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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of December 16, 2001
edited by





Email : d_dull@tpg.com.au

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
This is an email i sent to an annoying neighbour a couple of days ago: A,

[Said as if she wasn't fucking this guy.]

I know my behaviour is a bit odd but you are driving me insane.

["You want a straight answer but I just can't do it."]

I feel like i am living in a fucking prison... you know when i come and go,

[He's your neighbor; he probably knows when you eat chili, too.]

you bloody well listen for my fucking key or door,

[You're just too loud.]

you walk past my place all the time,

[Who do you think he is, Spiderman? He lives near you, you know, he's your neighbor.]

you email me, you message me, you ring me.... i feel like screaming at you to leave me the fuck alone...

[Ever try actually telling him? Instead of playing the "get the hint" game, you could have saved yourself aggravation by just TELLING him that you're not interested anymore. No, you just want to save "A" in a jar to break in case of emergency.]

i know i am stressed out about my grandmother and N-dude and L-grrl sometimes too, but shit... i moved away from one fucking looney and now i have to deal with you too, i am going nuts. i don't want to go out with you, i shouldn't have gone with you last week

[A-ha! Now we see what's really going on.]

and i shouldn't have gotten friendly with you in the first place, i need my fucking head read too...

[Crazy? Maybe, but obviously not direct. This is probably the first "A" has heard of this.]

just leave me alone please

[Have you heard from him since?]

One Liner:
get your own life, mine is not up for negotiation

[Who else would want it?]



Email : 187@neo.doof.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm incredibly sick of men (and women!) who assume that in order for a woman to be attractive, she has to be completely stupid.

[Usually the assumption is that an attractive person is as stupid as a paper cup. Thanks to our shallow culture, it's a pretty safe assumption.]

When my friends only date good-looking guys who have prison records,

[Why wasn't I told that all the hotties are in prison?]

get their hearts broken, and cry about it, only to do it all over again in about a week, I can find it in my heart to comfort them for about ten seconds before loudly reminding them that they're setting themselves up for it.

[So why bother listening for the ten seconds?]

I'm a stripper.

[Saints preserve us.]

I get really sick of customers who assume that I must have no education,

[The assumption is that you're paying your way through school like this.]

several illegitimate children, and was forced into this bad, bad occupation by unfortunate circumstances and am just sitting around waiting to be rescued.

[No, just financed.]

I chose this occupation. I enjoy my job and intend to do it at least until I finish college (which i'm paying for out of my own pocket).

[Well, you don't actually WEAR pockets, do you? This is probably why your take is higher.]

I get so sick of the girls who sit around the dressing room, whining about the latest drama with their baby's daddy,

[You see why people presume that strippers have illegitimate children now.]

and how they need a man to pay their bills. They give the rest of us a bad name.

[How, exactly, would you get paid if NOT for shaking your ass and asking some man to give you a dollar to see it? I'm not saying that stripping is bad or immoral. I'm just seeing you calling your fellow kettles black.]

Hello! You're at work! Get up off your pathetic ass

[…and shake it!]

and go make some money-- it's not like it's hard.

[It better GET that way, though, right?]

I can't stand people who assume that because I'm pretty, I must be stupid.

[They assume that you're stupid because you're a stripper. Occupational hazard.]

Nice Guys who want to tell me how nice they are make my skin crawl.

[In your line of work, I can understand why. A guy at a club, especially one like this, who works that "nice guy" line is probably anything but.]

I hate people who can't control their children. If you aren't comfortable with the responsibility that comes with being an authority figure, don't breed!

[So if you don't like what comes with your job, shouldn't you just not do it in the first place?]

I also really like the picture of the lady in the bat headpiece. I think she's at the top of your "contact us" page. It doesn't have much of anything to do with my bitchiness, but I really like bats.

[Why? Do they make you feel right at home? Check your belfry.]

One Liner:
If you tell me I need to be taken care of one more time, I will take off my high heel, beat you in the head with it, put it back on, and keep walking.

[Why not just leave it on and KICK? Strippers...they always have to take off their clothes.]



Email : Mizzpootbooty@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Im a heartless bitch becaus ei tell you what i feel, and excalty how i feel it. I dont car eif it makes you cry or if you dislike me after it but i do what i feel makes me happy if people dont like that well that snot my problem its thiers, because im still succeeding and doing what pleases me and thats whats important

[Must have run out of periods at the punctuation store.]

One Liner:
What you eat dosent make me shit

[Indeed.]



Email : just a nerd@savage-garden.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
There are 4 things that piss me off, and 1 fairly minor one.

[Why should this concern me? This isn't an open forum for ranting.]

1)People who ask me if I want to be "cool."

[Said the applicant with the "savage-garden" address.]

Why would I want to throw all my beliefs away and go to the shopping centre, flick my hair and wink at unattractive 25 year old boys, when I can much more fun hanging over at my friends and on the computer?

[Where she can flirt with fifty-year-old men in shit-stained underwear pretending to be twenty-five, who still live with their mamas.]

2)I ahte that smarmy i'm-sooooo-much-better-than-you look some people get when they Know they're right. It just makes me want to samck them over their heads.

["Dagnabbit! I hates dem lairned peoples."]

3)People who can't speak English properly, even though they've been speaking for all their lives. I.E, 'brang' instead of 'brought', 'done' instead fo 'did and vice versa.

[I suppose you speak the King's English?]

40 Every one, it seems, needs America to tell them what's cool, who's, who's talented, etc, etc. I'd much rather buy a Kylie Minougue CD than even Think of getting a Britney Spears one.

[Hence the rock-star e-mail.]

And speaking of Britney, (this is th minor one.) I almost threw up when I heard a radio announcer call her Miss Personality. The only 'personality' she's got is that of an immature, childish slut!

[You met her? How would you know otherwise?]

i don't conform. I'm different. But I Don't Care! I'm perfectally happy being my own person than bacoming a drone.

[You can't see me rolling my eyes at you, but I am.]

One Liner:
I don't like what you like, or who you like.

[Whom. Many people who speak English all their lives botch this one. Does this mean that you dislike yourself now? Will you learn tolerance or just make excuses for why your mistakes are smarter, somehow, than theirs?]

I like what I like, who I like and if you have a problem with that, I suggest you got out or my way before a I smack you.

[Do write back when you've grown up.]



Email : it'sover@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I treat my man like a house-bitch, even though he pays all the bills and buys me anything he can afford.

[There's a candy bar for ya, honeybunch.]

He does all the house work while I do all the manly things he can't do like fixing both of our cars and repairing things around the house.

[You don't need a dick to hold a wrench, which you've proven, yet you seem to think they go together like ham and eggs.]

On top of that he only can have sex once or twice a month if I feel like it.

[…with you.]

One Liner:
I'm like cat, if you feed me, clean up after me and give me some attention I'll love you forever. But if you don't I'll shit all over you!

[Cats actually shit on you?]



Email : silly person, stupid application@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Well i feel i am a heartless bitch , because i really dont consider others feelings ( like in a relationship ) If the man is someone i want , then i go for it NO MATTER WHAT !!!

[She will soon be showing us what "NO MATTER WHAT !!!" means.]

I hate febile minded people , they are idiots ...

[What gave it away? Was it the feeble-minded part?]

I dislike others who cant see what is right in front of their face ...

[Like febile?]

Example: i just got into a big brawl with a lady who was with a man i loved for 4 yrs .. She did not ( or refused ) to see what the man ment to me and vice versa ...

[Why should she care? Go find another man.]

Anyway , they ended up breaking up as a result of her finding out that he was in LOVE with me

[But he was WITH her.]

... I basically befriended her , spyed on her and told the man she was with everything ..

[Who would want a man so clueless?]

Does this make me a Heartless Bitch ???

[Nope.]

One Liner:
You see this face : Remember it .. Cause i am the

[…person you'll be filing restraining orders against?]

Bitch you'll never have ..

[Only because you're still strung out over a guy who was so in love with YOU that he hooked up with someone else.]



Email : weak@mindspring.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am soooooooooooooooo sick of clueless men!!! And, due to this, it is either my way or the highway. Like my Momma said, "Life is too short to dance with ugly men."

[What if they are good dancers?]

One Liner:
I saw, I arrived, I conquered all.

[But look at the goals you set.]



Email : meat@blacklilith.org

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I do not suffer fools gladly. Once faked my own death

[I can just imagine how that worked.]

to get even with a lover; had my target near nervous breakdown mode.

[Oh, give it a rest.]

Honest to a fault,

[Until you start faking your death.]

I think that you must sometimes bring people to their knees to help them become better individuals.

[Sometimes even that doesn't help. How pathetic to fake a death, it's like a suicide threat. Sad.]

One Liner:
I am not prejudiced or racist in the normal way; I hate you all equally based on your humaness,

[Humanity?]

you swine.

[We hate ya right back, but only because we're prejudiced against stupidity.]







Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999
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