Part 5 (steady, now...)
And buckets more of Things that make us want to HURL!
People who think that hair length, cosmetic use, and a preference for jeans
are biological gender determiners.
People who slam other religions and then immediately state that their
religion respects others' beliefs.
Those who have a very low ethical level for themselves, yet require their
employees to walk a razor sharp line "or else".
People who don't realize the hard of hearing get really good at reading
lips.
Beauty pageants:
It amazes me that in this post-industrial society in the threshold of the
21st century,
women allow themselves to be paraded in front of an audience like prized
heifers.
Everything about MissAmericaMissUniverseMissWorld et.al. makes me want to
hurl: the stupid frozen smiles, the helmet hair, the "talent" contests. And
don't give me any crap about the pretended "scholarships" and how the
pageants represent an "opportunity". An opportunity for what? To act like
an idiot in front of the Great Unwashed?
Don't you think life affords you enough opportunities to behave like a
moron to go look for one?
Everybody involved in those contests, from the vomity judges to the idiot
contestants and moron audiences should be taken out and shot
Ceausescu-like.
Child beauty pageants and the creepy parents behind them:
'Nuff said.
"Feminine hygiene" commercials:
Every self-respecting woman should be allowed to sink an ice-pick into the
penis of the
marketing pods that dreamt up this campaign. The implication that women are
"dirty" just because they're women sends me into a homicidal rage. Go visit
my gym or any gym where more than five
males are together and you'll realize that masculine hygiene is a more
pressing issue.
Sen. Exon and the Communications Decency Act:
Another example of a moron politician (hmmm, was that a redundant
expression?) trying to
regulate something he doesn't understand and doesn't know anything about.
(To Sen. Exon: Try and
learn to operate a computer. It'll do wonders for your other brain cell.)
The word "decency".
Randall Terry and "Operation Rescue":
If we continue to tolerate this imbecile we're well on our way into
becoming the Republic of
Gilead.(cf. The Handmaid's Tale).
Sen Jesse Helms and the people of his state for electing this steaming
mass of puke.
Anything with the words "family values" in it.
Everytime I see those words my Big Brother alarm goes off.
Ralph Reed and the Christian right wing.
As they carp about how great America is they conveniently ignore that the
Constitution wants the
Church and State separate. Which is one of the reasons why the U.S. is such
a great country.
Sen Trent Lott and his homophobic attitudes.
Phyllis Schafly and her "Eagle Forum".
Why this gender traitor wants to perpetuate the repression in which she has
lived for most of
her life is beyond me. Prime example that assholishness cuts across classes
and genders. Needs a
good whack of the famed 'Clue-by-four' (TM).
The "new" Donna Rice and her holier-than-thou attitudes and lectures.
Two words: Oh, please!
Rush Limbaugh.
Stupid loud fat guy that needs to get laid. Unfortunately for him, I doubt
that it will be with
a human being.
Women's magazines: Cosmopolitan, Redbook and their ilk.
People (and in particular, men) who look at me funny when I tell them
that I don't give a
flying fuck about sports, sports on TV, race car driving or any other
supposedly "male"
activities. I can just see what they're thinking: "Oh, he must be gay". I
don't mind being taken
for gay, what I do mind is the abysmal stupidity shown when somebody
doesn't fit their
preconceptions.
Lice crawling in a man's eyebrows...
Parents who REFUSE to discuss sex with their kids. Parents who think
that just telling a kid, "Don't do it" is enough...these kids (the
ignorant ones) go to school with my kids. My kids know about sex, and
STD's and condoms...so what REALLY makes me wanna puke is when one of
these idiot parents suggests that I'm
being too liberal because I talk to my children about respecting their
bodies, how those bodies work, and how I don't want them dead because
they didn't plan appropriately for the care and keeping of that body.
The latest television offerings on the network.
Do network execs really think we're all that stupid? Thank goodness for
cable!
The TV news "anchors." There is always a 50 something anchorman and his
perky, young female sidekick. Have you ever seen two women at that desk?
Why is the woman almost always the token minority on the show? Ever
notice that as the weather got more technical the "weathergirl" was no
longer needed for her looks? It has to be a man now. What ever happened
to Connie Chung anyway?
People who assume that because I'm straight and believe in gay
rights, that I'm a closet lesbian - hey, EVERYONE should believe in
basic human rights!
Unattractive, drunken jerks who assume that because I'm overweight
that I'd allow them to put their slimy hands on me - as if my "not
socially acceptable" body stands for "Hey, I don't look like Kate Moss,
so I'll fuck anybody!" We zaftig babes have taste too, buttholes!
Politically-correctness addicts who misinterpret every statement
as discriminatory. Where I work, a real-estate agent can't even
describe a home as "perfect for couples" anymore without being fined - I
mean, if a single person wants to buy the house, the agent will sell it
anyway, right?
So-called "women's magazines" and their flair for jumping on the
latest politically correct issue - and then switching back to their old
methods of reporting the next month. "Oh, fur is so evil, but that's
all we're featuring in our magazine next month!" If I want hypocrisy
shoved down my throat, I'll watch Jimmy Swaggart!
Men who think just because I am a bartender (and married) that I am there to
be their personal plaything.. "you should wear tighter shirts, jeans, bend
over when you get my drink!!" Get Real! I am there to make a living just
like you do at your jobs -- I am not your Playmate of the week!!
People who give backhanded compliments. Like "for a fat girl, you don't
sweat very much."
People that assume that because someone works with his hands he/she
has no brain and isn't a productive member of society. Hey, who do you
think built that highrise you work in, that car you drive, your lovely 3
bedroom 2 1/2 bath home,?
People that hate others for looking, acting, thinking, being
different than they are. PUKE
ISMS- racism, classism, sexism, ageism, etc. and the people who think
in an ISM sort of way.
That panty liner commercial which shows a bunch of women on
the beach with some Zap Mama-esque music in the background,
with a narrator going on about how they can only lead normal
lives if they feel "fresh". My favourite (?) line: "When I
feel fresh, I can embrace." I guess you can't get close to
anyone if your cunt doesn't smell like daisies.
Those who, upon hearing that I attend Smith, a women's college, immediately
ask about the lesbian population, or better yet, my own sexual orientation.
(e.g. "So, hooked up with any chicks yet?" - well, no, but believe me,
you'll be the first person I call if I ever do, you homophobic little
prick) Even better are the countless numbers of people who ask why I would
want to go to an "all-girls" school.
Hmm....perhaps for the excellent education, with fringe benefits including
beautiful dorms and the absence of skanky frat boys?
Men who tell me that I "kiss like a man" because I bend THEIR heads back and
take control. I also lead when I dance! So what? Quit whining and just enjoy
it!
The white guys I meet in bars that come on to me
with the line "I've never been with a Black woman" as if I fucking care. Poor
baby, sounds like a personal problem. And worse, the ones who come on as if
they never noticed the fact that I am the only thing dark in the place aside
from the Jack I'm drinking. If I want you, you'll know, if not, GET AWAY FROM
ME!
People who assume that just because someone can't speak English, he or she
is stupid.
In the highschool cafeteria: Girls who are constantly looking at other
girls' trays to see how much/what kind of food they are going to eat.
Men who pretend to reveal their homosexuality to you instead of just
telling you they don't want to date you anymore.
Women who would rather die than date a man shorter than them.
Email chain letters and "e-hug" crap.
Airhead "sowhoreity" chicks who, upon passing me in the hallway and seeing that
I have been crying recently, will walk up to me (not even knowing my fucking
name,) hug me and ask if it's a "man problem". Actually, I'm proud to say that
there are other things in my life to worry about, because thanks to the end of
a miserable long-term relationship 5 months ago, I no longer have some asshole
of a "man" to shed any tears over. I have work to do. And the reason I have
just been crying is frustration over messing up an important reaction in the
lab this morning. Something you wouldn't understand the first thing about,
sweetie, because when you're actually sober enough to show up for a class,
it's something adorable like Communications 101 or some stereotyped girlie
shit. The moral of my long, long story?? Fuck off and don't touch me. DON'T
TOUCH ME. I don't want to be hugged by someone who could give a shit if I live
or die.
People who, on hearing my major is chemistry, come out with the asinine
reply, "Wow, chemistry! That's, like, so hard. I failed high school chem".
AAAAAAAARRRRGGGH! Shut up! I don't care how you did in your high school
chem class! You'd be doing us both a favor by answering with "That's nice" or,
"Good luck". Or better yet, by shutting UP!
People who think Stay at home mothers housewives, etc., do nothing but sit
around all day eating bon bons and watching television. Oh I forgot since I
am not punching a clock I must not be working!
That stupid-ass TV show the WB has come up with from the depths of their
dreck machine, "Felicity". Some stupid bint with frizzy hair decides to
dump her education and plans for a career to chase some guy she has a
stupid little teeny-girl crush on to a whole other city because she
thinks it could "change her life"? And I'm supposed to like this
because I'm female? Why are they letting all these neurotic,
male-obsessed idiots be the main female characters on TV? I'd much
rather watch Xena or Buffy kick some ass than listen to Ally McBeal
stutter and whimper her way through her latest crisis.
Men (or women) who think that just because I'm a D-cup blonde, I'm a slut and
an idiot.
Men who talk to my breasts as if they could hear... and even if they could,
they probably wouldn't listen.
Women who automatically take a dislike to me because I'm more attractive
than them and they're so fucking insecure and afraid of God-knows-what
that they don't even have the decency to be polite. This is after
they've given me the rude once-over...
Dark lip-liner. yechhh.
People who respond "But you're gonna hurt yourself!" when I express
interest in swords and guns. What? The extra X chromosome I have makes
me weapon-challenged?
People who say really rude and nasty things to under the cover of a smile,
then say, "Oh, what's the matter, can't you take a joke?" when the recipient gets pissed
off.
Customers that have asked to speak to the boss and don't believe me when
I answer the phone and tell them that I AM the boss!
Idiots that assume that because I'm a woman that I don't understand
football rules.
Men that are impressed that I know how to DRIVE a stick shift car - and
don't believe that I can fix it myself!
The fact that we hear more in the media about the President's sex life
than about famines and wars and truly important things happening in the
world. People who follow such media-based trials to the detriment of
the rest of their lives.
Women who aren't sure if their birth control is working properly, but
don't tell their lover about their concerns because "he already has too
much to worry about".
Any girl who measures her regard for a guy by what she
will allow him to do to her!
Men who call up a technical support hotline I work for, and I answer the
phone automatically assume I am the receptionist because I am a woman.
Sorry Charlie, I *am* a technician, and now I couldn't give a rat's ass
about your problem or about helping you with it!
Girls who get offended when the word Bitch is mentioned in
their presence.
Addicts who refuse to accept responsibility for their illness. OK, so I've
accepted the fact that it's an illness. There IS treatment available. What
would you think of a person with a curable life-threatening disease that
doesn't seek treatment??? Go find some other dumb fuck who gives a good
god-damn that you want to kill your sorry ass by pouring that shit down your
throat or pushing it into your veins.
People who assume that just because someone is a conservative, that they
are also greedy, cold-hearted, close-minded, racist, or super-religious.
All being a conservative means is that you believe in the concepts of
inalienable rights and individual responsibility, not that you want to toss
welfare mothers out of their homes. Compassion is not a political belief.
So-called "Right-wingers" who embrace only the "trendy" beliefs of
conservatism (such as fiscal restraint and "family values"), but don't
bother with the tougher ones such as civil responsibility or charitable
contribution. What's even more frustrating is the way these people reject
any other political belief that doesn't meet their narrow-minded, Pat
Buchanon-like standards.
The Hank-Hill-of-Arlen-Texas response you get from these "right-wingers"
when you tell them you believe in gay rights. Canada is a free country and
its citizens are treated equally under the law, gay or not. Supporting
equal treatment for gays doesn't make me "pro-gay," just "anti-moron."
Women who have sex with assholes. If women wouldn't have sex with
assholes, their asshole genes wouldn't get passed on, nor would they be
able to teach asshole ways to young impressionable boys. Please think of
the well-being of future generations!
Men who have sex with dim-witted bimbos. If men wouldn't have sex with
these idiots, their idiotic genes wouldn't get passed on, nor would they be
able to teach their impressionable young daughters to behave like giggling,
fluff-headed, gotta-get-a-man twits. Please think of the well-being of future generations!
Women whose normal demeanor is reasonable, intelligent, and witty who
act like completely brainless, helpless, wishy-washy BIMBOS when a man they
want to impress walks into the room. It's like watching Dr. Jeckyll and
Miss Hide-My-Brains-So-He-Won't-Be-Threatened-And-He'll-Like-Me [gag! retch!]
Those goddamn diamond commercials that ask if "two months salary" isn't
enough to pay for a lifetime of companionship...yeah, sure, buddy! Buy your
woman a diamond or else YOU don't really love her! Of COURSE you make
enough money to buy any woman's affections no matter how much of a prick
you are! And don't forget, girls, if HE doesn't drop thousands of dollars
on a necklace or a ring for you, HE doesn't really love you!
Shameful excuses for manhood who approach me in bars, strike up a
conversation, and then ask, "So, who's your friend? Is she single? Do you
think she likes me?" What do I look like, a friggin' matchmaker? Ask her
yourself -- I'd love to hear what she has to say to you, loser.
Extremely thin girls, who are aware of their slimness and yet moan, "Oh, I'm soooooo
fat!" in order to get people (usually men) to give them attention and
reassure them to the contrary. This is a variant of the old "Do I look
fat?" no-right-answer question insecure women ask their spouses/significant
others in order to manipulate them into saying what they want to hear. Both
variations are immensely disgusting.
Guys who think that when a female gets into a mosh pit or crowd-surfs at
a concert, she is expressing her desire to have her ass, tits, and crotch
purposefully and invasively groped by them. Hey, in these situations
sometimes people accidentally touch others in personal places, but when I'm
trying to enjoy a band and I feel two strange hands reaching around feeling
for my boobs, I tend to kick backwards -- HARD. If these jerks were to be
groped themselves by another drunken, idiotic frat boy it'd be a different
story, wouldn't it?
Teenage assholes in lowriding trucks and muscle cars with cheesy ground
effects INSIDE the cars who blast their bass-heavy stereos outside my
apartment at one in the morning, then turn around in the convenience store
parking lot across the street making it IMPOSSIBLE for me to leave or enter
my apartment complex on weekend nights because of the traffic congestion.
Not only that, but they harass people going into the store, yell
obscenities at strangers, and throw bottles and cans at people's cars, then
peel out and hurtle down the road, honking and swerving. Woo hoo. Hey
kiddies, if you aren't old enough to go into a nightclub and aren't smart
enough to get a good fake ID -- go home and play Twister, and get the hell
away from my house! I am not impressed by your puerile display of
testosterone poisoning!
The fact that every TV commercial I've ever seen for a household
cleaning product shows a woman using it -- never do they show a man doing
dishes or scrubbing the grime out of the toilet!
How a white cotton T shirt in a department store costs $25 in
the women's department...but that exact same T-shirt costs only $15 in the
men's department!
A world overrun by supermodels, MTV, knuckle-dragging dirtbags, and tittering fools
whose bust measurements are double their IQ.
'beanie babies' and the adults who are obsessing about them
People who have a picture of their
significant other on their web page with ridiculous statements attached
such as, 'Don't touch him, he's mine." Get a fucking grip.
People who lie poorly or excessively to people they hardly know,
in order to get sympathy or attention.
'I got mono', 'I got my gym teacher fired', 'I broke my leg wearing 6 inch heel
vinyl boots'.. the list goes on and on, I'm not impressed. On a side
note, why would you want to lie about some tragic? 'Oh, I got raped 4
times.' I guess they weren't getting enough sympathy over the story about
the being raped once, so they figure "more rapes"="more sympathy"? Gag me.
People who sign other people's (web) guest books with their
pictures.
Dickhead gay men who, upon finding out I'm not straight, immediately
assume, without taking into account any opinion of mine, that it is
perfectly OK to crack onto me outrageously, feel it their immediate
right to state to everyone I am interested in him, and then claim that
I am 'confused', 'experimenting' or even worse, 'not serious about
being gay' when I'm not interested in him.
Women who stay at home and judge working women on why they would want to
work!
Working women who judge stay-at-home mom's by asking what they do all day.
People (mainly men) in chat rooms who, when they find out I'm female, ask
me what I look like. huh? (I usually tell them I'm 55, gray hair, weigh
300lbs and have no teeth.)
Guys who ask other women for dinner dates in front of me, then come to
me after they get blown off, thinking I'll give them a mercy f--k. At
least prostitutes get paid.
Guys expecting me to be more desperate and put up with more of their
crap because I'm not as young as I used to be. Yep, that's right: I'm
getting older. And I have less time to waste on morons than I used to.
Guys who call my answering machine at home during business hours, then
expect me to return the call. Guess they'd rather talk to my machine.
Well, my machine is all they'll be talking to!
Guys who call you at the last minute for dates and expect you to date
them even though it's obvious that if they really wanted you, they'd
call you more promptly. Don't waste my time.
Women who smoke cigars. Dupes.
Men who smoke cigars. Pigs.
The word "alternative". Poor mask for the SAMO status quo.
The fact that Alanis Morrisette sells better than Polly Jean Harvey.
Being expected to get turned on by my boyfriend's porn collection.
(Instead, I laugh uproariously.)
Not being greeted politely by men unless I'm wearing makeup, a
dress, and heels.
Guys who invite you to after-work socials, parties, etc. then
studiously ignore you the entire time you're there because there's
man talk to be done.
Ambivalence as a permanent state of mind.
Being told by prospective suitors that because I won't put out due
to religious beliefs, they won't date me because they're "too
selfish". Of course, they don't think that being that selfish is
something they should WORK on...
Guys who expect you to put up with their annoying problems
(procrastination, substance abuse, etc.) rather than work on them.
Find another sucker.
Divorced men who use their young sons to try to pick up women. They
train their boys to hunt down women without wedding bands, and then ask
them for their phone numbers so that "daddy can call you." The phone
number bit usually occurs after dad gives the sob story about how his
kid is smarter than him because he burned his brains out on drugs in
Viet Nam, and/or how he's having a hard time finding and keeping a job.
I guess that is meant to elicit pity. Oh, I pity you alright!!!
People who think that because I have chosen (yes chosen) to be a
waitress, that I must be unintelligent. Well get over it you jumped up
secretary bitches. I make more money than you and work half the hours.
Don't talk down to me. I am well read, articulate, and don't need your
50 cents worth of bullshit.
Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2000, All Rights Reserved
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