The latest comments from and about Nice Guys...
From: "Andrea"
Subject: comments: NICE GUYS
Date: Thu, 29 Sep 2005 23:49:16 -0400
After reading your article about Nice Guys, I realized that I must have been
involved with a textbook case a few years ago
I met him casually, as we participated in the same sport. Admittedly, my
life and relationship was a mess, and he seemed all too eager to lend an
ear. It got to the point where we were "best friends", we talked and went to
lunch and e-mailed every day. The fact that I was in a relationship, albeit
troubled, this didn't seem to bother him at all, and I kept thinking how
cool it was to have a male best friend who was such a NICE GUY and so
supportive!!!
I did notice that he never dated,and I felt kinda bad for him, because he
was such a NICE GUY, so I gave him tips on how to attract women (wear some
cologne, buy some new clothes, ect...he always had HOLES in his tee shirts,
ect...) he seemed very receptive to these comments, and listened intently
Then, a friend of his began dropping subtle hints about how my "Best Friend"
wanted more than friendship...never anything outright, just little comments.
It started to dawn on me then I definitely did NOT want more (I concluded at this point that something
with my friend wasn't quite right, something skeevy was going on underneath
the surface, and it put me off, just a gut feeling), and I directly told him
I wasn't interested in dating, but I enjoyed our friendship. I wasn't sure
what would happen....but he seemed to take it really well, and it blew
over...things went completely back to normal between us
I finally , and painfully, extracted myself from the "bad" relationship I
was in , and began dating other people (a BIG mistake, but that's another
story). My "Best Friend" instantly became sarcastic and non-supportive, and
promptly began dating a woman, and throwing it in my face, trying to provoke
a reaction. He had been seeing her for a while, but kept her on the
backburner. I didn't even know she existed. Naturally, she hated me, and my
"Best Friend" coldly told me not to call or come over anymore...so I just
backed away
I was upset and hurt when this man that I liked and trusted so much turned
on me like a snake, because I wouldn't DATE him, and I realize now the only
reason he befriended me and listened to all my problems and Bull*%$# was
because he thought it would be an "easy in" when I was vulnerable
From: "Christopher McKinney"
Subject: Thanks
Date: Mon, 03 Oct 2005 21:13:41 -0400
Hey there,
I appreciate your organization opening my eyes to some amazing truths.
I have never considered myself a creep, user, abuser, manipulator,
mysogonist, womanizer or any other nasty title but your NICE GUYS BLEAH!!!!!
column showed me a lot. I always thought that I was a genuine and decent
guy but the human heart is very deceptive and most decent guys aren't so
genuine and "NICE" after all. Believe me, I've never knowingly taken
advantage of or manipulated a girl but I still had and have a lot to learn.
The small comic on "Something Positive" says volumes! I've had some of the
same complaints about women but the problem was me!!!!!!! The other
articles are excellent. I don't think that I was ever a complete "Nice Guy"
in the negative sense but I have almost always been completely "CLUELESS"
when it comes to dating, relationships and anything and everything having to
do with women. I had a lot of wrong attitudes and bad programming about
relationships and getting to know women that were brought to my attention
through your "NICE GUYS BLEAH" column and David DeAngelo at Double Your
Dating. The combined influence of you both is changing me for the better.
If you have any recommendations or sources that you want me to check out to
learn more then let me know. I am always willing to learn and answer my
CLUE PHONE. Thanks for saving my life! Sincerely Mr. Perfect.
From: "Sean Gordon"
Subject: Comments - Nice Guys
Date: Tue, 04 Oct 2005 16:58:39 -0600
Hello,
Regarding your section on nice guys, I certainly agree with the vast
majority of your take on this. However, I think you may want to let up a
little in certain areas
Clearly, "niceguyitis" can be summed up in two parts. Firstly, abdicating
personal responsibility (i.e. portraying oneself as the perpetual victim in
order to feel vindicated.), and not maintaining any kind of perspective when
rejected by a woman, thereby taking the whole thing personally
However, I also think that a large number of guys who start off as perfectly
responsible and who have high self esteem can get easily caught out by this,
when attempting to battle through their overwhelming confusion as to what
their role is in relation to women, and the world in general
Every day the messages that guys get bombarded with, are all about being in
touch with their feelings, and give women everything they ask for. The
unfortunate reality of course is, that this is only half of what guys should
be concentrating on. The other half being that they still need to be self
aware, independent and their own person. Putting women on some sort of
distorted pedestal makes a guy look weak and strange, and very unattractive
This downward spiral gets amplified by the standard linear male approach to
problem solving. From the perspective of many guys, if you have problem X,
then applying solutions Y and Z should take care of it. This, of course, is
a recipe for disaster when trying to decode a relationship. Therefore, when
an otherwise rational guy gets dumped, and sits there scratching his head
and saying "I don't understand, I gave her everything she asked for!" Logic
can quite often go out the window, and he ends up wallowing in his own
bitterness and confusion
Therefore, my suggestion is that in the nice guy section of your site, it
would be useful to post more information stressing the importance of
maintaining perspective, that seeing as how it is still largely up to men to
make the initial advances in a relationship (thereby having to risk
rejection more often), that they should not take it personally when they are
inevitably rejected. And yes, sometimes women are attracted to jerks, but
it is a woman's perogative to date a jerk, and if he doesn't like it, he
should simply move on, instead of wasting his time getting angry about
things he can't change
While I fully agree with heaping scorn and derision on fools who insist on
blaming women for all their problems, it would be nice to have more in the
way of positive pointers to get some of those confused guys heading in the
right direction
Anyway, that's my take on this. Feel free to rip me a new one where
appropriate... :-)
Sean Gordon
From: "Mark Pippin"
Subject: Comments: Nice Guy Archive..
Date: Fri, 7 Oct 2005 14:53:26 -0500
Dear HB,
I just came across your website today. I'll spare
you my life story but, your "Nice Guy" archive is a real eye-opener! For
the first time in my life, I finally understand WHY women don't like "nice
guys". Although brutal and harsh, your articles do point out a valid
truth. I never though I could say this to a website that has
figuratively "kicked me in the nads" but "thanks"....hopefully the swelling
will soon spread to the spine too
-Mark P
From: "Elliot Cross"
Subject: COMMENTS: Heartless Bitch Website
Date: Wed, 12 Oct 2005 22:42:06 -0700
Hello. I've just been spending about 2 hours
reading your site when I should have been doing my logic homework.
Fucking brilliant site you've got here. Not so long
ago I would have been unimpressed with your section against "nice guys",
because I (probably because I am a guy) hadn't had experience with those
kinds of guy. I would have misunderstood and thought you were talking
about actual decent guys. Since then however I've encountered
exactly the kind of worthless bastards you're lambasting. One place
where they congregate is on the Usenet group alt.support.shyness. I don't
know if you've ever seen that group, but if you haven't, I doubt
you'll find a more wretched bunch of worthless dicks anywhere else.
The people there honestly term themselves nice guys, before going into a rant
about how 'Hitler had the right idea'! Another post I saw
there that was particularly shocking to me celebrated photos of a woman who
received severe facial injuries in the July London terrorist attacks.
That Usenet group and some other sources, were a real eye
opener for me. I used to be one of those who felt that the feminist
battle had been more or less won. Now I think it’s barely begun.
Regards,
Elliot
From: "Robert L Woods Jr"
Subject: COMMENTS: A thank you
Date: Sat, 22 Oct 2005 18:27:05 +0000
I read your article, "Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS", and found it
quite enlightening. I actually did one or more of those things and felt
just as you described your article. She was both very attractive and taller
than me. It's a combination I've never been able to resist. She had asked
me out for a evening and I made the mistake of showing up at her door
wearing a coat and necktie. Jeepers, you'd think I had spat in her face
from her reaction
Your article tells me why I was treated so badly by so many women. I
believe what put me in that category was unresolved trauma from being beaten
as a child and the low self-esteem it generated. I have resolved that
trauma and feel much better about myself and my life. Perhaps it's why I'm
receiving what sometimes seems like undue attention from an attractive and
taller woman who wouldn't before acknowledge my presence much less give me
the time of day. As the bitchsupreme of HBs, you have my gratitude. No,
I'm not expecting a reply, but I do expect even a HB can accept
appreciation
Date: Tue, 25 Oct 2005
Subject: Male Flame form : Steve
From: tornado_luv@yahoo.com
COMMENTS: For the longest time I have struggled with NGS (Nice Guy
Syndrome). You heartless bitches have shown me the way to a woman's
heart. Preach the gospel to me, sisters!!!!
Date: Tue, 1 Nov 2005
Subject: Male Flame form : Not necessary
COMMENTS: What is wrong with being a nice guy? What's wrong with
listening to a girl's problems? What's wrong with trying to be friends
with a girl so in long term I could get laid? Why is it wrong if I think
that I can get laid by being nice to a girl? Is it immoral if I get laid
with a girl by being nice? How do you know that girls don't date nice
guys? Should I go after girls who are jerks instead of nice girls? Why
are you fixated with nice guys trying to be nice to nice girls in order
to get laid? Is it that bad to get laid with a nice guy? Should I be
vulgar to nice girls? Should I act like a jerk in order to get laid or
have a decent relationship with a nice girl? Why is it bad to worhsip a
girl while being insecure?
Why can't you try or Have you ever tried to
be the everything of a nice, insecure guy who worshippes you?
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