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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of February 3, 2002
edited by





Name: Electra

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I read your page and the profile fits! What more do I need to do to PROVE IT??

[Show us the ability to reason.]

One Liner:
I'm not the one you're looking for so stop wasting my time!

[Hey, I didn't ask you to apply.]



Name: terry

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i tierd of those women that says"you need to make love to my brain".what do she want me to do stick my dick in her ear?

[I see the problem. Stick to prostitutes; they don't care if you're not too b-r-i-g-h-t.]

One Liner:
fuck you

[That's the problem. She won't let you. If you had exceptional skill in that regard, she wouldn't ask you to make love to her brain, she'd just find someone ELSE for intellectual stimulation. Let's face it, exceptions can be made where deserving.]



Name: Veronica

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I know who I am, and I am not afraid to be her.

[Well? Who IS she?]

A true Bitch knows nothing can or will stand in her way. Presistence

[Interesting typo.]

and determination are gifts that some people will never get.

[They aren't gifts. They are qualities that anyone can possess.]

One Liner:
B-Being I-Intelligent T-Touch

[Touch? Oh, touchED. Touched in the head. I get it.]

C-Cute H-Hated on by all

[Wonder why that preposition is in there.]



Name: AuBrey

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
First of all, I don't put up with people's shit. If I hear people talking about their friends behind their backs, I go tell their friend and then if the person gets mad at me for telling their friend I slap the bitch and tell her to get a life.

[I don't know why you kids mistake signifying with being a bitch. Try telling that person that you will not listen to them run down your friends. You don't have to run to that friend and let her know about petty gossip. All that does is start shit that doesn't need to happen.]

If a guy hits on me and they are disguiting or not my type and they ask for my number..i take a peice a paper write down my boyfriends number and say "call my boyfriend,he'll tell you",

[A simple "no" wouldn't do it? I think this is a pretty crummy way to return a compliment. You're not complaining about these guys acting like assholes, after all. They just have the misfortune of finding you attractive.]

I've actually got into 2 fights in school before because ive talked to some girls boyfirneds or some shit like that and they think they can beat me up.

[If you're lucky, you'll grow out of this.]

Well, neither of them has beat me. If I go out with a guy and we're kinda intimate and he pisses me off..i bite his balls,

[What scares me is that you're sexually intimate before you're socially adept.]

and i just like to get my way

[You and every other crybaby.]

and if people don't respect me for making my way by myslef then they can fuckin move aside cause this is my world, they're just living in it.

[Fuck what ya heard, it ain't your world.]

One Liner:
CRY ME A RIVER BUILD ME A BRIDGE AND JUMP OFF OF IT BASTARD

[Quote me a bumpersticker I haven't read already.]



Email : HaNNiBaL

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
this one time when this insipid fool of an asshole didn't have the balls to dump me and had to send his little pussy friend to do it for him, i went up to him in front of all his friends and his ho and kicked him in the balls and said "what you little bastard! you don't have enough balls to break up with me yourself? well, i'm dumping you." i hate everyone. must i list more?

["He can't fire you, you quit!" I've got bad news. Once you're dumped, you're dumped. You didn't dump him; you just made a scene.]

One Liner:
if your mom and dad r divorced, r they still brother and sister?

[You think marriage changes blood?]

don't like my attitude, call 1-800-fuck-off

[What's the number for not liking your stupidity?]



UserID : JazzyLady

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I let no one get in the way of what I want. I am very independent. Full time job, single mother( Fuck my baby daddy)

[That's what got you here in the first place.]

, and a full time student. I make myt own money and let no man run my shit. I tell my friends to take men for what they are

[Which is…?]

and stop looking for those qualities that are not there.

[In one man, that's sound advice. For all men? That's the bitterness talking.]

One Liner:
What part of the game does that shit some from?

[Stop running games.]



Email : thikblue

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't have time for remedial, anal, lame ass bullshit!

[Meaning?]

Everything on the homepage checklist is all the things that are like fingernails across a blackboard for me.

[Really? Imagine the effect of your application.]

Yes, I've been called dyke, bitch, angry woman, whore, tramp, etc.! If one more limped dicked balless brother rubs my back and says "You've been hurt haven't you?" in response to me telling him the truth about himself, I'm going to go Tae Bo level 10 on his ass!!

[You cannot change a mind with your feet, Grasshopper.]

If one more sadity Halle Berry, Oprah Winfrey wanna be whore calls me ghetto, rowdy, or slutty because I get in your face about your shit and make you get out of my mine with your shit, then I'm going to start lynching them sorority sister rejects!!!

[Are any of these people even asking for your opinion?]

I wrote "All Woman" for Lisa Stansfield! I may not be a lady but I'm all woman. I love men, fucking is right up there with eating and breathing for me. But, I will lay back and say "oh fuck my hole, it's yours daddy"!

[Aigh! Too much information, Girl 6.]

I'm more of a "run that pipe home to Mommie, or there will be blood shed. The pussy is mine; I just let you taste it. The dick is mine too, try to run with it, and Lorraina Bobbitt will seem like a walk in the park!"

[This is just so many shades of wrong.]

That's not just on the sexual side, that's my mentality for the entire relationship.

[Well, get on, ya freak. Just spare me the details.]

I'm independent so your money don't mean jack! I like to dress like Lil Kim when I hit the club, but speak like Nikki Giovanni when we conversate.

[So far you're quite short of the mark.]

I'm not vain or cocky; I'm just comfortable with me. I love me, and most people can't handle that.

[Well, when we think about self-love, we don't think about a full-blown courtship.]

They want you to love you like they want you to be! Not!!!!!! Love me like I am, or step. I decide when and where improvements are needed. Your opinion is appreciated and so noted, I'll take your suggestions under advisement, but I'm a little too unique for boundaries,

[Oh, aren't you all?]

limitations, and preconceived notions of what's right, wrong, good, or bad!

[Some of those preconceived notions are right on time. I tell you, sharing your dirty little pillow talk is like farting at the table. It's a must NOT.]

You bitches don't know who you're fucking with!!!!

[We got some idea…. You don't know what you're lookin' at when you're lookin' here.]

That little error message about not being able to use my yahoo account was insulting!!!

[You were warned.]

I'm a heartless bitch, not a punk one, I ain't scared!!!

[I don't want you scared. I want you smart.]

One Liner:
I'm painfully honest; like a kick in the groin or contractions 30 seconds apart!

[You ARE painful. Honest.]



UserID : wormss

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
The day I realized I "wanted" my husband around instead of "needed" my husband around, I saw the glory of the light... and I wuz a Bitch!!

[I love these set-ups.]

BEEN to college, DONE the career thing,

[All together now: "HATED it."]

CHOOSE to stay home and raise my three kids!

[Okay. Want a cookie?]

I'm sick to death of mothers that whine, "They HAVE to work." then spend more than half their fucking paycheck on child care!"

[They are sick of it, too. What choice do they have? Try to have a REAL, VALID complaint.]

I'm just as pissed at the mothers who complain, "I have no LIFE, all I do is stay at home with the kids!!" You made a fucking choice, now live with it!

[You're going to have to eat those words later in this application.]

I stay home, raise my kids, keep my house from drowning in laundry AND still work one day a week so I can have MY money to spend!

[It must be nice to have a husband with enough money to allow you to feel smug and superior to people in some of your cast-off loafers.]

I love my husband and we have a wonderful understanding, he knows that if he has no shirts to wear to work the next morning he bloody well get his ass over to the washing machine and get them washed!

[Hey, YOU made the choice to stay at home and mind the kiddies. Laundry comes with that. This means that you're not entitled to a free ride. It means that you're slipping on the job if he doesn't have any clean shirts. Many of us have to split the chores, and in that case, sure, he has to wash his own clothes. You decided to split the chores by him working outside the house, and you working inside the house. Climb out of the couch and get to work.]

That goes for the dishes and any other household chore he thinks needs doing, I'll get to it when I want to, I'm only making more work for myself so fuck off and don't bug me about it.

[No, you're inconveniencing him, too. You don't live there alone. YOU agreed to stay home, so why SHOULD he look at dirty dishes, or other filth? You're not winning any "Housework is HARD work" points with me. By your own words you confess that you're not doing it.]

I DON'T spend hours fussing in a bloody mirror, a ponytail works fine for me, I love who I am and I wouldn't change a thing.

[I'm so glad that your identity is in your hair.]

One Liner:
NO, you don't get it... I REALLY don't give a shit!

[You don't KNOW shit, and you don't CLEAN shit, either.]



UserID : supernova

[This application takes on a whole new meaning when you read her diary, which she has conveniently sent to me with her application. I always have to wonder why a perfect stranger applies and shows me her public/private journal.

"Hi JadeSyren, you don't know me, you don't want to know me, but I'm showing you my tender pink parts anyway."

This journal was started so the applicant could focus away from her tendency to be violent toward other people. I'm not knocking her for doing that at all. In fact, I agree with therapy. I applaud anyone who is trying to get their shit together-GENUINELY trying, that is. All I'm saying is that I don't think she's ready yet.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a slash and burn romantic. The moment his words slash at my heart, I burn his entire house to the ground.

One Liner:
I'm not willing to love animals because they're "cute". They have to have a bloody personality or they're out the door. That includes men.

[After visiting her journal, I'm not so comfortable with the violent word choices.]



UserID : foofoo

[Yet another diarist.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
yes...i hate my unfaithful, untrustworthy, bastard of an ex. that, however, is just the catapult to my heartlessness. i don't bother dealing with stupidity...period. in whatever shape or form it surfaces before me, it's usally knocked out cold with a sly, yet calm comment. kinda with a "daria" quality. this characteristic is not gender bias. both men and women get the jist of my heartless bitchiness, usually upon the first meeting. my few close female acquaintances and i share the same inner coldness. and we laugh at who can be the less feeling for and condescending of whiney, attention-seeking individuals.

[Yeah, well, all of this is well and good, but you mention committing perjury to get back at someone in your diary. This sucks if it's true, undoubtedly, but even if it's a made up story, it sucks that you'd think that was something to endorse. Bleah.]

One Liner:
i'll listen (who knows...maybe i'll be amused), but really darlin'...i don't give a damn.

[Sure you don't. You've got pages and pages of how you don't care.]



Name: PANTERA

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Dominant, independent, strong minded, love myself

One Liner:
Bitch from outer space

[That just says it all.]



Name: ellie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

One Liner:
I am dancing with the dinosaurs.

[Who leads?]



[From the Pukefest files: Reason #58745874 Not to Get High…as if you needed another. It makes you stupid.]

OH GOD! Friends that like you one minute and then a later they find out you smoke/drink/or do drugs and then avoid you and dont like you anymore... IF YOU LIKED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE THAN YOU SHOULD STILL LIKE ME NOW... doing these things doesnt affect my FUCKING PERSONALITY!!!! holy fuck!!

[Holy fuck indeed. Drinking and drugs DO affect your personality. You're drunk, high, or both, so you don't notice. You are significantly UNfunny, trust me on that one. YOU think you're funny, but you're high. Things that high people find funny are:
rocks
cracks
toes
seeing how their buddies look high.

High people all agree on one thing being totally a bummer:
Running out of alcohol or drugs.

When you're a stoner, the chances of me being arrested escalate exponentially when I'm around you. So do the chances of my pets also getting their first buzz. Who needs that garbage?

Smoking may seem to be the least offensive thing, but I'll tell you that I don't relish thinking about possibly being diagnosed with cancer because I want to talk to you, and I really don't want to smell like an ashtray, but that's the least of the worry. Second-hand smoke tops the list, and the fact that you guys rummage around my couch for loose change to buy yet another pack of the substance that will kill you really gets irritating after a while. You never have money, but you always have cigarettes.

People who drink excessively aren't that much fun either. You argue over the tab because (surprise) you've lost track of what you've ordered. You fight with me about giving me the car keys, and even worse, you think it's fun to fuck with the driver.

You really sound like a one-way trip to me. Try rehab. You'll understand.

To answer your rant, you're most likely barely tolerable sober. Who'd want to befriend you knowing that you smoke, drink, and do drugs? People who do them, too.]





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