(Updated: May 4, 2004)
A Compendium of hurl-worthy comments and experiences from the
readers of Heartless Bitches International
My boyfriend's best friend, who won't go and watch the play he's in
because he is 'uncomfortable' with the fact that my boyfriend will be
wearing Rocky Horror-style drag onstage! It's a comedy, in which he has
the sense of humour and the balls to look a little silly for others'
amusement. For God's sake! What does this guy think will happen - that
seeing it will turn him gay? And his assertion, when I told him that my
boyfriend would appreciate the support from someone he considered a
friend, that "you won't catch THIS man dressing as no woman!" No-one's
asking you to, you blithering fool. You look ugly enough dressed as your
own gender...
People who say, "You'll understand when you're a parent..."
The sports salesman today who openly sneered at my boyfriend, and
sniggered when he asked for a size 13 trainer. Because, oh my God, 13 is
SUCH an outlandish size! And the fact that there were only two styles
that went up to a 13, and both were hideous and totally impractical for
his needs. What, so people who don't fit the off-the-rack definition of
normal don't want to look good and avoid crippling themselves with an
injury while working out? Jee-zass!
The off-the-rack definiton of normal in general.
Shops who put size 16+ clothes into separate sections with hurlworthy
names like 'Fashion Plus' and 'Big is Beautiful'. Like, oh my gosh! We
can't have 'fatties' shopping next to NORMAL people, can we?!
Those over-tanned, peroxide-blonde, makeup-caked Barbie clones, who all dress in identical mini-skirts, boots and teeny-weeny tops that practically show their nipples, who fall all over the first 'good-looking' guy who ogles their chest, then complain that people don't take them seriously, and that guys treat them like sex objects.
The guys who actually find the Barbie clones attractive and want to sleep with them.
The same guys who claim to love independence and intelligence in women,
freak out when a woman displaying these qualities whoops their ass in an
argument, and accuse her of being a lesbian, sexually frustrated or
pre-menstrual.
The odd looks I get when I order a pint. Yes, a PINT, not a half, no I don't want fucking lime cordial in it, and I am NOT YOUR LOVE!
The fact that I spent my entire adolescence reading women's magazines and believing the crap they feed you about how vital it is to 'bag your man', 'get a toned tum in just 14 days' and 'get a new look for spring'. THANK GOD for The Female Eunuch and the person who recommended I read it.
The 'good news' on the front cover of one of the aforementioned women's
magazines, that 'curves are back!' Well, hoo-fuckin'-raah! Now I don't
have to flog myself with a length of cheesewire every time a morsel of
food passes my lips!
My 100lb, ex-dancer gym instructor, who at my last program review said "We don't want to give you too much time on the treadmill, it'll bulk your legs up too much". This after I had just told her I was entering a half-marathon in 6 months, and wanted a training programme suited to getting me fit enough to do it without collapsing. Newsflash, baby-doll - I don't give a monkeys about whether my legs become 'bulky' or not. I'm here because I want to increase my strength and cardiovascular fitness - enough to compete in an athletic event that YOUR skinny ass couldn't even get out of bed for. Let's talk about MY needs and forget what your prissy ballet teacher told you about what is 'feminine'.
Reading the Pukefest archives, agreeing with 98% of what is written, and realising that I have been guilty of at least 50% of the stuff at some point in my life.
Idiots who demonize women and blame the "feminisation" of education for
why more girls than boys are going on to colleges and universities these
days (and getting higher grades to boot!). The truth of the matter is that the education system and strong
role models have finally made it "OK" for girls to pursue college
degrees, and they are recognizing that their only opportunity for an
income that resides above the poverty line, is through a college
education. Whereas non-college educated men can still find careers in
the trades that pay very well ($30-$50/hr), women without a college
degree are pretty much stuck at minimum wage or some amount narrowly
above that. So who can blame smart young women for realizing that their
path to financial and personal freedom is through university? And why is
nobody looking at the media glorification of male stupidity, mindless
video games, and an instant-gratification culture as an underlying cause
for why boys aren't doing as well as girls in school? Nope,
it must be those nasty feminists again!
People, especially women, who look down on women who choose to stay home with their children. I can do or be whatever I want and right NOW I want to be at home. If you choose a different path, good for you. Don't put me down or say I'm wasting my life. Women's choice should be a choice, not just the choice for a career!
The fact that you seldom/never hear men arguing or complaining about how it should be their CHOICE to stay home with the children. If being a stay-at-home-parent is the most important "Job" a person can do (as so many right-wing pro-family evangelists espouse), why don't more men insist on staying home with the kids?
People who won't allow a law that lets people at least have a right to choose to die when they are terminal and suffering, because their "religion" says "suicide is wrong". Those of us with more than three brain cells to rub together are capable of comprehending the moral distinction between someone whose body no longer has the ability to live a functional life and someone still fully alive and capable who suicides to take the easy way out.
People who assume everyone who is pro-choice on abortion is atheistic, amoral and has complete disregard for life, and thinks of abortion as removing a wart. Some of us - brace yourself - believe that since we have a soul, it *gasp of surprise* lives on in-between lives in a body. If you abort a defective fetus, that gives the soul a chance to come back in a healthy body. Or a chance to come back in a family that wants it and therefore can provide it a better lifetime. It doesn't "kill Beethoven"!
Maybe "God's special gift children" would have preferred a chance to come back in a healthy body.
Some people who won't allow a right to die are in favor of the death penalty. So they won't allow people the right to choose to die, and they won't allow people the right to choose to live. Let me guess: they probably won't allow people the right to choose to end an unwanted pregnancy, either. And some of them don't want contraception available to *prevent* abortions and unwanted pregnancies. They don't make ANY sense!
The fact that it was vanity, conformity and consequently a facelift that killed Olivia Goldsmith, the bestseller author of First Wives' Club, the novel that encouraged women to level themselves above men's obsession with plasticated younger models.
Women who think that fake nails make them look less ugly.
Guys who refuse to understand the girlfriend's need to meet up with her male friends because they claim to "know what guys are like" and are thereby reducing the girlfriend to have one sole purpose.
The guy in my college computer science class that commented, "A computer would never replace a great pair of legs on a secretary".
People who think they are nonconformists. College students, all dressing
alike and laughing (alike) at anyone who doesn't dress like they do. The girls - they are not women - even have the same
pronunciation and eardrum-slicing voice tone.
All the couple-dopes on tandem bicycles: I have never, ever, not once in thirty years, ever seen
even one couple riding with the woman in front.
All the idiots who think
they are so unconventional because they have three-way sex: I have never
read of one single exception to the rule that it must be one man and two
women. Who would have thought that these dumbasses have rules?
Apparently they do. They are MORE unthinking, hidebound, conventional
and blindly conforming than their grandparents. At least their
grandparents forged new lives for themselves in a growing, changing,
harsher time and country, with harsher morés.
So called "representatives", who don't represent me, making laws in this
country, who are all over a constitutional amendment banning gay
marriage like flies on shit, but could not, would not pass an amendment
stating that "equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or
abridged by the states or by any state on account of sex". Wow. That one
never got off the ground, and you never even HEAR about passing it any
more.
Freud and his statements about the penetration orgasm being the only way a woman could be sexually pleased, rendering women entirely dependent on men and their tools.
People who rag on others about a body piercing such as a nose or lip ring. BITCH is about Being in Total Control of YOURSELF, not others. Get a life and stay out of other people's.
Dog bakeries. U.S. cities including Seattle and Anchorage have, I shit
you not, bakeries in town, only they make expensive dog biscuits. As
long as these obscene things are around, you know - and the whole world
knows - that U.S. Americans have way too much money.
Women who prolong their college careers to be closer to a man.
People who talk smack about others on LiveJournal instead of confronting them
to their face.
Anyone who says that English is an "easy major." Why don't you try to write a
Marxist/Feminst criticism of Tess of the d'Urbervilles you fucktard and see
how easy it is.
People who assume that just because I am from the South I am an oversexed,
barefoot loon who doesn't know who Stephen Hawking is.
When people find out that I'm a vegetarian they interrogate me about my
dietary habits and then proclaim that they could NEVER go without eating meat.
Like I give a damn.
People who passively try to get sexual attention by keeping stuff in their
bras instead of in their pockets or in a purse and go digging through their
bra.
People who make insulting comments and then say "I was just
joking!" when someone calls them on it.
People who are "proud" of their breasts. Breasts
are not an accomplishment. Being proud of breasts is like saying "I worked so
hard for this elbow."
Girl friends who ignore their female best friends when their boyfriend is
around.
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