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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

Edited by JadeSyren


For the Week of January 2nd, 2000



Name: Debs

Email : Crazy413@yousaidit.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i was born and bred one do you need any other reason?

[If that's going to be your reason, then you're going to have to cough up some registry papers. We can't have just anyone claim "breeding" as a reason.]

One Liner:
If everyone was a bitch, I wouldn't be special, would I?

[If it helps, you can think of being featured here as special, too. Only a few of you actually make it.]



Email : classicdoofus@swipnet.se

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
"Iīm a Heartless Bitch because I am who I am and those who can`t accept that so bad for them. You only live once and I am not gonna take no more shit. I am just gonna get out and LIVE

[As opposed to get out there and DIE?]

One Liner:
You can`t dismiss me because slaves must be sold

[You could be traded in though, for a smarter model, maybe? Whose slave are you, anyway?]



Email : wack@needsprozac.uk

UserID : Missinsane

[No doubt.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
At the moment I hate life and Life hates me!!!!!!!

[Life has good reason. Look how lame you are.]

One Liner:
i hope the dick on your head is as big as the one down below

[No, no, no. When you call someone a dickhead, their whole head is referred to as a dick. There is no imaginary penis stuck on there.]


Email : bingo!@wcu.edu

UserID : danny

[Danny is, like, my boyfriend, (giggle). He's SoOoOo cute.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a Heartless Bith because I am tired of dumbass pyscos,

[And spelling. I am TIRED of spelling.]

who think they are the shit, coming on to me and treating me like they own me.

[That's because they've paid Danny to have sex with you. You see, Danny is a 'man of leisure' (that means pimp). Now you know.]

I would like to cut off these assholes dicks and keep them in a jar on my shelf.

[What would you store them in? Would you can the dicks like tomatoes? You haven't given much thought to the rising costs of penis-storage.]

One Liner:
I am not a feminist, I just hate men like you!

[You're really too stupid to be a feminist. You could try Dumbass Pyscos (tm). I hear they're hiring. How did you get into college anyway?]



Email : comein@earthover.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, self-assured princess

[This is about a 1.5 on my "uh-oh" scale.]

happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores

[Like if mixing drank clear liquor with dark liquor would make her sick.]

of an unpoluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped onto the princess lap and said: "Elegant lady, I was once a handsom

[She nailed "verdant" but choked on "unpolluted" and "handsome"?]

prince, until an evil witch cast a spell on me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am. Then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can clean my clothes, prepare my meals, bear my children and forever feel gratefull doing so."

[So, what's the old mother going to be doing? I thought you had servants when you were royalty. Why's he still living with his mother anyway?]

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: "I don't think so!"

[I didn't think she could think either.]

I just thought I should share with you my favorite childhood story with you.

[No, you shouldn't have. Really, you shouldn't have.]

As per my status of Heartless Bitch,

[Which is to say, non-existent.]

I would just like to say that I fully enjoy my title, and the way weak men and women alike wet themselvs a t my passing. Being a young beautifly woman living in a large city somehow gives men the first impression that I would love to have them screw me, then

[Don't kid yourself. You get that in small towns too. What you DON'T get is all these insipid fairy tales.]

shit on me. However, I have come to embrace this initial misconcepti on. It makes it all the more satisfying when the dawning light of comprension

[Stolen from Calvin and Hobbes.]

crosses their face, as I explain to them that, no, they are not God's gift to women.

[Not even that gag-gift from Ronco that nobody wants?]

_I do not wish to rant on men,

[So why did you? Do call back when you have something intelligent to say.]

I happen to have some verry nice guy-freinds, and perhaps one day would like to be in a relationship with one of them.

[Because you can't have anything to do with the opposite sex that doesn't involve fucking, right?]

I belive, and can wholely atest, that there are many equaly disenlighte nd women out there.

[Case in point.]

Cranial rectum inversion is non gender specific.

[Wouldn't this be cranial-rectAL?]

One Liner:
Thank you for validating my inherant mistrust of strangers.

[You call yourself a big-city girl? Hell, sometimes I even mistrust my friends. This is more of a whiner than a one-liner.]



[Sometimes, no matter how rarely, these applications reek badly enough to be sensed by all. This one did.]

I smell a WOW one here...

Email : slpage@insanity.edu

UserID : winston

[Could this be a boyfriend ID?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have had every thinkable bad love experience in the world...

[I'll bet they feel the same way.]

all the men I know are gay and I'm glad!

[That would explain the bad experiences. Stop dating gay men. Trust me, it will never work out.]

I am so fed up with the male species,

[That would be male OF THE species. Waitaminnit. That might explain it even better. Dating outside your species doesn't work either.]

it almost makes me want to be a lesbian!!!

[You're just answering your own questions all over the place. Gay people don't turn gay, and you're in for trouble if you think you can convert them.]

I would say more, but I will explode.

[Promises, promises.]

One Liner:
I miss my exes, but my aim is getting better.

[It's your BRAIN that needs to get better.]



Email : superdummy@webtv.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because the last man that tried to fuck with me,I used his toothbrush to clean his toilet before I left.

[Let me see if I understand your plan of attack. This guy tried to fuck with you, so you followed him home, distracted him with sex, and while he was basking in afterglow, you spit-shine his house in a way the military has banned. Attagirl!]

I put his name and phone # on the bathroom walls at all the gay bars saying he was a "bottom" and into water sports.I even had people call the bar he hung out at and ask if it was true that he had a small penis,had cross dressing catalogs

[I suppose if I asked if you had a life, it would be an exercise in futility, wouldn't it? Yikes, I'm tired of you wannabes telling me (usually false) tales of revenge like this proves that you are anything but crazy and codependant.]

sent to his house.I ran him out of town,as of this last Sept.99,his phone has been disconnected and his power turned off.I have slandered him all over the internet,[The Guy] is probably back around Oakland CA,if you run into him kick him in the nuts for me.

[I'm thinking about sending him this application as proof of your slanderous behavior. Hope I see you on Judge Judy.]

One Liner:
The blue-balled bastard wasn,t born,a buzzard shit on a rock and the sun hatched him.

[Are you ever going to stop talking about him?]



Email : yikes@ctcn.net

URL : http://net.indra.com/~karma/letter.html

[This means that you should list your own, not one at random, or one you think is cool.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Someone asked me why I color my hair red; I said, "Because I can!"

[Someone once asked me why the sky was blue, then I giggled. Once, a long time ago, I used to chase the cat around the house, screaming "MEOW"! Sometimes I make things moo for no reason...as long as we're comparing irrelevancies.]

One Liner:
Yes! I am an agent of Satan but my duties are largely ceremonial.

[Suddenly Hell's not so scary anymore.]



Email : onebigloser@sonosite.com

[And her boyfriend...]

UserID : Jake

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have no tolerance for sappy stupid men who think they can control me I have never had a decent relationship that lasted beyong a few months.

[This is your own fault.]

I have to be in control at all times and I will never let a man get the upper hand over me.

[I'm stifling a "So" here. Please say something that will impress upon me your Heartlessly Bitchy qualities.]

I am demanding, blunt, and very brutal at times.

[Except when you're whiny and indignant.]

I like me alot and I don't care if anyone else does.

[This arrangement is probably for the best then.]

One Liner:
When I look at a man....I say to myself, "some people kids, damn!"

[When I look at a man, I say to myself, "Someone beat this unruly kid, damn!" Especially when I am at the mall or somewhere near an out of control child. What the hell were you talking about?]



Email : scrabbletiles@moronic.ack.be

UserID : Wiggakilla

[This CAN'T be good.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have difficulty memorizing numbers... that's why I forget most people's names and only quote from myself.

[Admit it, you got this from Jack Handy, didn't you?]

My eyes turn red whenever I, during an exam, hear the following one-liners (happens rarely though :\ ): "What's the problem?" "I understand, lots of students get extremely exhausted at the end of the exam period" (In this case, the examinator might not have noticed my sudden mood change)

[I certainly hope you are more coherent on the exams.]

I don't give people third chances...

[Because you can't count that high...]

Ignorant people don't affect my life, they just think they do.

[Do ignorant people think? I know they voice their opinions over and over again.]

Wise people do, as they think.

[Save...him, from Shatner... ... ... he's...causing, lapses in...speech.]

Losers try to please everybody, yet they do nothing.

[Don't be so hard on yourself. You do lots of things. I'll have to get back to you on what they are....]

Bitches do everything as they please.

[And in your fantasies we are...?]

White women in general don't accept sucking dick,

[If you're going to make racist comments, get the stereotype straight. White women love sucking dick, Black women don't, Asian women do it cheaply. I don't know what's worse, the stupidity or ...oh yeah, it's the stupidity.]

they just dignify it towards themselves. Asian women in general accept sucking dick as they keep their dignity towards others.

[You're just way the hell out in left field, aren't you?]

Those are the reasons I feel attracted to Wise Asian Bitches.

[I've heard opposites attract...*yawn*]

Respect is not for sale, it's for hire. I'm a mercenary and very, very expensive.

[We're losing you, aren't we?]

I'm not more needy than I need to. I'm not helpless towards help. I'm needless for unnecessary help, while I only help those in real need.

[For money, right? You're a mercenary that gives to charity? Never mind losing YOU, I'm losing me. I think you're the cure for insomnia. I'm not sure because you keep putting me to....]

Some optional one-liners:
"Well honey, if you really want to know,

[NOOOOOO!]

I went to a friend of mine this afternoon,

[Who you kiddin'? We know jerks like you don't have friends. Not even wise Asian bitch ones.]

tuning my martial arts skills even further.

[Like tuning a radio station, only a lot lamer.]

I managed to cut 1 giant ice block and 10 bricks in two, can you believe it?

[This is supposed to be a ONE-liner. If you need this much set-up, it sucks.]

Too bad it was the last lesson, she said she teached me everything she knew. If you just continue like this, I might get some more practice after all."

[Good, now after you breaked all the rocks, get out there and fighted all your sparring partners. Maybe you'll haved another fantasy about Asian women suckeding your dick.]

"You said you wanted to 'fuck' me? You're sure your daddy's creditcard can back that up aswell?"

[No, I said "Fuck you".]

"No, your clit doesn't smell... but my mouth surely does every morning,

[Where the fuck did you learned anatomy? Your NOSE smells, idiot.]

something you always keep 'remembering' me about. That's why I brush my teeth before I go to work. 'Work' is spelled as G-E-T-A-J-O-B."

[How about on the weekends? Or do you get all fuzzy?]

One Liner: The weak are those who can't cope with the randomness of life,

[I just can't cope with the randomness of your thoughts.]

the strong are those who can't cope with the weak. I cope with myself. You don't.

[So you're strong because you cope with the weak which would be yourself? It's always a pleasure to display people that put this much effort into trying to get into the Weak of the Week.]



Email : weird@frightmail.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch, because I will not tolerate anyone m/f who continues to lie after beeing busted. Also I don't appreciate the idiot who decided thongs were.

[What? Thongs were WHAT?]

I live in bubbaville and it ain't pretty.

[That anywhere near Back Holler?]

I am considered heartless by others,Because I broke up with my signif. by telling her not to call me until she screwed someone else!

[Any time she gets a wild hair up her ass to call you, she should definitely reconsider.]

One Liner:
"No you can't fool me, you are not a lesbian trapped in a man's body!"

[No, you can't fool ME. You are NOT a Heartless Bitch trapped inside a lesbian's body.]



Email : psyco-babe@webmail.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
if I want to I can reduce people to tears with out feeling guilty. And I do!!!

One Liner:
If you are gonna throw an insult make sure it reaches me! Asshole

[The problem isn't in the reach, it's in your comprehension.]



Email : chaoskat@mi-tmouse.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am happy being bisexual and takinglovers when I crave them while remaining independant and strong, dedicated to my studying and writing.

One Liner:
Let's forget about the 6 feet and talk about the 7 inches

[That would be a short conversation.]



Email : webtvnut@webtv.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't need to give any reasons, I'm a born bitch.

[Great. Another breeder.]

Even a friend who did an astrological reading says I'm a born bitch.

[Breeding AND a psychic evaluation. Look how reliable the stars were this time. Betcha didn't see this in your future.]

I can't stand stupid people, I am surrounded by them. This man at work makes sexual coments to me and gets told off each time, gets a look and I say I'm adding another point to your stupidity qouta...you have a limited supply before I haul off on yer ass.

[It's amazing what a little genuine disinterest can do for you.]

One Liner:
Piss off!

[I was expecting something cosmic here, considering your credentials. What a disappointment.]



Email : honey@whatanerd.zzz.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I donīt like doing what theyīre telling me to do. You know, Iīm cute, but I donīt like when people are reminding me of that in the subway, and then expecting me to be thankful.

[And what would 'social grace' mean to someone like you?]

I donīt have to be smart, you know, I can do whatever I want to anyway!Thatīs what they think, but itīs not true.

[At least you're honest about it. It's absolutely true that you're not smart at all.]

One Liner:
No, I donīt want to be a mother, I just want sex.

[Keep hanging out in the subway and your wish will be granted.]



Email : rgv@ihatemales.com

UserID : 2291

[Number of licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I hate all men..they are totally addicted to that tiny thing that hangs between their legs and nothing else. They are inferior creatures that belong in the back yard with the rest of the dogs.

[But you still date them, right. Where's the strength of your convictions when you need them? How does it make any sense to talk about how much you hate them and still be interested in them?]

They smell, they think they are "all that" and they are a huge pain in the ass. I am living for the day of virtual reality men so I can be with something besides these sad excuses for a male human being.

[Why don't you just try using your head when selecting a mate?]

One Liner:
All men are dogs

[Nah, just the ones you bring home.]



Email : violentfemme@stc.net

UserID : Morphine

[Drug addiction of the week.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because I'll knock every tooth out of your head and shake you until your eyes rattle

[Alright, I was with you until you had my eyes rattling. The cliché is "shake you until your teeth rattle". Obviously if you knock all the teeth out of the head, they won't rattle because you're shaking them. If you're going to intimidate, make sense.]

if you even look at me wrong! Never mind the Lorena Bobbitt thing! I'll do that AND worse! Ever had your own penis stuffed up your ass and glued shut, with your balls in your mouth and some nice hot wax covering the bloody stump?

[It never ceases to amaze me how some women find it funny to be violent to men, but wail in protest about male violent imagery of women. How does threatening to lop off a dick and shove it in an orifice scream anything but "I'm a victim"? This isn't a righteous revenge scenario. Needing to "even the score" just means you are on the same mentality level, and it's why you'll never make it into Heartless Bitches International.]

One Liner:
I don't eat dicks, I chop them up into little pieces and feed them to my cats.

[Freud would have a field day with THAT statement.]



Email : Pixiefairae@schoolnearabk.edu

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I ruthlessly annoy someone who tried to throw me out of burgerking a month ago.

[After reading the rest of your application, I would have thrown you out too. Don't you have some homework to do, or something?]

I have made prank calls, prank letters, I,with the others, sing drunkenly, make fun of Pokemon, and pester the hell out of the chonye. We have even gone so far as to form an organization, the B.K.M.A. the Burger King Misfits Anonymous.

One Liner:
Go smoke a churf.

[Thank you for your deliberate attempt to be featured in this week's Weak of the Week. We have enjoyed your particular brand of lunacy.]



Email : ql11@schoolnearbk.edu

[Note her "clever" attempt to fool me.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
This is for all the men who tell me "ahhh, poor princess"!!

[Shouldn't this be for all the men that throw you out of Burger King?]

One Liner:
You're so low, you can't even reach my ass to kiss it, if you're lucky you can lick my toes.

[Yeah, well, go smoke a churf.]



Email : aolloserbabe@aol.com

UserID : fuckme

[Sometimes the ID is a dead giveaway.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i hate putting up with mens shit. Enough said

[Sometimes, the irony is just TOO much.]

Member Name: Loser aka Babe
Location: [Hometown]
Birthdate: 2/6/82
Sex: Female
Marital Status: I'm Taken
Hobbies: hanging out, having fun, doing nothing, relaxing, music, reading, working, swimming, exersice.
Computers: who cares i just use nathan's since my parents won't get me one
Occupation: hopes of being a lawyer, i think that i will go to [university] with nathan in fall of 2000, sounds good
Personal Quote: " if you love what you do, you will always be good at it,"

[Pretty tough talk for someone that has to use her boyfriend's computer and has hinged her future around going to the same college as her boyfriend.]

One Liner:
B is for babe

[Because *giggle* that's, like, what I AM.]

i is for intelligent

[Um, I don't know any, like, "I" words, you know?]

t is for tart

[I'm, like, SO impressed (oh, an "I" word. Kewl!) that I know a, like, word for women that's NOT "ho". AND, if anyone, like, tells you, you know, like, you can say, "Back off, cuz it ain't even about that. I'm, like, tart and not sweet." DUH! I rule!]

c is for cat

[It's, like, sooo obvious. Plus I don't know any really kewl C words either.]

and h is for Heartless bitch

[I put this in, because, well, they'll have to like it, you know.]



Email : jspa@naryaclue.net

UserID : BabyBitch

[You can see it coming, can't you?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
OK, i don't know what the hell html is, so suck it up!

[She's ignorant and proud. How I wish that I hadn't already used that "you're soaking in it" line already.]

I am a fuckin heartless bitch because I am suck up

[You am suck up indeed.]

and i love to blow off my insane boyfriends(more than one at a time, 'cause why

[Here I was wondering who was hogging all the crazy ones to herself.]

should i give a fuck about them?)My fav. thing to do is make fun of the stupid, gay boy bands, and make my football player boyfriends cry! It is just so fun! People at my fucked up school are afraid of my power!

[You've noticed that people steer clear of you, have you? I'm sure it's because of your "power".]

So if you know what is right you'll choose me to be a fucked up heartless bitch!

[You've got my vote. It's clear to me that you are sincerely fucked up.]

One Liner:
I'm a bitch, so shut the fuck up!

[You distract her, and I'll call for an emergency prescription refill.]



[Traci wanted to amuse us this week. I can't say no to someone that tries so hard. Traci is obviously a fan of WotW, and has a warped sense of humor.]

Name: Traci (with an 'i'!)

UserID : kittykat

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I think I'm a heartless bitch. I know because I always do things MY way and I don't care what other people think. Like my boyfriend--I met him online and he's sooooo sweet!--when I told him I was pregnant, and he said I should wait a year for his wife to die I said NO, I don't care if she *does* have an inoperable brain tumor. And cancer. And a potentially fatal ingrown toenail so that the doctors only gave her a year to live. NO, I told him, you can only have SIX MONTHS to get a divorce, malaria or no malaria.
Also, the other day, when I was at the mall shopping for shoes (my boyfriend told me NO MORE SHOES and threatened to not give me my allowance for a whole month to stop me, but I cried and he gave in--I am SUCH a BITCH!) and somebody took my parking space-- okay, so I didn't do anything, but I thought some really nasty stuff--even though it was RIGHT AFTER church--you would be proud! See, I'm really a big bitch--because like, my boyfriend, when he saw me on the computer without his permission, he started hitting me again, and I ALMOST said something this time--I think I must have even glared at him, because he got really angry and hit harder. (I can be so saucy at times!) I get so mad, but he loves me and I love him and I want to be with him, and a bitch always goes after what she wants. See? I'm bitchy! I can be bitchier, if you want me to. . . Please, I really want to be a bitch. . . Oh, I think I've got it! Let me start over: I'm a bitch because I hate all men and I hate everybody especially people who complain about what a bitch I am and there are a lot of those because I'm a bitch I'm a bitch

[Okay, Traci, you were doing great until about here. Remember, farce ONLY works if you remain serious. I didn't make that rule, it just IS.]

(and the bitch is back? oh fuck--gotta get back into character) and I can kick everyone's ass especially weak people and invalids who I don't have sympathy for because they're in that wheelchair with a saline bag because they're WEAK and I'm not and that makes me better.
And I really like bunnies.

One Liner:
Uhm, I saw a really good one on a keychain at the mall today. . . Hold on, I can remember it. . . Uh, can I do this part later?

[Sure, just don't think you'll get a second free appearance. You'll have to actually earn the next one.]



Email : kelly.roy@frankenstein.com

UserID : jeremiah

[...was a bullfrog. Please, please tell me you didn't date a guy named Jeremiah. I'd never stop singing.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I dumped my man, right before the holidays.

[Sounds like Santa was pretty good to him.]

Of course I did it via e-mail because I'm a bitch.

[The word is coward.]

My only regret is I didn't get those wonderful gifts he had planned for me.

[Just think of the fun he'll have with all the money he got from returning your presents. Some stripper will be wearing your present in her garter. Good goin'.]

Oh, and of course I didn't get the opportunity to laugh in his face when he was going to propose to me.

[Well, at least you aren't chopping off his dick.]

Lifes a bitch!

[And you're not.]

One Liner: I love men named Matt, because I can wipe my feet all over them!

[Wait, I thought he was Jeremiah.]



Email : angerwithoutaclue@aol.com

UserID : kdghheag

[Random keystrokes]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i hate it when people make little clubs

[And make rules that I know exclude ME.]

honoring their pathetic selves..that's what this is, isn't it?

[If you weren't sure, you should have reserved your tirade.]

sure, make fun of me with your sad witticisms

[It's more fun to make fun of what YOU say. I really like how you grudgingly admit that we are smart, however. Point for you.]

but you know that being a member of the "heartless bitch international" is a mark of insecurity.

[Sour grapes, kiddo. I love how you reject us before we reject you.]

true, i don't really want to become a member, i fill out applications in my spare time. make fun of that - it's a free shot.

[I don't need free shots, you're a big enough target already. Besides, where's the fun in it? You: I suck. Me: You sure do. You: Told ya.]

i'm not a card-carrying bitch,

[I'll bet you're a certifiable one.]

but i like to fill out applications for trivial "clubs" so that i realize just how low some people will stoop for attention...

[Like, hoping that you'd make Weak of the Week? Show your friends.]

how long did it take you to think up these questions anyway? I mean, if you make fun of me for having no life, what can you say about yourself?

[That I amused myself for a solid five minutes?]

you spend all this time maintaining this site - you're the one with no social life...

[Ouch! To the quick. Actually, there's a team of folks behind the scenes assisting the maintenance of the site, so each of us can have and live the life you readily admit to not having. Thanks for asking.]

are you a man?

[No. Nice try, though.]

"nobody will ever find out" you told yourself - this is too lame to go into.

[Meaning that you're way in over your head in foundless accusation. When, oh when will any of you learn to stick to what you know?]

One Liner:
am i cool enough for you fuckiing little club?

[Wait. Haven't I rejected you before?]

haha, get it? of has nobody ever asked you that before...

[Aaaah! It's the ghost of shameonme@pandora.mckusick.com. He was a guy.]

actually, the kind of people this site attracts probably would lower themselves to caring aobut the answer to that. oops, is my bitchiness showing?

[Not in the least.]

Read the Previous edition of the Weak of the Week

Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999


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