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Jan 6, 2002
1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of January 13, 2002
edited by





Email : borey@fucklove.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
when i dumped my last boyfriend (over the phone) i made him cry...

[Joy affects different people in different ways.]

when one boyfriend dumped me, i went back to his house and stole some of his fave shirts and a $200 jacket.

[Being dumped makes you a thief?]

One Liner:
rude. screwed. tattooed.

[Get outta here, ya freak.]



Email : wendylee1

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because I think we have a right to have PMT

[No one has the right to discomfort or illness, and who would want it?]

and yes we should let men suffer it too

[Believe me, those around you DO suffer it.]

One Liner:
If men were on fire I would waste my pee trying to put them out!

[They won't thank you for it. I remember that the Lilliputians were decidedly ungrateful in those circumstances.]



Name: copybitch

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Well, let's just say my bumpersticker sums it up pretty well:

[That's just what I needed. Yet another entry filled with bumpersticker logic.]

"People like you suck," meaning at one time or another I've found something about everyone that'll drive me fuckin' nuts. Some examples of random thoughts I have:

[Like I have a shortage of random thoughts coming through these applications.]

1. While driving: "Fuck, Grandma, if you drove any slower, I'd be walking."

[But you're not.]

OR "Move, move, move yer goddamned car the fuck out of my way."

[Road rage is not in short supply.]

2. In meetings at work: "Christ, this is so boring. I'm going to start bringing a book, and then if dipshit (my boss) asks why I'm reading, I'll be like,

[This one never fails to crack me up.]

'Well, maybe if you ever thought of anything interesting or important to say in here, maybe I wouldn't have to bring a book to stay awake, fucknut!"

[Then he'd be all like, "You are so TOTALLY fired and shit."]

OR "I swear meetings are really just excuses for idiots to get together and mate."

[Whoa. Sex goes on at your meetings? Where do you work? What are you complaining about?]

3. People I work with and food: "Jesus Christ! I can hear that guy eating from across the room. Didn't his Mom teach him to chew with his mouth closed?! And I swear, he crunches one more chip like it's a tree falling, and I'm gonna shove that bag of Doritos up Li'l Piggie's ass over there!"

[So what do you do besides complain?]

4. Clerks in stores/coffeehouses: "Excuse me, but could you stop talking with your friend long enough to make my fucking latte because I have a job I have to go back to.

[Guess what? They are at their jobs, and if you irritate them, you'll get spitte instead.]

You know, some of us in the world are actually important and have important things to do." OR "If you don't wring

[your neck?]

up this stuff faster, I'll step behind the counter and help you because even with the handicap of not knowing your system/register, I can think and move faster than you can."

[They are paid per hour, not per customer. How fast do you haul YOUR ass on the job?]

And then there are the things I actually say:

[*Sigh*]

1. Argument with guy at work over the fact that after 3 years here dipshit still hasn't learned my extension number and is too lazy to look it up:

[I was always grateful for this because it made it harder for them to call me.]

"It's the same as last time." And then he says he doesn't know it. To which I say: "I have yours memorized." Guy: "Well, I guess that makes you better than me." Me: "Guess so."

[Translation: "Shut the fuck up about the phones, already."]

2. Cutting through one woman's bullshit at work: Have this one woman who every time you ask her to do something, she wants to go down this long line of excuses why she can't do what's requested. Basically, it's a passive-aggressive way of refusing to do what would require her to think outside the box

[Nope. It's her way of shirking work altogether, and maybe pull your chain a little in the process.]

and use more brain cells than she has. Last Friday, she started down that road, and I just said, "I don't want to discuss that" in a really nasty tone because her topic was neither here nor there to the problem I was attempting to solve.

[Actually, there was a better way to handle this. You're close, though. The attitude was unnecessary.]

(And then she turned around and emailed my boss about this, which was stupid because he promptly showed it to me

[Which means that he shows your complaints, too. The shitter is probably lined with them, as much as you complain.]

'cause he knows she's full of shit, too. She ended up being the one reprimanded for being inflexible. Yeah, don't fuck with me, ya stupid bitch...oh, and your son's a drug addict because you're a fuck-up...).

[That topic is neither here nor there.]

3. Guy at school (I'm a grad student also) who turned out to be a lying loser: Well, actually it was what I didn't say.

[Goodbye?]

First, I cut things off with him pretty clearly, "There will be no more lunch dates, no movies, no interraction beyond the academic we can't get out of." Then he kept pursuing me, cornering me in labs, asking questions, trying to change my mind, trying to cajole me to go out again. To that I'd respond with: "I think I made myself pretty clear the first time"; "I don't have anything to say"; "There's nothing to discuss here"; or I'd just look at him in that whatthefuckwhydon'tyougetlost way and say nothing until the silence/stare down made him uncomfortable and he left. And then last summer when he sent flowers and a note with his phone number, I ignore him, sat them on someone else's desk until they died, and then took the lovely vase that came with them home because, hey, it wasn't the vase's fault he's a loser. (Kind of like this "engagement" ring I have, not the ring's fault, and, hell, I'd ended up paying for most of it after the breakup...was bought on credit.

[Oh shit! Don't tell me that you cosigned for your own engagement ring.]

And you might say, I can't believe you kept it.

[Oh no. You paid for it. Little tip: If you've got to cosign for it, he ain't the one.]

But you know, the thing is, it serves as a great reminder NOT to make that mistake again! Date a psycho, I mean.)

[I'm sure that he won't.]

And finally, to close, I guess you could say I'm a Heartless Bitch generally because I'm smart and I don't put up with people's bullshit.

[You just stir it up.]

One Liner:
Stupid people piss me off, and I ain't much more fond of people who are helpless, would rather bitch than solve a problem that's bugging 'em or create their own problems so they can play victim.

[When you stop thinking that the world's axis runs through your bunghole, try again.]



Email : Buttchew@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I`m a Heartles Bitch because I like it when I drive by and I see a little kid fall down on their scooter or whatever theyre on I laugh.

[You're just all heart, aren't you?]

I like to see people suffer especially if theyre rude in the beginning.

[Who doesn't?]

My passion for vengence is scary.

[I'll say.]

I Lack the ability to trust other people except for a selected few. There was this girl that went behind my back and lied about me. so i called her and put her on hold i went to her house and keyed her car. Left and felt no remorse

[You want me to believe that she stood there, shouting "hello" into the receiver LIKE A DUMBASS until you finished with her car? Vandalism is for the uncreative, anyway.]

One Liner:
hey bitch whats up

[The garbage level in my trash can. Her car insurance rates.]



A very special request from a reader:

From: "STEVE"

girls can you help me?

[No, you need a professional.]

this is my old bf email and i know his pasword so

[Absolutely right. So?]

i can get on. i am a real bitch so can you make fun of this dumbass.

[Dear Steve: What possessed you to date this one? Exactly how much crack did you have to smoke before you thought that this was a good idea? She sure is a loser. Boy, did you slum around. Guess you lost that bet after all. -Jade]

i felt bad when we broke up but now i got a guy just as hot as him.

[…tied up in my basement, in case he escapes.]

he looks exactly like tom cruise and has a really big cock me and my freinds make fun of all the time.

[How do you pick on a guy like this? "Dude, what the fuck do you see in her? Is it charity week?"]

thanks for helping,

[Pleasure's all mine.]

like i said im a bitch

[You're just a pain in the ass. I ought to report you to his ISP…like they'd care.]

so have fun making him feel like shit. Thanks

[I think you were much better at that than I. What could I do to him? He's already been with you.]



Email : the deep-fried dicks@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I will step all over my family to get what I want when I want it. I would stab my own psudo mother in the back if it will profit me. The people that show they love me will suffer the most because I will take all I can from them and give nothing in return but, hate. The more they care the more I will talk shit about them. I feel nothing for them, the idiot freaks!

One Liner:
I care only about what and how much my psudo family can do for me

[You CAN make a difference in children this ravaged by mental illness. Just 35 cents a day will ensure that we lock her up in a deep hole, never to be heard from again. Won't you please give?]







Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999
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