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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of April 28, 2002
edited by



Name: Father Patrick J. Pervert

UserID : thornbird

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Ohhh, listen hunnies...let's not get into that right now.

[When I go to your shitbird site, then you get to make the rules.]

I've got a sexy body, and a strap-on if you like

[Ugh. Not enough ways to say, "no interest."]

...so basically I'd like to pick up the numbers of a few of you assertive dames and I can give you "holy communion."

[I'd need an exorcism if you showed up.]

I don't like little girls THAT much...

[Ick. Meaning that they'll do in a pinch? How vile.]

only the eighteen and over crowd for me!

[Go dial a 900 line.]

And trust me, if you have annnny sins, you can tell Father ALL about it!

[Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I can't stop watching "The Scorpion King." And…and…I know the words to "Bye, bye, bye." Try as I might, I will sing along to…*gasp*…Slim Shady. Nooo!]

My experience: I used to be the coach of a girl's soccer team, so sometimes I'd get together with some of the nicer girlies for some extra practice time.

[Didn't I watch this on Lifetime?]

And then some of the holy roller girlies, nothing beats a "Bible Study." Babies, next week's topic is Sodom and Gomorrah! Pllllleeeeease cum! Mmmmmmm...

[Hell, you don't need us to get long-dicked in the dookie shoot.]

One Liner:
My dick has more mass than a cathedral!

["Contents measured by weight, not volume; some settling may occur." That explains why the fucker's so short.]



Name: Kathryn

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I watched my Dad get butchered And it fucked me up royally.

[No brainer. Look what it did for Babe, and he didn't even SEE it coming.]

Think about it.

[No thanks. You'll continue to ramble about it.]

It makes perfect sense. My father's death leaves me, distraught and hostile in a cruel and inhumane world, I'm disillusioned, where's God, etc. Completely suicidal. And one day I snap. I wants to kill myself but realize teen suicide is out this year.

[Baa-ram-ewe, bah-ram-ewe. To your breed, your fleece, your clan be true. Sheep be true. Baa-ram-ewe.]

And promiscuous sex, sadisticness and being a heartless bitch is a much

[Sorry, we don't take crazy.]

healthier therapeutic expression. The only challenge out there for me is men. You see a guy you like. You pursue them. You conquer. You move on. It's exciting. What do you want me to say?

[I want you to tell me that you're actively seeking and receiving therapy. Think about it.]

That I'm supposed to feel remorse because I act the way I do? The truth is I don't. Let me tell you something, Guys love a chick with a bad rap. They say they don't, but they don't mean it. They all think that they're the ones that are going to "save me." The trick is to let them think it's true.

[Manipulation works on either gender, and it's stinky on both.]

One Liner:
I don't have a heart of gold, and I don't intend on growing one either.

[Put one on layaway.]



Name: Michelle

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a Heartless Bitch because...Im a "Rules Girl"

[Oh ho ho. Guess who didn't do her homework.]

I make the man call, make him pursue me, make him lead the conversation & the results are incredible love making!

[Until all that gameplaying ends in despair.]

One Liner:
Im a Rules Girl

[Obviously you don't bother to read them.]



Name: Mary

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I train my men clients HARD, so they collapse thaty evening.

[What a waste.]

OMG Too many to tell you!

[Thanks for skipping it.]

I'm a bitchy angel!

[...but you're no Christopher Walken.]

One Liner:
Heartless!Unforgiveable!

[It's a travesty-but we're not talking about the same thing.]



Name: big ol' biatchhhhhhhhhh

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because i don't take shit from anyone! Not even my fellow bitches!!!!!!!!

[Yes, we know that you don't have friends.]

I even tripped a fat girl at subway once and tell her to go find jarrod, cuz she was nastttttttttttieeeeeeeeeeee

[Wouldn't she be likely to find him at Subway? Beware, lest those fattys you abuse beat the shit out of you.]

and i also think u are so cool because i would love to be reconized as a heartless bitch, because,well....yes thats right

[When did a third person enter this conversation?]

you guessed it...
I AM A HEARTLESS BITCH

[Circular reasoning meets Bubble Brain in a duel to the death.]

i go from zero to bitch in 2.4 seconds....

[How long would it take you to get out of here?]

i won't take no shit from you or anyone you losers

[Funny how you give it to total strangers.]

One Liner:
I am the B-I-T-C-H in bitch

[Oh, you're a lot of things. You put the S-T-I-N-K in ass. ]



Name: Stephanie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Im a heartless bitch because I have had it with people saying i am too loud,

[Do you have volume control?]

too assertive, or too opionated or to independant.I mean arent u expose to be

[I expose so.]

independant?Also I hate it when us women turn down a man so politly & then they keep telling u that their worth it & stuff.

[Skip polite. Move right to FIRM.]

OH I love this one.When you get asked out for a date( You were kinda pushed in

[Never happens. Either want to go, or say no.]

to it).Then you try to call & cancel it. BUT he shows up early! So you go anyway( Keep this in mind nothing happened),The next day u find out he tells everyone that you made the first move or you were to aggressive or you gave it up for him!

[You asked for it, loser. Be assertive, remember?]

I think i should join because I am a heartless bitch.please keep in mind i am not a man hater. I love men. Its just that some really bug me!

[Some women really bug me, but I don't have to preface that by saying that I don't hate them all.]

One Liner:
I think i should because i fit the meaning.Im not a man hater, its just that some get on my nerves. I already gave you my reason.

[You think we're here because some men get on our nerves? I wouldn't waste the energy on just that.]



Name: Erica

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
beacuse when my freinds uncle she was ll sad about it

[Because her uncle was sad? I don't get it.]

i really idnt crae teh next dya i teased her about was hittin her and tsuff and evryday i tell her her boyfriend is cheatin onher.

[You just HAVE to be the center of attention, don't you?]

One Liner:
I dont care what others think and i got form zero to bith in 3 seconds1

[Just GO already. Vroom!]



Name: jacqueline

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
My first husband died in bed and my second is a sugar daddy,

[Did you bury the first before moving in the second?]

ah ha, say it girlfriend. I just finished publishing a sassy retort to the 20 reason women fail in bed..

[I guess you'd know; it's your career.]

and oh yes, I forgot to have children.

[Bah. Call me when you forget to pick them up. THAT'S forgetting.]

One Liner:
I need a man who is dependable not in depends!

[Sugar Daddies ain't always what they're cracked up to be.]



Name: Elizabeth

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Unshaven legs, no make up

[Your point?]

Postition terminated at last place of employement because I would only work 4 days a week

[The surprise would be why they hired you. You lied to get the job, didn't you? "Sure, I'm available whenever you need me."]

Was accused twice in one year of being a lesbian because I encouraged my friends to make decisions based on what they wanted

[I'd reserve judgment for when you did something that lesbians do…such as make love to women.]

Got in a fight with my partner two days before our big trip to Barcelona and went by myself and had a fabulous time

[You probably picked the fight, you passive-aggressive maniac.]

Ooops. No URL. But plenty of gURL.

[Call back when you grow up.]

One Liner:
I don't think I'm a heartless bitch cuz I'm just me. It is the rest of you all putting that label on me.

[True to form, she shirks responsibility. "It's not MEEEE! It's just ABOUT meeee!"]



Name: lian

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
my heart was ripped out by an hairspray-wielding immature female whos father calles her 'princess',

[You should have known better.]

my goal in life is to somehow, with the use of an axe and or some heatless bitchyness to regian my heart back and feed her heart to her white fat pussy cat 'fluffy'.

[Why don't you use that axe to carve out a life for yourself, and forget about her?]

to make it an even better offer, once my heart is back, i fully intend to become a heatless bitch (somehow with a heat?!?)

[Damn your heat, can you come back with a brain?]

One Liner:
well i dont know about you but i could realy go for a burger.....wooops sorry, you're on a diet....but dont worry, they have toilets and breath freshener if you are realy feeling that bad.

[No WONDER you can't keep a girl.]



Name: Eat my Shorts

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I answered YES to all of the questions on ur main page. Now do you want me to waste your time as well as mine by copying and pasting it all over again?

[Cat got your originality?]

or Would you like me to just shut up and save all the small talk?? YOUR CHOICE!!!!

[I'm going with option B. Shut up and save the small talk.]

One Liner:
"DESTROY"!!!!

[You didn't list this as an option.]



Name: Valerie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I can do anything, especially the things that so many men have told me I can't do.

["Anything you can do, I also can do, but I also can do it better." --House Party]

One Liner:
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

[Is that because we're always buying or selling?]



Name: kathi©

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Girls who cry over the way their shitty boyfriend keeps treating them bore me to tears. I offer the advice (Dump him, put on your reddest lipstick, and go to a club) and they listen. Inevitably, a week later they are back, boring me again. It would be at this point I explain I must do my toenails.

[Okay.]

A guy wants to hit on me in a club. I dance with him and ask where his boyfriend is. He throws his tongue in my mouth after telling me he isn't gay, so I bite his tongue,

[And expose yourself to disease?]

knee him in the balls and tell him that not only is his machismo so blatantly homosexual, but has he had his AIDS test.

[Too late now.]

His boyfriend comes up and they fight after sashaying away.

[Who finds this amusing?]

Men think I am evil because I speak before I am spoken to.

[That's why people find you annoying and stupid.]

Other girls here in the south think I am too Italian and Yankee because I enjoy making enemies of them. (Truth is, I really DON'T want to have bake sales with them.)

[You're just full of stereotypes. I've been in the South for over 20 years and have YET to see a Southern bake sale. Fish fries are another matter, though.]

I speak up for myself when out with my fiancee/live in. I don't emasculate my boyfriend, but when he's not around (bathroom or not with me) I DO emasculate the men into tears when they attempt to turn me girly. "You're a good girl. You don't smoke do you?" As I light up my cigarette I explain to them I am the girl

[All men who feel emasculated because a woman lights up, raise your hands. If I were a man, I wouldn't feel emasculated until she actually had my nuts off my body, but that's just me. Somewhere, in the masculine hindbrain, they know that they can take you. Use any definition of take you like. Emasculation really isn't as simple as smoking, though.]

their pie-baking ma warned them against. It really freaks them out when I tell them I have my Ph.D. in Philosophical Discourse Against Man's Patriarchal Domination of the Feminine Ideology.

[Yeah, but from what school?]

Maybe I am a heartless bitch...maybe not.

[No "maybe" about it.]

BUT according to this world, I would be THE Heartless Bitch all southern mothers have warned their sons about. (Thank God my fiancee is a feminist thinking yet very masculine thinking male.)

[You're the idiot if you think that being a feminist means that you're female, or at least feminine. I don't get why we stick a gender on behavior, anyway.]

One Liner:
God made Eve after learning from her first mistake. Had God been male, he wouldn't have learned.

[Please, chauvinism stinks from either gender, too. Especially when it's this trite.]



Name: G.

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
In spite of the fact that this site seems to be mostly geared towards women, I'm signing up. Many of my friends are female, and many of them happen to be heartless bitches.

[You little joiner, you.]

I don't have a long rant to place here. Accept me or don't, it doesn't matter to me one way or the other.

[Glad to hear it.]

One Liner:
Apathy is the best policy.

[It's just so EASY not to care, requires no responsibility at all.]



Name: Jessica

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i am only a heartless bitch because of people around me that make me one...

[Nothing is YOUR fault.]

like my boy friend or what ever the hell he is!yeah hes a real dick, believe

[And he's still your boyfriend?]

me!! When i am a bitch tend to ignore people even if they didnt do anything to me.

[Different kind of bitch.]

One time i got mad at a friend and decided to take it out on the whole group of friends,

[I don't understand this. What did they do to you? Would you like it if they were angry with you because of someone else? Why do you think it's okay to treat them that way?]

so i called all of thier parents and told them some of the things that they have been up to on the weekends. Now this was when we were only 14 soo it was a

[Because 15 is sooo mature.]

pretty big deal. these kids were drinking and sneaking out , and even though i was invloved in it too, my part was left out.

[Those things have a way of backfiring on you when you least expect it. You may have gotten away with it for a moment, but when your friends realize that you didn't get the punishment that they did, they'll know that you were the snitch.]

lets just say they never found out it was little old me.

[Yet. You'll probably slip up and give your fool self away.]

One Liner:
if i love you there is a good chance will end up hating you sooner or later so be careful what you say and do because you might regret it!

[I don't remember being this emotionally unstable when I was 15.]

I ALWAYS GET REVENGE!!!

[I'd start with the person who makes you so petty. HINT: You.]





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