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The Genetic Origins of Personality
by David Schlinkert
Recent research has revealed that many character traits are
genetically predetermined. Although nurture can distort or in
extreme cases, subvert, genetics; close correlation's between
gene pairs and social development have been observed.
This paper deals with the genetics behind the eternal questions:
Why are all men jerks and why are nice guys so boring? The
reader may note that these two questions are mutually exclusive,
but imperial observations have lead the researchers to believe
all women have asked these questions and firmly believe they are
both valid.
Our research shows there are two gene pairs controlling the
major character traits in men: the jerk/nice pair and the
interesting/boring pair. There are sixteen possible combination
of these pairs. A man can be homogeneous for either trait, for
each gene pair. It is obvious that 25% of men are total jerks,
and 25% are totally boring, but we will clarify below.
| Father's contribution | Mother's contribution |
| j - jerk | J - Jerk |
| n - nice | N - nice |
| i - interesting | I - interesting |
| b - boring | B - boring |
jJiI
| homogeneous for jerk, homogeneous for interesting | 6.25%
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These are the REAL MEN. Most attractive to women, highly
successful in life. Frequently have careers they can't talk
about, and incidents they won't admit to. Always one steps ahead
of the law and past lovers. Rarely marry, unless in politics,
but frequently leave children behind to be raised by lesser
males.
jNiI & nJiI
| heterogeneous for jerk/nice, homogeneous for interesting | 12.5% |
Statesmen, chief executives, innovators in all fields. Married
to very protective women; who put up with a lot of hassles, but
enjoy the good parts.
jJiB & jJbi
| homogeneous for jerk, heterogeneous for interesting/boring | 12.5% |
Frequently in Sales, can talk to anyone and be convincing.
Highly perceptive and will talk you into doing what they want.
Bails out once the sex is over or the commission check is
cashed. Doesn't do anyone or anything long-term.
jNiB, nJiB, jNbI, nJbI
| heterogeneous for jerk/nice, heterogeneous for interesting/boring
| 25% |
Typically has common interests, but talks about job and sports
too much. The largest group in the population, but too
inconsistent to amount to much. Marries early and often.
nNiB & nNbI
| homogeneous for nice, heterogeneous for interesting/boring | 12.5% |
Marries late, if at all, mainly because women rarely notice
them. Has a life outside of work, but you'll never listen long
enough to find out. Devoted to wife and family, when married.
Nice guys at all levels that do 90% of everything necessary to
keep the world going.
jJbB
| homogeneous for jerk, homogeneous for boring | 6.25% |
Flamers that can't stop promoting themselves. "No" isn't in their
vocabulary. Generally get their way by wearing down the
opposition. Lawyers, minor politicians, marketing dweebs.
jNbB & nJbB
| heterogeneous for jerk/nice, homogeneous for boring | 12.5% |
Frequently bright, always boring. Their job is their life.
Engineers and computer geeks.
nNbB
| homogeneous for nice, homogeneous for boring | 6.25% |
Stable as a rock, has long-term employment, works well with
others. Accountants.
nNiI
| homogeneous for nice, homogeneous for interesting | 6.25% |
Cultured, educated polymaths. Equally at home at the opera and
the wilderness. Riveting conversationalist, great cook. Kind,
loving, committed. Gay
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