Part 4
Gads! STILL more Things that make us want to HURL!
Men at the bar who think they can put their hands all over the waitress
because they gave her a 25 cent tip.
People who mumble, then question your intelligence because you didn't
understand them.
Men who consider buying flowers foreplay.
Men who think that a wolf whistle, followed by a "Hey Baby!" is a more
effective pick-up line than "Hi, how are you?"
People who come over to my house for a visit then whinge about the type
of music I like, well sorry that I'm not into the spice girls, deal with it!
After all, I don't complain about your hideous decor when I visit you.
People who use their children as an excuse to not leave a bad
relationship. For god's sake, better to be brought up in a separated
family then live in a house full of animosity. STOP using your children
as an excuse for your own laziness and insecurities.
Friends whom I've had for years who continually ask me for advice regarding their children, (because I am
a child psychologist), and then when I give it to them (and it doesn't
agree with their own set of moralities or doesn't fit in with their
gambling time), have the audacity to tell me that I don't know what I'm
talking about.
Parents who have managed to raise the most obnoxious little brats on the
face of the earth, because they think any form of child discipline is cruel.
My family asking me:
- "When are you going to get married?"
- How many children are you having?
- Do you have any boyfriends?
My mother trying to fix me up with some guy because he is good-looking and has $$
My father's lame gay jokes because I wore black or worse yet, the completely
lame comment, "Has somebody died??""
Women at barbecues who feel the need to point out the fat content of
every food item and lament over how many raw veggies they ate while
simultaneously telling me about their master's thesis on women's
self-esteem issues.
Straight women who assume I'm hitting on them if I mention I'm a
lesbian.
Straight people at work who want to know about my personal life and
don't pick up on the not-so subtle clues that I'm gay. Then, when all
else fails, and they've forced me to say the actual words, they accuse
me of 'flaunting' my sexuality and 'forcing' it on them.
Straight people who think homosexuality is only about sex acts.
Lesbians who are horrified if I say that a man is attractive.
Having to explain that endometriosis is more than just 'cramps'.
Being thought some sort of wimp because I take time off work during my
period (due to endometriosis) with no regard to the fact that I make up
the time through the rest of the month.
Waify supermodels! Who sold the fashion industry on the idea that men
are attracted to preteen anorexics that wander through life with a
facial expression that looks like someone just ran over their puppy?
UGH!
The Stud Syndrome: These are the guys that "think" they are attractive. The
obnoxious ones that prey on women at bars. They are usually characterized by
heavy cologne & a sports coat.
Parents who say "Let them be kids, fer chrissakes!" when I explain the
dangers associated with doing something (either before letting them do
it, or telling them not to).
Anyone who appears more plastic than the carton my milk sits in.
Women who allow themselves to be totally I mean TOTALLY controlled by their
mates - even down to their hair: "Oh no I could never cut my hair like that! So-and-so would kill me!" Jeezus just cut the goddamned hair and tell that mealy
mouth bastard it's your hair, not his.
People who think because I opted for a shorter cut my husband must be so
pissed with me. Uh, no, he respects my individuality and does not try to change
me. "Wow! You're so lucky!" No. It has nothing to do with luck. I am just very very
smart on my choice of mate.
People who think because I opted for the mentioned cut I am some sort of a
lesbian. Gods! Enough with the fucking stereotypes you morons!
Living in a place that makes Deliverance look like Beverly Hills!
Men who think because a woman is liberated about nudity that she is naturally
easy with her "favors". Uh no, I don't think so. Just because I am not ashamed of
my body does not mean I share it with scum sucking assholes like you.
The same kind of men who have the nerve to ask "Can you teach me how to be so
free?" Hell no. Do I look like a fucking professor? If that's what you want PAY
ME.
Men who think just because you fucked them once they think you'll fuck them
again. Sorry babe, some of us learn from our mistakes.
Women who say things like "Oh he "lets" me have a
career".
Women who "let" their husbands decide when to have another kid. Uh excuse me? Is
he going to give birth it?
Parents who tell you not five minutes after they meet you, "You know, MY
LITTLE (so-n-so) is bright-gifted-advanced-smart!!! (etc. fill in the
blank for the buzz word of the year)" Like, you think I'm going to be
awed by your kid's alleged brilliance when you're such a dim bulb?
Women who make good money and have great careers, but refuse to be smart
about their own money, and proudly announce things like, "I don't have
an RRSP and I don't care," or "I am just not good with money." You earn
it, it's yours, get good with it.
Women who won't invest in property of their own, but continue to rent
while waiting for Prince Charming to come along. I have two words for
you: Get Equity!
People that go to the drive thru at a fast food restaurant and ask for
"lite ice" in their soda.
Women who give me dirty looks because their boyfriends are flirting with
me. (I'm trying my best to look bored and uninterested by the way)
Hey! Don't look at me. Your boyfriend is the one who needs a swift kick
to the head!
Girlfriends who suddenly find me threatening as a woman when they are
back on the singles market. Hey! Get off your ass and start
aerobisizing! and slap on some make up! You know the rules. Either
accept what you have or conform all ready and STOP whining about what
you DON"T have. Look at what you DO have.
Men who tell me "I hope you get some sun this summer" because I shun
the sun. LOOK I'm pale by choice. GO Away. I'm not going to get melanoma
to please your view of what healthy is.
Good-looking men who expect me to be as in love with them as they are
with me. Look himbos, get a personality and a backbone and then stand
in line. I may be a wonderwoman, but I'm not looking for a Steve Trevor,
I'm looking for a WonderMAN!
himbos who are first attracted to, then threatened by my bluntness,
charisma, humor, intellect and vigor for life. I'm sorry should I be
dull and boring like you?
The alleged "feminist artist" who told my feminist artist friend that
she shouldn't use female nudes in her work because it's "pornographic."
Rich yuppie guys slumming in soho bars and art events who say, "I always
really wanted to be an artist....but I went for the money. [soulful
sigh]" I think I'm supposed to take pity on the sensitive soul crushed
by conformist society, but it doesn't work that way.
Cab drivers who ask me if I'm married.
The Chicago Tribune's "Womanews" section (the rest of the paper must be
"Manews"). There you'll find stories on things like breast cancer
research and feminist activism in other countries (god forbid MEN should
have to read about that stuff) thrown together with articles on sewing,
parenting, Miss Manners, reviews of "women's" books and lots of fashion
and plastic surgery ads.
Guys who think that because sometimes I go to concerts and music clubs
alone, I must want to get picked up. Uh, maybe it's possible I'm there
for the MUSIC? (So don't yell at me over the band--even a shitty band is
usually a lot more interesting.)
People who assume that because I'm polyamorous I must be interested in
having a zipless fuck (with THEM, of course) or joining in orgies with
creepy strangers (including THEM, of course). It just means I'm inclined
to be involved in more than one sexual/romantic RELATIONSHIP at a time,
without lying about it, or I might have sex with a good friend once in a
while--it doesn't mean I have no standards!
Men who complain about being "success objects", yet ridicule any woman who
asks them out or offers to pay for things, and call her desperate and needy.
Intelligent, interesting, successful women who think it is "romantic" to have
a traditional wedding where they are GIVEN AWAY by their father (never their
mother, you notice) and take their husband's name(or hyphenate their name with
his, which is lame-assed. Is he going to hyphenate his name? Of course not.)
It is especially sad when you point out to a bride-to-be that these traditions
literally meant that the husband OWNED his wife, and she tells you they don't
mean that anymore. So what do they mean? Nothing? If your wedding ceremony is
so important, why include something meaningless?
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Spare me!
The new "more liberal" sex manuals written for Christians which suggest that
masturbation might not be a sin for teenage boys, widowers, and widows. Notice
that no mention is made of girls? Like we are some Fucking sleeping beauty
blow-up doll that has to be awakened to enjoy sex, and then only in the
generally pointless, worthless missionary position. I think Jocelyn Elders had
the secret to the universe when she said schoolkids should be taught
masturbation. When she lost the Surgeon General position, we all should have
stopped right where we were and played with ourselves openly in protest.
The pro-lifers who say that "We shouldn't punish a rapist by killing his
child." No mention of the traumatized, angry, violated victim in there, but
these people think women are unimportant, obviously. I think we should help
the rape victim get an abortion if she wants it, even if it means carrying
shotguns ourselves, and then punish the rapist by cutting off his arms. Ever
see an armless person hold a weapon, (including his penis), or hit someone?
Male art students so enraptured with living the bohemian(poverty filled)
lifestyle that they revel in their own filth, malnutrition and
grunginess in order to scrimp enough cash for their weed habit.
People who say a man will never love me if I don't lose ten pounds.
Stupid magazines aimed at the "typical" teenage girl that say things like "so
you're beachin' with the rents" and use words like "convo" and "gabfest." What
the fuck? Just because I happen to be 15 doesn't mean that I am illiterate,
or one of the trendyass bimbos they are aiming their shit at that uses phrases
like "beachin with the fam." Oh, and by the way Ms. Oh So-cool-trying-to-
sound-like-I-am-16-when-I-am-40, I have never talked about a "washboard-abbed
surf sweetie." Get a clue, and start a magazine market that caters to REAL
teenage females.
Rosie O'Donnell --especially when she sings, kisses the guests, eats a pastry
of some kind, tosses those stupid koosh balls, plays "tommy can you hear me",
talks about tom cruise, talks, kisses the guest's ass, and her K-mart ads.
Guys who do Jack Nicholson impressions - especially when they say that "You can't handle the truth" bit
"Show me the money" --it's over, let it go.
That annoying little brunette girl on the Pepsi commercial with the Joe Pesci
voice over.
Matt Damon
People who type, "coo"
wiggers (white kids that act ghetto)
People who call themselves "goth," when they're just a bunch of rich white
kids playing dress-up.
people who sneak a look at you to see your reaction after telling a stupid
joke.
The only way you can tell it's a Mexican in a cartoon is if the guy is
wearing a sombrero and the girl is wearing those gaudy ruffled dresses with a
rose behind her ear--or she's dressed like carmen miranda w/ a friggin fruit
basket on her head.
guys in their 30's living at home, and they write their name on the food and
drink in the fridge (that their mom pays for).
How people (men, mostly) automatically think that just because a guy can
admit that another guy is attractive, that he's obviously gay.
Realizing, and vocalizing, that someone is attractive, and BEING
attracted to that person are two totally different things.
People who think that just because they're liberal, they're
automatically wonderful people, when they're often just as close-minded
as the conservatives.
People who complain that they are fat and say that they are going on a diet
and then go and eat at Macdonald's
Men who see a conversation between women in a public place and feel no
compunction about butting in and demanding the topic be changed to their
only subject--themselves. These are usually the same guys who, when you
(more politely than they deserve) ask them to butt out, start grunting
"LESBOS!"
The umpteen people at my sister's wedding who felt it necessary to say
'oh you will be next' and 'we'll be back for your wedding' regardless of
the fact that I am only 21 and have no urge to get married anytime soon.
Like marriage is something that I should be planning on immediately
because there is obviously something wrong with a single, independent
woman who wants to finish her education and travel the world. Doubly puke-inducing is
the fact that those comments were all directed to me and none to my single 27 year old
brother.
A 'vegan' in my biology class that chastised me for having leather in my
shoes and eating a ham sandwich, yet when I got into his car, had real
leather interior. Furthermore, when I pointed out this car has leather
interior, he said "I got this car from another vegan, so its okay."
People who conduct themselves like pathetic losers when they don't have
a boyfriend or girlfriend, then turn around and act smug on an hourly
basis when they do meet someone.
People whose entire life consists of riding their partners' coattails.
People, usually male and Christian, that assume that because I am not
broken and suicidal with guilt over my abortion I have no feelings. If I
didn't explore ALL of my emotions BEFORE making the decision, of course
I would still be in conflict. But I didn't, unlike most remorseful wimps
they hold up as paragons of femininity who I just happen to notice keep
mentioning 'he forced me to'. Grow a backbone, don't do things you don't
want to do, and accept the consequences of your actions.
Men who complain about women who diet but would never consider dating an
overweight woman.
Customers who think that spending $3 in a store gives them the right
to harass the employees.
People who assume that, because I'm 17, I'd rather shop and listen to
the Spice Girls than read a book.
People who absolutely refuse to think for themselves and persecute
those who do.
People who assume that the 12-year age difference between my lover and
me means that we are immoral, we can't possibly love each other or
have anything other than sex in common, and/or that he must be taking
advantage of me, since I can't possibly be capable of making my own
decisions.
People who ask me why I'm an atheist, and then, after I explain, say,
"Well, I still believe in God." I wasn't trying to convert you- you
asked!
People who act sorry for me when I tell them I'm an atheist, as if I
were spiritually unfulfilled. I'm much more fulfilled now than I was
when I believed in a god who told me I was here to serve a husband and
bear children and that I should be beaten!
People who think that, because I am seventeen and have strong beliefs,
I'm in an "idealistic phase" and that I'll "grow out of it". (This
group includes my mother.) Feminism and socialism are not "phases",
they are belief systems which work to advance the condition of human
beings. Do these people believe that there is some magical age at
which I'll suddenly want to have kids, start going to church and
saying the pledge of allegiance, and love corporate greed?
The public-school policy of forcing children to pledge their
allegiance to America (and to God) every morning. Kids are taught the
words, but not their meaning. In effect, this forces children to
pledge their lives to a government and a deity before they even know
that they're promising anything!
Women who turn themselves into sitting ducks. Like if some guy is stalking
you or harassing you, get out of town for a while if there is no other
way. If you are engaged to a guy who starts acting really possessive or
getting weird, dump him. If your husband starts collecting weapons, get the
fuck out. If your ex says he's coming over to kill you or beat you up,
call the cops and get the fuck out of the house. In fact, stop being so
goddamn nice while some jerk beats you! Don't tell me you can catch more
flies with honey; who the hell wants to catch flies?
Drippy, sappy new age music. It sucks. Don't tell me it's "Spanish
influenced." Get some recordings of real Spanish music and learn something
about it.
The Titanic. All I've seen of it are clips and videos, and I can tell you
it looks like the most sappy, corny, cliched, middle class drivel. I don't
have to see it to know it's crud. Special effects will not deter me from the
drippy story or that pasty little dweeb, Leonardo De Crappio.
An acquaintance who is queen of the Christian
My-Man-Is-Right-Because-He's-A-Man wives. Her husband picks the names
for the kids in the delivery room, (they have 3) never letting her in on
the decision until it's made. Um...hello?! Didn't two of you make the
kids, shouldn't two of you both decide what the little gaffer will be
called for the rest of its life?
Disney finally comes out with a movie with a strong female lead (Mulan),
and guess what the fucking tie in toy is? "Mulan at the matchmakers" with
wipe on makeup! Okay, let me get this straight... she defies
convention, becomes a great warrior, and saves her country. And the best they
can come up with is a "makeup appears with warm water" doll? How about
one with weapons, huh? oops... not cute enough to sell to the yuppies I
guess.
People who tell me my boyfriend is "disgusting" because he's heavy.
Fine. He treats me likes a human being, and SURPRISE finds intelligent
women attractive. Gee, wonder why I'm with him rather than the guy who
abruptly ended the date with, "You mean you READ? Like real books? I
ain't read no history since I quit school". Sure. Right. Whatever.
Men who think of every human relationship in terms of SEX! Especially the ones who
think that women can't be FRIENDS with a man or even close FRIENDS with another woman.
(god no, we must be LESBIANS!)
Lane Bryant's slogan "What Real Women Wear" is
despicable. Being real has nothing to do with size. Two wrongs don't
make a right, people, they just make a more complicated wrong!
Men that expect waitresses to laugh at their moronic pick-up
lines. We serve you because it pays the rent, not because we like
YOU!
Pregnant women that say "God, you're SO
THIN!" or "I'm so FAT!" and then expect you to make them feel
better. Have some fucking self respect!
Promise Keepers and the ilk who want the world to praise men who decide to
take care of their families. Isn't that their job? The last time I
checked, women have been doing this for a long time. A lot of women have
been taking care of their families by themselves.
Co-workers who assume I'm on a diet because I enjoy eating salads for
lunch.
People who hear I'm a computer professional and immediately assume I'm
interested in their views on the latest Doom-wannabe game.
Everyone who is "different" in the exact same way. Like some of my friends
insist they're different because they pierce their nose, listen to Marilyn
Manson, whatever- like there isn't millions of other people doing it.
The word "slut", especially when women use it in a derogatory
fashion about other women. What the hell is wrong about a woman having sex?!
Women who stay with a complete DICK of a boyfriend, because
"he's the nicest guy I've dated so far." Never mind that he
treats her like a lowly servant -- it's so much better than the total
shit dished out by the previous lame-assed boyfriends.
"You mean you did that...all alone?" The standard, shocked response
when people find out that I do anything without a male escort, or a
gaggle of girlfriends in tow. What do they suppose I do, sit at home
and wait for someone to do it for me? That would make my life as boring
and pointless as theirs.
Men/boys who get their panties in a bunch if a woman has more and
better records, guns, cars, plastic Japanese robots, or other "boy's
toys" than they do.
Anyone stupid enough to ask me if my hair is real deserves to be
shaved bald. I don't ask these bimbos about their tits, tans, or nails.
Yes, human hair does grow very long, if it isn't permed, bleached, and
sprayed, but most fashion following morons wouldn't know it.
The pathetic and disgusting fact that so many native English speakers
can't handle their own first language. New immigrants with speech
impediments are easier to understand than all of the gunna gitcha gimme
prolly that I hear every day, from people who have spoken the language
all of their lives.
When fully-grown adult women use a falsetto as their normal conversational
speaking voice. A sign either of insecurity or a belief that she really
should be weak and frail, this bugs me royally, not so much of the
annoying sounds, but because it reveals something is terribly in these
poor women's psyches.
The fact that a six year old boy can shout at me, "You got some big
fuckin' titties!", and when I respond, "You got a big fuckin' mouth",
_I'm_ the one who gets dirty looks from passers-by. And where exactly
did he pick up his conversational habits???
Sappy pathetic women who can't take care of themselves,
certainly couldn't change a tire, can barely manage to get the bills paid
and wouldn't be seen dead alone - anywhere! And the men that love them and
want to "take care of them"!!
Adults (and I use the title loosely) who, upon seeing my eight-year-old
daughter, drop their voices to a stage whisper in an attempt to be discreet
when they are insulting my child. First off, nothing makes a child perk up
his/her ears faster than an adult whispering in their presence. And yes,
she really is my birth daughter- just because I am naturally thin and she
isn't, doesn't mean my daughter is going to inherit my body shape. I don't
need your advise on her weight management, your warnings on her future
health problems, and she doesn't need to hear the condescending,
pity-filled tone of voice you speak about her with. This is her NATURAL
body shape as much as being thin like me is her sisters' natural body
shapes. Each unthinking, rude remark like that from an idiot like you
undoes three compliments from me. You better hope my "fat" daughter
doesn't grow up to seek vengeance on YOU! You failed to notice she's also
artistic, intelligent, and STRONG. At 5'10" - 6' tall (her anticipated
maturity height based on her current growth pattern) and the strength and
smarts to match, she will be able to mop the floor with you verbally or
physically!
Women who let their "men" rule them- they screen their calls, they let them
know if they can go out or not (I'm not talking going to clubs here- I'm
talking VISIT) and meanwhile the guy does whatever the hell he pleases.
Women who say "Why don't you want me to be happy?" or "He's my LAST chance!"
when you point out what a scum sucking bastard they are with...
Neurotic women who constantly do the "I'm fat" thing in order to
garner attention and placatory compliments from others,-- and the people
who give in to it and feed her the compliments she is fishing for. I have a
tendency to respond with, "Your body size is of no consequence to me,
but I find your obsession with your appearance really unattractive."
Every twit that ever said to me, upon hearing that I have a degree in
literature and history, "Well, that's not worth much, is it? Are you
going to teach?" I'm an intelligent, well-read individual with advanced
communication and analysis skills... you're right. I must have wasted
my time. The only thing left for me is to teach a bunch of ill-mannered
and ill-educated twits just like you who wouldn't know what literature
was if it bit them in the ass--and all for a salary I wouldn't wish on
my worst enemy. These people think the only reason for getting an
education is to make money. What about to better yourself? To keep our
CULTURE alive? To be able to converse intelligently about something
other than last night's Seinfeld episode? There's nothing wrong with
pop culture, but it's nice to talk about something else. Of course,
even worse are those idiots who assume that I got a liberal arts degree
as a cop out. Excuse me, I got this degree because I happen to love
those subjects and I am sickened by the total disregard they are given
by our nation (there was a time when our poets, our artists, our writers
were our heroes... now it's Dennis Rodman and Cindy Crawford), not
because I lack skills in math/science. I tromped all over your
techno-ass in calculus (and I'm doing it again while I get my CS
degree)... can you say you did the same to me in "The History of Women in
Britain?"
The idea that a gal who has her first date in college simply
didn't find the right person or is just a "good little girl", but a guy
who has *his* first date in college is either a loser or plain WEIRD.
Men who claim that they like intelligent women and then freak out
if she even knows something as basic as what an elementary particle is.
Men and women who are past the age of 12 and are still trying to be "cute". Bleah.
Southern Baptists who deliberately
misread the Bible to advance their own neanderthal political, spiritual and
social agenda regarding marriage and other interactions between women and
men.
"Tommy Hilfucker" or whatever that crap is
Teenage white girls who tan until their skin becomes crusty orange, (which makes them
look 3 times as old as they are), and then dye their hair more blonde to make
their skin appear darker (more orange).
Pro-lifers who assume that the life of someone who isn't even born yet
is more important than making choices for YOURSELF. If it is
physically attached and dependent on MY body, I have every right in the
world to choose whether it is born or not!
People who say, "It's okay if you're gay, really. It doesn't bother me
at all, but just don't be gay around me."
People who scoff at me when I say that I don't like relationships and
then reply "ohh....someday you'll fall in love" as though there is
something pitiful about the way I want to be alone.
People who think that when I stay in on weekends with my partner it is
because he "won't let me" go out with the girls, I am under the thumb
and have no mind of my own, not that fact that I might (shock horror!)
enjoy his company.
People see my shoes ( I wear size 10 ) and say, "Those are big shoes!"
Do I look at them and say, "You must have to wear a mighty big
bra!" or "Man, you must have yards of elastic in your underpants!"
Where are peoples' manners?
The insufferable Leonardo DiCaprio and equally insipid "Baby Spice" as
sex symbols. He's a great actor, but he looks like a 13 year old.
She's a spice girl, and that's all that needs to be said. They look like little kids.
Is the world populated by pedophiles?
Ultra Slutty costumes for superheroines and other fantasy characters.
I'm sure that the chainmail Bra Callisto wears on Xena would protect her
breasts quite nicely, but couldn't you just stab her belly, which is
bare? And what is supposed to hold the comic book women's clothes on?
They show almost 100% skin, yet somehow manage to always stay in place
during life-threatening situations. And of course, their breasts are
ALL huge!
The idea presented through Comics that Feminism is a bad thing. Every
time any comic book writer uses a feminist idea, he uses it in a
demeaning way, like the super heroines are being mind controlled or
tricked into fighting their male counterparts, and they're given such
stupid names like "the Lady Liberators" or "Superia and the Femizons."
South Park. Its not the second coming. Its bad animation.
People who watch Daria and think that, because they can relate to her,
they ARE Daria. No. Daria is a cartoon character. You could relate to
Beavis too, but ya weren't so eager to adopt HIS identity, were ya?!?
Professional Victims who set themselves up for trouble on purpose and
then expect pity from all their friends. No No No. I'm not going to
support your decision if you go back to the asshole who beats on you.
Don't expect any sympathy.
"Christians" who think that this means they are fully justified in
hating homosexuals, feminists, and people of other religions. Sorry
hon, but Jesus said to love everybody, not just those who think like
you do.
Religious males who are afraid to look at actresses on stage because
their breasts are too big. She isn't doing anything suggestive, that's
just the way she is. If you aren't going to watch her, why'd you come
to the play?
Women who feel the need to repress their more "masculine" qualities
like assertiveness or aggression because they're "not ladylike" and
choose instead to indulge in girly things like the color pink, not
because they like them, but because its what they are expected to do.
Those who bring their personal problems into work. Sorry darling, but
I couldn't care less about what shit hole you've dug yourself into. But
it IS affecting your performance and that's interfering with ME.
Fictional characters who are completely without fault. Sorry, those
people don't exist. I'd like to read/watch something that's at least
loosely based on reality.
Idiotic parents who allow their children to run wild through
restaurants and stores, and then get angry at the establishment when
their little brats get hurt or break something. Look, we have a sign
that says not to leave kids unsupervised. It isn't our fault that he
stuck his hand in a vat of hot soup. You're the parent here.
People who think that because their parents have money, it somehow
makes them special. Your parents earned that money, all you are is a
parasite. Get your own job, make your own money, then come talk to me.
People who actually hang around those who abuse them. They aren't your
friends if all they do is make fun of you, and if someone beats you, it
means that they don't love you!
Professional Wrestling. Why does anyone want to watch fat men in
speedos pretending to fight?
Walking cries for attention. Sorry folks, but if you dye your hair
colors that haven't ever been found in nature and walk around in
garishly colored clothes, people WILL stare. Don't complain about it,
because you wouldn't go anywhere looking like that if you didn't want
it.
White, Heterosexual, Protestant, Anglo-Saxon males who feel "oppressed"
and can somehow blame their woes on "Affirmative Action" or "Women's
Liberation." Get over it. Maybe if you channeled your energies into
working harder, you'd find that you could get that job that the black
woman who works her ass off got too.
People who spend every cent they have on frivolous things and then
wonder why they can't buy food or pay rent.
So-called "friends" who get angry with you when you don't follow their
unsolicited "advice" on how you should be living your life.
Morons who refuse to accept that I can choose *not* to screw and still
be 'mentally healthy'. F*uck you and your dime-store psycho-analysis - and
that goes double for ad campaigns that try to make me feel fat because
I don't look like a pre-pubescent famine victim!
Unattractive people who lust after someone because of their "attractive" appearance,
and then have the nerve to insinuate that the attractive
person is being "shallow" when they aren't interested in THEM.
Men who complain about their girlfriends to their
mongoloidian, dumb ass friends, just so that they can feel more
like a "real" man, because the are missing any signs of
a dick below their belt.
Magazines with articles such as "Lose 10
pounds in 2 weeks!" and have that next to a photo of a huge, gooey chocolate
cake.
Women who judge men solely on the size of their
penis, chest, arms or whatever. What about brains and personality. I
hated it when I got comments about an old boyfriend about his lack of
"handsomeness". He was intelligent and considered me his
equal.
People who think that Atheism equates
dishonesty. Just because one does not believe in a Supreme Being, does not
mean we are thieves, whores, blackmailers, kiddie porn dealers and the scum of
the earth. I can guarantee that I am none of the above. Never was. . never
will be.
Every 7-Up commercial on TV.
Harley riders who justify their ear-splitting straight pipes by proclaiming
that "loud pipes save lives," while riding around with a broken headlight
and wearing a little ashtray on their heads. Hey, asswipe, maybe if you
had half a clue about how to ride your bike, you wouldn't need the false
"security" of illegally loud pipes in the first place!
The NRA, whose basic premise, namely "the answer to gun crime is more
guns," transcends irony. At their recent national convention (the one at
which Charlton "No, That Scene in Ben-Hur Had No Homosexual Subtext
Whatsoever" Heston was elected president), they paraded Jake Ryker, one of
several boys who tackled and subdued the Oregon school shooter, as a heroic
example of successful gun education. Because he knew how much ammo the
shooter's clip held, Jake was able to count the shots and then go jump on
him after the danger was past. Some hero!
Kids who leave home because their parents wouldn't let them get their
tongues pierced, and spend their days smoking and panhandling for
cappuccino money. Grow up and get a life!
Those motion-sensored, plastic, sunflowers, with movable, smiling mouths and
blinking eyelids that sing "You Are My Sunshine" in a happy, annoying voice.
The line "I brought you into this world and I can take you out."
Puritanical assholes who keep pushing for higher drinking ages and tougher
penalties for driving drunk but refuse to teach their children about
alcohol and won't pay taxes to have a public transportation system that was
worth a damn. At least in Europe if you drink you can get on a bus/train
and not be afraid that they will find your body in some other part of the
state.
Women who are into equality, yet have a problem with a feminine man.
Guys who act like feminine men but are really chauvinistic pigs.
Men who "worship" women -- often with highly idealized and unrealistic
perspectives on what women are and should be.
Hootie and the Blowfish. "Men who are suckers for
women who treat them like shit". Yeah, that's a great subject to glorify and
write a song about.
People who use the slang terms "phat",
"gay", and "shell". As In: That is SO(insert on of the three
words)!
Revamps of old classics. Robin Williams, why do something like
Flubber? And Godzilla.......he used to be so cool.
People who blame their mistakes on being drunk. Hey, I didn't
tell you to lose control!
The fact that when I look for a birthday card for my sister, all the cards under
the "sister" heading are full of pictures of two little girls engaging in
some sappy type of female bonding, as if either A) no woman ever gave
birth to both a baby boy AND a baby girl, and thus no men have sisters to
whom they would send cards, or B) men don't love their sisters, and have
no special relationships with them which need to be expressed with cards.
People addicted to a certain type of emotional high. It could be domino
love fests, or 'oh so busy', or dieting but it always seems frantic and
harmful. THEN they refuse to see it's all just them doing it to
themselves and get upset when you don't support their umpteenth 'crisis'
this year!
People who don't take care of themselves, and then complain when they have
to go through a complicated and painful fix-up at the dentist/doctor's
office.
The fact that the people in my life who need to see the
examples of themselves in the Puke List are helpless fucks who can't operate an
internet browser or use e-mail...
People who assume that I'm "whipped," a loser, or a doormat because I try
to find out if someone deserves my anger or contempt BEFORE I act on these
feelings, or because I don't enjoy drinking until I puke, or because I
often follow the advice of my very sensible and intelligent girlfriend.
People who say "You're weird!" when they really mean "I don't understand
what you said and don't want to admit it publicly."
People who get food stamps, WIC, welfare, etc. because they know how to
work the system, not because they need help.
Infomercials.
Customers who insist that the cashier forgot to give them their receipt,
when in fact they willingly left before the register was even through
printing it.
Young customers who get pissed if I refuse a beer or tobacco sale because
they weren't RESPONSIBLE enough to bring their ID when they KNOW I have to
see it. Especially if they're writing a check, too.
"The customer is always right." It should read "The customer will be
treated as a responsible, honest adult if the customer ACTS as such."
That chick singing on that MEATLOAF song "Paradise By The Dashboard Lights",
where she says, "Do you love me? Will you love me forever?", before she screws
him in the back of the car ! Babe, if you want it that bad, tell them like I
do - Hey, I just wanna sport fuck!
People who call me "Jaded" just because I LEARNED from my experiences.
Stupid, SELFISH people with their amoebalike minds who tell me (after deciding
upon adoption for my unplanned pregnancy... "How can
you just give away a baby you carried for 9 months? I could never do it!".
Being a BITCH is more than thinking of yourself, it's about THINKING
...PERIOD!
People who think that I'm a lesbian, just because I am affectionate
towards both guys and girls, or I hate to wear dresses, or I don't have
a boyfriend. First, so what if I am? I'm not hitting on you! Second,
I don't give a damn what you think. I have a brain, I have my own
opinion of myself which your puerile thoughts have no impact on.
Finally, when did being affectionate or single become a crime? Come
talk to me when you grow up.
Women who dye their hair a very wild colour then let the roots grow out.
Damn
it, people! It's so sickening to have to look at that when I'm talking to
you! If you're
you're gonna dye your hair, dye your hair!
Men who rub my cunt very hard and ask me if I like it. It hurts like FUCK,
you
dumb-ass! I'll show you how by twisting your dick into a pretzel!
People who talk LOUDLY on top of each other.
All those trendy teeny-bopper bands being constantly played on music
channels.
Music videos that constantly show naked women shaking their fat asses in
front of the camera while the men stand by in big heavy coats.
My who friend claims she's gonna "save herself" till marriage. Sure, she really
sounds honest as she throws herself on top of him like that.
Men who expect me to run to their apartment and fuck them while in the
middle of my shopping.
Canadian driving laws that takes away one license while driving alone on
a G1 but does nothing when they hit someone while under the influence.
Men who expect their woman to have 2000 kids, weigh 80 pounds and be
perky all the time.
Women who never speak up for themselves or ask for anything.
People at my new job who raise their eyebrows and ask in a
doubtful tone of voice, "So how did you get THIS job?" when I tell
them I'm an ex-ballet dancer and figure-skating coach. (I work in
tech support.) Gee, it MUST have been my hot female body that landed
me this job over the other 40+ applicants, certainly not my almost
20 years of self-taught experience in computers that you neglected to
inquire about.
Moronic co-workers who take me aside and whisper, "So what's it
like being the only woman in the tech-support department? Isn't it
difficult working with those nerds?", when in actuality my fellow
"nerds" in tech-support are the ones who treat me with the *most*
respect because I'm good at my job and know my stuff, and lead
infinitely-more interesting lives than the rest of the cow-like
masses at the company.
Lazy-ass bloated middle-aged executives who call tech-support and
upon hearing my female voice if I happen to answer the phone, assume
I'm just a receptionist and say "Oh, could you send a technician up
to see me, dearie?" - GRRRRRR....
Women at work who whine to me that it's so unfair that I'm "thin
and fit". Listen, honey, I look this way because I eat healthy and
exercise 8 hours a week doing a sport that I love, and you look the
way *you* do because you hork back gallons of coffee and McDonald's
rot all day at the office and then waste all your free time watching
TV with your hubby and rugrats. Don't whine - take control of your
life and make some better choices!
The time I went shopping with my boyfriend to buy myself a video
recorder, the shop assistant talked to him the whole time. I was the one
with the money and I DO know something about electrical goods thank you
very much...
Prepubescent, main stream, construction line "teen pop" songs and
especially worse, the videos, where there is one guy completely dressed
and about six women wearing either skin tight clothes, or next to
nothing, writhing about simulating sexual moves...blerrrgghhh!
People who ask me if I saw the most recent episode of Melrose Place, and
when I reply "no...I don't watch TV" they say, well how about (insert
particular show name here)...
Role Playing Games/Computer Games, whatever...that are aimed at pre-pubescent
males. Especially the ones that show women dressed in something ridiculous like
a brass bikini or some crap like that, showing lots of
cleavage. Ummm, if they got a hit to the chest, it would go straight
through their heart wouldn't it? The males wear full body armor. Is it
the fact they think that the women are there simply for
decoration?...they couldn't possibly fight could they? Hey there are
plenty of women who RP! Oh sorry..I forgot...only guys play games like
that don't they? (last comment said in a sarcastic tone)
Diets - they may work in the short term, but once you go back to your
old eating patterns, you're going to put the weight on again.
Those "Baby on Board" signs people put on their cars...what...if I have
an accident I'm going to avoid your car because of the sign?
Thinner friends that say to me "I've got such a fat ass" which makes me
wonder, hmm if her ass is fat, what about mine which must be like twice
the size of hers?
Reverse Sexism in advertising - yeah I'm going to rush out and buy
something because I saw a guy with no shirt on, woo hoo! NOT! - when will
the advertising companies stop trying to use our hormones to sell their
products? especially when the products are something that are not sexual
in themselves, like ice-cream or cars? I guess they won't though, because
it works...sad really.
People who refer to TV characters as if the actor themselves ARE the
character.
Phone sex ads - the women are so vacuous and stereotypically "sexy".
Pictures of celebs/models etc with smiles that are so fake, they look
like they're grimacing instead of smiling.
People that won't ever consider a relationship, be it sexual or more,
with a friend, who then proceed to screw some near-stranger,
and later complain about how incompatible they are.
Beauty products that claim you'll look younger - yeah right - like a
face cream will change the natural aging process - its sad that the
media has told us that young = beautiful, what is wrong with being
older? With age comes experience and knowledge and there are so many
things more important than worrying about a wrinkle here or there. A
person's appearance is the packaging, look for the inside. Besides, the
media tells us what is supposed to be beautiful in general anyway and so
many people believe it!
Girly girls (giggling, cosmetics are the most involving thing to talk
about, etc etc etc), fashion victims, mindless sheep.
The friend of mine that wouldn't go to a gay club with me because she
was worried people might think she was a lesbian.
The so called friend of mine that told me that I only listen to
gothic/alternative music because "its cool" and wouldn't listen when I
told her I happen to actually like the music.
Lame pick-up lines.
Couples who can't function without their love interest at that moment.
People who know everything about everything.
People who tell me how "lucky" I am to be
a single woman with a decent paying job and 2 pieces of property. Like
I was just sitting there on the couch watching Jerry Springer when I won
a career as an Open Heart Surgery Nurse. These idiots have no
concept of what I endured to arrive at this level of "luck".
That guys can say fuck all the time but when girls say it its not
"ladylike", likewise with spitting.
Young girls/women who think that "working" for money equates to asking
their parents for it or getting it from the bank. I bust my butt working
and they say, "Why don't you just borrow some from your parents?" Sorry, "Free
Money" is not in my vocabulary.
Stupid-assed young guys who think they are being witty or funny by
asking if it's my Time of the month. Ha. Ha. [NOT] You'll be even funnier when
I strangle you with my tampon string.
The dumbfuck guys twice my age (or more), who hit on me when I wear hiphuggers or a mini skirt.
I'm dressing for ME, not because I want the attention of some loser who likes hitting on
14 year olds. Almost worse, are the people who say that if I don't like this
harassment I shouldn't "dress sexy". What? Like I have to be
responsible for some dumb-ass's inability to control his libido?
The guys who look at me like, "If you didn't eat so much maybe you could
look like Kate Moss". Yeah. That's my goal in life, to look like an
under-nourished teenager at 26, right up there with being the next
Miss Teen America.
People who expect me to cover up cause my thighs jiggle -- it's soooo
shocking to see a curvy girl in a bikini or shorts huh??
Hair on the soap in the shower.
Those "oh-so-perky" waiters or waitresses in trendy restaurants and steak houses,
that are annoyingly, cloyingly, sucky and overly attentive. Especially the ones
that have cutesy names and try too hard to be "entertaining" and funny.
They are enough to make a diner lose his/her appetite.
Songs by female artists (e.g., Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, Toni Braxton, etc.) that
propagate the myth that a woman's life is "over" if her lover leaves her!
People who think you are being cruel and insensitive (no matter how nicely you
put it, or sugar coat it), simply because you gave them the truth that they
asked for.
People, who upon hearing that I work in the service industry, tell me I need
to "get a real job." What the hell do they think I do, go to work and
PRETEND?
The people I work with who DO pretend. They want to get paid for having
social hour. It's called a work ethic. Get one!
Smokers who waste 2 hours out of every work day going out to have smoke-breaks,
while the rest of us are busting our asses working. And then they
come back and pollute the office with their stench and have the audacity to
complain about how hard-done-by they are because they have to go outside to
feed their addiction. Alcohol is legal too, but we don't condone drinking on
the job - why the hell should we condone smoking? If you are addicted, GET
TREATMENT, get a fucking patch, and get back to work!
Women who force their boyfriends to end their long-term friendship with me.
Hello! I wasn't interested in these men sexually before, why would I
suddenly want to have sex with them? Are these women just jealous because I
didn't sit with the "gals" and talk "girly stuff" with them at social
gatherings and instead sat with the men (including my own man)? Are they so
insecure about their own femininity and their boyfriends' commitment?
These same women who tell me how lucky I am to have a significant other who
lets me go out "with the guys". Right. You would like the good part for
yourself, but not for your boyfriends. The same women who tell me "You
know, your boyfriend was in this party while you were visiting your
relatives!" like they were revealing some great secret. I knew that. He
told me there was going to be a party and I told him to go and have a good
time.
Men who end their long-term friendship with me because their girlfriends
told them to. Thanks, pals. I thought we were friends. Guess not, then.
People who treat me like I have a child's mind just because I'm 5'2", won't
dress "adult" (hey, I have to shop at the children's department!) and have
"young face" (I have to show my ID to get into clubs for 18 + at the age of
28).
People who throw comments on my height as it was something I could do anything
about. It's not the same situation as with body weight, you know.
Celebrities who complain about how hard it is to
be a celebrity but still continue to do interviews, make movies or CDs, etc.
instead of getting a job as a teacher, mechanic, waitress, or whatever.
Friends and acquaintances that look at my son and say he needs a sibling,
and tell him to say "I want a little sister," then say that he won't
grow up 'right' without 'a family'. My reproductive organs are nobody
else's business. When they can tell me how to get pregnant, stay in
school, stay on the Dean's list, get weekly photo assignments done, deal
with morning sickness, pregnancy, and labour and still graduate while
being a decent parent to the child I have now, then I'll think about it.
People who, after asking you if you like (e.g. Titanic, 90210,
Spice Girls, Hanson) and being told "No.", then tell you
one (or both) of two things:
1) "Oh, you KNOW you like them/it!"
2) "Oh, you're just saying that to be cool/different."
Fuck off. If it hasn't buzzed into the gnat you call
a brain, let me remind you: not everyone likes mindless drivel cranked out
for the brainwashed pop-mainstream public.
Two words: Political Correctness.
I'll say whatever the hell I want, thank you very much.
People who believe that you're Lonely and Want Companionship,
or an "Anti-Social freak", mainly since they can't understand why
ANYONE would want to maybe sit under a tree alone and quietly
think without some moron piping in some dumb question/statement
and ruining the peaceful mood. Next time you disturb me,
I'll gag you with your own intestine.
People who expect me to apologize for bluntly stating the truth.
If you just handed me a memo that looks and reads like it was typed
up by a third-grader with Down Syndrome, I'll tell you exactly
that. Don't expect me to dress it up, water it down, and sugar
it just to protect you. Grow the hell up.
Meeting yuppie couples with small, noisy dogs, when you're walking your
own.
"Why, it's Leonardo DeCaprio on the cover of this month's movie magazine
again .... how great." Shyeah right.
(Old) people who assume that I worship Satan, just because I'm male, have
hair beyond shoulder-length, and wear a leather jacket and Sandman T-shirt.
People who thing I'm weird just because I show no interest in getting a
tan. Why don't you just get skin-cancer and DIE.
People who insist attempting to psycho-analyze me based on my musical
tastes. Get a grip. My record collection DOES NOT control my personality.
People who are of the loudly-broadcast opinion that *everyone* under
twenty likes Marilyn Manson, has had wild unprotected sex, has more
psychotropic chemicals in 'em than Andy Warhol's entourage, and is
illiterate as well as incapable of coherent thought -- and who then
complain about how the youth of today have no respect for their elders.
Look, pus-nuts, I'm seventeen, and I can spell, write, and read better
than you can. Are you envious or just an idiot?
People who think that mental illness is equivalent to stupidity.
The fact that every time a man finds out that I have been a martial
artist for years (and hold a black belt), he has to ask me stupid things
like, "You think you can beat me??", as if they were just too good and
too strong and too macho for my skills. Last week it happened. A muscular
asshole approached me in a bar and, after finding out I am a martial artist,
popped the question. I should have rearranged his nose right away and then
answered, "Yes I can."
>Who knows. I might give it a shot next time.
I thought I would share it with you. Keep up the great work.
People who take seriously all of that "No Fear", "Second Place is the
First Loser", "I'm a predator" crap. To these people I say GET LIVES!
They're T-shirt slogans, for pity's sake!
People who take all of that eye-contact or stare-down crap seriously. If
I blink, it's because my contacts are drying out. If I look away, it's
because I'm BORED with this pretentious crap and have better things to do
with my time than indulge your pseudo-Darwinistic fantasies.
People who assume that I snubbed them when I just didn't hear them.
In ascending order: self-righteous people, self-righteous people with
power, self-righteous people with power over me and my loved ones.
People who do nothing to take care of themselves for their entire lives
who expect the doctor or dentist to work a miracle in one visit.
Stupid policies that are kept and enforced only so that a bigshot won't
have to admit being wrong.
People who take workplace rumors and gossip seriously. If you are
reading this, grow up! You're not in junior high anymore, at least not
physically.
Guys who think that the desk clerk at the motel or hotel is there
to service their sexual desires. Get a grip buddy - the hookers are
in the bar down the street. I've got a job to do, and it AIN'T YOU.
The "two people in one house overnight" comment reminded me of this one:
People who are so repressed, suppressed, or some other sort of -pressed
that they assume that ANY rhythmic noise is sex or masturbation. They
absolutely refuse to consider even the possibility of exercise, scratching,
fidgeting, squeaky floors/furniture, the neighbors, appliances, the TV,
out-of-balance washloads, or minding their own fucking(no pun intended)
business.
People who assume that I have no ambition because I'm unwilling to lie,
cheat, steal, betray, or kiss ass to get ahead.
People who mindlessly enforce this PC crap instead of having the guts to
stand up and say "OK, we're(we've been) getting silly here!"
People who confuse the concepts of "opinion" and "fact."
People who STILL believe that roleplaying games are satanic. Sheesh! Find
some real evil, already. There's plenty out there.
People who pretend to believe garbage (see above) rather than admit
gullibility or ignorance.
The folks who want to stop the teaching of evolution in schools.
Especially when they turn around and whine that the U.S. is behind damn
near everyone else in science and math education.
Guys who hit on a woman and get rejected, then throw themselves a
pity-party in hopes of getting a mercy-fuck.
Guys who take women to bars and put Rohypnol in their drinks so they can
get laid.
Snotty sullen teenagers who've never paid rent or bought a car,
but think they know something about life. Get off the tit for a few
years and then tell me about it.
Ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends that attempt to get back together. If I had
wanted to stay in your vomitous presence, I would not have broken up with
you to begin with! DON'T assume I was going through a "phase."
Men who marry you because you are an individual, feminine in
power and capable of independent thought, then try to change you, beat you
down and make you into a vacant house servant/sex slave.
Men who think that asking you if you are tired is foreplay.
People who think that breastfeeding is dirty and should be
only done hiding in the john.
People who don't ever speak to their children, don't ever
hold their children, don't ever tell their children that they are "good",
"loved" or "beautiful" and then wonder why they have unruly, wild,
undisciplined Children!
People who don't ever discipline their children at all or
worse yet, those that do discipline too harshly while setting a perfect
example of how NOT to act. Here, let me beat you and verbally bash you for
sleeping with your boyfriend, while I have an extramarital affair. Here, let
me teach you exactly how to be co-dependent and abusive and addictive, and
then let me throw an emotional tirade and ban you from the house for going
an finding love in your 35 year-old drug-dealing / pimp boyfriend who beats
you. What are you teaching your children?
People who think that over analysis will solve anything, "If
I just read one more Franklin Covey/Bradshaw/self help book, I will get my
life in order." Stupidity! You get your life in order by:
- finding your moral principles
- making decisions based on them
- grabbing life with both hands and riding it for all it is
worth, finding your self-respect, self-discipline, self-worth and
self-control along the way
- Not being afraid that you will lose something bad you
already have for something better you might *gasp* attain (oh yes, I must do
things exactly the way my mother/father did them, It is a family tradition
to beat our wives, treat them like trash and ignore/beat our children!) And
- Never, ever treating yourself, or your children worse than you would a
stranger on the street!
MTV/Martin/Friends/90210/My So Called Life Can you say:
Cheese Cheese Cheese!
Women who've been brainwashed into thinking that feminism is a BAD thing.
The men who brainwashed them.
People who can't spell their own name without help and somehow make it into
college.
Idiots on message boards or list serves who read a message, and then reply
with "Me Too!" or "I Agree!" and nothing else.
Women who wear exciting little Lycra thong-butt outfits, pantyhose (or
some damn thing), and makeup to the gym and work out with zero weight,
finding it necessary to travel back and forth past the free weights
section as often as possible -- usually with a Barbie-clone friend.
Being told that women don't have the spatial abilities, mathematical
abilities, physical strength, etc. that men have, by some guy who
doesn't have any of the above to equal or surpass mine -- like there
isn't a statistical distribution, like there aren't people who are just
NOT average! People still make this idiotic "average woman vs. average
man" argument as a reason to discriminate. It's lazy, and extremely
harmful when it's coming from some asshole who makes hiring
decisions/recommendations.
The completely superficial application of affirmative action in the
WRONG situation -- to boost the numbers by hiring a woman/minority
member, with blatant disregard for male/nonminority candidates who are
far better qualified, then leaving her to rot once she's hired, since
aside from her sex/race, you see her as useless. Makes the men (and
their wives) bitter, and torpedoes the woman/minority before she's even
in the door. Makes administrative good-old-boys chuckle, though.
Women who want to be paid the same wages as their male coworkers at the
same job level, who want equal access to education, who don't want to be
discriminated against in hiring and educational opportunity on the basis
of "she'll just get married and leave the field/profession," and YET who
insist that they are not feminist. I've got news: the women who are
professional "feminists" and who whine and promote extravagant nonsense
are the TINY minority of us. Take back the label, don't leave it solely
to the "wymyn," and wear it proudly! Or someday you could wind up
without the rights you are taking for granted. Corollary: stay in the
workplace and academia in fields OTHER than "feminist, gender, or
minority studies" -- don't ghettoize the cause by not learning to do
something society really puts a high value on! Be a doctor, an engineer,
business major, scientist, whatever, and be the BEST one you can --
that's the way to make feminist (egalitarian, actually, this works for
race also) rights essential to the smooth functioning of society!
People who feign interest in you by asking you questions so they can
insult you based on your answers.
Being within a 5 mile range of any couple who has just completed sensitivity
training. I am convinced that I can get diabetes from all that sugar from the
couple.
Women who have no political opinions of their own and have to *ask* their
husband
before they can do something as basic as register to vote or sign a petition.
Excuse
me for asking you to utilize your Constitutional rights! I guess you missed a
few
decades!
Customers(I'm a cashier) who confuse "rudeness" or "attitude" with the
*impartial* enforcement of annoying company policies, or THE LAW.
People who assume or pretend to assume that some vast
racist, nationalist, ideological, or whatever-phobic conspiracy is
responsible whenever they experience the slightest frustration.
People who assume that I'm whining or trying to sound tough when it's
just my damn sinuses again.
Having my masculinity or heterosexuality questioned because I like cats.
Can you say trivial...?
People who confuse "Satanism" with "What isn't taught in MY church." If
there really is a worldwide satanic conspiracy, they're laughing their
asses off about this one.
I second the nomination of people who buy junk food with food stamps.
Oh, yeah, and people who buy luxury foods (e.g. filet mignon, lobster,
caviar) on stamps.
People who criticize to hide their own fears and inadequacies, rather
that constructively.
That *I* could go to jail for defending my loved ones, myself, or an
innocent bystander.
Any guy who thinks that just because you had sex with him, you would
want to have his baby. You were not that good. Get over yourself.
All the hubbub about various "popular" TV shows (I call it "crap"),
such as seinfeld, friends, 90210, etc. What's REALLY revolting is
that people will actually plan their lives around that crap and CARE about
what happens on those shows. YUCK! Turn off the tube and get on with your life.
Family Reunions.
Those who refuse to meet different types of people, particularly white
folks who either: have NO friends that are people of color or have ONE
friend who is. and, of course, if they do have a friend who is a person of
color, they either: know EVERYTHING about that ethnic group, or expect
that person to THE spokesperson for every other person of that same ethnic
group.
Adults at work who get to act like children,
particularly those in managerial positions.
People who treat administrative assistants and secretaries
as idiots whose opinions are not worth listening to. In
fact, most secretaries that I know are the ones who make sure that their
(usually idiotic) bosses look good and are VERY competent, thank you.
When people assume that because you are a white male midwesterner with
a conventional haircut and wardrobe, that you must be politically to
the right of Jesse Helms.
Guys who assume I need their help when I have the hood of my truck open in
my own driveway. If I didn't know how to find the problem and fix it, why
would I even bother opening the hood in the first place!
People who, upon seeing me with a guitar case, ask "is it yours?" or do
you know how to play that?" What do they think, I'm carrying it around
because it looks good with my outfit?
People who complain about beef and veal consumption, but drink milk. In
order to produce milk, cows have to have calves, and something has to be
done with them. Unless you want to take care of them, be quiet!
Girls who look like Kate Moss' twin sisters and yet ask, "Am I fat?"
Guys who wonder why a beautiful and sexy woman like me has not married
and been snatched up by some guy after being divorced for seven years.
Did it ever occur to them that I had a choice in
the matter, and that the worth of my life is not measured by my
marital status?
Casual racists who spew out the most bigoted bollocks, and then use the
excuse that "they're being ironic/striking a blow against political
correctness" or "they've got black friends and they weren't insulted
when I said likewise to them". They're too polite to you, I'd have
decked you one.
Black people who rail against intolerance, but are too
quick to jump on anyone who isn't a sheep like they are (I've lost count
of the people who've made snide comments about me for "speaking far too
English". How else am I supposed to talk having lived all my life in
England?)
Dweebs who can't rejection and attempt to insult you be saying "God, I
wish you had a daughter"
People in high school who carry beepers. What's the point? Who the
hell are you that you need a beeper? Then they brag about how somewhere
in their number are the digits 6 and 9. Grow up! Puke!
White guys who try to flirt with me (I am Puerto Rican), in lame, fake-assed Don Juan accents.
And when I get pissed off at their behavior they blame my "hot headed" anger on my
"Puerto Rican temper".
Poly people who insist on being taken seriously (poor persecuted us) but
don't give you the time of day unless you're a potential lay. Similarly,
smug poly people who think that because I'm monogamous I must be frustrated
and unhappy.
Male-dependent bisexual women.
Male-dependent heterosexual women.
The huge political discussions whenever I mention that I get my legs waxed.
Apparently, if I wax my legs, I'm some sort of gender sell-out (whatever
happened to it being MY CHOICE?), but if I show up with green hair, a nose
ring, and a tattoo, I'm cool. Explain this to me, please.
People who assume that because I'm a vegetarian I'm going to pitch a fit if
they buy a hamburger, or who feel the need to explain to me all the times
they thought about becoming a vegetarian, and why they didn't, and then act
guilty. Look, live your life. If you do some self-examination and don't
like what you find, change it. If you're happy, then shut up, and stop
asking me to give you permission to have dinner.
People who pretend to be offended rather than admit that they didn't
understand the joke/remark/comment/directions.
When people are STARTLED that I keep my word. Integrity has become
unfashionable lately.
Adults who still act like seventh-graders: cliques, shallow judgements,
histrionics, angst, and playing dumb.
The "Do-It-Herself" toolkits that come in a darling pink plastic case, and all
the tools have "pwecious" pink plastic handles. Gag me. I buy *real* tools as I
need them, and not this crappy, useless, prepackaged Barbie shit.
Total strangers that yell "KONNICHIWA!" at me just because I'm not caucasian.
People who touch pregnant women without asking. If she wouldn't let you
grope her before... Idiots.
Woman that consider motherhood a sellout. If you admired her choice of
career, house, life etc before why do you suddenly think she's gone
insane?
Men who claim to be "sensitive new age guys", begin divorce proceedings
and think its still OK to come over unannounced to have sex because they
feel lonely.
People who assume that since I'm a woman working in the computer
department I must be the secretary.
Guys who think that bi women are "just confused", and "just need the right
guy (him of course) to straighten them out".
People who are jerks to other genders/races/orientations for "grievances
in the past". So if I'm a prick to you based on physical criteria I'm a
bigot, but if you do it to me you're an "activist"? How about I dig up
your ancestors' bones and ship them back to the old country, will that
make you shut up already?
People who can't deal with the fact that I wear shoes that make me
taller than my boyfriend.
A guy I was going to have lunch with asked me to change my shoes
because he felt uncomfortable being shorter than I was.
Old men who watch girls' rugby practice, and then complain that we're
too wimpy (i.e. we didn't scrimmage in the mud enough for their liking).
You gotta pay to watch mud wrestling; we're athletes, not your personal
fantasy.
People who think they're insulting me by saying that my nail polish is
chipped.
Men who refuse to open the front pocket of a woman's bag for fear that
there may be *gasp* tampons within.
The blue liquid on pad commercials.
The commercial where the chick carries a dose of yeast infection treatment
in her purse. Apply it in your own bathroom and get on with your life!
People who try to give their single friends their cast-off boyfriends
People who assume that if two persons of opposite gender spent a night
in the same house they MUST have had sex and that anything else is just
inconceivable.
Pro-lifers who say you have a right to life as long as you live it
their way or they will bomb your clinic.
Anyone who kills people for "moral" or "religious" reasons.
People who force their opinions on you with no consideration for
your own and then wonder why you get offensive.
People who try to tell you when you are in love.
People who tell you that how you dress or what profession
you can have must change because you are older and that older
people must be more "respectable" just because of being old.
People who don't treat you like a person because you are old.
People who think that the only way to get their point across is to
curse and yell a lot.
Guys who look at my large breasts and think that I'm easy and the women
who agree with them.
People who think that, because I'm a housewife, all I want out of
life is to be a brood mare.
People who think that college is the end all and be all of higher
education.
People who think I'm nuts because I don't care about "Mel Gibson's Ass" or
male bodies in perfect physical condition.
Peole who don't appreciate intelligent conversation, charisma and real sexiness.
Soneone who finds it strange that a black-haired woman is with a blond haired
man.
People that COMPLETLY judge others by what music they listen to.
People who "suffer" from what I call P.M.S. (Poor Me Syndrome) and how
they go on and bitch about how life is treating them like shit, But do
NOTHING to change it...
The song "Wives And Lovers" {Sidekick:"Anyone know who wrote/sang this?"}
Natalie Imbruglia, her whiny, squeaky voice, and her annoying , sappy
songs, and her "helpless waif" image. Puke!
Anyone who uses their poor physical state as an excuse to be unhealthy
mentally as well.
People who don't understand that NO means NO regardless of what the
previous circumstances were and the idea that there is ANY acceptable excuse
or justification for rape.
Not liking a band because the lead singe is ugly.
People who are amazed that it doesn't snow constantly in Canada
People that can't post anything on a message board without vulgarity.
Women who compare motherhood to servitude or drudgery just because they have
decided not to have children, and therefore, feel superior to the women who
do.
My single (former) girlfriends that were spitefully jealous over the fact that
I am happily married to a good man that supports me in every way and has been
a great husband for the past 8 years instead of a lying, no good, SOB like
their ex-husbands and boyfriends.
Our continuous and destructive hang ups about weight and appearance when over
half of the population of women in the U.S.A. is a size 14 or larger (so was
Marilyn Monroe)! If Kate Moss look-a-likes are our standard of beauty, pass
me a donut, now!
All the mannequins in the store windows are too thin to be healthy if they
were real people.
I hate Beanie Babies and Tamaguchi Pets; especially the Beanie Babies which
are insane little pieces of cheap cloth selling for hundreds of dollars because of
an artificially created scarcity? Oh Please!
Women who have to ask their husbands "permission" to do something regardless
what it is
People who allow their children to disrespect them by calling them stupid etc.
I wanted to hurl when I asked the woman I was serving at the store to stop
swearing because there were children present and she said
"Oh, it's O.K. they're mine."
Upon hearing that I had no university education a man called me a "leach
upon society" because he felt that there was nothing worthwhile that I could
contribute.
When the spouse who wanted to have kids so badly now refuses to clean up
after them.
Salespeople who don't even know you but have the nerve to say "You need to
find another creative outlet" when you tell her your home renovation plans.
Guys who try and pick up girls on the Internet and actually expect the girl to
leave at 12am to go meet some total stranger. When you say "NO" they ask, "Why not?
Frigid?"
Girls who have been dumb enough to meet the stranger at 12am.
People who call themselves "Alternative", "Riotgrrrl", etc. - all those cute and hip
little labels and then say, "We don't go by labels". Ummm HELLO????
People who believe that anyone who works for a government agency is scamming
the public and assume the free market is the limit of all that is good.
Everybody at work who decided that 12 hour shifts are a wonderful way to
schedule things.
Men that criticize women for discreetly cutting
out fat, sugar, & calories, but then won't go out with the women over
125 pounds.
People who say to me "I don't know how you do
it" when they find out that I'm a single mother with two jobs. If
you had a small mortgage, a car payment, insurance, day care and regular
day to day living expenses and your child support checks basically didn't
amount to the stamp on the envelope, you'd bust ass to feed yourself and
your kid, IF YOU HAD HALF A BRAIN, or the ambition God gave a gnat's ass.
My grandparents, who raised me to be fearless
and independent, who chastised me for leaving my husband (work was a disease
he was deathly afraid of), and actually having the gumption to take a weekend
car trip 600 miles away (I pay for that sucker every month, why should
I let it rot in my garage?). What good is imparting strength to our
daughters if we don't want them to USE IT???
People who think I (and my doctor) should be shot
for having my tubes tied at the age of 24 after having only one child AND
getting a divorce. Give me credit for being responsible enough
to not overpopulate the county and expect someone else to shoulder my burden...
NO, I WILL NOT change my mind, and if ever the day Mr. Right comes along
(who's gonna move the rock, I ask?), I'll be too busy getting another degree
to WORRY about bearing his child(ren).
People who spout false platitudes to friends with
phrases like, "girl PLEASE, you're not FAT..." when the object of their
statements is 315 pounds and wears a size 26 dress. Puhleeze! Don't insult
your friend's intelligence with sugary lies.
People who use the word "fat" in an attempt to
insult someone... Fat is merely an adjective just like tall, skinny or
short. If you're that unimaginative, get yourself a thesaurus or
just plain get a clue....
A society that excuses so many of the crimes and
abuse perpetrated by men because we apparently "think with our dick". If
a man can't help himself from raping a woman because of what she was wearing,
he should be locked up like a wild animal would be if it attacked her.
We all - men and women - think with our brain and are never under command
by our genitals. If a man "can't help himself", he isn't thinking with
his dick, he's just a bastard and a criminal.
People who assume that just because I married
a man, we're going to have children. Pardon me, but there's more to me
than just my uterus.
If I hear one more scientist claim that the CAH
girls prove the biological basis for gendered behavior I'm going to kill.
CAH girls have bodies that don't produce enough of a certain adrenal hormone
and so produce testosterone to compensate. They don't like girl's toys,
or dressing up, act like tomboys, etc etc. SO WHAT! CAH girls are less
than 1 in 10,000. Last time I checked there were about a hundred times
more butch women, dykes and take-no-shit breeder girls than 1 in 10,000.
So how do you hormonally explain them? You can't! Because biology is not
destiny. BIG DUH!
When a black male hits on you and then has a fit
if you are not interested including spouting off about how prejudiced you
are and how you "white girls" are all the same. Meanwhile, the guy is truly
are unattractive and has said several lewd comments just loud enough for
you to hear. SORRY. If you act like a jerk I am NOT going to go out with
you - race has NOTHING to do with it.
Men who think there's obviously something wrong
with you, because you are beautiful, and don't have a steady boyfriend/husband.
Ok, now it's something "I" did wrong??
People that put down "married" people. Marriage
may be a piece of paper to some people, but not to all of us. We are not
just succumbing to a way of life because we get married.
Smokers that bitch about non-smokers, that bitch
about them. Let me break out my violin for you.
"It must be that time of the month". PRICKS.
People who assume that once they have labeled
you they can predict your opinion on everything. Because you're black,
_of course_ you like hip-hop. Because you're Christian, _of course_ you're
homophobic. Because you're male, _of course_ you're trying to get laid
as often as possible. Because you play the guitar, _of course_ you think
Jimi Hendrix is God.
People who join the cause-du-jour simply because
it's the trendy thing to do.
Lame, tired, pathetic, wishy-washy comments which
try to force the onus for the break-up onto the other person, like: 'Right
now the future seems so far away for me...my career is very important to
me. I like you and care about you and I would like things continue the
way they are going, but if you feel uncomfortable or don't feel this is
going where you want it to go then perhaps we are better off being friends?'
Get real, get honest!
Women/girls who feel that they are only half a
person and feel worthless when they're between boyfriends
People who change their tastes the moment a band
or artist they like becomes "mainstream". You are as bad as the other trendoids!
The fact that just because I was born in, raised
in, and still live in Texas and happen to like country music that I have
to be a cowgirl, hick, or live in the country. I have never been/ and never
will be a cowgirl/hick and I live in the heart of the biggest city of Texas.
People who assume that because I make good grades,
actually study, and have my COMPLETED homework that I have no social life
and that I'm a "goody". Please! I have a social life, I just know that
my education comes first, and plan to be able to support myself in the
future.
Toy Stores. "Mall Madness", "Dream Phone" and
other dating-and-spending-are-the-way-to-be-happy-and-fulfilled games.
The really expensive barbi displays. Not the Doctor
Barbi, but the ones that exist just to wear obnoxiously glittery gown.
Being female is great, doing the primping thing is wonderful but this was
like being drowned in a vat of pink brainwashing.
Oh! And action figures. Where are the girls? I
found hercules and zeus but no Meg. I found all the guys from Lost in Space
but not a SINGLE one of the girls. It was that way with every series. I
think the last female action figure I saw was the redhead from DragonHeart,
and even she looked like a steroid addicted body-builder with cantaloupe
halves stuck on his chest.
What makes me puke is my ex who refuses to pay
child support, yet calls the Children's Aid Society to tell them that I
don't have enough food in the house for my son.
Women who wear make-up to the gym. Actually, this
makes me laugh as I watch them sweat it all off, running in rivers down
their red faces.
The fact that the Spice Girls claim to be full
of "Girl Power" yet have the audacity to sing sappy love songs that make
them sound like their lives would not be complete if they didn't have a
man.
Women who only go to university to meet their
"future husbands," and only take "popular" classes because "that's where
the cute guys are."
The men who marry these women. If I wanted a parasite
I'd get a tapeworm.
People who think that because my fiancée and I
argue a lot, our relationship is flawed/ruined/failing. We argue because
that's how we prefer to discuss our problems (and we're both stubborn as
hell!!), not because we're dysfunctional.
'Volunteer' Guilt-trippers. Just because you did
something nominally for me doesn't give you the right to get thanked, or
even appreciated. I didn't ask you to do that, and I didn't WANT you to
do that. So stop your used and abused crying if I hate the way you just
rearranged my personal property. Putting it back is not my responsibility
either.
An ex who just begs you to get back with him/her.
It's so lame.
People who make remarks like "You are so beautiful.
If you didn't have those piercings and did something less radical with
your hair, you could be a model". As if that's every girl's life-long dream!
Guess what, you dumb jerks, not everyone lives in a Teenbeat fantasy world,
thinks Leonardo DiCaprio is the least bit attractive, or nurses some pathetically
unrealistic dream of standing in front of a fan somewhere and getting paid
millions of dollars for looking vacant.
Jackasses that just can NOT get over that fact
that, yes, I am fully literate, I'm in, (heaven forbid), GATE, and I'm
a girl who likes science. Just because I look different, like non-conformist
people, and have interests outside of the realm of the latest episode of
90210 and Access Hollywood, doesn't mean that I am snorting cocaine in
the back of my 40 year old boyfriend's van.
Fluff-headed girls who chastise others for not
having seen (nor having any intention of seeing) "Titanic".
People in relationships who don't have the guts
to be honest. Especially the ones who try to justify their lying with the
lame-assed excuse that they were "trying to be kind". Yeah, right.
People who have recently (or not so recently)
traveled abroad and feel they must mention it at least once or more in
every conversation regardless of the topic... especially the ones that
go so far as to continually steer the topic back around to "their trip",
no matter how remote it is from the actual discussion taking place, as
in "That reminds me of the time I was backpacking through Southern France..."
*gag* Get over yourself. We already have. (Even worse are the ones that
think continuous references to their world travelling somehow makes their
opinions more credible.)
Women who go mental at my boyfriend and feel he
is oppressing them because he's been brought up to stand up when a woman
sits down, hold the door open for her, let her go first through a doorway,
etc. It's called good manners. Rare commodity. To be encouraged.
People who tell me I'm 'lucky' to be in good physical
shape. No, I'm lucky I don't share their gluttony and can stop at one piece
of cake.
Adults who think that all teenagers (esp. girls)
are stupid and immature, yet act like spoiled little children themselves.
Idiots who make fun of those more intelligent
than themselves in a pathetic attempt to ease their enormous inferiority
complex.
Teenagers who treat smart kids like social lepers
and smart kids who act dumb to be accepted. Gee, you may be "cool" but
guess who's going to be successful in life? Not you! Like I really care
what some goofball kid with their head up their arse thinks of me anyway!
Women who visit and on seeing me (a bloke) cooking
the family meal, give my wife a sly nudge and a wink and compliment her
on "how well she's got me trained". Listen you bimbos, I've been able to
knock a dinner together since you were still in nappies. Don't patronize
me, or question my masculinity on the basis that I'M capable and YOUR mother-fixated
husbands aren't!
Men who only give a woman flowers (or indeed,
do anything that would otherwise be "thoughtful") when they feel like getting
laid.
Brainless men in general, who can't talk to a
woman without trying to pick her up, can't give her a gift or a compliment
without some ulterior motive. This screws things up for the (admittedly
small number of) men who actually only want to talk or to be "just friends."
(Aaaggh! What a concept!)
When you tell people things you've done and they
insist that they have done it, no matter what it was/is except they've
done it better.
Men who have no mind of their own and follow women
around like a puppy dog and get offended when they tell them to leave them
alone.
Fucking gender stereotypes for little kids. Give
boys war toys and girls Easy Bake ovens? Please! Just because I have a
penis doesn't mean I have delusions of joining the military or playing
some stupid sport for the rest of my life. Just because someone has a vagina
doesn't mean that she should stay home playing house and baking cookies.
I mean, let the little girl be Xena. Let the little boy learn how to cook.
Maybe then the girl can respect herself and the boy won't need to become
a parasite because he needs a woman to protect him.
People that assume my success comes to me naturally.
"Oh, you're bound to get straight A's.... you always do!" Listen, I work
fucking HARD for those grades, not because I believe they're important,
but because I know that down the road someone else will. I have big dreams
for my future, and I know that later on my capability as a worker will
be judged by that GPA, no matter how biased you and I think it is.
Couples that fawn all over each other: Like, one
sneezes, and the other one is all concerned and caring, "Oh, are you all
right? Are you okay?" Give him a Kleenex and get over it!
Girls that fawn all over their ex-boyfriends...
Sure, they decided to stay friends, but "friendship" does not include stroking
his arms, playing with his hair, and crying when you find out he's screwing
a 13-year-old.... By God, sister, can't you see how idiotic you are making
yourself look?
People who assume that because I have a few homosexual
or bisexual friends and enjoy hanging out with them, that I myself must
be gay or something indescribably bad. Even if the gay friend in question
is male (I'm female) people give me odd looks and ask me why I want to
spend time with him.
People who like to tell other people that they
know a homosexual (or a person of minority race, or a person with body
piercings, etc.) as if that fact makes them an open-minded, liberal person.......
and then go around slandering those same groups behind their backs.
Mothers who take a look at my small, tasteful
tattoo (I'm just a little underage to have one) and swear to God that "I'm
glad your not MY child!" Maybe you should take a closer look at what YOUR
child is doing, hon, and THEN you may judge me.
Girls that are shocked and appalled that I turned
down a chance to go to the senior prom. Oh, okay, just because I'm an underclassman,
I must be THANKFUL that this egotistical monkey wants to show me off like
an accessory for one night?
The line: "I don't know why you don't like me...
Usually I can have any girl I want!!"
That's nice, little boy, why don't you go chase
after one of those aforesaid bimbos then?
People who crack "dumb blonde jokes" in my presence.
Look, I didn't *ask* to be born fair-haired any more than you *asked* to
be born ignorant!
Guys who ask me for sexual favors, get rejected,
and then proceed to charm me by calling me a "man-hater". Okay, (1) Like
I'm really going to want to sleep with you now that you've attempted to
insult me, and (2) Do you really think you're so goddamn hot that any woman
who isn't interested in you must not be interested in men at all?
The line: "Can't you take a joke?" Oh, was that
a joke? I'm sorry, I was so busy feeling sorry for your pathetic sense
of humor that I didn't notice.
Strangers who say completely random and nonsensical
things to me. I opened my locker one day and my Radiohead CD fell out,
and a passing idiot says "Ooh!! You better not break yo Marilyn Manson
CD, or yo boyfriend gonna beat you up!" What the hell was that?
Men who violently oppose rape, and then violate
some poor floormat acquaintance of his. It's not rape, because they're
"friends". Well gee, Mr. Sensitivity, she sure wasn't willing, was she?
Men who say that women *ask* to be harassed/violated/raped
by wearing suggestive clothing. Okay, I can't speak for all women because
there are quite a few mindless manhunters out there, but we're not dressing
for YOU! We want to feel beautiful for ourselves (and maybe some men who
aren't as sleazy as you!)
Men who make unwanted advances and state that
the woman was "tempting" him. "You're just so beautiful, I couldn't help
myself!" You better damn well help yourself! Go home and masturbate!
Women who use abortion as a method of birth control.
Now, I'm not anti-abortionist, because I don't believe innocent children
should be subjected to parents who would rather not keep them and can't
take care of them, but if you've had more than three abortions in the last
year, it's time to buy yourself a vibrator and get your man (or yourself)
neutered/spaid!
Women that go around saying "I neeeeeeed a boyfriend."
Dear, why do you want one?!?! Aren't you single right now because your
last sweetheart treated you like shit and then dumped you for a little
slut?
Vegetarians who try to force their lifestyle on
everyone else. Hey, I don't mind if you don't wanna eat meat, but don't
*lecture* me about it!! Or else I shall be tempted to start screaming when
you bite into that carrot... "OH GOD NO!! Release that vegetable! That's
one of God's creations, you're mutilating it!" Life feeds on life, so get
over it!
Vegetarians who assume they own the rights to
the ethical and moral high ground.
People who are willing to undergo gang initiation
(i.e. getting beaten to a bloody pulp, getting screwed by a long line of
horny gang men, etc.) so they can share the "family" feelings.
Women who think I can't possibly be attractive
to any man because I don't wear make-up. "Your face is naked!" My face
is natural, bimbo, so lay off.
"Friends" who completely ignore and neglect their
other friends to spend time with their Significant Other. Even worse are
those male "friends" who won't give you the time of day if their Significant
Other is in the building, but want to flirt like mad when the S.O. isn't
around.
Stupid cheeseheads and bimbos who bitch and moan
and gush that they're gonna cry whenever that annoying Celine Dion song
from Titanic comes on.
Ridiculously-sappy, putrid pet names couples have
for each other. Don't get me wrong-- the occasional "dear" or "honey" is
fine-- but when I went to my friend's house and saw a picture of him and
his girlfriend in a frame engraved with "Punkin and Boo," I had to make
an unexpected run to the bathroom...
Adults who do stupid, melodramatic, angsty CRAP
because they see it on TV and think that's how real people act.
Having my masculinity, legitimacy, or heterosexuality
questioned because I don't worship some televised sport or another.
People whose lives are so empty and miserable
that they can't think of anything better to do than get servers, clerks,
cashiers, and similar peons in trouble.
Overly-zealous religious people ie: Pat Robertson,
and the like. I'm sure these guys have the inside scoop as to when the
world is going to end! Also, that whacked-out guy in Texas that claims
God is coming sometime in April, and that has two kids that are supposed
to be Jesus and Buddha incarnate. Gimme a fuckin' break. If God was coming
to Earth....would he/she pick Texas??, and in a podunk town at that?? Don't
think so, Spanky.
People who's best excuse for what an idiot they
are is "I came from a dysfunctional family". Give me a break. Get your
own shit together and quit blaming everyone else for your problems.
People who know next to nothing about something
that I know well, yet decide to "enlighten" me with their obvious and never
ending bullshit in some sad attempt to make themselves look like they know
all there is to know. It's sad to see that there are still people out there
who just can't bring themselves to admit that... ack... they don't know.
People who ask how you are, wait for the standard
"good, how are you?" response, then proceed to launch into a lengthy gripe
session about how work sucks, life sucks, I'm broke, my kid (who I chose
to have) is driving me crazy, my boyfriend cheated on me...again, I can't
afford the payment on my $1200 VACUUM, I'm late with the rent, my family
won't lend me any more money and now I'm pissed off at them all, my best
friends are all a bunch of junior high mentality losers (hmmm, how did
you manage to hook up with that crowd...?) ................Yeah, okay,
well, I gotta go now.
"Friends" who call a lot more often when they
are between boyfriends, and then say,"Geez, I never see you anymore. We
should get together." Grow up. Fuck off.
People who say, "You are so lucky to work at home.
I should do that," when I know damn well that they can hardly hold down
a job where someone ELSE supplies the work to do and the paycheck, and
they STILL bitch about working a little overtime now and then...
People who ask me what my "natural" hair color
is.... if I wanted them to know that I would have had it dyed that color.
If I am going to pay for it then I will have the color I want, not the
stuff I could have grown for free!
The fact that even though librarianship has been
a largely female (and thus lower-paid) profession for the last hundred
years or so, it is largely men who are in "upper management" and "technical
services" - the two best paid positions in a library. And while you're
getting your masters in library science, the women are expected to take
the public librarian and children's librarian courses while the men are
expected to take the computer courses. And if you're a woman who happens
to be getting her masters with a concentration in relational database systems,
you're either a lesbian or some kind of freak.
People, especially strangers, who feel the need
or rather feel they have the right to make comments such as, "My you are
short, how short are you?" or the best one yet, (by someone whose job title
reads "village idiot"), "Hello there you vertically challenged person".
Does this now mean I qualify for Disability?
People who assume that because I am bisexual and
polyamorous, I am attracted to THEM. I may be poly and bi... but I DO have
taste.
People who, after getting no answer their pathetic
to "RU M or F?" questions, decide that I am whatever flavour they are interested
in... (my personal favorite so far "are you a boy or a girl?" neither,
I am grown up)
People <guys> who when they find out I'm bisexual
AUTOMATICALLY assume I'm just a horny little slut who will fuck anyone
put before me. Or that I would be honored to have a threesome with them
and another girl. I'm bisexual, not a whore. Just because I'm attracted
to both genders doesn't mean I'm attracted to everyone. AND if I'm going
to have sex with a girl, I'm going to do it in the privacy of my own home,
without some drooling mentally inferior male watching.
Kylie and Danni Minogue. Two good examples of
how plastic surgery can make you look like a total freak!
Magazines targeted at teenage girls: they constantly
come up with some syrupy article saying 'you should love yourself the way
you look', etc and yet ALWAYS, ALWAYS portray some skinny little models
as everyday-life girls. Damn hypocrites.
People who stereotype that all the non-"girly"
females are lesbians.
Mariah Carey and all her videos.
MTV and their boy bands selling image. Not all
girls swoon over some singers simply because they have a six-pack thank
you very much.
People who forward chain letters and junk mails.
Are they so stupid as to believe that a little girl will get 3 cents for
every copy of an e-mail sent, or that Bill Gates actually wrote that e-mail
saying he'll give out 1000 bucks to some lucky winner? What's even worse
is that these people believe the rest of the world is just as gullible
as they are.
Usenet Spam.
Dumb companies who prefer to hire males to fill
in the engineering positions, thinking that women aren't as capable.
Dumber women who think "Oh, I don't think I'll
do engineering anymore. I want be able to find a job!" I am going to do
an engineering degree and won't give it up simply because some judgmental
dumbasses think I'm not capable due to my gender. There are plenty of *smart*
companies looking for competent people, regardless of gender.
Women who sneer at me because I am taking engineering
courses, thinking I'm doing it because I want to be 'cool'. At least I
have the brain and capabilities, while all they have is sour grapes.
Religious freaks who refused to give their children
any form of sex education as well as those who refused the sex education
given at school.
Bop magazine.
Pauline Hanson. Why do people still vote for her
anyway?
Clueless assholes who think when a woman accepts
a date it means she accepts his offer to bed.
People who are too embarrassed to buy a condom
but not too embarrassed to screw around.
People who, when trying to insult someone especially
singers, musicians and actors, can not get past the words 'faggot' or some
form of homophobic reference.
Magazine quizzes. As if filling in a couple of
choices will determine your destiny. Get real.
People who confuse the term 'loner' and 'anti-social'
Teenage girls with the goal to get married and
breed as soon as they finish high school. Then what? Fall out with their
equally brainless/young husbands, get a divorce and find that yourselves
stuck with kids and no job or money because you've been depending on your
husbands?
People who respond to "Tell me about yourself"
with "I'm nobody really. I do nothing interesting. Really." Fine. I'm moving
on to someone who has something to say.
People who are self-deprecating to the point where
you have to say, "Fine, I agree. You don't like you, I don't like you.
Farewell."
People who assume that *they* get a say in *my*
body piercings. I got my lip pierced, went to work, and several otherwise
sane, independent working women all said, "I'd never do that!" and then
proceeded to tell me what I should get pierced next! The funny bit: many
of these women were pregnant. Was I there saying, "Yeah, get started on
the next kid as soon as you can; you'd *really* look better with two girls
and a boy"? No. With piercings, the "a woman has a right to choose what
she does with her own body" concept goes right out the window. I've had
people saying "Pierce your eyebrow! Do your bellybutton!" like they really
have a clue what should happen with my body, when they're too chickenshit
to experiment with their own!
The runners-up are the total strangers who come
up and ask, "Did that hurt?". Never mind the other eighty zillion people
on the street with eighteen earrings per ear. They've got to ask me. My
usual response is to tell the truth: "No, the needle punches through too
fast," and smile at them. Works every time.
Stupid boys who assume that all girls like Backstreet
Boys.
The songs, 'Quit Playing Games' and 'All I Have
To Give' and 'As Long As You Love Me'. So fucking cheesy.
People who assume that just because you're in
your teenage years and you like rock or rap, you only like those bands/groups
because of the members' looks and not for the music.
People who really believe that Ozzy, Kiss, Marilyn
Manson, etc. are nasty evil satanists. Come on folks. They are working
folks who figured out that notoriety = CASH. The free publicity supplied
by these gullible whiners only fattens their wallets. Oh yeah, and the
televangelists (who know better) who hypocritically exploit these people
for their own purposes make me wanna hurl too.
Customers who ARE wrong and KNOW it, but who throw
a fake tantrum anyway because they know management will cave to get rid
of them.
Those stupid "my child is an honor student at
(school)." Get a grip!
Snotty clerks in jewelry stores who make less
than 6 bucks an hour but treat me like crap cause I am wearing jeans and
a T-shirt on a Saturday. Whose the one buying the diamond that would cost
them half a year's salary? Just because you sell it, doesn't mean you can
buy it!
People who buy everything they want on credit
and then whine about the bills and the interest!
People behind the counters in so-called "fast
food" places that move as if nothing short of a grease fire would put some
bounce in their step!
Women who denigrate themselves by allowing the
title "His baby's mama" to be bestowed on them instead of "wife."
Babies born out of wedlock to parents who have
no desire to commit to each other or their kids.
Deadbeat dads who run out on their wives or girlfriends
and don't pay support. Then they fall back on the old, "It isn't my kid
anyway!" I say make DNA tests mandatory and if the old boy is lying, MAKE
HIM PAY THE COURT FOR IT!
Women who lie about who fathered their children
because the guy that actually did it is such a loser.
People who treat their children as baggage rather
than as individual human beings who did not ask to be created.
People who assume that my fiancé knows
more about computers than me, even though I have had one for longer than
he has.
People who drink, smoke and use other mind altering
chemicals and then complain about the problem of drugs with our youth.
People who want to spend millions saving "homeless"
animals, but do not want to spend anything on helping impoverished humans.
Being told that I am "just jaded and disillusioned"
because I don't accept every date offer. I prefer the terms "particular
and realistic".
When a girl's at a computer in a public place,
and it freezes and yells out "Aw shit", and a guy comes over, grabs the
keyboard and says "Why don't you let ~me~ get that, honey". If you haven't
noticed, his dick should be at just about shoulder level... perfect to
yanking while screaming "You keep your jizz covered fingers off that keyboard
or I'll give you a virus that would bring Bill Gates to tears."
Froufrou prom/wedding/debutante dresses. You know,
the kind embellished with so much lace and ruffles and tulle and hoops
and sequins and crap that you barely notice the person wearing it. And
this is supposedly a "feminine" way to dress. BLECH!
My mom, for telling me I'd have to marry a man
much older than me because only an older man would be able to "tolerate"
me. So I'm not to be respected, loved, cared about or even liked-- just
'tolerated.' Uh, like, thanks!
Brain-dead, whiny men who seek to 'bate their
egos by asking you, "Would you sleep with me if I were the last man on
earth?" and proceed to get all hurt and offended when you tell them the
truth.
People who get angry at me for treating everyone
as though they should be a mature adult. I don't respond to infantile behavior.
People who use the word 'fat' as an insult - yeah like we're arguing because
I'm fat - or is it because I'm a fucking bitch who's just brought you to
your knees?
People who assume that any unhappiness I feel
must be related to the fact that I'm single - Especially the ones who tell
me that "It'll all change when you meet the right man" - FUCK OFF! I'm
single because I want to be - I already have one arsehole in my pants thanks!
The words "Smile! It can't be that bad!"
Women who say, "I hate you. You're so thin." Okay,
well, moving on...
People who get really flustered when someone does
not fit into the labels they've created. If I don't meet your expectations
for what someone of "my type" ought to be, that's your problem.
Anyone who asks, "Is this going to be on the test?"
Women who tell you that their husband is "the
leader of the household", because it's "Bible-based" or "God's plan". Sheesh!
If you want to be in a hierarchical organization, join the military--at
least there you have a chance for promotion!
Those Jon Benet Ramsey pictures, or any other
picture of a little girl painted up like a cheap whore. Who do those little
girl beauty pageants cater to--pedophiles?!?
The stereotype that smart people are "dumb" socially.
Webpages of would-be poets who misspell simple
words over and over. Anyone who's going to call himself a poet ought to
have pride enough in the job to check his page for spelling errors. How
can you miss an error in 36-pt type?
The dumbfucks in my English class that can't shut
up long enough to let anyone else get an education. These people expect
everyone to respect them but can't respect anyone enough to let the teacher
teach.
Bimbos with bleached blonde hair and fake breasts,
who prance around thinking they are the best thing on earth.
Guys who try to hit on me calling me "Mommy/Momma"...
What kinda sick shit is THAT? Get a life Oedipus. If I was your momma,
you'da been aborted.
Right to Lifers that make claims about when a
fetus actually becomes a person, and then carry one around in formaldehyde
to show people what an abomination it is to abort one. THAT's an abomination.
So are the thousands of unwanted children in foster homes, or their natural
homes getting the shit beat out of them. How nice of those fuckers to save
a life from an abortionist and leave it to die of neglect.
Women who get pregnant without means, without
responsibility, without a spouse, destitute, still in school (oops, not
anymore!), on drugs, don't know who the father is really, it could have
been so-and-so, or so-and-so, but REFUSE to get an abortion because "I'm
catholic - it's against my religion". Oh, and all that other shit you did
WASN'T?
People on IRC (mainly guys, it appears to me)
who show off their superior conversation skills with winning lines like
"r u m or f?" "can I talk 2 u?". Look I'm here to talk to people, not patch
together some fucked up typing and english skills. And for chrissakes,
why not try a real conversation- With whole words and everything? If you've
any brains at all you'll figure out the "m or f". Besides, if the first
thing out of you I get is some lame hackneyed question regarding my gender,
you're looking for a net-screw anyway, not a PERSON to talk to. Go beat
off and save yourself the phone bill and me the trouble of verbally tearing
you a new asshole.
People online who want to know if I'm black/white/hispanic/whatever.
Oh, FUCK you. If you can only relate to me based on your perceived pigeon-hole
stereotypes of race, then move the fuck on.
Guys that hit on you and DON'T give up. C'mon,
people - doesn't that remind you of some ill mannered dog tying to hump
your leg? Horny as shit, not getting SQUAT, but keeps trying even as you
try and pry the bugger off? Everytime the guys try that, especially in
IRC, I get a mental image of a frustrated chihuahua having a go at my ankle.
Right before I put my foot up his ass. The guy - not the dog... I'd feel
bad hurting a creature that didn't know any better. C'mon guys - you've
GOT to know better - that behavior tells me right off that you only see
me as a vagina with a life support system attached. NEVER treat me as anything
less than a person - I'll be less kind in return.
People who assume that just because you're in
a bar with your friends, you're looking to pick someone up, 'cause "you
women always travel in packs, heh heh heh"? Bugger off.
Women who can't go a public restroom by themselves.
People who think they can't go to the movies by
themselves, and people who look at you when you DO go as if you were a
dateless cripple. What the fuck...? You're not gonna TALK during the movie
(at least I hope not). Grow a little independence - I don't see a sign
saying "Tickets sold to groups or pairs ONLY"
Guys who think it would be the greatest sex in
the world if you invited a friend to join you, and doesn't understand why
you're glaring at him like that. After all, HE thinks two women in bed
with a him is erotic as hell, why don't YOU? The same guy mind you, will
literally gag at the mere thought of another MAN in bed with the two of
you.
Women on welfare who keep cranking out more kids.
Who the hell do you think you are?? Why should I pay taxes to support your
ass and any kids you want to have. Where did common sense go??? Everything
is bought on the social credit plan - "Well, gee I don't have a job, welfare
will pay me more money if I have more kids, and I don't want just one kid
- he'll be lonely" (No shit, this is what the woman said to me - the kid
she already couldn't afford would be lonely).
People who buy junk food with food stamps.
Homophobics.
Men who immediately start proclaiming you to be
gay because you won't give him the time of day. Him, the flower of all
manhood - H'yeah. Right. Excuse me while I swoon, here. Dick.
People who are black who use the terms oreo, red-bone,
high-yellow or nigger/nigga. Stupid shits, if you want the world to treat
you with respect, start treating yourself that way first.
People who upon meeting me say with all the fascination
of an entomologist discovering a new bug "Oh, you didn't sound black on
the phone..." And just what am I *supposed* to sound like? And what the
fuck is Ebonics? Yet another way for some people to infantilize their poor
behavior, grammar and social skills? "Oh, (s)he can't help it - they were
raised speaking another language (in another society/with different standards,
etc, ad nauseum)". Bullshit.
People at anti-fur protests who are wearing leather
coats.
People who get arrested at anti-fur protests but
don't feel that their leather shoes are an issue. (Ricki Lake anyone?)
OF COURSE your shoes are an issue! What? Only "cute" animals don't deserve
to die for your fashion sense?
People who think they're vegetarians because they
eat steak only once a week.
People who say they're vegetarians because they
don't eat beef but eat chicken and fish. Since when were chickens and fish
considered vegetables?
Guys who think that just because I talk to them,
that must mean I'm interested in dating or sleeping with them. (Uh, I only
asked you for the time, you idiot)
People who ask me for advice but just really want
me to justify their idiotic behavior and say it's okay that they're acting
like an asshole.
People who ask me what I do and when I say I'm
a cartoonist/comic book illustrator, they then ask me, "Well, what do you
REALLY do?"
People who ask me where I work, and if they don't
recognize the name of the company (or even worse, tell them I work for
myself) they treat me like I DON'T have a job.
People who tell me what I SHOULD be doing when
I actually LIKE what I'm doing already.
People who think that just because I really like
my job must mean I don't really have a job or have it too easy.
People who think I'm rich because I have a lot
of stuff and it all looks like new. No... it just means I saved like hell
AND I like to take care of my stuff.
People who think that just because I've been with
the same man for 11 years and haven't married him yet must mean there's
something wrong with us. But someone who dates another person for six months,
gets married, and then divorces after a year and a half is considered "normal."
People who think I'm a social retard because I
tell them I don't believe in dating, just making friends. If they're an
asshole when they're just "friends" with you, why the hell would you want
to date them?
Guys who think that asking me if I'm married is
the same thing as asking me if I have a significant other.
Guys who think that if they DON'T ask me if I'm
married or have a significant other means I'm "automatically single."
People who think (and LAWS that imply!) just because
we're not married means we're not really a dedicated couple. So what DO
you call a couple who's been committed to each other for 11 years but just
haven't gotten married?
People who think we're retards because we don't
believe in the false pretenses that encompasses marriage. Marriage DOES
NOT save, solve or change ANYTHING. It's just a CEREMONY, folks. Just like
that gaudy rock on your finger is just a RING. We can stop having birthday
parties... why not marriages? It's the SAME THING!
People who never call or even consider gay men
"women haters" but ALWAYS call lesbians "man haters."
Women who whine about sexual harassment if the
boss or co-worker says they look nice. It's called a COMPLIMENT, you retard.
Women who whine that the "ugly" guy asking them
out is sexual harassment but the "cute" guy asking them out is "flattering."
Women who tell me that because I like pornography
and don't consider Playboy offensive means I am a "traitor" to the female
gender. Fuck you. When I come across something I consider offensive I DON'T
BUY IT. Don't tell me what I can or can't do. I consider the fact that
you're trying to take away my decision making more OFFENSIVE than the magazines
and videos you hate so much.
People who think that a single guy in the movies
can blow up countries, battle aliens, and literally save the world is entertaining
and exciting - but a woman kicking a guy's ass is considered "unrealistic."
Producers who make the women in movies whiney
screamers who don't do anything to help themselves and constantly need
a man to save them - then turn around and say that women don't go to movies
as much as men do. OF COURSE I DON'T! Why the fuck would I want to see
a movie like that?!
Writers who think that the ONLY traumatic thing
that can happen to a woman is getting raped so they keep using that in
everything they produce.
Comic book creators who think that creating a
female character that is essentially a "psychotic guy with breasts" and
putting her in a uniform that basically is a 2-piece string bikini will
attract female fans (yeah, right). How about engaging stories with realistic
characters and personalities in intriguing situations? That's possible
even in a fantasy setting. Don't think you can fool me with your warped
sexual fantasy and call it a pro-feminist statement.
Writers/creators who think that creating a comic
that will attract female readers means creating either sappy romance comics
(or worse, comics that are almost child-like, implying that female comic
readers are retarded) or comics in which all of the female characters are
borderline megalomaniacs while all of the men in the same comics are helpless
sheep. How about just writing a good story with complex, realistic characters,
eh?
Men who complain that women are the "weaker sex"
but fall apart if there are none around to take care of them. Equally makes
me want to puke - the women who fall for them and abandon every bit of
their personality - their entire BEING - to cater to them. Then they wonder
how come they get treated like shit all the time.
People who complain about how hard it is to raise
children and imply how their lives totally changed for the worst since
they had children, then turn around and ask me when I'm going to have my
own. Then they think there's something intrinsically wrong with me when
I tell them I totally refuse to have children.
People who think that just because I'm female,
I WANT to either hear about, play with, or take care of their fucking kids.
Fuck you and the brat you brought with you.
People who think they're better because they have
kids. Nope... now you're an asshole TWICE.
Parents who imply, if not straight out say that
you "owe" it to them to give them grandkids. Fuck you! I don't owe you
THAT much!
People who think that behavior that would be absolutely
REPULSING if an adult did it is absolutely CUTE when a child does it.
People who think that all children are retarded
and treat and raise them accordingly. Then they wonder why their 12 year
old still talks "baby talk" and can't function normally.
People in relationships who bluff about leaving,
when you wish they were gone already.
Religious morons who think people who enjoy sex
are morally retarded.
Other women at my workplace who, when I had worked
myself into a deserved and wanted promotion by years of hard work and determination
(and taken - and returned - a lot of shit from male colleagues who didn't
want any women that high up), just said: "Oh gee, I wish someone wold give
me a chance like that!" I could have killed - chances are not given, they
are taken!
"Forever Friends" cards, etc... and people who
put up webpages using that sickening teddy-bear theme... *gack*
Those women who sit back and watch their children
physically abused by the "MAN of the house" and then turn around and make
excuses for staying with them like... "He really doesn't mean it" or "he's
not really hurting them" and there's my personal favorite, "Well... I don't
wanna ruin my "HAPPY" home"!!! bleeeccchhhhhh !!!!
People who, when they hear I am retired, say,
"How lucky you are!". Lucky my ass. I worked fifty long fucking years to
earn my retirement. My plans did not include 'someone' taking care of me.
Make your own luck and stop dreaming about the future. Make it so!
Little twerps on the ski lift who look down on
me and, because I'm wearing a hat and shades and baggy clothes, feel like
they have they right to ask, "What sex are you?" I'm FEMALE, you little
bastard. Wanna see my Mister Middle Finger hand puppet?
Jenny McCarthy
Complete strangers who think they're being cute
by interrupting you when you're reading a book to tell you, "You should
watch more TV," or "Why don't you just see the movie? It would be faster."
And we wonder why illiteracy is so high in such a developed nation...
(Can I second the Spice Girls nomination? Heh.)
Assholes that feel they need to amass as many
toys as possible, but then spend all their free time in front of the boob
tube.
What makes me want to hurl and get violent are
people of both genders who go to the health clubs to pick someone up. They
hang around the machines in their little expensive outfits, refuse to get
out of the way, because they are having an oh-so intelligent conversation
with another Ken or Barbie look alike about their monotonous little lives,
all the while they are preening their hair and checking themselves out
in the mirror. Yuck! Get a hotel room and get it over with!!
Any commercials where the topic of discussion
is "hemorrhoids", "acne", "feminine itching", "jock itch", "athlete's foot",
"diarrhea", "vaginal warts", "menstrual cramps", and my all time favorite...."Douching,
for that freshness feeling". Thanks, this is why they put the on/off switch
on the remote....
Ebonics....need I say more?
People who volunteer their opinions about your
looks without being asked. Comments like,"Wow, you've gained a little weight,
huh?" Gee, thanks, I never would have noticed that without you pointing
it out to me. Assholes.
People who use a mistake I made (back in the mists
of time) to justify their own mistakes and dishonesty. Anyone who says
"at least I didn't do..." in a pathetic attempt to deflect responsibility
for lying or f*cking up needs to have their tongue removed in the most
painful way possible.
People of the same sex who feel the need to tell
me they're straight and not attracted to me when they find out I'm gay,
then get offended when I tell them I'm not attracted to them either. News
flash: I have a preferred "type" too, and for starters that type isn't
heterosexual!!
The idea that I am expected to have an unlimited
amount of forgiveness and accept every apology from people who do hellish
things to me, including friends. If I'm hurt and I don't want to forgive
you or accept your apology, I won't. I'll take self-respect and personal
honesty instead.
That if someone comes forward and admits a lie
or mistake they're crucified by everyone, but if someone is caught lying
they're swept un | |
