A Compendium of hurl-worthy comments and experiences from the readers of Heartless Bitches International

• Men who say things like, "She looks after the children and the house while I go off to work; I bring in the money for the detatched house, the new cars and christ knows how many beauty products. I think its fair, and hardly oppressive, to expect her to keep the kids sorted and look good."

• People who are so egotistical that they feel they should add to the overpopulation problem by having children to pacify their own need create something, then they expect you to smile over how darling their little snot nose is. It's not THAT much of a miracle, there are 6 billion people in the world! Adopt one if you want one that bad!

• John Ascroft: America was founded on the belief that "we have no king but Jesus." Last I checked it wasn't "One nation, under JESUS."

• Laura Doyle, for her book "The Surrendered Wife", and those who actually bought her stories.

• Psychiatrists who think that your every disagreement with them is a symptom of your disease. Just because I'm not totally "sane" doesn't mean that my opinions are worthless!

• The term "Boys Will Be Boys," as if that's an excuse to socially sanction anti-social, misogynistic, and generally sociopathic behavior on the part of the young men in our society.  Maybe I should start using the term "Bitches Will Be Bitches" everytime I have to atone for crushing one of these aforementioned "boys."

• Being considered less than complete, or not a 'real' adult, because I haven't married/had kids or any combination of the above. Single people are authentic adults, too. We have bank accounts, stock portfolios, good jobs, and decent homes. Because we don't have the spouse and the 2.5 children, we're "selfish", "sick", or "losers." To me, losers are those who ignore their intuition and blindly follow the corporate life-script they've been handed, and wonder and whine about being miserable.

• Silly little temps who dress up like 21st century hippettes, complete with Micro-minis and tall boots, and whine about no one taking them seriously. Baby girl, if your clothes didn't scream "I wanna be laid," maybe someone WOULD take you seriously!

• Religious people who are so narrow minded you could thread a needle with their brains -- especially about family planning -- until THEIR kid gets knocked up. It's different when it's your own, eh?

• Our celebrity-and starvation-addled culture. Who the hell cares about what overdressed, underfed clothes racks are doing to whom?

• People (especially the Martha Stewart clones) who roll their eyeballs in the back of their head, demonstrating disapproval that although I am married:
  • I have retained my own last name, and not taken on his.
  • I have my own job and pay my own bills.
  • That my husband and I have separate checking accounts, our own computers, our own studies and our own individual e-mail addresses.
  • That my husband and I, while a couple, still have our own friends and are actually capable of going somewhere without the other! We are individuals... we do not seek to define what the other is!
  • And we definitely don't wear matching clothes, and hang all over each other in public!

  We are equal partners, for crying out loud! That we have decided that children are not a part of our future, then these self-righteous sheep wonder why we get along so well!

• Instructors who can't be bothered to look at the papers that get sent them with the information they need, so they have to call the secretaries to find out something as simple as when Easter vacation is.

• When people asked me what I did for a job this summer I tell them that I did landscaping and construction and they assume that I spent the majority of my time planting flowers and running errands for my all male crew. On the contrary, I built stone walls, wheelbarreled mulch, stone, bricks and anything else that was needed. I built patios, put stone up on the walls of houses, drove the trucks and used the backhoe. And when they hear that, well then I'm just a lesbian.

• Just because I refuse to search for every little hole that may occur in my fiancées clothes and refuse to clean up after peoples messes, I am not feminine. That's what my future mother-in-law claims. If the "poor boy" actually comes up with something himself, I usually help him out. But only if I know he just can't do it very well. He is there for me in cases like that too. But it's his own business to ask for help. I am no nanny and not a detective.

• The same future mother-in-law who always seems to have the urge to explain simple things to me over and over again. My mother taught me how to do dishes at the age of 6!

• Those stupid porn-models who give the camera this "fuck me, to fill my empty vessel" look. I have nothing against decent and well-done porn. There is only this lack of grrrls giving this "fuck me...if you dare young man!" look.

• Techno-tracks with women sighing like they are having sex between the beats. If you are not capable of producing good music that does not need gimmicks, just do not do it!

• People who, when I tell them I'm a lesbian, feel the need to emphasize their heterosexuality, or, better yet, homophobic college roommates who feel the need to start changing in the bathroom after they inadvertently stumble upon one of my "dyke books." Calista Flockhardt. Sure she's naturally skinny, and the reason she passed out on the set of Ally McBeal was because of exhaustion, and hey, get a load of the monkeys flying out of my ass.

• People who tell me I don't LOOK Jewish. Never mind that I pretty much fit the stereotype of "looking Jewish"--short, buxom, curly hair and a prominent nose. Never mind that Judaism is first and foremost a religion and that you can no more look Jewish than look Christian. Yeah, and you don't LOOK like a fucking moron. The fact that debutante society is still alive and flourishing. Whose sick, nostalgic idea was it to continue the practice of tying their daughters up in poofy dresses and ridiculous bows and "present" them to society as if they are objects to be dolled up and given away?

• Girls that bitch about how the guy they're having sex with is only in the relationship for the sex and no substance.  If you see it and don't like it...get out.

• Guys who think they should control the lives of their female friends, but get insulted if we want to know any details of their lives.

• People who are more than happy to tell you how to live your life, but get pissed off if you offer advice to them because "you don't know what the fuck your talking about."

• People that still use the phrase "Like, Okay."  Especially when they do the little head nod.

• Girls that lie to their boyfriends about his female friends in some futile effort to "eliminate the competition."

• So-called "reality" TV shows such as "Survivor" and "Temptation Island" (aka "Camp Chlamydia" or "Syphilis Farm") that only prove reality is for those people who can't face drugs.

• Commercials in which girls use deodorant/soap/shampoo and find themselves bathing nude in the Caribbean. I can't count the amount of times *that* happened to me!

Pause your cursor over each link below for a more detailed description

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