Part 6
*CHOKE* Impossibly, a further list of Things that make us want to HURL!
Male (married) co-workers who feel the need to make comments about my
body or make sexual side jokes (loud enough for all to hear) and expect
me to smile and giggle with delight.
Women who are into equality , yet have a problem with a feminine man.
Guys who act like feminine men but are really chauvinistic pigs.
When men come into the automotive service department where I work, look at me
and immediately determine that I know nothing. But it's even worse when women
do it. I also hate the fact that women complain that we are criminals waiting
to rip them off, but then do nothing to inform themselves about the workings
of an automobile. Hey, you just spent 30,000 on a car, wanna read the owner's
manual? You don't need a penis to do it!
The religious nutcases at my school who constantly try to "save" people
by telling them they're going to hell, and then, when I tell them I go
to church, they tell me I'm not REALLY Christian so I'm going to hell
anyway!
The same religious nutcases (one in particular) who steal and go against
all of they're precious commandments and then tell me that they pray for
forgiveness every time, so that makes it OKAY!!!
People who assume that because I mess around with girls all of my friends
are also into messing around with girls.
Girls who spaz because they have the same prom dress as someone else.
Kids that are still mourning the death of Kurt
When the sexuality of someone famous is all you hear about
My fellow males who assume that, because I am a feminist, I therefore must
be gay.
Thought as being skanky just because I made out with a guy during
spring break, enjoyed it very much and recognize it as just a spring-fling
instead of being a stepping stone to a "potentially great relationship." I
don't need or want a boyfriend right now, thank you very much, I'd rather
just experience as much as possible before I figure out what I want to do.
Pop-psychology morons who use "biological determinism" and
pseudo-science in a lame attempt to support their laughable "he-man-men,
nurturer-childrearer-women" theories.
The immature assholes who think that just because you
aren't some macho-testosterone-driven-gonads-for-brains, you are
obviously a homo. And even if you sleep with women, they must all be
dykes. Spare me.
Barbie dolls, enough said.
Little girls with make-up and in outfits that should only be worn at a
dance club. What's happing to out children? Little kids shouldn't
feel this need to be sexy, their just little kids.
People who assume that because my hair is blonde, that I'm a ditz.
Over-weight people who think it's alright to wear string bikinis in
public.
People who push crying children in strollers for miles without pulling over to
attend to the poor kid and calm it down!
Calista Flockhart's legs and the dress she wore to show them off on the
Tonight Show. Talk about a cry for help. "Mommy, why is that lady walking on
stilts?"
Writing that's all style (and not a very endearing style, either) and no
substance. Far more pukeworthy are the readers who don't notice that the story
has no substance because they can't see through the writer's parlor tricks!
barfbarfbarfbarfbarf!
The way the justice system treats rape, i.e. not like a real crime. If someone
consciously decides to hurt me, they'll at least try, regardless of whether or
not I "put myself in a vulnerable position."
The fact that the vast majority of gynecologists are men, most of whom don't
think very highly of women. I'm supposed to trust these people with my
delicate parts?! As if any self-respecting man would allow a sexist woman in a
white coat to mess with his genitals if he had a choice in the matter!
Our society's obsession with things like hair-care products.
Cuticle pushers, trimmers, and softeners. That's disgusting! Keep those tools
away from my hands!
The computer-illiterate population's attitude towards the Internet. Teach your
children not to give out their home addresses, visit porno sites, or enter
chatrooms pertaining to offensive subjects, and they'll be okay!
The baby-shaking stigma attached to nannies and babysitters, resulting in
parents afraid to do anything on their own because no one can be trusted with
their children.
The nannies and babysitters who harm children and instill fear of child-loving
young people like me in parents who'd otherwise have lives of their own.
That contraception isn't covered by most health care coverage, because
"pregnancy isn't a disease." Sure, reproduction running amok does no harm to
the individual or the society she lives in. *hurl*
Fucking morons who tell me (politely) that I'm too dark to be half white
and act too white to be half black (I'm mulatto)... but flounce away in a
snit when I reply, "You're too dumb to make friends and too ugly to get
laid."
That animals can have their babies the way nature intended, but women have to
have their babies the way the medical profession intended, and their doctors
inflict unneeded treatment on them that serves no purpose other than teaching
a medical student how to administer spinal anesthesia, and then trick these
women into believing they "needed" the C-section! If I have to put up with
that to have kids, why would I ever want to become a mother?!!!??
Can I second the nomination for children's beauty pageants? Whose idea were
those?
That getting married is considered by some the only way to commit yourself to
someone you love. So, by keeping marriage restricted to heterosexual couples,
the Right convinces the mindless masses that homosexual couples aren't
committed to each other.
Porno sites that have pictures of 14-year-old girls. And we wonder why
teenage parenthood is so prevalent.
That everyone practically blew coffee out of their noses when I said I wasn't
going to the prom. Look, I don't want to get all stressed out finding a date
and spending way too much money on a night that won't mean a damn thing the
next fall, when I enter college, which actually matters to my future!
That I have to maintain a 3.0 GPA to keep my scholarship and work at the
fucking dining hall to pay for what's left over after the financial aid, while
happy-happy preppy kids whose parents pay all the bills can get drunk every
weekend and attend to their oh-so-special social lives instead of studying and
earning money.
That it's illegal for a woman to charge money for sex with men who are MORE
THAN EAGER to pay good money for an easy lay, while it's perfectly legal for
the same woman to have sex with the same set of men and get nothing out of it
but STD's.
College students who can't read menus printed in a 200-pt font, stuck right in
front of their bleary eyes. "uh...I want...that." Why'd they let you
out of first grade?!
That the media seems to think that women are incapable of reading and enjoying
superhero comic books. If you just looked in the right places, you'd find the
ones with complex, interesting characters and heroines that don't wear thongs!
You don't have to publish "girl stuff" drivel in sequential illustration form
to get us inside the comic shops!
The fact that women adopt their husbands' names ALL THE TIME (there's nothing wrong
with that) but men ALMOST NEVER adopt their wives' names! (there's something wrong
with that!)
People who kill doctors and plant bombs or encourage others to do the same,
but claim to be saving lives! They scream "God values every human life!" while
taking a machine gun to the vicinity! Do you think these unborn children will
have good lives if they're raised by people who never wanted them?!
School voucher advocates who throw taxpayer money at private schools instead
of public schools, while expecting said public schools to "compete"! Bite my
ass!
People who walk really slowly in crowded hallways, stand in doorways that
people are trying to get through, walk up and down stairs on the wrong side of
the staircase, and travel in groups too large for anyone to slide past them!
People (usually women) who have to do everything in groups of six or more.
Take meals, see movies, go to the bathroom, study (or more accurately, gab
while holding textbooks idly in their nicely manicured hands), you name it,
they do it en masse, it makes me ralph. It encourages mindless conformity and
undermines independence.
Last-minute Christmas shopping. In fact, Christmas shopping in general. It
sucks wind as a shopper and blows whopper-sized oats as a retail worker.
Dangerous, congested roads, sardine-packed stores, overloaded credit centers
resulting in every third credit card being rejected, disgruntled shoppers,
burnt-out store employees, and the pressure to have everything perfect the
next day.
That my mom's former boss had a kid when she was 17 because she didn't know
what caused pregnancy until after she'd done it. I blame her parents, her
church, and the whole culture that kept her ignorant until she became yet
another statistic.
That you can't get someone arrested for threatening to kill someone until
after they've killed said someone.
The same three questions I hear every time someone finds out I'm in college:
1) Oh, where are you going? (to which I answer the name of my school)
2) What are you majoring in? (to which I answer, English.)
3) So, you're gonna be a teacher? (what, that's the only job I'm capable of doing
with a BA in English and a concentration in Creative Writing?)
That I'm supposed to just smile and be nice to the customer, no matter how
troublesome, obnoxious, time-wasting, or simply rude s/he's being. Perhaps if
we placed the emphasis of shopping back on the items themselves, and not on
being able to act like an ass in any store you offer to spend money in, we
wouldn't all go home feeling guilty about buying stuff we don't need, and
retail employers would be able to hang onto employees for more than 3 months!
The Social Security system as it now stands. If it isn't reformed before the
Baby Boomers start retiring in large numbers, I'm going to be paying taxes
through my nose to support people who don't need my money.
That the media tries to tell women that men all find the media-induced image
of beauty attractive, without every bothering to ask said men what they truly
define as beautiful, and forgetting that women don't always groom themselves
to attract men!
Barney the Big Purple Dinosaur.
Parents who get all defensive when I so much as SPEAK to their toddlers. I was
not reprimanding her, but you just reprimanded me for no good reason, and good
luck finding a babysitter with that attitude!
Breeders who accuse non-parents of being irresponsible and selfish. Riiiiight;
while I'm paying all my taxes, not missing work, and sparing the planet from
additional overpopulation, I'm being irresponsible and selfish.
People who say that adoption "robs a child of his roots," to say nothing of
what's supposed to happen to all the children whose parents have either died
or simply don't want them!
The girls my roommate invites into our room. They're loud, vapid, and
inconsiderate. They can all blow me.
Overly romanticized, flowery, melodramatic, pseudo-poetic prose. Where's my
insulin?
Judges who let abusers keep custody of their children under the guise of
"keeping the family together." All they're doing is allowing the abuse to
continue, and they're essentially sending children the message "You're all
trash. If Mommy and Daddy beat you up, then you must deserve it."
People who think I need a tan. While you fuckers get nice and bronzed and then
wonder why you're getting wrinkles and skin cancer, I'm staying pale, healthy,
youthful little me.
17-20 year old girls who don't want to get pregnant yet do not take
the precautions for preventing pregnancy then use moronic excuses- "I was
too embarrassed to go on the pill"... "I was too into it to grab the
condom"...
Single moms in soap operas who have lots of money & high powered and
glamorous jobs despite their lack of education and general bimboessence,
oodles of time to spend with their cute clean kids, and loads of male
friends to step in as a father figure. I'm sure your teenaged audience
is getting the message.
People who think that the majority of poor women have kids just to get
more welfare.
The black guy at the club last week who, after I politely declined to
freak dance with him, suggested I was a traitor/racist/uncle
tom/whatever(even though I am black), never mind HE was
drunk, ugly, obnoxiously rude and smelled like funk!
People who try to force/trick/bribe me to eat meat. I'm vegetarian by
my own choice. I have eaten meat, and I don't like it. It makes me
constipated. Don't try to "rescue" me. I've been veggie for five years,
and it feels great to take a shit twice a day instead of twice a week.
Teachers who encourage me to write math and science contests "to set an
example for the other girls". Um, I'd write them if there were anything
in it for me. All you get out of these contests is the potential to be
considered slightly better for admission to a program I'm not interested
in at a university I'm not going to. I do German contests, where you can
win a trip to Germany. Call me if you can top that.
The Ontario Liberal party, trying to buy ignorant parents' votes by
saying that they will have a mandatory computer course for all students.
This will not teach them how to use computers! You want them to learn how
to use computers? Buy every student a computer for at home! Sit it in
their room, and they will figure it out themselves! And stop acting like
computers are big and scary. A computer is a tool. That's like teaching
someone how to use a wrench or a microwave or a VCR in school. Computer
literacy is no big deal as long as everyone has access to the tools.
People who bitch about things out of their control. You don't like
tapered pants legs? Oh my, what a tragedy!!!! You don't like Lane
Bryant's advertising? I'm sure it really affects your little fucking
world! Imagine whirled peas...
People who denigrate other culture's customs, accents, lifestyles. Embrace
them. Love them for what they are. Don't be so intimidated by different.
Don't make nasty racist comments and ethnic slurs. Get out of your life's
shell.
Incredibly inept, rude sales people who talk on the phone as I stand there
waiting for service. "I'm on the phone. Wait a minute." Don't think so,
Buttbrain!
Martha Stewart! Is this woman a psycho or what?
Women who say stupid, stupid things to men in a coquettish, syrupy voice
i.e. "Could you please (reach, open, close, lift etc etc) for me? You're so
much (taller, stronger, bigger etc etc) than I am!" Makes me vomit blood
every time. And who are these asshole men that find that charming and
sexy??? Bimbards every damn one of them. And the babes should be killed.
Especially those over 30 - 40- 50. Who are they kidding?
If one more doctor insists that I must be seen AGAIN before my prescriptions
can be refilled I will have another screaming fit in their office. I have
been on these meds for 7 years. They never change. They don't affect any
vital blood levels. They change me in no vital way except make my food stay
in my digestive tract. There is no reason for me to see you more than once
(I'll even go twice) per year. You are just trying to make a buck off of me
and my insurance. This is absolutely unnecessary and wasteful to line your
pocket.
Idiotic women who are stuck in a helpless 50's mentality and make asshole
comments about my marriage like "I know you're a wonderful wife and clean and
cook for him." Give me a fucking break! Would I really marry a man who
expected or wanted me to provide him with free household labor? No chance!
I rarely cook, clean, do laundry or vacuum. We're partners. If he notices
the household in a state of disarray he can get up off his ass and attend to it.
And, he does, as do I. I married to have a partner who wanted a real person, not to
be a plastic Donna Reed show droid. Yeah, life is easier if you have a
"wifey". And, if we need one, we'll hire one and pay her a decent wage!
My (male) friend who told me I shouldn't cut my hair off - it was past
my hips at the time - because it was so unique & got so much attention.
Why would I WANT attention from random strangers asking how long does it
take to dry, and telling me Crystal Gayle's hair touches the floor (as
if I give a rat's ass). It took half an hour to comb, got caught on
things, and could only be worn in a braid, which I was sick of. As if
he's the one who has to deal with it, or has any say in the matter in
the first place...
Guys who complain about how women shop too much, ask if they're fat, or
won't say what's on their minds, etc. When they realize I'm nothing like
this, they either feel threatened or assume I'm gay.
Cosmo girls & the stereotypes they create for all of us...
Guys at the parts store who assume that I don't know what the
hell I'm talking about when they can't answer my question. It really pisses
me off that men think I'm lying when I say that I rebuilt the motor in my
husband's truck. GET A CLUE!
People who flick their cigarettes out their car windows! Yeah, that's right
buddy! Just put that anywhere. The earth is your litter box! Fucking
careless bastards!
Guy-friends who treat me like one of the lads all week, but then perve
over my tits and legs when I'm dressed up on the weekend. Like I don't have
the SAME tits and legs all week under
my sweater and jeans, or my IQ drops below my shoe size on the weekends.
Or they think I'm suddenly gonna see them as lust objects on Saturday
nights, even though they're just friends every other day.
Men who think that 'Great tits!' is actually accepted as a compliment by
all women (sadly I do know some who find this extremely flattering).
Magazines that have 'Love yourself and your body' articles, and then
have pages full of 'women' who look like 13-year-old boys in the later
stages of some hideous eating disorder modeling 'attractive' clothes.
Wet behind the ears post-adolescent '20 something' kids that think a hostile
attitude and a large vocabulary of obscenities qualifies them as a heartless
bitch. Heartless bitches are women who have been there, done that, and bought
enough t-shirts to stock a boutique. They are women who have EARNED their
stripes, not jumped on the bandwagon because it 'sounds cool'!
Monica Lewinsky. I retch every time I see that plump little naive face.
What kind of fucking world do we live in that the only way a girl can
get recognized is if she gets down on all fours and sucks the semen out
of some old man's deformed cock??
People who assume that because I am a drama major at a small liberal
arts college, I'm some dimwit who decided to try and be a movie star
because I can't hack it in anything else. Far from it--I'm studying to
be a filmmaker/screenwriter/director, and I'm minoring in Classical
Studies. I don't want to be an actress, I don't expect to be a waitress
the rest of my life, and I'm no bimbo.
Christians that won't leave me alone and make it their business to be
the salvation of my soul. I don't mind a casual polite invitation, but
after I give them a casual polite decline, I expect it to end there. Oh
no, they have to save me, it doesn't matter if I really *want* to be
saved, they truly know what's best for me...
The same Christians that tell me they hope I hear them laughing at me
from heaven when I'm burning in hell. Oooh, contemptuous little
bastards! These are the people that think evolution is a religion, that
agnosticism (though they can't spell it) is synonymous with devil
worship, and that creationism should be taught in science classes. These
fools don't know the meaning of the word metaphor and take every word in
the Bible literally. People, if you want a country ruled by religion
move to IRAQ!
Those loud, souped-up
hoopty ride speakers that cruise through my neighborhood at 4
AM "basin' out" to "artists" that sing through their noses and rely on
unoriginal "sampling" from the 80's. Ugh!
Those prissy, plastic holier-than-thou twits that sit there and snicker
at me because I'm wearing men's sneakers (I have big feet, and they're
comfortable, dammit!), reading a novel (dear lord, why would I ever want
to do that!?), and getting the highest test average in class (all right,
so maybe I want to have a successful future where I don't have to rely
on a man for support!). We'll see who's laughing in ten years...
The same little devilish whores (who, by the way, proclaim Christian
morals and wear 18 karat gold crosses) go and taunt the socially
rejected mentally handicapped kids, as if that makes the tramps even
more trendy and goddess-like. Whatever happened to the golden rule? I
guess that only applies to their costly jewelry. Hypocrites!
Those swarms of ten-year-old trendsters, who can be frequently seen in
the "pop" music section of CD stores, The Limited Too, and screaming at
boy band concerts; they can be easily identified by their Hanson
t-shirts, clunky shoes, underdeveloped chests, and day-glo braces. Why
is our culture forcing little girls to grow up so fast?! Whatever
happened to playing outside and riding bikes at the age of ten? No,
society rejects that, the earlier their minds are polluted the more
likely they'll stay like that the rest of their lives.
Bathroom graffiti. The bathroom stall is no place to proclaim
that: BW Loves DJ FEAB, with that little acronym at the end meaning "For
Ever And Beyond." FOREVER IS ONE WORD, YOU LITTLE TROLLOP!!!
Men who tell me I shouldn't attempt becoming a physician.
This truly stupid observation is based solely on the fact that my
handwriting is not sloppy enough to write prescriptions. Not sloppy
enough to write prescriptions?! How typical of men to think such
fallacies. Hmmm, well, I hope they still feel that way when they come to
me for a Viagra prescription but I write it off as Vallium. *Ha!*
Men who say America doesn't need a female president because
she might nuke the world one day while having PMS. These men have
obviously overlooked: 1. It takes a little thing called Congress to get
serious things like nuclear missiles launched. It's called the checks and
balances system, that way, one branch of government isn't more powerful
than another. 2. No woman alive could do such a pitiful job as old
Billy. A woman president could not embarrass America as much as Clinton
has. Stupid, stupid Cro-Magnon men.....
The driveling scum bag wearing Calvin Kleins that walks to me while I
am reading a book and asks in an pre-evolutionary tone "Hey, whatcha readin'?"
He then smiles like he's doing me a favor by gracing me with his
attention, hoping that in the end this will end up with me being naked.
Ugh, retch and vomit!! I feign a smile and hold up the book for him to
read the title. The moron squints and I can see him using his third
grade education to sound out the words. "Jane Ear-ray? That looks dumb."
"Oh, so do you," I want to reply! "Please forgive me for having an
interest in literature, complete sentences, and words with more than one
syllable! I'll try to be more stupid, like you, from now on!" Idiots,
all of them!!
The fact that I'm held as immoral and 'easy' if I'm having a casual
friend with whom I sleep. I don't wanna use word "love" because it's not
that, I don't want a relationship but do like good company and sex - and
my friend knows it! Why is it so bad that two adults rather make this
kind of agreement than have one night stands or talk about ever-lasting
love (like a lot of women do to have a right to have sex, crying out
loud)?
Attention-sucking arseholes who come into a chat room and announce "I'm
bored. "Right...like I'm going to talk to you and get sucked into your stupid
psychodrama. Use a brain cell and don't come to a "chat' room if you have
nothing to say.
Parents who take their kids to a PG movie and cover up the kids' eyes during the
(very tame) sex scene, but let them watch the gory brutal violence without comment.
The fact that because I am very tall people assume I play basketball.
People who assume that just because my husband is a big man that he is a
fat slob and has no self worth or motivation. Since when did body size
have anything to do with paycheck size?
The "Nice guy" who always complains about hearing the phrase "You're a
nice guy but..." then faced with the opportunity to be with a real woman backs
off like he has been stung and goes running to a whining, controlling,
manipulator because he doesn't want to be held responsible for his own life or
decisions.
People who say "I'm so sick of people thinking that I'm a <insert cultural
subgroup> because I wear <insert wardrobe>. Look, if it matters SO MUCH to
you what other people think, then change your image. Otherwise just get
over it.
Men who tell me that my clothing is "too sexy" ( I ride a motorcycle, so I
wear a lot of leather) and therefore, I'm "asking for it".
Being asked by other (male) bikers where my man is because "a
little thing like you can't handle that bike". I can ride just fine on my own, thank-you. Having
a dick doesn't dictate prowess on a piece of transportation.
The fact that I'm called a "puckbunny" and am accused of "you only like Hockey because of
the guys" because I know more then my male friends do about the sport.
The fact the the Women's National Hockey league is still a
few years offs. Hello, I play better then most of those over payed whiney
prima donnas getting millions in the NHL
Beind told by Christians, Muslims or people of Jewish faiths that I'm
going to hell because I don't follow their religion (because *each* of them
is absolutely and exclusively right, and none of the rest are)
Being hit on by the same guys who wouldn't even look at me before I lost a
lot of weight (by personal choice, not for their happiness) now that I'm
"so hot now." Go to hell, assholes. If you thought I wasn't good enough
then, you certainly aren't good enough now and never were.
Parents asking their kids, "How many times do I have to tell you to stop...?"
Get off your ass and make them stop!
Girls who made your life hell at school, then greet you like a long
lost friend when they bump into you years later. Why didn't I go
to the reunion? Because I don't have the need to impress girls who
used to say "She looks like a boy! Giggle giggle!" and "She likes
Computers! Isn't she weird!" and "She hasn't got a boyfriend!"
While you were leaving school at 18 to get married, have kids, get
beaten up by your husband and then divorced, I was becoming a
support analyst, buying my own house, going out with guys who are
my intellectual equals and generally having a great time. Yes you
*did* used to be popular, didn't you? No I *don't* want to meet up
sometime for a drink.
When guys think they can make you feel guilty or bad to get sex. Get a
life and go whack-off please!
Parents who spend their welfare money on beer and/or cigarettes and then
complain the system isn't paying enough to feed their families.
People that think just because you're a female in the military that you're a
gun carrying dyke and look up to G.I. Jane. Um.. NO!
The fact that my single-mom sister can't go on a casual date and
mention that she has a son without the putz she's out with thinking
that, shark-like, she's on the hunt for a husband/daddy/money.
Puh-leeze! Don't flatter yo'self, kids. Last thing she wants is a
wedding, her son already HAS a daddy, and she makes enough money to
support her own damn self without needing the money you make from your
little 7$-an-hour job.
The words "wrong" and "right" when applied to people. Those words are for
math problems and test answers, not people's moral judgement. Just because
something is wrong to you, it does not mean the whole fucking world agrees.
Quit judging others by your own values!
That priest that thinks Tinky Winky the Telletubbie is gay and that it brings
a negative message to the children of today. Get a life! First off, infants
and toddlers cannot possibly tell the homophobic population's so-called "tell-
tale" signs of homosexuality. Secondly, kindness and tolerance go right out
the window when you condemn practices other than your own. Homophobia is a
social disease that needs to be exterminated!
The mindless drivel downloaded from the Internet that now passes for
reseach many institutions of higher learning.
Jerry Springer
Oafs who condem me for using the handicapped stall in the ladies room.
I'm fat and I'm claustrophobic if you must know. Besides, it's none of
your damn business!
Clothing designers who obviously believe that large women *like* wearing
polyester tent dresses. Make some nice clothes that fit me, and I'll
stand in line to buy them. Until then, jeans and a t-shirt will do
quite nicely, thank you.
Insensitive idiots who say (to my face) that something must be wrong
with me because I don't crave high heels, babies and chocolate. As if.
Morons who counter my claims of misanthropy with some sappy observation
that I just *have* to like people. After all, I'm so *nice*. Well,
no. I don't like people and I'm not nice. If you want proof, just come
a little closer.
Insecure, miserable fat women who think my thinness has to do with anorexia
and that I'm trying to emulate waifs seen in fashion magazines, then they tell
me I should "eat more". These are the same women who try to justify their
bitterness by saying things like, "Well, men would rather go out with someone
with a healthier (?) figure like mine than someone like Kate Moss's?" OKAY.
Why'd you feel like you HAD to point it out to me? And those stupid Lane
Bryant Ads: "This is what real women wear".
Those annoying white suburban high school kids who fold one pant leg up
because they see famous rappers on MTV doing that and it's "trendy" Hello?!
That "trend" originated in the ghetto by crack dealers who wanted to be
distinguished as crack dealers without it being obvious to the cops. The funny
thing is, these kids have no NO CLUE.
The self-described stud who wants to be my friend because he found out I
have sisters, is looking for his next conquest, and thinks that I'm
going to help him. Yeah, right! Sorry, Mr. Pud-Dildo Head, if you were
worth knowing they would have approached YOU by now. Looks like you'll
have to settle for Rosey Palm this Saturday night.......again.
The guy who has his mom buy a ring for his Internet girlfriend, and then
after she "breaks up" with him, he calls her every dirty name he's ever
heard on pro-wrestling, and then claims to have known what love is. And
even though this particular cretin just turned 18 a month ago, he begins
calling the 30 somethings on newsgroups "kid". And no matter what you try
and type to him, he'll deny it to the death (even going as far as
performing the gutsy move of typing *kills you*). The fact that this 18
year old flame-war loving assface actually had a connection with this 20+
something confused immigrant just proves how scarily stupid most everyone
is that can actually operate a computer.
Every dolt behind the counter at an auto parts store that looks my
boyfriend in the face and addresses him when I've asked the damn
question. Hello? Who's lips did you just see moving? Yikes, a woman who
knows how to (and enjoys) working on her own car, scary. Give me a
break, do you think you need a dick to know how to use a wrench?
Club owners who assume that I must be "the girlfriend", and only talk to the guys, when in fact
I am the singer and rythm guitarist for the band.
The sound guy who assumes that because I am a girl I don't
know anything about my own equipment and tries to patronizingly teach me
how to use my own amp.
Music store personnel who ask me if it's my boyfriend's guitar when I bring
my guitar in for repairs. (no,
it's not, dumb-ass. If it was his, I'd tell him to bring it to the shop
his own damn self).
People who assume I'm a dyke because
my hair is short, I'm aggressive on stage and I refuse to wear a tube
top and hot-pants and act like a submissive, lobotomized Jessica Rabbit
sexpot so they can get off. Two words: Blow me. And if you yell at me to
show you my tits one more time, I'll follow you out to the parking lot
after the show and kick your fucking ass.
The following Male fantasies at coming to a women's forum:
1) I'll get a date
2) I'll get listened to
3) I'll get dem femanazis all RILED up
The pin in the balloon:
1) He gets laughed at.
2) He gets ignored.
What really raises the bile in my throat:
1) snively "I'll save him" sallys defending the asshole from the ardent
"femanazis"
People who put everyone they've met in their address book, even if
they've only spoken to these people once. Then they take everything they
come across that's even mildly funny and e-mail to to everyone in their
address book, repeating the process several times a day.
Girls in the locker room who are afraid to change openly - they take
their bra off under their shirt, put the second shirt on before they take
the first one off. Then they are scared of me because I have no qualms
about showing my *gasp* bra in front of other females. They back away
slowly and think I will "lesbian rape" them. Get a life.
Blue liquid on Always commercials
People who call themselves pro-life, then go out and shoot doctors.
Geeks who, as soon as I show the slightest interest, turn into my
father. They talk to me like I'm stupid, tell me not to wear so much
makeup, not to drink so much, and not to buy "impractical" shoes, and then
wonder why I'm not interested anymore.
The fact that you can legally be drafted, go into combat, and kill
people before you can legally have a beer.
Women who, knowing that you are dating other women, expect you to
instantly stop seeing the others after you've had sex with them. Since
when does everyone HAVE to be monogamous?
MEN that cant take NO for an answer. That
seems rather simplistic and cliche, but pardon me... not only do they not
take NO for an answer, they get infuriated when all you want to be is
their friend. Espescially the ones that pull out all the stops: crying, BEGGING, PLEADing, threatening,
talking behind your back, using your friends to get to you, and your family too!!! GROW UP.
"Himbos": ornamental self-important pricks. There is nothing more self-satisfying to me than metaphorically
giving the ubiquitous "Office Stud" the finger. He was giving me a load of
shit the other day because "I'm meeting with the CEO in two minutes, and YOUR
print job is holding up MY print job!" He left the unspoken, "Faggot!" hanging
in the air as his pretty blue eyes attempted to flash the "I get what I want
'cause I'm BEAUTIFUL!" look. I simply spun around in my chair and intoned,
"Hey, Pretty-boy -- today's NOT the day!" I never saw a Himbo disappear so
fast!!
The fact that viagra is covered under most health care programs but
birth-control isn't.
People with things like this in their .sig: "Don't be afraid of what you
feel in your heart. Don't be rebuked by those who say "It'll never
happen!" It *will* happen. Michael Crawford" No, that doesn't mean
it'll happen. Simple basics like personal experience tell most of us
otherwise.
People named "Tiffini." It's too damn cute.
Sales people who ask, "May I help you ladies?" to me and my long-haired
boyfriend.
Getting stared at by people who can't "figure out what I am." I can't help
it if your narrow mind can't accomodate the idea of a person whose race is
not instantly recognizable, and which cannot relate to someone unless their
ethnicity has been pinpointed and classified!
People who invite you to their weddings or graduations for the sole purpose
of getting gifts, when you haven't seen or spoken to them in years.
Parents who refuse to make their children behave properly in public. You
may think little Joshua or Dakota is cute when s/he screams at 100
decibels, runs around pulling things off shelves, and spills Coke all over
someone else's jacket, but your kids' rotten, spoiled behavior is not the
least bit charming to others. YOU'RE the parent -- teach your child some
manners so that he or she doesn't grow up to be an inconsiderate jerk like
yourself!
Being beseeched for help with one "emergency" after another by people who
refuse to take any responsibility for their lives, and who expect you to
help them out of whatever mess they could have easily avoided.
Goths that put up all-black web pages with red letters and dripping blood
graphics, then write something like, "I am a mistical spirit alone in the
darkness, with it's many mysteries of death and shaddowed mellancollia."
Before you put on the cloak of pretension, children, you must first be
assured that you are in fact superior to others.
Men who are threatened by tampons. What the fuck? I bleed. It's a
fact of life. Get over it.
Waitresses that assume I want a "diet" coke when I asked for a "coke", simply
because I am a woman - and god forbid, women wouldn't drink regular old, FATTENING
soft drinks, now would they?!!!
When people call me at work and ask for the technician. I AM the
technician you ass, and yes, I'm a woman too, imagine. It's a direct
line to technical support. The hold message even says "a technician
will be with you in a moment". Who do they think they are calling?
Jenny Craig: This famous pusher of
airplane food in dime-sized portions employs semiliterate women in these
bizarre midthigh uniforms who sell, sell, sell. One of these items is
booklet that deserves a pukeworthy place of honor; it's called something
like "Jenny's Guide to Life". It includes so-called tips along the lines
of doing your nails when you start to feel hungry.
Women who look down their noses at me because their house is
cleaner/tidier than mine. Mine could be too if I was prepared to spend 5
hours a day on housework but I have a life.
People who make bombs and stockpile weapons and then call themselves
anarchists. Anarchy isn't about blowing people up, it's about working
people organizing against illegitimate authority; e.g., capitalism and
the political state.
The people who spent the first 18 years of my life preaching "Right to
Life", then when I came home unmarried, with a child, so I'd have some
family help and support to finish college, called me a whore, and to
this *DAY* (10 years later), won't let their precious children around my
"illegitimate" (another rant entirely on *THAT* word) child. I have news
for you, don't plan on showing up saying "I knew them when" once his
brains and talent open up doors for him that their little brats will
never even see!
The fact that men can be very obese and still be considered
attractive, while on the other hand if a female is 5 pounds overweight
she is a "hog".
Otherwise intelligent women who base their self-esteem on their ability
to get laid, but can't admit it. So they talk themselves into being "in
love" with the first creep who gives them a second look. When the
relationship goes horribly awry (as it always does) they learn nothing,
but immediately "fall in love" with another man who is just as
inappropriate, telling themselves and anyone who tries to reason with
them that, in the words of Woody-the-Perv Allen, "the heart wants what
it wants." That ain't your heart talking, honey!
The way many men's sense of personal space vanishes in bars. Something
about the dim lighting or loud music must cause them to lose it, but I'm
still not sure why when women are standing alone or with friends, and a
man walks by, he feels he has to touch her hip or shoulder as if to
"move" her out of the way. Please! Just because I'm standing in a bar
does not mean you have free reign over my body! Would you do this on a
crowded sidewalk or subway? Not if you didn't want to get smacked! How
about "Excuse me...?"
Repeat date-a-dork female offenders who drool at the very
sound of their man calling them 'his' bitch yet get their plastic
panties in a knot when he calls her 'a' bitch.
Females who live for cheap dramas based in cheesy nightclubs... that he
said/she said crap where everyone one is saying 'disrespect' but no one
can spell it.
Every dork who uses the word "love" and
thinks they are being profound...love is a outdated/nonvalued word and
should be replaced.
All these made up, colored,
pulled, heeled, laced, powdered and restrictively dressed females asking
'am I fat?' ...'do I look fat?'...I want a T-shirt that just says "Yes you
look fat".
The kid in my English class who said that Antigone, the premiere feminist
heroine of Ancient Greece, chose to die for her honor because "She was having
a bad day." And all the people who laughed at me when I yelled at him. No,
sorry, it wasn't PMS on either part. It was sense.
Gamers. I don't mean people that like to sit around playing games after
work, to relax- that's normal. I do technical support for a high speed
internet service and I am sick of Quake-obsessed men with the
mentalities of twelve year olds yelling at me because they can't connect
to play their little game. These guys usually start calls with "Are YOU
a tech?" or "Well I don't know if YOU can help me" and automatically
assume that because I am female, I don't know anything about computers.
These juvenile idiots need to grow up and get a life.
College newgrads with no practical experience that expect to earn the same salaries
as someone who has been in the work force for 5 years.
Metadent toothpaste...UGH! Not only do they make the most wastefully
packaged dental care products they also never refer to a female dentist
in their commercials. Watch and listen to women raving about how their
dentist HUSBANDS or dentist FATHERS told them to use Metadent. C'mon!
Like I need a male to advise me on what toothpaste to buy?!
The snickers received when I order a Big Mac and a Diet Coke. Is it
really that hard to fathom that maybe, just maybe, I like the taste of
Diet Coke? Hello! Can you say diabetes?
The Christmas pick up line..."Darlin, you can sit on my christmas tree
anytime" Ugh! You calling that twig a tree?
People that bring their children into my ER when they have a cold...get mad because
they have to wait while my colleagues and I deal with a real emergency (can
you say "traumatic amputation"), then threaten to 'have my job'. Puhleese... like you could handle my job.
Stupid guys who hang on you until you're forced to peel them off with a
spatula, and when you finally get a word in edgewise to say, "I'm a
lesbian," they HUG you, cry a little, and say, "That's okay! I still
love you!" GET A CLUE!
People who constantly want to give me a "make-over". No thank you, I
don't wear make up, do my hair, etc...because I'm happy and comfortable
just the way I am, and feel no need to conform to whatever fashion trend
is current this week!
Strong-willed, normally loud, independent women who turn into cutsey,
soft voiced, wilting flowers whenever they talk to their boyfriends on
the phone or see them. Please! Lose the vulnerable act!
Boy groups (surprise surprise, another trend) who gush sickening lovey
dovey crap in sad attempts at songs. And the DJs and VJs that play
them. And the mindless teeny bopper brats who drool over them and
subject the rest of us to their moronic dribble about how cute they are.
When a white man expects me to be:
a.) ambassador to the black race, or
b.) his foray into the exotic
(I don't fuck men who expect me to be their ticket to "experience". Get some
on your own, boy, before you even deign to try to hit on me.)
People who try to "convert" me from being vegetarian ("You just need a good steak"). Egads! Do I pester my Jewish friends,
suggesting that they sample some "really good" bacon?
Asian women who, on a date, mention that they "normally don't date Asian men." Am I supposed to be flattered and grateful that
they "broke" their "rule" to spend time with me?
Male chefs who treat people terribly, are abusive and cruel and hide behind
the mask of a "Temperamental Chef" so they can throw pots and pans and hissy
fits, act like children and not be responsible for their actions!! There is
no such thig as a TC, it is simple ABUSE. I have never seen a woman in a
kitchen lose control the way male chefs do!! Ever! It's time to grow up.
People who insist that because I support equal pay for equal work, gay
rights, civil rights, etc... that I *must* identify myself as a
"feminist", never mind the fact that I prefer not to be labelled, and by
the way I only have *one* sister...
Certain 90s feminists who try to compare themselves with first-wavers...
as if you personally had anything to do with my getting the vote.
People who precede every sneeze with a loud yelp.
Conga lines and the drunken fools who start them.
People who assume that because I'm bisexual and married that I MUST be
cheating on my husband. No, you dimwits, I don't have a girlfriend.
It's called monogamy. Ever heard of it? Just because you have some
adolescent fantasy about a threesome with your girlfriend and her best
friend doesn't mean I'm a fucking whore. Mind your own damn business.
Service droids (mostly male) who always talk to and look at the guy
I'm with, even if I'm the one who walked up to him and asked about
their selection of computer monitors. Morons.
Fucking clueless twits who refuse to learn how to speak their native
language -- in this case, English. I can't believe you people are
forty years old and you can't form one coherent sentence in an e-mail
to save your worthless, ignorant lives.
30 and 40 year-old BOYS!
Women who are afraid to ask if anyone has an extra tampon in front of
men.
People who call you their friend, do one nice thing for you, and then
expect you to listen to all their problems without having time to listen
to yours.
Adults who tell me to go into engineering because "we need to show
today's little girls that they can be anything they want to". Well, how
about I show them that they can be anything they want to by being what I
want to?
The German restaurant that wouldn't hire me because I don't look
"German" enough. I'm part German, I speak German, I've lived in Germany -
I just happen to have black hair and olive skin.
People who act like I'm being selfish when I tell them that I don't
accept Christmas presents because I'm not Christian. Hello? I'm making
your life easier - it's one less person to shop for!
People who tell me that I shouldn't wear make-up because I "don't need
it," but have never seen me without it. It's my face, I will determine if
it needs help or not.
Stupid teachers whose stupidity causes their students to lose marks.
People who come onto a sports team and are immediately buddy buddy with
everyone. That is not okay. You have to earn your spot, thank you very
much.
How there is a Kids's Sports Illustrated but not a Women's Sports
Illustrated. Give me a break, what the hell is that all about.
Women's sports either gets second billing or no billing on sports
highlite reels. If you went by that, you'd think there were NO females
athletes on the planet. Women's sports are just as exciting as men's
sports and as a female athlete I need female athletes to look up to, not
male ones.
When a male crashes a women's only event/march, the news media, instead
of reporting on the event itself, focuses more on the male. Like
somehow that is a story.
Men not understanding that women empowering themselves doesn't mean that
they hate men, only that the women are respecting themselves. That not
everything a woman does, does not do, always has something to do with a
man, cause it doesn't, i.e. Lilith Fair.
That just because you play sports and are good at it, that you must be a
dyke, and so what if you are, what has that got to do with your ability
to play the sport?
Confederate flags. You lost - Get over it.
Ken Freaking Starr and the whole damned never-ending conservative witch
hunt.
A friend of mine recently said to me, "If I didn't have a girlfriend, I
probably would have asked you out by now." Wow, thanks Mr. Popular. I'm so
flattered to be that high on your list. I pity his current girlfriend; that
relationship must be really healthy if he's already planning who to date next.
Hopefully she'll dump him soon so I can have the pleasure of turning the loser
down flat.
"Friends" of mine who are absolutely SHOCKED when they find out that I have no
plans to wait until I'm married to have sex. Excuse me for not mapping out
the next ten or more years of my life according to how I feel about things at
the age of sixteen. Since when is MY sex life YOUR business? The worst part
is listening to them talk about how they think that premarital sex is "wrong"
and hearing their ever so practical plans to save themselves for Prince
Charming. I'd like to check up on these girls in a few years to find out if
they're living "happily ever after" with Mr. Right, or if they abandoned their
"beliefs" for the first decent guy that came along. Let's try thinking for
OURSELVES and making our own decisions instead of just spitting back whatever
we're told in religion class.
The brainless twits at my lunch table who constantly talk about how much
weight they need to lose before the junior prom that is TWO MONTHS away.
Don't they have anything better to waste time and energy on than starving
themselves in order to get some loser to date them? These same girls also
complain that being expected to score higher than 900 on the SATs is "like, so
unfair" and then are surprised when their teachers want them to take math and
science courses instead of study halls. Last time I checked, you couldn't
major in study hall in college. Maybe if they read something besides Teen
magazine they would realize that there's more to being a woman than dieting
and chasing boys. 16-year-old boys aren't worth that much effort to begin
with. I'd rather be single than deal with most of them.
Women who are afraid to call themselves feminists because weak and
insecure men who are secretely afraid that women are better than them
will not like them if they do. I suppose it's not important to have
equal rights. I suppose it's not important to have equal pay for equal
work. I suppose it's not important to have female politicians who can
protect our freedoms. I suppose it's not important to have reproductive
rights, an equal education, and equal job/career opportunities. I
suppose it's not important to appreciate the women, past and present,
who have fought for us, been ridiculed for us, lived in poverty for us,
been arrested for us, been thrown in prison for us, and even burned at
the stake for us. I guess it's not important to realize that the only
reason why we're sitting in school, driving cars, voting, owning
propery, or taking home any kind of a paycheck at all is because the
feminists of the past have busted their asses and went through hell for
us. I also guess it's also not important to carry on their legacy or
make life better for our daughters. No, none of that is important. The
only thing that's important is having a date this Friday night with some
"cute" asshole who thinks of you as his inferior. Fuck you all.
Women (lesbians) who think I'm too straight looking to be gay. I didn't
realize that once I came out, I would have to abandon all make-up and
barrettes.....I am who I am not because of an image it helps to
prosonify but because it rings true to me. So to hell with all of them.
Men who come into my store, and while I'm making their lattes ask me
out...I don't get paid to put up with this...they do this with the
knowledge that I must be sweet to customers..so in my most sincere tone
I reply "no, i'm gay", to which I have so far recieved, "why? You are so
pretty." , "Oh, I didn't realize you were one of those " and the ever
famous...."oh I like that!"
When I was a studious 13 year old, having to
fight both the school administration and my guardian, for a
place in an industrial drawing class. It was assumed that 1) I was doing
it just to be around boys (um, no) and 2) I'd be "stealing" the place
from "a boy who's going to need to support a family someday". Hello? I'm
nearly 40 now and I've never been supported by anyone other than myself.
And yes, I work in industrial design.
It gets on my nerves when people constantly complain about the quality,
or lack there of, of t.v. programming! If you don't like a particular
show, for whatever reason, then DO NOT WATCH IT!!! TURN OFF THE T.V.!!
If the show disgruntles you so very much, then take affirmative action
and write to the station/producers/whatever!!! Just stop BITCHING about
it!
Drug-users on welfare. I'm a college student, so I take whatever work I
can get. That happens to be third shift at a 24 hour store. When
people spend $50 in groceries and put it on their food stamp cards,
fine. I'm not going to judge you if you use food stamps. Some people
need help. But then you pull out a bag of pot to decide how many blunts
you need to smoke it in, then pay for them with large amounts of cash,
I'll be the one to call the cops on your sorry ass, probably 30 seconds
after you leave the store.
People who cannot grasp a simple concept because it's not what they're
used to. The world exists beyond your little view honey.
Women who wear blue eye shadow. Sweetie, you can wear it, but don't
smear it all over your eyelid and expect to look good in it
Guys who tell me feminism is "OK" by them as long as it isn't "too loud
or obnoxious". So glad you approve...not! ARRRGGGH.
The fact that feminine hygiene products have a "luxury" tax applied to
them. Oh really? That's one luxury I don't need...
That old high-school acquaintences will look at me with a smug superior
expression when they see me working as a cashier at the local
supermarket. Well guess what? I do that part-time to pay my way through
University, which is more than I can say for your
"parents-paid-for-all-my-expenses/got-me-a-job-wouldn't-know-hard-work-if
-it-bit-me-on-the-nose" butt.
Any band that has the words "girls" or "boys" in their title, with an
extra clause for such bands as "aqua", "hanson", et al.
Any close-minded person that believes just because I have been elected
"women's officer" at my University, that I am going to revert to a hairy
arm-pitted, lesbian that uses grunts as a primal form of communication
and that 'feminism' is a dirty word. Get a grip people.
People who, when I tell them I am spending this semester in Spain on a
study-abroad trip, immediately ask what my boyfriend thinks about it, or
what he will do, or how I will handle being away from him for 3 months.
They never seem to notice that we already go to colleges in different
states, and yet have still been together for 3 years. I just want to
say "Yes, I can indeed go for three whole months without sex, and he can
too. And guess what? He's really happy that I'm taking this
opportunity while I have the chance and the access to the loan money!"
Or, the people (usually women) who insist that I should 'persuade' him
to ask me to marry him before I leave, because otherwise, he's just
going to run around and screw every bimbo in sight as soon as I'm on the
plane. Hello??? If I wanted to be engaged, I would ask him! I think I
would rather finish college and be able to support myself before I have
to start worrying about sharing a household with someone!
The term "first bi experience" -- usually used by women curious
about sex with other women. It's not a bisexual experience, it's sex with a
woman. Very heterocentric thinking.
The idea of asking where to find a woman as though you
were looking for a particular kind of vacuum-cleaner attachment.
You meet someone, you fall for them, and you
(sometimes) end up in bed. Jump-starting the process with personal ads
aimed simply at finding an initial sexual partner is pretty pathetic. I
suppose the only advantage to doing that is that the sexual experimenters
can roll all over each other and leave the rest of us who know what
we want out of it.
People who assume that being bisexual always means that you don't notice
gender in the people you're attracted to. Well, maybe, for some people. I
personally am very cognizant of gender in the people I'm attracted
to--their secondary sexual characteristics are part of what I find
attractive. Don't assume that I'm hopelessly hung up on gender stereotypes
if I happen to notice what someone looks like.
People who complain that no one ever approaches
them because they're too attractive and therefore people find them
threatening. First off, if they were so all-fired attractive then people
would approach them--that is what "attractive" means; there really is more
to this than looks. Second, someone's got to do the approaching--why
don't they do some of it? Third, if they consider their beauty the reason
why no one talks to them, it seems likely that they consider that the most
important thing about themselves. If what you look like is the most
important thing about you, why should someone talk to you? They're
getting all they need--or will get--by looking.
Women who ask if it's okay if they ask a man out, or wonder
why their boyfriend won't propose marriage and are getting angry about his
silence on the matter. I can't believe that there are apparently still so
many women who think it forward if they ask a man out on a date, or ask him
to marry them.
The phrase "women who look like women," used by some gay or (more usually)
bisexual women to describe the women they find attractive, annoys me.
Usually means long hair and curves. I have short hair and little in the way
of curves, being tall and muscular. Last time I checked, I still looked
like a woman.
PAULA JONES. Oops, sorry, it's not nice to make fun of people who've
been lobotomized.
The fact that whenever something becomes popular and cool to like, there's
inevitably a backlash in which it becomes cool to hate said thing. Worst
because the people conforming to the latter trend seem to think they're
being clever and subversive, which means that we get ten billion "Kill
Furby" websites by amatuer literary masturbators. For the love of God, what
happened to forming an opinion from experience and intelligence?
Stupid people who elect politicians based on their charisma and looks,
expect them to fix everything plus wipe their asses, and then complain when
it doesn't happen. Come election time, wash, rinse and repeat.
Anarchists. I cannot even begin to describe my disgust for anarchists.
Aside from the fact that virtually every anarchist in existence is simply a
whiny shit who wants to collapse society because he can't handle his own
basic social responsibilities, aside from the fact that most of these
people have no real idea of what they're doing whatsoever, and certainly
couldn't hope to create a better society than the one that exists
currently, aside from the fact that many of these people are zit-speckled
teenage geeks who would die horribly in days in the kind of world they're
supposedly promoting, is the fact that some anarchists are serious enough
to actually kill people. Anarchy is the adult version of the childhood
temper tantrum, and as fun as it is when these people blow themselves apart
trying to make a bomb from instructions they found on a Geocities webpage,
innocent people actually get hurt at the hands of those immature dipshits
serious enough to send bombs and stockpile weapons. Stick it to the Man,
dude!
People who ask about my studies, then tell me with syrup in their tone
of voice that, "If you don't make it you could always be a
pharmacist...or a PA...or a nurse...", then proceed to ask some MALE
premed student in the same damn breath what field of medicine he intends
to specialize in. I hope everyone who does this to me ends up on my
operating table one day.
People who confuse rude or inconsiderate behavior on their part with PMS on
my part.
No, you zit, what you did is ALWAYS rude and inconsiderate - PMS just means
that I don't have the time right now to compensate for your poor behavior.
The guys in CompUSA and Best Buy who follow me around like ducklings
offering their assistance for whatever purchase I might be thinking of making. Even when I tell them
sweetly between clenched teeth that I really am o.k. and if I need assistance I'll be sure
to ask. Look buddy, I've had my hands in the chassis of a PC longer than you've been playing
with your Nintendo and
if I need someone to look confused when I ask about bus speeds, chipsets,
compatability, and
interfaces, I'll be sure to call you over so you can call your manager and
HE can look confused too.
This alarming restoration of the "60s style" to popular clothing.
Bell-bottoms never did it the
first time around. Couple that with the bizarre resistance of many to wear
clothing that fits their asses and you get floppy ill-fitting jeans that are made disgustingly
filthy by mopping the
ground everywhere they go.
If I see another teenager wearing jewelry, hair clips or other accessories that
look like they were designed for a three year old, I swear I'll have to slap her.
Other members of the amateur fantasy art world who think that a poor
rendering of a naked woman
wearing a thong and wielding a sword in thigh-high spiked boots constitutes
a reasonable artistic
depiction of an experienced fighter about to go into battle with a swarm of
armored men. Unzip
your pants and let some air in to your brains.
The covers of packages in hardware stores that depict women with delicately
polished fingernails
using their products. The barf-worthy caption claiming cheerfully "Simple To
Install!". As if
any product that shows that a woman can install it, MUST be easy to use.
Look, the drill, router,
wrenches and sander in our house are MINE - and when I need a power saw,
I'll borrow one of
Mom's. The battery powered screw-driver, well, that's my husband's.
Guys who get all bent out of shape when I beat them at a video game.
Whatsamatter honey? The sign said
insert coin to operate game, not insert dick.
Women who tell me they wish they had my hair it's so curly/soft/whatever.
Oh, do you? Good - This
is what I did. First, I stopped trying to make it look like everyone elses I
saw and liked.
Then, I stopped trying to make my hair look like the latest
style-of-the-minute on the cover of
whatever magazine I saw in the check out aisle. I also ignored everyones
opinion in high-school
as to what they thought my hair should look like. Then I started to ignore
my mother's opinion on
the matter. Then I let my hair do what it does naturally. Now, you TOO can
get people to walk up
and tell you they 'love your hair, how can they get THEIR hair to do that?'.
It only took me 15 of my 30 years
to stop wanting to look like somthing I was not. I gag when I think anyone
(especially myself) spent that much
time at it.
Mothers with twin girls, all three identically dressed... I don't know
where to START ranting
about that. There's so much to choose from. Jon Benet Ramsey's parents
aren't the only ones who
need to pick up the reality check.
Anyone who grants the Jerry Springer show an ounce more reality than a pro
wrestling match.
Anyone who thinks that a TV talk show might actually be a good place to work
out your
differences.
Howard Stern. Talk about your one-trick ponies. Even worse is the fact that
there are enough
people fascinated by the one trick that they keep listening/watching. The
absolute bottom of the
barrel is the never ending stream of morons he finds to put on the air. So
much for Darwin.
Unfortunately, those of us in an arrested state of evolution certainly seem
to be multiplying.
Why not re-name it the Implants And Ass Show and just get it over with.
What's funny are the
guests treated rudely on the show who cry about it afterward. Who did you
THINK you were seeing
today, Dorothy? The Good Witch of The North?
People who always expect someone else to move aside. You've seen them - Six
people walking
side-by-side down the sidewalk so that other pedestrians have to use the
street. The idiots who
stand motionless outside a crowded train door as it opens - and the
occupants have to basically
shove them to the side to exit. The dork who pulls up so close behind you
while you are trying to
back out of a parking space that you have barely enough (or NO) room to exit
the spot he so
desperately wants. Bumble-fucks.
90210, Melrose, Dawson's, Felicity - And people wonder WHY cable TV took off
so damn fast?
Girls that wear shirts with sayings like "It's not easy being easy" and then
wonder why the hell everyone knows that she easy and that the only guys that
date her are the ones that just want to get laid. Get a fucking clue!
High school couples that send out pictures of them together for Christmas as
greeting cards. Disgust!
Guys that Instant Message girls late at night asking them their names and age
and what sex they are. As if I am going to fucking talk to some wet nosed
horny teenager. Why dont they just got find friends of their own? The
Internet has gotten to a sick point where people are depending on IM to meet
people. whatever happened to the old fashioned way. Going out into the world
and meeting people?
Girl/boy scouts that sit outside of the grocery store saling their cookies or
whatever the fuck they sale. So if you dont buy from them on the way in, you
sure as hell better do it on the way out. Why is it that I cannot keep my
money. I have to give it to every snot nosed kid that smiles at me and then
cries when i say no. What is this world coming to?
Total strangers who think just because they have kids, and I do, that we
have something in common. I'm happy with my friends, I don't feel like
playing the "let's go make more friends" game. And when did I ask you to
please come and compare your kids to mine and tell me just how much
smarter than my kids yours are?? As if I CARE, and I'll have my kids
growing up happy without my riding their ass trying to live vicariously
through them.
People who seem to think Pagan=Satan loving/worship/ism. I'm pagan. We
don't even acknowledge Satan, much less love him. Get over your little
desire to have me as another star on your crown, before I puke on it.
Women who compare being mugged, or robbed, or have their credit card
stolen to being raped.
As if there is ANY comparison there. Those women have NO CLUE what being
raped means. And in most cases I'm sure, you present a woman with the
option of being raped, or getting their purse taken, they're not going
to pick rape.
People, women in particular, who think they have some right to critique
my fashion sense.
So I don't wear socks with my birkenstocks, at least I'm not naked.
Girls who refuse to be responsible sexually, back it up with some lame
excuse, and then go to any length to hide their pregnancy, and then get
rid of the newborn.
If you aren't going to be responsible, don't make the baby pay for your
stupid mistake.
People who can be stereotyped as gangsters who walk in large groups down
the sidewalk, or congregate in a large group (even when there's like
only four of them) and get pissy when I don't want to "step aside" and
be intimidated. I don't give a flying fuck who you are, you take your
attitude and spin on it. I do not live in America, just so I can cower
in my house every time you little ignorant, snot-nosed, brats decide
someone "disrespected" you and start a war. You don't even know what the
word MEANS.
Diet/Lose Weight Scams that only show tight bodies doing this intense,
un-godly work out. Show me some supreme obese people doing this workout,
and succeeding, and I'll have faith in it.
"Enraged" guests on Jerry Springer who have every right to be angry, but
can only conjure mindless screaming, or god forbid, the oh-so-effective
shoving, shoe tossing, and hair pulling. If you're going to be pissed,
at least do some serious damage. Give them a black eye, or SOMETHING.
Not just a trip across the stage and back.
People who confuse slimness with anorexia. Some people are just naturally
skinny or, like me, have health problems that make them skinny. And on the
same topic, the fact that it isn't nice to make fun of an overweight person
but it's always open season skinny people.
The excessive use of pastels in girl's toys. In the late 60's and early
70's, Barbie toys and accessories were not exclusively Barbie pink. My
Barbie campervan was yellow, orange, and brown. And my lego was red, black,
blue, yellow, and white. Why do the toy marketeers think that lego has to
come in pastel colours to be appreciated by girls.
Companies that offer special programs for women without
offering the same ones to men. For example, my company offers women's self
esteem workshops but does not offer men's self esteem workshops. I can
think of some men who could use self esteem help more than I could. Why
can't they have self esteem workshops for anyone? And why do ski hills have
Ladies' day with discounts for women but not a Gentleman's day with
discounts for men?
White guys who try to be "pretty fly"... *gag*
The color pink. Why does anyone wear this vomitous color? Do they WANT to
look like a frickin' Marshmallow Peep?!
Misspelled words. Especially when teachers cannot spell. How did you get your
degree in education again?
Public displays of affection that are just obviously so out of control. For
example: straddling your S.O. on a public park bench. GET A ROOM!
Hair in the sink or shower. Or in my food. Need I elaborate?
People who cannot distinguish between "your" and "you're."
Beer. Who decided that lukewarm piss was an acceptable drink?
Cheerleaders in their perky little cheerleading outfits and their hair in
little perky ponytails (or even worse: perky little pigtails) and waving their
perky little pompons in perky little circles -- argh.
Mayonnaise. The way it looks, the way it smells, the way it tastes. Double
UGH.
Tapered-leg pants and the people who wear them. Why God why?
Gretchen Mol, Charlize Theron, Claire Forlani and all the other latest
ingenue/it girls who CANNOT act to save their lives.
Being considered a "himbo" by some simply because I might have "good
looks".
People, namely males, but also some females, who, upon hearing I'm
double majoring in Chemistry and Computer Science make some stupid
remark like, "isn't that hard?" or "wow, there aren't that many women in
computer science." First, yes, it is fucking hard, but unlike you and
your pitiful excuse for a brain, I think I can handle it, and second,
so? Just because you're not proficient with a computer, don't assume
that I, being only 18 and a woman, know nothing about anything
pertaining to computers, or that I can't be successful in a male
dominated field of study. What field of study wasn't fucking male
dominated to start with?
Women who say, "I'm getting breast implants FOR MYSELF, not for
some guy", implying that there exists some deep-seated biological urge to
alter your body with plastic. Admit it, sister. You're getting tits so men
will look at you. Nothing wrong with that, if it's what really want out of
life, but admit it, for heaven's sake!
Older men who don't seem to have a problem chasing those of us who are
under forty around for a quick romp in the bedroom. If I want pure sex,
I'll get it from someone I'm attracted to. Just because you have a dick
doesn't mean I want to suck it.
Boyfriends that complain, while in bed with you, that they still have
strong emotional ties to previous relationships and that their former
partners could, if they really wanted to, get them back into bed. I'm
glad that you've got your friends sweetheart, and I don't care if you
still talk to them, but you lay one finger on them and you've just ended
whatever WE might have been.
People who complain that some traditional terminology is demeaning, and
I'm not talking about serious racial/ethnic ideas here. If you're
joining a Fraternity or Sorority, you're a "Pledge", and if you're in a
Fraternity, you're a "Brother," Sorority, "Sister", regardless of what's
between your legs.
The inability of people who are otherwise very capable and competent to,
once you put them in a room together, accomplish anything.
Chapters of some organizations that refuse to allow females in on the
basis of "Tradition", even when the majority of other chapters are fully
integrated. Slavery, witch-burning, and wife-beating are all
traditions too, but most of us have gotten past them.
'Very Special' episodes of stupid TV shows that I 'won't want to miss'.
These aren't real people, for Christ's sake! If you want to see something
'special' visit someone real in a hospital or nursing home, don't watch the
'wedding' episode of Friends. Sheesh!
The number of unemployed, skanky do-nothing penis owners I see in my office
who wouldn't work in an iron lung, stink and are completely unattractive,
and the pretty young girls who put up with their crap just because they're
men. Hey honey, if he ain't supporting you or treating you like a human
being, why do you think he deserves the time of day? Get yourself a job and
a real man, one with a job and some self-respect!
The fact that my 9-year-old daughter is feeling pressured to be 'skinny'
(she isn't fat) rather than having the healthy, muscular build she already
has. So she has a little belly - who doesn't at that age! She is a lot
healthier than her skinny friends who are on 'diets' (at the age of nine).
Just who are their parents trying to impress? Making them more attractive
to the child molesters perhaps? And another thing: those beauty contests
for little girls are nothing more than a smorgasbord for pedophiles. It
is the sickest thing I have ever seen.
Wholly unsolicited manifestations of pity from ex-lovers. Thanks,
my life went on after we broke up, get over your pathetic
paternalistic power trip!
Guys who send greeting cards with roses on them as a way of winning my heart
or otherwise persuading me of their fitness for the human race. Send REAL
roses or, if the object of your desire shows no interest, forget it.
Guys who RESEND electronic greeting cards after I've ignored the first one.
The friends who used to be sane, then got married, and now tell me when I
bitch about aggressive and/or clueless fools that I should "give them a
chance." Like, you poor pathetic thing, you're getting a little OLD to be
picky...
Millenium hysteria.
Men who do something moronic, disgusting, or incredibly rude and then ask
me if I have PMS when I get angry at them.
Girls at my school who claim not to be racist and then 5 seconds later
explain that they couldn't become involved in a biracial relationship because
it's just, like, wrong.
People that assume I am an airheaded bimbo because I am a vegetarian and a
pagan.
People who think that because I am a feminist I cannot like anything girly.
I happen to enjoy occasionally wearing a flowing sundress and strappy sandals.
I LIKE the color pink, I LIKE to pick flowers, I LIKE sappy movies and I still
believe that women are equal to men in every way and have as much
responsibility to the world.
People who attempt to offend me by calling me fat. Boy, you sure
are clever, making the incredibly intelligent observation that I'm 40 pounds
overweight! I NEVER noticed and NO ONE else ever mentioned
it.
Immature teenage boys who constantly make it a point to insult my girlfriend
and I whenever we walk down the school hallway holding hands; lines such
as "Dykes!" "I wonder which one's the dominant male!" "Gross!"
and other equally moronic comments to cover up for the fact that they're
jealous that we're in a loving, caring relationship and they have to spend
their weekends with ol' righty and an inflatable supermodel.
Jerk-offs who blatantly belittle me with homophobic slurs and then turn
around and act all buddy-buddy when they're strapped for cash in the lunchroom.
THEN when they don't get the money, I'm suddenly the monster for not giving
the brats what they want and they jump right back to calling me a fuckin
homo.
Getting the same punishment in school if you retaliate when someone
hits you with intent to harm. "Yes, I'll stand here while you beat
the living snot out of me and hope a teacher comes by to show you the error
of your ways." Hit the asshole back and what do you get? A
3 day suspension and the lecture of how talking it out would have solved
everything. Or even better, how the bastard has family problems,
a drug addiction, or was just 'having a bad day' and was, therefore, not
responsible for taking his/her problems out on the rest of the world.
Please!
Women who deliberately have children in order to get welfare or
child support as their primary income source.
People who assume that I hate children just because I don't want any of my
own.
People who assume that, because I am 5'2" and blonde, it is okay to "talk
down" to me.
Women who find out I am a scientist, gush about how hard it must be ("I
just couldn't GET physics") and then make some comment about how "feminine"
I am for someone with such a "masculine" job, or tell me how my husband
must be a great guy for "letting" me have such a demanding job. Get a grip!
I was not aware that understanding quantum physics resulted in a
concomitant loss in estrogen. For the record, my husband *is* a great
guy-- and one for whom the concept of "letting" or "not letting" me do
anything would be foreign.
Men who find out I am a scientist and then want to get into some sort of
intellectual pissing match. I don't really care who is smarter, to tell you
the truth. On the other hand I am not going to "play dumb" to satisfy
their egos and guess what? That makes me a castrating bitch! Oh my! How
horrible!
Those soap-opera comics (i.e. Apt. 3G, Rex Morgan and Mary Worth). I
don't really care if Brad is back in town and Sally is filing for
bankruptcy while her husband Dick is having an affair with her long lost
step-sister Joan. This shit has no meaning in my life whatsoever. Do the
writers of this crap really think I get up at 3 am every day run outside
to get my newspaper as quickly as I can to read about what happens next
to Brad and Sally for another dull minute in imaginary peoples' lives?
Give me a fucking break. I don't know anyone else who reads this shit,
and I doubt anyone else does either. All it is a waste of ink that
could be used for a helpful news article instead.
Men that refuse to leave me alone and turn stalker on me.
Pervert professors.
"Are you a model?" and "Does it make you mad that men ask you out just
because you're beautiful."
Genetically inferior specimens (stupid fucking ugly guys) of the male gender
that think they can have it with any woman just because they have a dick.
Lame religious pick-up lines like, "What church do you go to?"
"Felicity" - why is the 'next big thing' an immature idiot who chooses her
college to follow a 'boy' and can't wear a cardigan without pulling on the
sleeves in a 'sweet, vulnerable' way? GAG! BLECHH! My nine-year-old
HB-in-training thinks this girl is a wuss and my fifteen-year-old son
doesn't find this sort of behavior attractive in the least. Why do TV
reviewers think this show is 'brilliant' (well, look no further than Ally
McBeal to get the trend here). It just makes me want to shoot someone!
Preferably a TV executive!
Anyone, male or female, that proposes at 'the spur of the moment'. Yea,
yea, yea it is great to have emotional spikes and all but for something
as deeply encultured as MARRIAGE you better have at least a flower. How
about making it an event? A token ring? Gazing deeply into your love's
eyes over Taco Bell and popping the question is a prefect way to prove
you not only don't love them, but you don't appreciate, respect or have
the maturity to deal with them and the culture you are supposed to
partner them through.
Men who assume because I am a free thinker and often unconventional I
don't want or appreciate some of the rituals of life. When I choose to
go with a tradition I want to enjoy it fully. So yes, I am completely
pissed off at being proposed to in my nightgown in the hallway of my
house without even a flower or a poem. Hello, there was a potential
bubblebath 10 feet away. Have some class.
The phrases "sleep with" and "make love" used as euphemisms for having
sex. One person sleeping in the same bed as another has nothing to do
with sex at all. If you and your partner(s) fell asleep during sex,
then the sex must have been pretty freaking boring. "Make love"..what
does that mean? Either love is there or it isn't, you can't "make" it.
What's wrong with the phrase "have sex?" Absolutely nothing!
People who have nothing better to do at a restaurant than watch people
they've never even met eat, then speculate on their eating habits and
offer critique to their friends. Oh, wait, that would imply these people
HAVE friends...
People who assume that, because I am in a non-monogamous relationship, I
have "no morals." Get over yourself asshole. Just because my ethics don't
depend on some arbitrary rules system doesn't mean I am without morals.
Mine just differ from yours. Furthermore, my open relationship isn't open
to YOU!
When I inform friends and relatives (after they've asked) that I'm
moving in with two guys (my best, and strictly platonic, friends) and
get snickering and sexual innuendo in response. What are you, jealous
that I have supportive friends or something? Get off my back with your
puerile fantasies!
Those stupid homophobic hypocrites who will tell me that "gays harm society."
Have any evidence to prove this? Didn't think so. Maybe when I gangs of gays
roving around looking for het-boys to beat up, I might begin to listen
to that crap...
People who, when they find out about the tough choices I have made in my
life, feel compelled to say things like, "Wow. That must be hard to deal
with. *I* could never do that." They pretend the statement to be
self-deprecating, when
in fact they are attempting (rather poorly) to demean and pass judgment on
my choices. Firstly, you AREN'T in my situation, and secondly, WHO ASKED YOU what you would
do in similar circumstances? *I* certainly didn't...
Obese people who act as though they DO NOT EAT. Like those ones who only
eat a salad in public and pick at it. Even the idiot who dips the FORK in
the dressing... Like I'm sure you eat like that at home, right?
Jewel.
When I reply "I don't have a TV," to some question and get asked, "What
do you do?" or "Why not?" Maybe I'd rather read a good book.
My 10-year-old niece constantly hammering my 7-year-old daughter with
the fire & brimstone fundamentalist Christian bullshit with which her
ignorant parents have brainwashed her. The media presents plenty of
REAL dangers for my kid to be frightened of without being told during
visits and in subsequent e-mails to "pray and be washed in the blud
[sic] of jesus, because i love you and don't want you to be left behind"
when the earth is destroyed. The bible-thumping brood mare who spawned
this kid ought to spend more time teaching her to read and write instead
of encouraging the little monster to proselytize.
Ignorance - in all of it's forms.
SCIF, which stands for State Compensation Insurance Fund; the people that
tell the "doctors" what they can do for you when you have been injured on
the job. Evil, evil, evil. They will lie their way out of paying for any
medical treatment. And these people are only "state workers," some with
the mentality of a nine year old and the ability to think for themselves is
an impossible feat.
The men that think you are "in love with them" because you flashed them one
of your "gifted" smiles, as though you were responsible for how great a
smile you were born with.
The guys at Kinkos Copy Center who give you the "ga, ga" look and tell you
that you don't have to pay for your copy, just because your a good looking
lady.
The guys that ask you to marry them when they are half your age - and are
amazed when you "laugh for five minutes afterwards."
The guys at work that are married and give your whole body the once over
"look," which cumulates in an extensive stare at your "crotch," and then up
to your eyes - as though you are going to respond in same. Jerks, losers,
assholes.
The guy that drinks too much and can't get it up in the bedroom. Then he
tells you that he just had a physical at the doctor's office and was told
that his testosterone levels were excessively high and that he "needs to date
a woman for a long time before sex will work for him." Yeah. right.
The guy that is out with your friend and is constantly staring at you -
when she is not looking. Give it up. As if I'd be interested in
a creep like him...
The guy that works out at the gym all the time and is really "buff." He
takes you out and talks about nothing "of substance," only about popular
songs, the weather, and how many times he lifted his barbells that day.
He drives a gold camaro and picks you up for your date wearing a sleeveless
T-shirt entitled, "Hercules." So you make this your "last" date. Puke,
puke, puke.
Women who try too hard to be "cute" in the office - right down to the
skirts so short she can't bend over even slightly without showing some
muff. *gag*
Cosmopolitan: This publication comes first every time for providing
womankind with self righteous empty headed drivel. It makes me want to
hurl for oh-so-many reasons not least as it assumes it's readers have
supermodel sized frames and bank accounts. In this months UK edition
we are told 'why not dress up as Santa-ette in a little scarlet dress
and white fluffy mules' ... I say why not put the cash towards
improving your mind with a good book every month? You will become a
much more interesting person and your self esteem will improve far
quicker than by reading any their 'self improvement' bullshit.
The recent article in Men's Health Magazine about cheating on your
partner. After the required "Now you shouldn't cheat," it gave a
detailed list of rules to follow so you don't get caught if you do!
When straight people tell me that something is homophobic or anti-gay.
You know, as an openly gay male who does absolutely nothing to hide it,
one would think that I could recognize such things. Apparently, the
same White Heterosexual Protestant Males who decide things like women's
rights issues and racial equality are right, and I, the lowly gay man am
wrong.
Ultra-religious hypocrites who get upset with my friend who wants to
change his faith from Roman Catholic to Greek Orthodox so he can be a
priest and have a family. Some of these people even look at future
priests as potential mates! What's wrong with this picture?
Those same Ultra-religious hypocrites who also hate my friend for being
comfortable with my religion and sexuality. Nobody asked you, I chose
to share with HIM!
Those who look down on others for having sex. Just because you don't
want to do it doesn't mean that everyone else has to be celibate too!
People who are so out of control with their bodies that they can't go
for two months without sex. Doesn't anyone respect themselves anymore?
Women who manufacture relationships so they can say they don't sleep
with men outside of one. "I met this really great guy and we were
together for like four hours and then he turned into an asshole so we
broke up and put our clothes back on and never spoke to each other
again." Just admit you had a one night stand!
Assholes who have social gatherings for the express purpose of excluding
people and then brag about how much fun it was. You know, I had my OWN
dinner party, and, darn...I forgot to send YOUR invitation.
People who whine and cry to directors to get cast. If you deserved to
be in a production, you would have been in it the first time around!
The directors who cast said people.
People who aren't ever on time for anything, and then have the nerve to
get mad that I told them to show up an hour before they had to be. If
you just made it by the skin of your teeth, of COURSE people won't give
you the real time!
The KKK. I'm very sure I'm going to listen to someone who believes so
strongly in their values that they wear a mask when they talk about
them.
The Lesbians on the Jerry Springer Show. Ever notice that they look
like they're all straight out of a porno?
Gay people who refuse to accept what they are. Hey, I did it and it
wasn't fun, but I'm so much happier now that I've admitted it.
Friends who get all pissy, sometimes at *me*, when we're out and men look
at/talk to me and not my friend...look, it's not my fault I fit their
shallow barbie-doll influenced idea of sexy better than you do, and
second, if you really stopped to think about it or knew a thing about me,
girlfriend, you'd realize that this kind of male attention does less than
nothing for me, anyway!
Friends who spend next to no time on their personal appearance, then
complain about how broken out/hairy under the arms/greasy-haired they feel.
Look, get some cover-up/a razor/a shower, and shut up! Or accept the
way you look and shut up! You're the one who packed the lunch you're
whining about now!
Friends who come to me with stories about their bad tempered (can you say
ABUSIVE, CONTROLLING, JERK) significant others, and when I suggest that
they leave the loser, say utterly pathetic shit like, "But who else would
have me?" What, is being treated like shit worth it just to avoid being
alone? Get a life, whiner!
The Clintons
People who, upon hearing that I just got a promotion with my job,
(which means more money and having to
move), ask only how my husband feels about
it! Like I live my life just to suit him. What a joke! I have always
earned more money than him and where I go, he follows! Get used to it - he
has!
The idea that emaciation is the physical ideal for women (as typified by
Ally McBeal et. al.). A woman's worth is not measured by her weight!
Beanie Babies and the "adults" who collect them. Grow up. If I had
$1000, instead of blowing it on some piece of cutesy-pie shit, I'd put
the money towards education or some worthy cause. If your life is so
pathetic that you can't live without "Special Edition #400097853834
Waddle the Penguin" (No, don't go out looking for it, I made that up)
then do the world a favor and don't. You're wasting my oxygen.
Pop music. Enough said.
Assholes who leer at me and act like I'm their afternoon
entertainment. I'm NOT your fucking lapgirl. Don't pretend to be
interested in what I'm doing and then walk away with a smile after
ogling my ass.
People who offer to help me "find God". Well, I haven't
heard that (s)he got lost...
Women who lose excessive weight and than constantly ramble
about "having no clothes to wear" because everything is "too
big now" just to get you admiring their new figure. Honey,
it seems to me you've lost a few extra pounds from the last
time I saw you, and IT'S ALL IN BRAIN-CELLS!
People who go to FRANCE and are annoyed that their cab
driver/waiter/shoe salesperson/cute-guy-at-the-bar does not
speak ENGLISH.
People who travel to another country and then feel they must
bring it up in EVERY conversation, just so you KNOW they
have traveled... "Well, when *I* was in France..." yeah, yeah,
we know. Stuff it.
People who told my best friend that the wedding dress she
wore was no good, because it "showed that she was pregnant",
and when she told them that that's because SHE WAS pregnant,
said "Yes, but not everyone has to know it." What the hell
are they thinking? That after her having a baby, everyone
will think it's one of "those" three-month-miracle-pregnancy-things?!
Adult men who like only teenage girls. They deserve what they get.
Judgmental bastards who assume that because my children live with their father I'm an unfit
mother. Could it possibly be because he makes the most money (for now, I'm
in school) or that I decided why move them 500 miles away from their family
and friends just so I could keep them?
Alanis Morissette. Big deal. She's naked in her video. Yawn.
Shania Twain. Same cloth, different cut.
"Rice Rockets" -Those Japanese "sports cars" whose owners modify with
tinted windows, blue headlights, racing-team stickers, blacked-out brake
lights (now THERE'S a bright idea!) and vanity plates that say "2 FAST" or
"HOLZ AZ".
The drivers of these cars, and the way they brag how "Bad-ass" their
"Ridez" are. Your daddy bought you that car, it's not even a real sports
car, and you sure as hell aren't a "real" sports-car driver! "Real"
sports-car drivers wouldn't be caught dead within a mile of your wheeled
ego-trip.
Men who think it's just "great" (in a really patronizing way) when they
find out that I'm a military historian. But then when they try to
"quiz" me about weapons, combat aircraft, or whatever, and I answer
correctly, they suddenly assume that I must be either gay, bitter
towards all men, or just can't get laid. As if the XX chromosome
pairing precludes an interest in such "macho" subject matter.
Moronic men who think I'm training in martial arts to find a guy. Um,
no. I'm training in martial arts so I can kick ass.
Men in bars:
Why are they so intellectually defective? Every time I go to a bar and
am having a good time dancing, some fuckrag will, inevitably, start
dancing with me, sort of behind and off to the side, like I should
notice him simply because he's male. What are you:
Forrest-fuckin'-Gump? And then he'll look over at his friends and give
'em "thumbs up", like "Whee! I'm dancing with this woman! I'm dancing
with this woman!". And now he thinks he has an "in" just because I'm
not beating the piss out of him. And he always gets closer and closer
and decides he's gonna bump 'n grind with me. And when I turn around
and scream at him, he looks at me and says something akin to "What's
your problem?". Guess what, sunshine: this ain't Basic Instinct, and
I'm not Sharon freakin'Stone, so go grow a face.
Neckless mental-cases who grab my ass. If I turn around and give him the worst verbal beating of
his life. He replies: "Whoa. Relax baby!", as if I'm the one with the
problem. See, I guess I'm just supposed to giggle, snap my gum and
like it, dammit. Think again, you festering pustule.
Guys who think that if they buy you a drink, they
own you for the night, or that you are beholden to them somehow... Thing is,
I see a drink offer as I see a contest: Free Stuff. Nothing more. And
it certainly doesn't mean that I desire him in any way.
The various actresses from "Friends" and Calista Flockheart from "Ally
McBeal". These are women I could never tire of slapping!
Men who start giving me huge sob
stories as soon as I meet them. I don't give shit if you were abused as
a child because most of us WERE and if you used to be a drug addict or
alcoholic then be happy that you're not anymore and stop whining! I
especially hate men who give me sob stories about how their supposedly
horrible ex-girlfriends supposedly treated them so badly. GET OVER
IT! They were probably nice, normal women who were just sick and tired
of your pathetic little asses!
People think that
they can dump all of the their problems on me just because I'm majoring
in psychology, and then call me a "bitch," or
some variant of that, just because I don't want to play shrink... I'm studying to be an EXPERIMENTAL psychologist, NOT a
CLINICIAN you assholes, and guess what? I AM A BITCH!!! The
doctor is out you fucking freaks!!
This guy who picks on the "retarded" friend at our lunch table just to make
himself feel more validated; and the fact that it's so fucking transparent.
Girls who whine repeatedly about how miserable everything in their lives is (an
ever-increasing list of boys who couldn't give a shit, their fascist
parents, and classes they're failing because they waste half the day sending
people chain-letters, e-hugs, and other useless crap like that), and *will not*
stop repeating the same thing until they have elicited some "sympathy" from others.
People who wear their neuroses on their sleeves like badges of honor, and expect
you to alternately feel sorry for them, respect them, and even *like* them for it!
As if it makes them a better person for announcing their flaws to the world.
For heaven's sake, get a grip! Your self-denegrating behavior and brandishing of
your weaknesses is distasteful, unattractive, and uninteresting.
People whose entire sense of self-esteem is derived through the attention and
adoration of others.
Those underwear designers that came up with the wonder bra--gimme a break.
Are we actually so insecure that we have to wear a bra that makes us more
attractive to the opposite sex? Do you ever hear of a wonder jock strap or
wonder shorts?..
Women who feel the urgent need to follow trends because they are too insucure
to be themselves--get a life. You can't tell me that wearing jeans that are
so tight they cut of the circulation to your crotch, or g-strings that ride up
your ass are even remotely comfortable, and wearing them to feel like you are
one of the group is right up there with taking drugs or jumping off a bridge
because someone else does it. Get a life of your own--try to be yourself not
someone else's version of what you should be.
Men who assume and tell others you are not into sex because you will not hop
in bed with them...it's sex with them I'm not interested in.
6" heels--why would anyone risk permanent disability to
supposedly look sexy--and what makes you think hiking up your ass and making
your feet look like deformed goats hooves is sexy? Crippling yourself for a
man is not the least bit sexy.
Women who look down their noses at me because I haven't had kids..Hey I don't
need to give birth to believe I am a female nor do I believe that 9 months of
water gain, swollen feet, hemoroids, etc makes me any more woman. Get real.
To all those females that say I must experience childbirth to be a mother--you
better quit reading those sappy books. Being a mother is changing diapers 15
times a day, getting up at two to feed a cranky baby, putting bandaides on
scraped knees, hugs for things done right, frowns for things done wrong. It's
knowing that you will have to wait for that new pair of shoes because the kid
has grown out of his pants, hoping that you can scrape up one more decent meal
before you get your paycheck,
listening to the child's excitment as he tells you about all the wonderful
expensive toys he has seen on tv and wants for christmas--while you hope and
pray that the less expensive, not-quite-as fun clothes will make him as happy
when that day comes. It's trying to understand the new math, volunteering to
drive for the soccer team, and saying no to having a tattoo or belly button
piercing.
It isn't passing something the size of a watermelon out, nor enduring the pain
that comes with it--it's enduring the pain of raising them and I've been there
and done that.
The Ms,Miss,Mrs,. that I always see on any kind of application.
You don't see that for men. What fucking business is it of theirs what my
marital status or non-status is? What purpose does it serve? I am what I was born
as--end of story.
The melon-minded individuals who conceive of all those feminine hygiene commercials...
Summers Eve, etc. Where do they come up with this shit? I want to know how it's possible to feel "natural"
wearing a pad, or a tampon. Get real. As far as female odors go--hey such is
life. I can only say that I shower like most and if spraying some kind of
puky smelling stuff on my crotch is necessary to feel like a woman I will have
to pass. If someone gets their nose close enough to my crotch to tell what I
smell like they better plan on osteoplasty in the very near future..
Department stores that employ stupid twits to chase patrons around
and spray them with rancid-smelling perfume. I have
had to threaten bodily injury to avoid smelling like a whore house hooker on
many occasions and it would seem to me that the idiots who came up with this
idea would get the message that we don't appreciate it. Maybe they should be
put in a room and sprayed with some of the insecticides they try to pass off
as perfume.
The immature, insipid little pea-brained men, who upon hearing that I have been a horse-back rider since I was 2 years old,
just HAVE to ask whether or not I get "off" on riding...
Or better yet--whether I get "turned on" by riding a horse. Must be
part of their over-active fantasy lives.
Matchbox 20
Men who complain how uncomfortable their work attire is. I would take a
man's suit over typical women's garb any day. A suit is infinitely more
comfortable than heels, pantyhose, and a bra; and, skirts make it difficult to
move about normally.
Men who insist on stopping to "help" change a flat tire or jump your car,
when you've declined their assistance and are already doing same successfully;
then proceeding to attempt to stop you so that they can try to do it wrong.
Men who, upon finding out that my name is Victoria, ask me with a smarmy smile
what my "secret" is. Both unoriginal and obnoxious....get a clue.
People who cheat on their mates. Grow up and either deal with the
problems in your relationship, or break up. It's that simple.
Women who date attached men. If they can't handle their current
relationship, what makes you think they can handle one with you?
Men who think a woman is narcissistic because she isn't interested in
their advances. AS IF we are supposed to spread our legs to every man who says
hello.
Men who think you're in love with them because you haven't told them to
fuck off.........yet. (Even worse, after you tell them they still think
you're in love with them)
Stirrup pants -- Burn them if you have them, please!
Anyone who goes on a diet with the express purpose of being
smaller.....thin is equated with attractive because people who eat properly
ALL THE TIME and are physically active naturally assume a smaller frame.
Healthy people generally appear attractive, it's not a gravity issue.
People offended at the use of the words "bitch" and "ho" in music. While
those who only refer to women as such are horribly misguided, there really are
bitches and ho's in the world.
People who don't understand the social commentary of Beavis and Butthead.
They are not represented as ideals. Try to pay attention and think; they
aren't even cool enough to be accepted by loser extraordinare Todd.
The fact that just because I spend more time READING rather than speaking to
AIRHEADED RICH SNOBBY ASSHOLES I don't have a social life or friends to go
with said social life. If I WANTED to have a vocabulary limited to four letter
and derogatory words BELIEVE ME I'd hang out with them behind the game,
smoking and getting drunk! I'd like to use more than 2% of my brain (You know
the one, that thing three feet above my ass!) thank you very much! Now go
drink your beer and smoke you pot with your "friends." I think I'll go have a
meaningful conversation with my best friend.
People who respond to my talk about skydiving with: "How could you DO such a
thing? What would your (insert- mother/sister/brother/kids/husband/lover/dog)
do if you smacked into the ground?" Why do I get all these
dumb questions? Why does "Joe Bob" father of four get responses like
"cool", "wow", and "no sh*t"? I'm a single woman with two cats. If I hit,
it would have less of an impact than "Joe Bob"'s hit.
Guys who look up their long-lost-girlfriends on the internet and
pester total strangers with similar names, trying to find out if they are "the one"...
Cathy Guisewite. Can't this chick draw anything but frame after frame of
her insecure alter-ego shopping for bras and shoes with her mother and
obsessing about that last piece of cheesecake in the fridge? Is this
all she knows? These pathetic stumps already exist in real life in far
too many numbers; why should they have to crowd my comics page as well?
Leonardo DiCaprio-----why the hell would any self respecting woman would be
attracted to a man who doesn't look a day over fourteen is beyond me
People who treat their kids like shit, then wonder why they are out of
control, disrespectful, angry, depressed. These kids go out and do things
just to get attention.
Conversely, adults who blame their childhood
on the fact that they have serious problems today. Like, abusing, neglecting,
molesting children. You can have problems, but when it comes to the
aformentioned extreme stuff, you are an adult, you know right from wrong and
you can freaking control yourself. You can't blame your deviant behavior on
your childhood!
Media reporting of domestic murders that run headlines such as "love gone
wrong". Killing your partner has nothing to do with love, it's obsession and
the need for control.
People who are only concerned about my chosen mate's financial status.
As if I would measure any person, let alone
someone I've fallen in love with by the width of their wallet, just
because I am female. The assumption being that because I am female I
must meet a male who is financially more worthy than myself. Can I not
have the good job, with good pay? Am I not sufficient enough unto
myself? Is the only possible true love I can attain is that from a man
that is by family, ethnicity, culture, education and economics greater
than I?
Men who cheat on their wives and tell their mistress, "I love my wife
and I'm not going to leave her". Mistresses who continue to fuck with
them. Or, men who cheat on their wives and tell their mistress, "I'm
tired of my wife nagging me-I'm gonna get a divorce", and the mistresses who
believe them.
Men and women who, when asked about their feelings by someone who loves them,
stall and hedge just to keep the adulation going. These people should not be
allowed to reproduce.
Women who brag about all the dates they have, even if few of the dates are
with men they're actually interested in.
Men who look only at the women all the other men are interested in.
Lemmings!
"This was the best thing that's ever happened to me, if it's any
consolation", coming from the person who just dumped you. The best thing
that ever happened to me was learning what a shallow jerk you were before it was
too late.
Women who get pregnant to trap a man into marriage. That is the lowest,
slimiest and most disgusting thing I can think of- to use a human life to
trap some man into marriage. Or to have a baby with some loser at 17 years
old because you think you'll never get another chance, and hope that having
a baby will get your boyfriend to stay with you. Don't tell me that using a
baby to trap a man only happens on soaps. I feel nothing but contempt for
any woman who does this, same goes for men who let themselves get trapped.
Women who think that being a feminist is all about body hair. There is more
to it than leg shaving, and you'd know that if you read a book once a
millennium.
People who never read a newspaper, never read a book, never turn on the TV
and have no interest in the world around them- then want you to explain
everything they are too fucking lazy to look up on their own.
Bestowing hero status to someone just because he's one of the elite few who
will get to travel in space in our lifetime.
The fact that it's impossible to get sexy, well scripted, imaginative
women's pornography in the UK and if you do try looking you have to go
into a dirty sleaze pit full of shifty geezers.
Musicians who say 'Guitar!' during a song. Fuck me, I thought it was a
xylophone.
Customers in restaurants who assume that the server's obligation to
serve them somehow makes her or him worthy of little or no respect as a
human being.
Women who raise their sons to be helpless, self-centered, eternal
boys. Way to go, let's keep producing generations of little pigs. My son
will know how to clean up after himself, he will know how to really
listen when another person is talking, he will know where the Band-aids
are kept and he will wipe his piss off of the toilet rim all by himelf.
Bosses who still act like bosses out of work e.g. maintain their
pathetic sense of humour and expect everyone to laugh. Hey you're not
paying me at this point in time so why don't you go and get fucked
asshole.
Guys that have to tell me they had great sex last night... Yeah and?
Total strangers who say, "Hey, stop being a loner and come sit over here with us",
but couldn't fathom that I'm comfortable where I am, and I am NOT interested
in joining a bunch of dickheads.
The rich, arrogant, himbo (that I dumped), who actually had the nerve
to call me up and request that we get back together because, as
he said, "Well you know I've been dating other people, so if you
want to get back together, you'd better do it now before I find
someone else." It was all I could to to keep my jaw from hitting
the floor, and after I recovered from the shock, I laughed my
head off for 3 days straight!
Being told, upon saying that I plan never to have kids, that I'm "still too
young to decide" (I'm 27) and will "change my mind" or else "live to regret
it." I'd rather live to regret not having kids, with only myself to blame,
than have half a dozen and wind up cursing them from my deathbed as they
wait for me to die so that they can collect my life insurance premium. God
forbid that anyone else should make a conscious, responsible choice that
contradicts their "family values."
How older male actors are cast with female leads half their age, but you
never see the reverse.
How men's clothing is sized according to waist, inseam length, etc. but
women's clothing is sized with an arbitrary numerical system designed to
fool us into either thinking we're thinner than we really are (as if we're
that dumb) or making it blatantly obvious that larger women are really,
really large (as if we aren't aware of that either.) Not only that, but a
size 10 in one store may be a size 12 in another, and a size 8 somewhere
else. Men can go into a store, and if they know their measurements, walk
out in a few minutes with clothes that fit, sometimes without even trying
the stuff on. Just try *that* next time you go into a clothing store you've
never been in or buy from a line you've never worn.
Young girls who think they can "get by" - dropping out of school, getting
pregnant and married by the age of 17, or working in some burger joint
-- and the parents that don't encourage them to be and do something
meaningful with their lives.
Girls, who spend time worshipping people like the Googoo Dolls, and Spice Girls,
instead of thinking about their own futures, and their own financial
security.
Single mothers who brag that their three year old daughters already have four boyfriends.
Morons who assume that just because I am a woman that I am a secretary
or assistant to some MALE broker, and that I can not handle their
business. Sorry, dickweed, but my having breast in no way interferes
with my ability to have a series 7, series 8 or to place your fucking
trade!
Those damn Propecia ads. After they say "Propecia is for men only",
and the men who use it -- Who
needs a jerk that's constantly obsessing about losing his hair anyway?
The salesman at Radio Shack who, when I took my A/B switch and AV
dubbing cables to the counter, asked in his most 'aww, aren't you cute'
tone, "Now, you know these aren't the right cables for this, right?" NO,
jerkoff! I'm just a dumb chick! I'm soooo glad I have you big strong men
around to tell me these things!
The parts manager who tells me the warranty on my factory stereo is
invalid unless I pay "a professional" to install it. Installation
consists of plugging it into the wiring harness and bolting it down. I
guess the warranty on my lamp is void if I don't hire an electrician to
plug it into the wall outlet, huh?
VCR repairmen who, when I take my Betamax in with a jammed tape, take
three weeks to pull it out and hand it back to me, saying "This tape is
bad. You can't use it anymore." No shit, the tape is bad! It's bad
because it got mangled by the defective machine you sold me... the one
you're now too incompetent to find anything wrong with!
NBC, for turning the former Best Damn Show on TV into "Baltimore,
90210". Hey, smegheads, if I wanted to see a bunch of twits drooling
over one another's bods, I'd watch NYPDSpew!
TV execs who think Ally McBeal is 'what today's woman wants to see.'
What, are women with concerns other than men and shoes so rare that we
don't even count, demographically?
The drunken redneck behind me at House of Blues, who spent the evening
alternately crushing me against the barricade, pawing me, and clunking
me on the head with his beer bottle. What kind of moron pays 35 bucks
for a show, and then gets too wasted to even enjoy the music?
Fundamentalists who bleat on about what a 'bad influence' violent
movies/music/tv are... maybe we should censor the Bible every time some
nut machine-guns an abortion clinic, too!
People who refuse to call themselves feminists simply because of the
connotation that the word has won over time and media's abuse. Look it up
before you bash it.
The first Webster's definition of feminism is, "1 : the theory of the
political, economic, and social equality of the sexes." I subscribe to this
theory, and I damn well hope most, irrespective of sex of us do.
The idea that anyone would want to keep a dress Bill Clinton came on.
Male "friends" who act like jerks, then when you're yelling
at them about their excessively jerky behavior, find it a turn-on! With friends like this...
The fact that more people watch "Ally McBeal" than "Buffy
the Vampire Slayer".
Men who look at Ally McBeal as a romantic ideal.
Women who identify closely with Ally McBeal.
Overbearing clowns who are the only ones who believe in
their own powers of persuasion.
Men who bounce from woman to woman, screwing over
each one in turn, and complaining to each successive
woman that they need "companionship". Get a bitch of the
canine variety, not an HB, loser! And remember to feed her
every once in a while!
Women who think that a guy who has been a total jerk
to other women will somehow be different with THEM - Like they have
something so special that the guy will miraculously turn into a
decent human being. Yeah. Right.
The new "religious" Dr. Laura Schlesinger. Just another person charged
by god to be an ASSHOLE. She should get her ass on a religious station.
I actually heard her reproach someone for yelling at his mother because
it broke one of the ten commandments, even though his mother was being a
total bitch. She should be banned.
Men who think that having a hot tub somehow means that I will have sex
with anyone who leers at me. And why do these dick heads assume that
when I flat out tell them I have a hot tub to relax in, not as some sort
of unspoken signal that I'm a slut, that I'm not serious? Get real
asshole! If I wanted you, you would know!
Guys who, on ending a relationship, ask "Can we still be friends?" when
they really mean "I hope you don't hate me". If you want to be friends
that's fine, but it's also fine if you'd be happier never seeing me
again. I am a mature adult, I can handle the truth.
Men who will openly flirt with me and tell me how charming and intelligent I
am, dish out one sexual innuendo after another, but at the same time tell me
they couldn't possibly date me because I'm "too tall" for them. I usually
respond with, "Well, that's ok, I usually don't date short-minded men
anyhow."
People who indiscriminately send you religious e-mail, "Jesus Loves
You," etc, along with their regular messages, or ask you to join their
church while you are eating dinner. Not everyone in the world is a
Christian.
Canada's prime minister Jean Chretien. The second prime minister in
Canada's history to violate the Canadian Constitution and Charter of
Rights. 'ti-Jean should be in Laval Penitentiary with his rapist son.
Mark McGuire, "Flo-Jo" et al. These "athletes" use all kinds of steriods
and other performance drugs, and we're supposed to celebrate their
accomplishments or mourn their "premature" deaths? I really question the
mental health of someone who takes a drug that will make their hearts
explode in their chests by the time they are forty just to hit a little
ball over a fence, or to win a foot-race. Losers.
15-year old girls who wear shirts in shopping malls that are so short you
can see the bottoms of their nipples. Doesn't do anything for me, but I'm
sure the pedophiles appreciate the effort.
Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2000, All Rights Reserved
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