiar frame of mind last night when I sent that app, and now realize it was a mistake. I hereby retract my application.

["I'm getting cold feet from your lack of response, so I'll avoid the whole rejection issue."]

I don't think my fragile ego could take one of your verbal thrashings anyway.

[Any man who pays for love can't have that fragile an ego.]

Once again, my apologies.

[You'll be sorry, that's for sure.]



Dear Baba,

If I were someone who was concerned about preserving his fragile ego from potential damage, I think I'd avoid the Weak of the Week section, say round about the next week or so. Someone who demanded attention like an irate child (Meee! Meeee! Mommy, look at MEEEE!) may find that the seat in the center of attention is a HOT one.

Word from the Wise,
JadeSyren

As I said, I was not myself that night, and the application was a mistake. I wish I could dissuade you from this course of action, but you'll do what you will, I suppose.

[Pretty much. I guess you should have thought about that before you begged for attention.]

Yet, have you perhaps strayed from your original mission?

[MY mission has always been to ridicule the weak for my own amusement, and share that with the public for theirs.]

Have you gone from the noble task of (humorously) trying to educate the public about personality flaws,

[Leave it to you losers to assume that the world is here to give you a leg up instead of the kick to the ass you've begged for. Some of you insist upon learning the hard way.]

to simply another clique of 'in' people who upbraids and snickers together about the 'idiots' who send in their opinions? (i.e., basically anyone who doesn't offer gushing praise). Of course, if your intent was the latter to begin with, you can disregard this.

And it seems indeed this is the case. Judging from previous 'weak of the week' sections and answers to letters, you seem more interested in finding creative insults and going for cheap laughs, than offering an honest critique or any valuable advice.

[Ah, that's the problem with valuable advice. It never seems to reach the people who need it the most, and the people who have already learned the lesson see it clearly. The truth is that any advice you glean from Weak of the Week is incidental. I'm not here to HELP you. Do it for yourself, you little weakling.]

I find you less and less like what I thought you'd be,

[You had this romantic interlude all built up in your mind. We were supposed to fall for your sensitive guy routine.]

and more like a group of insecure people bolstering each

[Coming from the guy who didn't know if it was alright that he's a guy?]

other's self-esteem through collective mockery of 'outsiders'.

[Not "outsiders." Idiots.]

I found your criticism of my being self-centered a little strange, coming from a site whose battle-cry is 'look at me! I'm empowered!'

[I think it's more "If I can do it for myself, there's no reason why YOU can't." It's a sight better than, "Look at me, PLEASE, look at me…Ah, God, I'm so alone."]

You need a website on which to proclaim this? Just who are you trying to convince?

[Just who were you trying to join? And just to be around women, no less.]

You were right about one thing: I do not belong among you. Keep your 'small penis' humor,

[Be fair. I didn't use ONE dick joke on you. You provided me with far too much material.]

your 'in' jokes and your thinly disguised hostility.

[Thinly? I thought it was more obvious than that. I must be losing my edge.]

I'd like to think

[I'd like you to think, too.]

I'm better than that. Good bye and good riddance.

[You'd think that would be the last, but like many losers around here, he got trapped in the revolving door o' suicide. Never weaken a dramatic ending with "…and another thing."]



Actually, forget what I said previously.

[Forgotten.]

Truth be told, I don't really care what your reply will be.

[And you wrote me back to tell me so. Impress me, kitchen bitch. Don't write after you see this.]

I've come to realize something: Life is too short for grudges, or fretting over what some ornery bitch whom I'll probably never even meet in person

[You were actually FRETTING? I haven't lost my edge after all.]

- for which I am thankful, by the way - thinks

[Aww. And when we began, you were DYING to meet me.]

about me. I'll keep doing my thing, having fun,

[Buying love.]

living life, striving to improve myself,

[And do you have your work cut out for you. I'd sooner drain the ocean with a sieve.]

and you do the same. May you and I both be treated the way we treat others,

[Oh, boo hoo hoo. This is just too Dickens for me.]

and receive precisely what we deserve in this life.

[Even your curses are weak and girlish. Curse like a man.]

Since this email account serves no other purpose and I have no interest in your answer, I am cancelling it as of the sending of this message.

[You set up a hotmail account just for little ol' me? This is why we have that "no free web-based e-mail" rule.]

Have a nice day :)

[And so his reign of terror ends with a smiley.]



Name: Rebecca

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have no sympathy for anyone, I go out and kill children for fun,

[You got my vote.]

and I've cut off at least 15 guys' dicks over a period of ten years.

[You'd think you'd have made the news by now.]

I am crazy, psychopathic, manipultative, slutty, ugly, and none too smart.

[Amen.]

With any luck, one day the cops will off me.....until then I will cause destruction and sorrow until I die.

[So long as you have access to a keyboard.]

One Liner:
have no heart, have steak knife, will stab

[Sounds like you're just hungry.]



Name: Clarka

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
"I'm a Heartless Bitch because..."
I know when to quit asking for money.

["Can I have some money? No? Okay."]

It's tnot the hard to be a hardless bitch in the world of today because guys expect you to be a ho.

[Especially when you keep asking for money.]

WELL nah.
Sometimes I didn't want to be a bitch so I'm all a ho because otherwsie they're like 'you ho or you buitch'

[We gravitate towards what likes us best, I suppose.]

But it's whateve is the easiet for me!

[Fucking IS easier than thinking.]

Happy birthday, Jack Kevorkian turning 74 today.
I would... mmmmmm.

[You'd think that was an orgasm, but it's the sound of her brain short-circuiting.]

But I'm getting off the subject.

[After all this, it's the least of your concerns.]

EYEMAH hartlesh bith...... becuss.... I set my ex boyfriend's slut's hair on fire on purpose even though I was pretending to be nice and they fell for it. Her hair got all melted and stunk, the sleazy ho.

[That's just her tracts. She can buy some more.]

I hope he gets aids.

[From a weave?]

Umm. I use people and I like sitcoms.

[This was crucial information.]

OK, trust me.. I totally ama bitch, a heartless one. hope to hear from you son

[It's sooner than you think.]

One Liner:
Get out of here before I pour salt on you, bitch!

[When did I become an entrée?]



Name: JUST

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I Have NO QUALITIES...

[I won't argue.]

I'm a Heartless Bytch

[I'm guessing that the Y stands for Yecch.]

and Love Every Min. of it......Married for 16 Years....NO QUALITIES..."JUST a Bytch

[Are you high?]

One Liner:
Heartless Bytch....
and Lovin' it!

[It's like she thinks that we're running a drive-thru.]



Name: melissa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i do wot i want and listen 2 no-1.

[You deserve what you get.]

i have an example of this 1 nite wen i was at my boyfriends(now ex) and he was trying it on

["Trying it on." He's that hard to fit?]

and i told him no so i kicked him in the balls and got the hell out of there.

[Maybe it's me, but there's a whole lot of ball-kicking going on with little provocation.]

there is this girl rite who is a total cow she goes around thimkin she is all that but trust me she aint, anyways one day we had asambly and we were there and this 'i'm all that girl was there' and she was sayin things and really windin me and most other peps up so i stood up and gave her a rite mouthful about how she

[Right mouthful? I haven't heard that phrase since Snuffy Smith left the Funny pages.]

wasn't all that. i told her she couldnt be in size 14 clothes there aint nowt wrong wiv wearin size 14 clothes if u r size 14 but not wen yr size 16 wiv all that fat hangin out its just nasty.

[Your best is fat jokes?]

i got sent out of the asambly 4 it and a weeks worth of detention but it was

[I hope they made you study every minute of it. LEARN, Dammit!]

worth it to see the look on her face and i got a major round of apolise afterwards.

[Apologies or applause?]

One Liner:
i dont just sit around and wait 4 things to happen i make them no matter who i hurt or how it affects me or how many boyfriends i have to nick or how many friendships i have to ruin.

[Make a book opening happen in your presence. Make a spelling book appear. Hooked on phonics. I don't give a damn, just read as much as you can. You'll never regret it. I'd rather be a fat cow than a dumb ass any day of the week, even on Sunday. The only B word you need to worry about is BOOK. I don't want to call you a dumbass, but damn. There are some places where you aren't even close. I mean, English--do you speak it?]









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