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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

For the Week of December 23, 2001
edited by





Email : rockhead@zineagency.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I totally fucked up this other girls relationship with the head of our Computer section and as a bonus I fucked over the guy of our Development department with his boss. Isn't rumor wonderfull ?

[Enjoying your own life, instead of jealously sabotaging another's, is better.]

I've also screwed up a couple other people in the office. Why ? Cuz they think that they don't have to take me seriously.

[You see why they don't now, don't you?]

Got a few more people to tke care of on the list.. Se ya!

[Just leave the lists to Santa. The Grinch must've stolen your vowels, by the way.]

One Liner:
You neva see it cumin'

[When it's undeserved and coming from a psycho, no.]



Email : disgrace@someisp.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I refuse to conform to the young blond woman stereotype in order to make men feel less threatened by my success. I suck no one's dick to get ahead.

[You don't get ahead when you suck dick, you're giving it.]

I've worked for everything I have and if you stand in the way of my progress the only thing left of you will be a moist spot in the dirt.

[Greasy spot, the cliché is greasy spot.]

When my children talk back they get to kneel in the corner on a handful of uncooked rice.

[Kids, your mother has watched too many war movies.]

They think twice about treating me like a personal servant.

[Your parental response is to torture them?]

When my ex wasn't ready to leave the bar and I was, I ran his foot over with the car and left anyway.

[You drove through the bar?]

When he put a hand on my son, I cracked him with a cast iron frying pan and left him for dead.

[I guess he shouldn't have strayed from the kitchen punishment theme.]

When he dared put his hands on me, I fucked him over for everything I could in court and threw his ass in jail. I actually derived personal satisfaction at the thought of him getting fucked up the ass every night by a 320 lb roomy named Bubba.

[You want me to believe that he actually got time for putting hands on you when you've run over his foot and clanged him with a skillet, meanwhile women living in fear can barely get a working restraining order?]

I have been affectionately referred to be coworkers as The Black Widow.

[You should hear what they say when you're NOT around.]

I hate lazy cunts on welfare sucking up my tax dollars while spitting out kids every 9 months, and I'll say it to their faces. I'll be quick to slash the tires of a food stamp recipient who's driving a car that costs twice as much as my house.

[You live in a shack?]

One Liner:
I shaved my legs for this?!

[Gotta bait the trap with something, Black Widow.]



Email : ariel@ yes, like in the Little Mermaid.edu

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Lissenup. I already applied for an application, and I guess you never got it.

[Oh, we probably got it. I'm not fishing through the trash to make sure.]

That made me reel sad. U made Me Cry. AS IF! Ha ha ha...shows u what an utter bitch I am.

[Shows me that I was right to reject you.]

First rule of bitchiness- FAT is Phat! FAT is All DAT! Dat's right, I'm a 275 pound hunk of lovin, but that's okay since I get laid way mo than the hoes in my dorm.

[Wanna guess why?]

Here is another bitchline- I like the youngun's. I mean, by the time I wuz 20 (I'm 21 now) I wuz screezing with 13 year old boyz.

[This is just perverse. I understand that you feel that they are on your level, but there are some things you just shouldn't do.]

Sometimes I would like 2 try it with some lil' gurlz. I saw ur sight and I figgered that ya'll are lezzies 2. Okay, well, I'm not REALLY a lez, but I may be bi. I'm a bi bitch! Besides, if I tell men that I'm a bi chica they may want to screwby dooby wit me. I am 4 real.

[Must be a new definition of real that I'm not aware of.]

Here is my final philosophy about bitchiness-

[No, it's about stupidity, and there's enough of that going around.]

yall say that men are bad, and I guess ur right.

[Now you're putting words in our mouth, and you're not even aware of those in yours.]

Bit lissen up...that's why we gotts 2 control men. We hafta control men thru sex. By keepin' em up all nite screwing us.

[Why don't you just talk to Sebastian and see if he's got a scheme.]

Then women will have TOTAL contro.Gurlll power, yee haw!!! believe it or not, her school RULZ!!! YEAH! THIS SHITATZ ROX!!!

[Matches those in your head.]

One Liner:
My hair is BLU, don't care 'bout U, so let's go SCREW!

[Thank God you're through.]



Decline into Abject Misery
--a story in 4 parts

INTRO:
Name: seyed yousef asinine gobbedlygook

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i do not have a beautiful guirl friend

One Liner:
original

REALIZATION OF LOSS, SORROW AND LOVE:
Name: seyed yousef asinine gobbedlygook

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i do not have a beautiful guirl friend if i do not find i will be abset

One Liner:
please find for me a guirl friend

HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL:
Name: seyed yousef asinine gobbedlygook

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
till now i do not have a guirl friend if i find my life will be change

One Liner:
please find for me a guirl friend

NEVER-ENDING CYCLE:
Name: seyed yousef asinine gobbedlygook

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
till now i do not have a guirl friend if i find my life will be change

One Liner:
i told right

--fin



Email : witchidiot@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i say so - and who the hell are you to tell me I'm not!

[The bouncer. Go home.]

One Liner:
Marriage is great until your husband has enough money to make divorce more profitable. Men may run the world, but um, who do you think run the men??

[At least until they divorce you, right?]



Email : sweet-transvestite@rhps.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Am I a Bastard or a Bitch? Am I a little girl or a little boy? Well, well, you would never tell from looking at me, darling.

[Or care.]

I might have something that resembles a hot-dog down there, and not have a vagina, but boy, am I a heartless bitch! One of the main reasons that gives me exasperating PLEASURE in being a woman is that I can inflict relentless pain upon men.

[Your kink is not my concern.]

Yes, yes...I love to see the look on their faces when they buy me a drink, bring me back to their sorry pads, and when they try to feel me up...but are in for a special surprise! Ha, ha, ha. It makes me shiver with...antici.....PATION! Of course, I look hotter than most of the women out there...tell me...how many of YOU can fit into a size 4 dress and wear a 36 DD bra? No...I don't think so.

[This is like me bragging about having a 14" cock. Plastic snap-on parts are not that hard to come by.]

But seriously, you must take pity on me, darlings. Ever since I was a little girl, boy...whatever...I always felt so left out. By voting for me, you shall be granting a littlr transvestite's wish. Chicas, if I am a Heartless Bitch, I will be the BITCHIEST HE-SHE EVA!!! P.S.- IF YOU KNOW ANY LITTLE ADOLESCENT BOYS WHO ENJOY DRESSING UP IN GOLD THONG BIKINI BRIEFS, LET ME KNOW!

[You're really Ariel, aren't you?]

One Liner:
ME: LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT MY HOBBIES, DARLING...I COLLECE PINOCCHIO FIGURINES.
HIM: WHY?
ME: TO REMIND ME EVERY DAY OF WHAT A GODDAM LYING BASTARD U ARE!

[My memory doesn't require visual aids to remember a liar.]



Email : rosemary's baby@webtv.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'M OPINONATED & PROUD.D'T WATCH MY FOOTSTEPS LISTEN TO THE ONES I WALK IN

[Listen to footsteps? Only in horror movies.]

One Liner:
NANDICAPED WALK,BUT SMARTS TO OPINONATE & TALK.ASK.& LISTEN DON'T JUST LOOK,LISTEN TOO!!!

[I have no idea where you were going with this, but I'm sure that you're lost.]



Email : buncha numbers@i.hhs.nl

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
as I am short people expect me to smile and be nice. Don't

[Don't what?]

One Liner:
I understand but don't care

[You're one up on me. I just don't care. Understanding this takes too much effort.]







Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2002
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