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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of April 21, 2002
edited by



Name: Kristin

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[Now's the time on Heartless Bitches when we dawnce.]

One Liner:
One quote ladies & gentlemen, one simple quote: "Sex with you was bad [some schmuck]!"

[Get even on your own time. It's simple. If the sex sucked, tell him THEN. You have only yourself to blame if you just lay there like a lump and take it.]



Name: Mareike

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
...no one ever could tell me how to go on, and no one ever will come through my way.
If I wanna put a tree to the Mars, I´ll do it.

[You think this would make more sense in German?]

If someone (doesn´t matter if friends or any male) will ever lie to me or cheat on me: it will be the last time he did.

[Sometimes it's just best to let the little fish go.]

One Liner:
what doesn´t kill me, that will make me stronger!

[I used to think so, but I've found that all this stupidity just sucks the life right out of me.]



Name: Raphael

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
because I use both sides of my brain.

[Ah…but does it do more than just rattle around in your skull?]

While I can point out the flaws in any boy, I can (and will) turn around and point out the flaws in any girl.

[The true test is if you can do this with yourself objectively.]

Typical behavior in people get's boring, and that's why mini-societies such as HeartlessBitches.com make me feel at home.

[How would you know? You're just the puppy in the window, and none of us want to housebreak you.]

One Liner:
I present to you the two-in-one. Genitials of a woman, hormones of a man.

[She's like that deodorant, only she's stupid enough for a man, yet dumb enough for a woman.]

Damnit, I'm dangerous.

[You're just unbalanced.]



Name: Overprotected*Bitch

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't give a fuck when someone's crying, cos it's all about them, and not enough about ME.

[Prima Donnas. If it's all about you, then they tell me about them?]

Fuck little pricks who think life is all about being sheep, following every single trend in a magazine, go bounce of your dad's dicks.

[Sounds like Dad has a rubber underwear fetish.]

One Liner:
One time I sort of

[Take some responsibility! How can you be traumatized if you only "sort of" ran her over?]

ran over this girl with my bike, and it was the most traumatizing event of my life and she's trying to make it all about HER leg! Like my pain ment nothing!

[Even the score. Let her "sort of" run you over with HER bike, then make it all about YOUR injuries. That'll fix her. No? Perhaps it SHOULD be about the person who was actually injured.]



Name: Ali

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because I dumped my loser ex-boyfriend when his insipid whining got to be too much.

[Even a little is too much.]

When his mushy, crap-filled words became like hot knitting-needles to my eardrums, and because I wanted to actually have an education and a career, of which he was not particularly supportive.

[So why'd you keep him around?]

I'm also a heartless bitch because I laugh at men who think they're impressing me.

[Do they still think that you're impressed?]

I make fun of them and tell them just how stupid they are. When they try to get intellectual with me, I shoot holes in what they're saying and make them look like morons. I get pleasure out of this.

[Why? Because an underling likes nipping at a few ankles. When you stop feeling repressed, you'll get over this.]

I'm a heartless bitch because the thought of giving birth revulses me and when I see a friend pregnant or getting married, I want to kick her ass.

[What does their life have to do with yours?]

I'm a heartless bitch because stauts quo is fucking lazy. What society expects, I can't live up to,

[That's the difference, we COULD, but we WON'T. It's a choice, not a lack of options.]

because I'm too busy getting my shit done and having fun doing it to even give half a crap about being a wife and mother. I refuse. I'm a heartless bitch because I'm sick and fucking tired of being degraded and treated like a sperm recepticle, and I'm taking my fucking dignity back

[Who had it? Who told you to give it away?]

and will not hesitate to deconstruct those who continue to adhere to the 1950's mythology. Let me give you a fucking clue, IT'S THE WAY WE NEVER WERE, assholes.

[I wonder if you've even read this book.]

One Liner:
Do you find my education and mastery intimidating? Threatening? Good--fuck you.

[I don't know. Are guys still intimidated by women in college?]



Name: Terri

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
You can spot them a mile away. Men with their radar out headed right for you. They will say or do anything to get what they want. The fun begins when you

[...do what you were going to do in the first place.]

play along with the sappy fools and turn the tables. They look like a toddler that has had their candy taken away.

[I'd rather enjoy myself without all that drama. Frankly, they suck enough of your energy without expending any of your own.]

Men have NO balls during times when they REALLY need them and have balls the size of TEXAS other times when we could care less.

[Balls? Feh. Gimme brains every time.]

I don't hate men,

[I know. You can't stop talking about them.]

I actually adore men with positive qualities like owning and knowing how to wear a nice pair of shoes

[How long did it take YOU to learn leftie from rightie?]

or when to leave me alone and give me space.

[OR…how to own and wear shoes. A girl's got to have priorities.]

C'mon, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what women really need and want. Or, does it?

[I'm holding out for a guy who can TIE his own shoes. No loafers-those are for cheaters.]

One Liner:
A man will say ANYTHING or do ANYTHING to get his dick wet. It's painfully pathetic and I have little patience for men with absolutely NO substance.

[How do you discern? Looking at his feet?]



Name: Aimee

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't believe that there is any man out there who is worth my self respect, dignity and female-power. I will not surrender those which are important to me: the things that I give myself - I don't owe those to ANYONE!! Especially not a man who thinks that just because I let him into my life, he automatically is entitled to all that is mine!! Knowing me and being graced with my bitchiness is a priviledge, not a right.

[This by itself wasn't horrible-but then (cue sinister organ music).

One Liner:
Men just don't understand the number one rule of dealing with women : We get to win all the arguments because they get to have an orgasm everytime we have sex,

[Whathafuck? Your sexual dysfunctions are not chips to be used to barter everywhere else. "My dumbass couldn't cum, so I get…." This is just sexual blackmail. Bottom line-if you're not having an orgasm, then figure out why not and fix it. Win arguments because of the strength of your convictions, logic, and the facts at hand. Not cum? I'll be damned.]

and we're bitter and BITCHY because of it!!! Knowing me and being graced with my bitchiness is a priviledge, not a right - show some appreciation!!

[Or what? You'll hold something ELSE over our heads?]



Name: Tonya

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless Bitch because I have found when I do mean things to people, I think it's fuuny. I mean I really get a kick out of it.

[That's why "Home Alone" was so popular with the kiddies.]

For example there was this one particular female I could not stand for a number of reasons. So one day while at her house, I asked to use her bathroom. I put Nair(hair remover)

[Like I thought that Nair was an extra-special conditioner, dumbass.]

in her shampoo bottle. Then making it a point to return 2 days later, and the Bitch was totally bald.

[She would have had to keep that Nair in her hair about 2 days to get any baldness. Nair can barely cut down armpit hair, so imagine the amount you'd need to "slip into" her shampoo to have this effect. Not to mention the smell would be a dead giveaway. Nair is pretty rank when it starts working.]

Not only was that the funniest thing I ever saw, but I felt pretty good about doing that. Actually I saved her some money she didn't need a hair cut for a long while after that.....

[Ah, but did you tell her that YOU did it? I'm pretending to believe that this really happened, help me out.]

One Liner:
I felt pretty good about her being a bald Bitch!

[I would just love for this to be the new trend in your school.]



Name: HatesBitterHeart

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[I've cut some really pathetic sentimental crap because…]

copywrite HatesBitterHeart 2002

[You have GOT to be kidding me. "Woe is me" hasn't been taken?]

One Liner:
I am who I am

[Isn't that Popeye's line?]



[4/20 was Stoner Smoke-Out day. Our audience didn't let us down. The only thing dumber than smoking is typing under its influence. This particular dumbass wrote in repeatedly. Enjoy.]

Name: Crayola Dracula

Email : Crayula@dracula.net

UserID : blahblah

URL : yes, but it would blind your blood

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Those peasants are so dumb, they use all their wheat to pay bandits and have none to eat, then blame me cause I don't make an army. There are like 3 bandits and thousands of peasants! Stupid peasants.

One Liner:
Sometimes I feel like painting the town red, so I can drink it. Oh I can fly, but I won't pick you up and take you into the night.

Country: Angola

Age: 15-19

Gender: female



Name: Bahamut

Email : KingOfDragons@DragonSpire.net

UserID : Roar

URL : no, I have an url, but you can't link to it. Ha!

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm not responsible if a few dragons sear human flesh. I'm not their keeper! Don't try to put it all on me cause I'm the king! I made it clear that if I caught any dragon searing human flesh I'd kick them out of my spire. Isn't that enough! Get a lance stupid humans.

One Liner:
So what, I'm big and strong and can breath pure energy. Why don't you get your own strength and power? I'm not your bodyguard.

Country: Austria

Age: under 15

Gender: female



Name: Satan

Email : Satan@hell.com

UserID : GodSux0r

URL : No, jesus took it away.

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't like God, why should I have to obey his hardass?
Why do I have to fry for all eternity in hell? Sure I rule, but you can't even build shit around here. There isn't even any ground for pete's sake. What am I supposed to do.

One Liner:
This sucks majorly, why do I have to do it? Just because ain't good enough bitch! Hey, don't throw me down there!

Country: Benin (Peoples Republic Of)

Age: under 15

Gender: female



Name: Rabid Dog

Email : RabidDog@RabidDog.net

UserID : RRRRRR

URL : RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

One Liner:
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRR ROOF! ROOF! RRRRRRRRRRRR RRR RROOF!

Country: Chad

Age: under 15

Gender: female



Name: Lonely Guy

Email : LonelyGuy@lifesucks.com

UserID : enmity

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Girls! Who needs em. All they ever do is use guys and then ignore em when they don't need em. Also they are all liars and insane and stuff. Yeah. Besides, I don't need one. I don't need one at all!

One Liner:
Oh god I hate being alone. I wish I had a girlfriend. Oh please that's all I ask!

Country: Curacao (Netherland Antilles)

Age: under 15

Gender: female



Name: vorpal cauliflower

Email : unnilhexium@entity.net

UserID : three

URL : negative

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
orange right mouse tree ivory solar metal card exclamation fuck number saffron

dildo wax icon insurance chicken foil seven basket vision atomic

burgular land hot tie follow play password needle air all bike

triangle

One Liner:
mineral amphibian crushing crimson space pathetic water pain young drama plastic

Country: Greece

Age: under 15

Gender: female



Name: Oh

Email : say@can.you

UserID : see

URL : by the dawn's

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
early light. What so proudly we hailed. . .



. . . and the rocket's red glare

One Liner:

the bombs bursting in air! Gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there

Country: Greece

Age: under 15

Gender: female



Name: John Jackson

Email : JJ23432@aaa.com

UserID : wordpass

URL : www.123.321

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Jack Johnson would not make a good president.

I John Jackson would make a good president.

I am the best candidate.

Vote for me.

One Liner:
I am running for president. You should vote for me. You should not vote for Jack Johnson

Country: Greece

Age: under 15

Gender: female



Name: Urine Drinker

Email : UrineDrinker@Idrinkurine.com

UserID : !!

URL : www.321.123

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
John Jackson would not make a good president.

I Jack Johnson would make a good president.

I am the best candidate.

Vote for me.

One Liner:
I am running for president. You should vote for me. You should not vote for John Jackson

Country: Greece

Age: under 15

Gender: female

[Stay away from the bong.]



Name: Izzy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Heartless bitch qualities, hmmm... i spend most of my week at an all girls school listening to my fellow classmates whine about how they were just dumped by their boyfriend who they went out with for two whole weeks, how shopping is the coolest,

[You could just study. It would be time well spent.]

why their 3 cm skirt

[That's a belt.]

is too long and completely awful it is that they their sister is 3 and hasn't got a boyfriend yet. i cannot begin to describe how INFURIATING i find this. i hate shopping more than anything else in the whole world, i'm over-developed for my age and find it hard to find ANY clothes that fit me. i mean, who are they aiming for in shops today?

[Try harder. Breasts are in (especially those freakish sizes) since augmentation is becoming so common place. Porn stars and Pamela Lee Anderson have to shop SOMEwhere.]

the only people anything seems to look half good on is the human replica of Barbie.

[Then you should REALLY be able to accommodate those ta-tas.]

the model industry is SO fucked up, models should reflect the appearence of the average woman, not what you look like if you're daily amount of food is one lettuce leaf. i hate the way bimbo's seem to incoperate 'like' 'totally' and 'whatever' into their sentances on every other word. it's awful how words like 'fab' 'cool' 'funky' 'cosmo' 'chick' and 'sassy' found there way into a dictionary. it's scary how even femenists and heartless bitches know them.

[You expect us to be ostriches and bury our heads in the sand?]

CHICK is probably the worst. do people NOT REALIZE that being called the sporn of a corn-pecking, two legged mammel

[Hey! I sort of resemble that remark.]

that you find mangles in you're McDonalds is an insult. instead 'you are one hot chick' seems to be taken as a compliment

[Ah, but they are so CUTE!]

and 'you are a singular post 100 degrees child of a two legged mammel with a tendancy to squauk' would deserve a slap.

[Chicks peep. The complaint about being called a chick is because it's a diminutive, not because it's a slur.]

ARGH and what is possibly the most ANNOYING thing in the world is girls who take every guy who walks past them as an opportunity to give a lecture. 'OMG he's quite fit... is he looking at me? i think he's looking at me?' honey that might be because you're standing in the middle of a shopping centre, squealing.

[Having big ol' hooties doesn't hurt, either.]

and another thing, people who find it surprising to find out that fit means 'healthy', and that an athlete is actually more fit than a movie star. The way meanings of words are twisted to a point of BEING SO FUCKED UP THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ORIGINALS. do you think Tom Cruise has ever weight-lifted his whole life?

[Didn't he have a trainer for Mission Impossible? I don't think he was wearing one of those Batman Instamuscle ™ suits.]

he's more likely to be part of the lettuce leaf brigade. I CAN'T BEGIN to moan about girls, (again standing in a shopping centre) see a male of the species and squeal 'OMG!!! A GUY!!!' it's like men come from another planet

[Mars, maybe?]

and the concept of talking to one without smiling andd flicking you're hair doesn't comprehend in their brains (or lack thereof). i seem to be the only girl in the world who would rather read Lord of the Rings

[Get out more.]

than J-17 or other teen magazines. i have never worn make-up before and i don't think i want to walk around with and inch of crap

[It's not even a centimeter. Turn in your ruler for recalibration.]

on my face to make me 'sexy and gorgeous' for someone who i'm not going to have a serious realationship with. and what is it with the relationships? wow i've had 17 boyfriends by the time i was 11,

[You don't exaggerate, though.]

that makes me more pretty than you. THANK-YOU honey, but i really don't think that having a boyfriend is the centre of my life, and i shouldn't go to extreme pain of walking in 9-inch-heels

[Do you think you have to fudge your figures to make your point, or are you just that bad with numbers?]

just to get someone as shalow as that to notice me.

[Why mention him?]

should i give a crap about whether a male car-obsessed chauvenist arsehole with whom i have nothing in common with would want to shag me or not. i am fucked to high heaven about discos,

[Discos were never known to be a haven of intellectualism. It's always been a meat-market, but it IS the force that binds us and drops prices. It's true. Watch a movie, and when you hear the disco rhythm, everyone becomes pals-at least for the dance number. When you hear it in commercials, you should know that a sale is on the way.]

where the blonde and the beautiful are treated with more respect than someone with a personality,

[Disco's never been about anything but getting down. Listen to the (snicker) lyrics. Half the time they never even bothered to learn a name, let alone an opinion.]

but unfortunately doesn't have a 'picking the right colour lipstick' gene emplanted in her. OOOOH and the sugary-sweetness. the 'a smile will be worth you're while' attitude, my teeth have to be perfectly aligned and perfectly strait, my hair blonde my eyes blue and i have to go 'oh yes you're soooo amasing, i totally think you are the best' to get anywhere in life?

[No, but if you're eschewing beauty, then you'd better hit the books like nobody's business. I mean, have you read your own application? You'd better have a large bustline.]

there is something REALLY messed up with that. fashion and beauty tips. WTF? beauty? BEAUTY is applying clay to you're face and wearing 3 triangles to go swimming? or to go 'partying' with testerone filled guys who's sole brag is the fact that their dick is the size of a metre rule?

[I'd brag about that.]

FUCK to all teen magazines. FUCK to movies like 'crossroads' with a grossly super-sweet-and-sugary Brittney Spears.

[You saw that one? I'll bet it was a real stink-fest. The many emotions of Britney Spears: dull surprise.]

FUCK to shops with their flat-chested Barbie doll models.

[You sure that you're not holding a KEN doll?]

FUCK to 'fashion' which a shirt costs the equivelant of 7 weeks worth of hard labour.

[In what country? I'm sure that you could find SOMETHING suitable for a few HOURS work.]

FUCK to 'princesses' who laze around all day, taking the occasional lettuce leaf and shopping trip, use up all their parents credit card and but the most expensive dress in the shop which they where once and then it goes 'totally out'. FUCK to dresses that just cover you're thong and you can't move in. FUCK to thongs. FUCK TO ALL 'GIRLY GIRLS' WHO BREAK A NAIL AND THINK THIS MAKES THEIR LIFE THE WORST ON THE PLANET EVEN THOUGH ARE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE FUCKING DIEING EVERY DAY. i can't think of everything i want to put down all at once so i'll leave it there. I AM A HEARTLESS BITCH AND I'M PROUD OF IT!!!

[You rant about superficiality, yet you never rise above it yourself. You're just the other side of that shallow coin.]

One Liner:
You laugh at me because i'm different,

[All this angst because you're laughed at?]

i laugh at you because you're all the same. Is it just me or is wearing a thong like having a permenant wedgie?

[You've been knocking them, and you don't know? I will openly mock pads made for thongs. Everybody knows that you wear those big ol' period panties, and not your good stuff. Why? That adhesive just doesn't come out.]





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