The "Nice Guys" archive

Comments - round 36
Comments - round 35
Comments - round 34
Comments - round 33
Comments - round 32
Comments - round 31
Comments - round 30
Comments - round 29
Comments - round 28
Comments - round 27
Comments - round 26
Comments - round 25
Comments - round 24
Comments - round 23
Comments - round 22
Comments - round 21
Comments - round 20
Comments - round 19
Comments - round 18
Comments - round 17
Comments - round 16
Comments - round 15
Comments - round 14
Comments - round 13
Comments - round 12
Comments - round 11
Comments - round 10
Comments - round 9
Comments - round 8
Comments - round 7
Comments - round 6
Comments - round 5
Comments - round 4
Comments - round 3
Comments - round 2
Comments - round 1.5
Comments - round 1
Nice Guys = BLEAH!
Nice Guys we can do without

The latest comments from and about Nice Guys...

From: "Andrea"
Subject: comments: NICE GUYS
Date: Thu, 29 Sep 2005 23:49:16 -0400

After reading your article about Nice Guys, I realized that I must have been involved with a textbook case a few years ago

I met him casually, as we participated in the same sport. Admittedly, my life and relationship was a mess, and he seemed all too eager to lend an ear. It got to the point where we were "best friends", we talked and went to lunch and e-mailed every day. The fact that I was in a relationship, albeit troubled, this didn't seem to bother him at all, and I kept thinking how cool it was to have a male best friend who was such a NICE GUY and so supportive!!!

I did notice that he never dated,and I felt kinda bad for him, because he was such a NICE GUY, so I gave him tips on how to attract women (wear some cologne, buy some new clothes, ect...he always had HOLES in his tee shirts, ect...) he seemed very receptive to these comments, and listened intently

Then, a friend of his began dropping subtle hints about how my "Best Friend" wanted more than friendship...never anything outright, just little comments. It started to dawn on me then

I definitely did NOT want more (I concluded at this point that something with my friend wasn't quite right, something skeevy was going on underneath the surface, and it put me off, just a gut feeling), and I directly told him I wasn't interested in dating, but I enjoyed our friendship. I wasn't sure what would happen....but he seemed to take it really well, and it blew over...things went completely back to normal between us

I finally , and painfully, extracted myself from the "bad" relationship I was in , and began dating other people (a BIG mistake, but that's another story). My "Best Friend" instantly became sarcastic and non-supportive, and promptly began dating a woman, and throwing it in my face, trying to provoke a reaction. He had been seeing her for a while, but kept her on the backburner. I didn't even know she existed. Naturally, she hated me, and my "Best Friend" coldly told me not to call or come over anymore...so I just backed away

I was upset and hurt when this man that I liked and trusted so much turned on me like a snake, because I wouldn't DATE him, and I realize now the only reason he befriended me and listened to all my problems and Bull*%$# was because he thought it would be an "easy in" when I was vulnerable


From: "Christopher McKinney" Subject: Thanks
Date: Mon, 03 Oct 2005 21:13:41 -0400

Hey there,

I appreciate your organization opening my eyes to some amazing truths. I have never considered myself a creep, user, abuser, manipulator, mysogonist, womanizer or any other nasty title but your NICE GUYS BLEAH!!!!! column showed me a lot. I always thought that I was a genuine and decent guy but the human heart is very deceptive and most decent guys aren't so genuine and "NICE" after all. Believe me, I've never knowingly taken advantage of or manipulated a girl but I still had and have a lot to learn. The small comic on "Something Positive" says volumes! I've had some of the same complaints about women but the problem was me!!!!!!! The other articles are excellent. I don't think that I was ever a complete "Nice Guy" in the negative sense but I have almost always been completely "CLUELESS" when it comes to dating, relationships and anything and everything having to do with women. I had a lot of wrong attitudes and bad programming about relationships and getting to know women that were brought to my attention through your "NICE GUYS BLEAH" column and David DeAngelo at Double Your Dating. The combined influence of you both is changing me for the better. If you have any recommendations or sources that you want me to check out to learn more then let me know. I am always willing to learn and answer my CLUE PHONE. Thanks for saving my life! Sincerely Mr. Perfect.


From: "Sean Gordon"

Subject: Comments - Nice Guys
Date: Tue, 04 Oct 2005 16:58:39 -0600

Hello,

Regarding your section on nice guys, I certainly agree with the vast majority of your take on this. However, I think you may want to let up a little in certain areas

Clearly, "niceguyitis" can be summed up in two parts. Firstly, abdicating personal responsibility (i.e. portraying oneself as the perpetual victim in order to feel vindicated.), and not maintaining any kind of perspective when rejected by a woman, thereby taking the whole thing personally

However, I also think that a large number of guys who start off as perfectly responsible and who have high self esteem can get easily caught out by this, when attempting to battle through their overwhelming confusion as to what their role is in relation to women, and the world in general

Every day the messages that guys get bombarded with, are all about being in touch with their feelings, and give women everything they ask for. The unfortunate reality of course is, that this is only half of what guys should be concentrating on. The other half being that they still need to be self aware, independent and their own person. Putting women on some sort of distorted pedestal makes a guy look weak and strange, and very unattractive

This downward spiral gets amplified by the standard linear male approach to problem solving. From the perspective of many guys, if you have problem X, then applying solutions Y and Z should take care of it. This, of course, is a recipe for disaster when trying to decode a relationship. Therefore, when an otherwise rational guy gets dumped, and sits there scratching his head and saying "I don't understand, I gave her everything she asked for!" Logic can quite often go out the window, and he ends up wallowing in his own bitterness and confusion

Therefore, my suggestion is that in the nice guy section of your site, it would be useful to post more information stressing the importance of maintaining perspective, that seeing as how it is still largely up to men to make the initial advances in a relationship (thereby having to risk rejection more often), that they should not take it personally when they are inevitably rejected. And yes, sometimes women are attracted to jerks, but it is a woman's perogative to date a jerk, and if he doesn't like it, he should simply move on, instead of wasting his time getting angry about things he can't change

While I fully agree with heaping scorn and derision on fools who insist on blaming women for all their problems, it would be nice to have more in the way of positive pointers to get some of those confused guys heading in the right direction

Anyway, that's my take on this. Feel free to rip me a new one where appropriate... :-)

Sean Gordon


From: "Mark Pippin"
Subject: Comments: Nice Guy Archive..
Date: Fri, 7 Oct 2005 14:53:26 -0500

Dear HB,

I just came across your website today. I'll spare you my life story but, your "Nice Guy" archive is a real eye-opener! For the first time in my life, I finally understand WHY women don't like "nice guys". Although brutal and harsh, your articles do point out a valid truth. I never though I could say this to a website that has figuratively "kicked me in the nads" but "thanks"....hopefully the swelling will soon spread to the spine too

-Mark P


From: "Elliot Cross"
Subject: COMMENTS: Heartless Bitch Website
Date: Wed, 12 Oct 2005 22:42:06 -0700

Hello. I've just been spending about 2 hours reading your site when I should have been doing my logic homework.

Fucking brilliant site you've got here. Not so long ago I would have been unimpressed with your section against "nice guys", because I (probably because I am a guy) hadn't had experience with those kinds of guy. I would have misunderstood and thought you were talking about actual decent guys. Since then however I've encountered exactly the kind of worthless bastards you're lambasting. One place where they congregate is on the Usenet group alt.support.shyness. I don't know if you've ever seen that group, but if you haven't, I doubt you'll find a more wretched bunch of worthless dicks anywhere else. The people there honestly term themselves nice guys, before going into a rant about how 'Hitler had the right idea'! Another post I saw there that was particularly shocking to me celebrated photos of a woman who received severe facial injuries in the July London terrorist attacks.

That Usenet group and some other sources, were a real eye opener for me. I used to be one of those who felt that the feminist battle had been more or less won. Now I think itís barely begun.

Regards,
Elliot


From: "Robert L Woods Jr"
Subject: COMMENTS: A thank you
Date: Sat, 22 Oct 2005 18:27:05 +0000

I read your article, "Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS", and found it quite enlightening. I actually did one or more of those things and felt just as you described your article. She was both very attractive and taller than me. It's a combination I've never been able to resist. She had asked me out for a evening and I made the mistake of showing up at her door wearing a coat and necktie. Jeepers, you'd think I had spat in her face from her reaction

Your article tells me why I was treated so badly by so many women. I believe what put me in that category was unresolved trauma from being beaten as a child and the low self-esteem it generated. I have resolved that trauma and feel much better about myself and my life. Perhaps it's why I'm receiving what sometimes seems like undue attention from an attractive and taller woman who wouldn't before acknowledge my presence much less give me the time of day. As the bitchsupreme of HBs, you have my gratitude. No, I'm not expecting a reply, but I do expect even a HB can accept appreciation


Date: Tue, 25 Oct 2005
Subject: Male Flame form : Steve
From: tornado_luv@yahoo.com

COMMENTS: For the longest time I have struggled with NGS (Nice Guy Syndrome). You heartless bitches have shown me the way to a woman's heart. Preach the gospel to me, sisters!!!!


Date: Tue, 1 Nov 2005
Subject: Male Flame form : Not necessary

COMMENTS: What is wrong with being a nice guy? What's wrong with listening to a girl's problems? What's wrong with trying to be friends with a girl so in long term I could get laid? Why is it wrong if I think that I can get laid by being nice to a girl? Is it immoral if I get laid with a girl by being nice? How do you know that girls don't date nice guys? Should I go after girls who are jerks instead of nice girls? Why are you fixated with nice guys trying to be nice to nice girls in order to get laid? Is it that bad to get laid with a nice guy? Should I be vulgar to nice girls? Should I act like a jerk in order to get laid or have a decent relationship with a nice girl? Why is it bad to worhsip a girl while being insecure?

[Why do some guys have no capacity to figure things out for themselves? Why do some guys get given the answers OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, and yet because they don't like the response, feel compelled to keep asking the same stupid questions?]

Why can't you try or Have you ever tried to be the everything of a nice, insecure guy who worshippes you?

[EEEEW. EEEW. EEEEEEW. I'd rather have leeches stuck to my body. They are easier to get rid of end less offensive than some simpering spineless dependent.]



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