A Compendium of hurl-worthy comments and experiences from the
readers of Heartless Bitches International
Country music today. It used to be about cheatin' hearts, jail, railroads,
bad men and women, tough lives, etc. Now every single song is a sappy,
drippy suburban balad about abused children, angels in heaven, men who love
their wives, firemen rescuing babies, the american flag, and brave soldiers
serving their country. Puke, give me perfidy, booze and jail any day!
Women who are proud of their inability to change a tire.
Men who are proud they can't cook when they just never bothered to learn.
Women who make six figures and still need to "ask permission from their
husbands" before they buy any clothes.
Those "Baby girl" T-shirts. If you can't crawl out of it, you're too old to
be called baby.
Men who blame all society's ills on working mothers and then sneer at their
wives for "sitting around all day" and "being a sponge." Hello? Your kid
is a little punk because he sees Daddy treat Mommy like an asswipe. YOU
taught him that behavior. NOT his teacher who puts her kids in daycare.
People who ask me when I'm going to have my "real wedding." My husband and
I both signed the certificate. We were married by clergy. We even had a
party for 50 people. I guess it's only legal if you put on a tiara and play
princess for a day. Barf!
Women who think that wearing black makes them intelligent. Get over your
fucking clothes and read something!
People who tell me I don't need to excersize because I'm not fat.
"She's emotional, she just needs to be laid." Sorry? What happened to
modern medical science? Logic is not caused by "male essence." Women
really don't need a regular dose of sperm to keep them from going off the
deep end.
The movie Legally Blonde. An embarassingly formulaic Hollywood fluff
piece disguised as a (compromising, softcore, unchallenging) women's lib
film. Stuff like this is a stain on actual, progressive empowerment
film.
Alanis Morisette. What, exactly, is empowering about a woman who sings
songs written by a (male) producer? She is a marketing tool, same as
Britney Spears, just aimed at a different (though equally lucrative)
market.
People who wear those "I (heart) nerds" t-shirts. You are liars, every
single one of you. You only "(heart)" those nerds who have made it
fashionable -- emo poseurs in Converse shoes, mostly. You turn your nose
up when the math nerd or computer hobbyist comes calling, same as
everyone else. (Not that I'm bitter.)
Men who are pro-life. White people who are anti-affirmative action.
Folks, you know not what you speak of. And why should it be your
decision in the first fuckin' place?
Folks who must be dating someone, at all times. Are you really so
uncomfortable with yourself that you must have someone else to cling to
and think about at all times?
Cell phones with games in them. Cars with DVD players and televisions in
the headrests. Anything, really, that encourages children to seek an
instant gratification lifestyle, as if we were not already too much of a
push-button society. I took road trips with my family every year when I
was a kid, and each trip took 10 to 12 hours, and I had NOTHING to
entertain me on those trips save the company of my family. And I think I
turned out all right.
Women who assume I am gay because I do not devolve into a
mouth-breathing stereotypical male when they bat their eyelashes at me. Take it
from a living, breathing human: some (actually, most) people have
restraint and class. This is not a world of caricatured people, no
matter what Cosmo tells you.
Guys who think that because I go to a bar, and like to drink (and
damn well can hold my liquor) that I'm obviously some whore party girl
looking for someone to take me home with them. I am always with my
friends, having some laughs, and some idiot will decide to completely
ignore the fact that I haven't even looked at him once and try and
convince me it's my "lucky night." Actually, fool, it's your lucky night
if I don't knock you off your barstool. If I was interested, I'd let you
know. And bonus hatred for anyone I do manage to have actual
intellectual conversation with who thinks that after five minutes,
talking is enough and he has the right to try and stroke my thigh or
grab my breast. I don't think so.
Men who feel the need to harrass you on the street. I doubt he'd let any
guy get away with talking to his sister, mother, or daughter that way,
so why should I be treated any differently? I know I've got "nice
hooters" asshole, and the only reason you yell it out must be that you
know you'd never get close enough to me whisper it.
On a similar note, guys who ask if I've had a boob job. Who the hell asks that?
Men and women who think it weird that I find male/male action incredibly
hot. Of course the men love the lesbian stuff. But more than one penis?
Heavens!
Men who claim they find it sexy that I'm taller than them, then ask me
not to wear heels when we go out-even if it's a difference of an inch or
two. Hell, I like wearing heels, and even if I were 6'5" I'd still wear
them. It's not my fault you're insecure.
Any man who thinks he can refer to me as his "woman."
Couples who have to do everything together and are clingy and
possessive, especially when one of the pair is a close friend. It makes
me sick, and it amazes me that the friend will be angry at me when I
tell her I'd like to hang out by ourselves on occassion like we used to.
It doesn't mean I don't like your boyfriend, dearie, but I want to make
sure that you're at least capable of being an individual personality
when he's not around.
Couples who want to set you up with a friend of theirs, so you can
double date! How cute can you get? Spare me.
Men who still labor under the misapprehension that all women are
helpless and need a man to take care of them. Maybe some women are,
maybe some like to pretend they are, but I'm not, okay? I have my own
mind and can make my own decisions. I'm 5'9" and 175 lbs, so I'm quite
capable of lifting things and protecting myself. If I want or need your
help, I'll ask,thanks.
Men who try to order for me in restaurants. Also men who, upon taking me
out, say something like "You pick the restaurant, and pick a fancy
place; I want to impress you." Gee, thanks. I don't need to be
impressed. I'm with you because I want to be, not because I'm dazzled by
your ability to pay for an expensive meal. And comments like that are
the opposite of impressive!
Men who can't have a normal, engaging conversation without turning it
into something sexual and objectifying. I observed a co-worker reading a
photography magazine. Another coworker came up to her, and asked her
about it, as it was a common interest. Instead of talking to her like a
human being and fellow worker who had shared his knowledge, he said,
"You know about photography? Ooh, don't tell me any more, that's such a
turn on!" This brain also would hit on the "dressed like they're 25 but
obviously underage" female customers. People like him make me desire
government enforced sterilization all the more. It could work.
Men who ask me to grow my hair long for them. Statements like this cause
me to bring out my dormant ultra "girly" persona. I simply drone on
about my fine/limp hair and all the difficulties caused by a longer
length, and the styling products I'd have to buy...the glazed look in
his eyes is priceless. If you want a woman with long hair, go find one.
I do not need to fit your ideal, thanks very much.
Couples who walk around with their hands in each other's back pockets. What the hell is that about?
Travelers (Americans are particularly notorious for this) who go to another
country an expect everything to be the same as home and the inhabitants of
said country to cater to them completely, and get pissed when things aren't
exactly the same way they are at home. The food's different, people don't
speak their language, there isn't a McDonald's on every corner, you get the
picture. Hel-lo! It's their freakin' country, and they don't owe you
anything! If you have no interest in the differences of the country you are
visiting, why in the hell are you wasting your money there? Go hang out in
your own neighborhood if you want everything to be the same.
People who visit other countries, especially for extended visits or to move
there, that make absolutely no effort to learn about the language and
culture of the country they are going to. Especially those that choose to
live in another country.
Men who honestly believe that they have the right to screw every woman they
can get their hands on in a relationship or out of it, then denounce the
women as easy sluts, and then refuse to marry anyone who isn't a housefrau
virgin.
Just as bad are the women who buy into this twisted set of so-called
"values" and raise their sons fuck around and their daughters to save it all
for Mr. Right. And the self-righteous lectures from adults of both sexes on
the value of female virginity - spare me from one of the worst
double-standard hangovers from the Dark Ages!
The question, "Who's your daddy?"
Anyone who gets all starry-eyed while talking about how there is only One
True Love for every person.
When a father spends time with his own children, it's praised as 'babysitting'.
Everybody Loves Raymond being marketed as "A family just like yours", as if it represents some kind of ideal. The husband spends his life avoiding his family and any responsibilities he might have by playing golf and pathologically lying. The wife is a source of amusement because she's a bad cook, can only communicate by nagging, and a narcisisstic martyr. All the single women are insecure and have no goals other than getting married. All the single men are selfish and focused only on sex. The married men are the same, only they complain about how they need to talk to their wives before they have sex. The children are totally ignored unless the plot requires them, in which case they exist soley to take away quality time which could have been spent watching football. The real icing on the cake, though, is that the 'lessons' learned at the end of the episodes reinforce that this is The Way Things Are Meant To Be, and that we shouldn't dare question the universal order of things.
The phrase "Boys will be boys", and people who use it as a loophole.
People who refuse to believe that I'm involved in a long distance relationship, because men only care about sex. When they're eventually convinced, they refuse to believe I'm not cheating on her, because men only care about sex. Then, in the 0.1% of cases where they believe that, they're shocked when I don't want to go and cheat on her with them / a female aquaintance, because men only care about sex.
People who consider two months to be 'long term'.
When the response to "I had a date last night", is "DID YOU FUCK HER?"
People who purchase "Highbrow" Albums / Books / Movies for the sole purpose of displaying them to visitors.
Movies which glamourize self-centred slacker lifestyles. A guy with no job, no ambition and no concerns beyond what he wants is suddenly the 'hero', who gets the girl (who loves him because he's "a good person inside") and beats the villain (anyone with money and/or prospects not involving a couch).
Bullies who try to treat cashiers like dirt or second class citizens just because they refuse to read and/or don't like the store policies.
Guys who are threatened by independent women.
Women who have boyfriends that they have to apologize for. Why the fuck are
you with someone that when every time he meets your friends/boss/parent
you have to say "well, he's never like this around me. he's usually so
*insert good quality here* ," grow a bloody backbone and get with
someone who acts their age and doesn't have a split personality.
Young mothers who name their daughters Crystal Angel
Teenage girls getting knocked up, not knowing who the father is, and going on talk shows to cry about it, then make asses out of themselves when they bring in the guy, usually a loser, who turns out not to be the father.
People who assume because I am in my mid-30s, unmarried and not a mother that there's something wrong with me or that I'm a lesbian. When in reality, I judge my relationships based on their quality--not if it will lead to a "ring."
Women who talk incessantly about "getting the ring", while they totally ignore if the guy is a suitable match not only for now, but in the future!
Guys that assume that any woman in a security uniform is either a lesbian or in the industry to meet men.
Anyone who thinks it's cool to ask me to prove I'm a real redhead. Check my eyebrows, idiot.
Women who paint their cars pink - to match their nails.
Monetary inspired patriarchy - inbred dipshits with cash.
Men/Women who have no response to the question - but WHY do you love her/him?
Men who put a lot of stock in being "chivalrous," yet can't commit emotionally. Oh, heck, just men who put a lot of stock in being "chivalrous."
Men who think they deserve hero status for agreeing to have "a talk" in person, instead of over the phone.
Men who say, "I can't give you what you want," when all you want is for him to start asking how your day went.
My own behavior sometimes when I think I'll be able to say one right thing and he'll suddenly have an epiphany that he's been wrong all along. Talk about losing your lunch.
Men who are frightened of women who are intelligent.
Willful ignorance, aggressively maintained.
People who think that sulking, psychotic fantasies, and passive-aggressive behavior is
preferable to open impassioned communication and confronting real issues.
Personals ads from 40-year-old men who seek women aged 25-30 for "a serious relationship". Yeah, right.
Anyone who thinks that selfish children who misbehave all the time and refuse to do what their parents tell them to but have "impeccable manners" are somehow preferable to obedient, well-behaved children who enjoy helping others but are not perfectionists when it comes to etiquette. My god - when did saying "mam" all the time and knowing which fork to use develop a better connotation than good character?
Two words: 700 Club. (Pat Robertson is nothing more than the white, christian Usama Bin Lauden.)
People who get annoyed at me for correcting their grammar. Hey, if they don't mind annoying me by making the errors in the first place, then I'll be damned if I'm going to pass up the chance to return the favor.
Anyone who uses the lamely manipulative phrase "Everything I do, I do for you/the kids/my parents", etc. Even more pukeworthy when
it is patently obvious that MANY things they do are solely for their own pleasure and enjoyment.
The fact that society thinks it's SO accepting because it permits androgyny in females, but simultaneously has NO tolerance for androgyny in males. Don't get me wrong, we have a long way to go before "tomboys" are completely accepted, but we've got a lot longer to go before their male counterparts are.
Likewise, the fact that we feel that liberal arts and education are "women's work". There's nothing wrong with a female wanting to make 100 grand a year as the CEO of some major business and there's nothing wrong with a man who wants to make 40 grand a year as a social scientist.
Women who marry guys on death row or lifers in prison.
The woman across the hall from me, who finagled her way into sharing an
office with her boyfriend. I've walked in on more butt-grabs, back-rubs and
love-sick-looks than I can stomach... And the giggling! My God, the
giggling...! Save it for home, people!
People who think because my boyfriend is quiet, thoughtful guy and going
out with a loudmouthed, opinionated, independant girl and liking it, he
must have a domination fetish.
Guys who grope me and then scream blue murder because, what a surprise,
the girl with the eyebrow ring and Black Flag t-shirt was wearing
steel-toed boots and knows how to kick hard.
People who think anarchism is about not having laws so you can smash
stuff.
Guys who can turn "Good morning" into a come-on.
Having friends who act shocked if you ask a guy out instead of dropping
hints for six months until he gets a clue.
Men who couldn't care less about how they look but expect me to look good.
When you start spending an hour in front of the mirror every day I'll do the
same. Hey guys: Take a shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair, style your
hair, shave your face, put on some deodorant, wear clothes that match and
look nice, and put some cologne on. And buy some shoes that don't have holes
in them and buy some jeans that aren't dragging across the floor. Then, and
only then, will I consider making myself look prettier. Until then, kiss my
ass.
People who think a girl's night out is for girls
who didn't find dates. Yeah right. More like a night
out for girls who prefer to have a fun interesting
evening rather than dating a brain dead troll just because she
has to prove she is popular.
Women who deliberately ACT much less intelligent than they really are. Also, and MORE importantly, my idiotic fellow males that trained women to think that we don't want intelligence. Maybe the Neanderthals want bimbos, but intelligent guys want someone like us. Ignore Hollywood, please!
Parents who are too busy being their children's friend to be a parent. HELLO, who is the adult in this relationship?
The sight of blond-haired, blue-eyed, skinny white female "angels". Is god racist, fat-phobic, and ageist, or is it just the creators of these ridiculous websites? What's going on here? Where are the fat women of color angels? Or anything besides the barbie norm? Is heaven a pink barbie doll house? Give me a break!
Guys who walk out of a public bathroom without washing their hands. It's disgusting; don't do it. And don't give me that "Well some of us know how not to piss on our hands" bullshit. The fact that your hands went anywhere near your little pecker means that you need to wash them.
Women and men who can ONLY act strong within their social groups, aided by strength in numbers. True tests of strength only occur when you stand alone.
Men who tell every woman they pass on the street, "C'mon, honey, smile!" It's a gender power trip -- the king ordering the jester to amuse him. Even worse is the version: "C'mon, honey, smile! Things can't be that bad!" -- always said to women they don't know. (One shit-head told me this the day after I found out my baby niece had leukemia.)
White people who bemoan the encroaching McMansion housing developments around their suburban paradise while they proudly announce the impending birth of their second (third, fourth, fifth) child -- and never notice the connection between those two events.
Men in comedy clubs who roar at a billion "stupid women" jokes by male comedians -- but the instant one comedienne makes ONE joke at men's expense they boo and shout "That's male-bashing!"
Brian dePalma. His films are loaded with misogynistic, brutal violence (especially against women and children), yet he insists that the worst-ever act of film violence is the MALE rape in "Deliverance." I guess that's because someone *important* (i.e., with a penis) got brutalized.
Women at work who bitch to each other non-stop about their rotten kids and lazy husbands and the money troubles they have because of them -- then as one they all turn to me with big stupid smiles and ask me when I'M gonna marry and have MY kids. The defense rests.
White men who will look you in the eye and tell you with a straight face that white Christian male heterosexuals are the Most Persecuted Minority in the United States. Snerk. Tee-hee. Kkhh -- BWA HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!!!!!!!!
Cathy Guisewhite. Her comic strip "Cathy" portrays a single childfree businesswoman who hates her body and measures her entire self-worth by her weight, her brainless shopping sprees and her shitty boyfriends. At least we know where David Kelly got the inspiration for Ally McBeal.
For that matter, any comic strips (especially by women) that perpetuate the stereotype of all women as self-hating moral-spouting doormats who live to wipe their boyfriend's/husband's/kids' asses and clean up their messes.
Male college professors who assign misogynistic literature to their classes (content that goes heavy on women's brutalization/rape/torture/murder as a plot-point), and dismiss female students' protests as proof that Women Just Don't Understand Literature. (I got one of these guys waaaaayyy back in -- 1984.)
Liberals who moan nonstop about the "destruction of the Earth's resources" but don't dare whisper the words "overpopulation" or "birth control" for fear of offending flat-headed religious breeders.
Most porn video shops. Tons of girl-on-girl films to titillate men, but try finding a couple of decent men-on-men films for those of us bitches who like that sort of thing...
People who think I'm a blushing prissy-ass prude just because I'm a virgin. Between my video collection, my toy box, and my vast collection of erotic literature, I probably have a better and more varied sex life than women who've popped out a few children but still don't know what a clitoris is.
Women who say they'd love to get their hair cut short, but they "don't have the guts." What exactly are they afraid will happen to them?
Men who ask me if my breasts are real. Who in the unholy, crimson heck could ever in a million years think that saying something like that to a total stranger would *ever* be appropriate?
People who assume that because I do not wish to have children I'm either a.) bitter and barren, or b.) a childhater.
Holier-than-thou childfree people who think anyone who isn't sterilized, doesn't hate children and doesn't want to see all children and parents rounded up and gassed isn't "truly" childfree
People who feel the need to breed mindlessly, instead of adopt or contribute
to society. Not one parent I know can answer the simple question "Why?"
The best answer I've gotten so far from my sister, expecting her second
baby: "Oh, because I like to stay up nights". Our gene pool has indeed been
rendered stagnant!
The fact that intelligent people are held back from achieving a higher education at a top ten school, but incompetent athletes are given a red carpet to any school they wish because they can catch/throw a football.
Men who visit a Hooter's Restaurant that implies the practice of objectifying the female, endowed body yet who want a young INTELLIGENT woman with a brain. Duh. If you have to visit a Hooter's to boost your ego and minimize your intimidation of smart women, you've got issues. Go shee a shrink, and learn a lesson.
Those who accuse me of being a communist because I believe in democratic socialism. Socialism does not imply dictatorship or a total lack of social mobility. If they bothered to read and debate their political opinions, great. Have an opinion. But when you don't have an intelligent response that makes sense, don't chew me out.
Women who ask what I will do with my children when I have them someday-- my gender does not imply a lifestyle.
Calling your husband "Daddy" or "Poppy" outside the presence of your
children; ESPECIALLY puke-worthy if you DON'T EVEN HAVE children!
The whole latter-day "pimping/pimp-daddy" thing, including any moron who refers to women as "hoes" (can't even spell it right either),
and thinks he is all that and a bag o' chips.
The constant banging on and on and ON about September 11th,
and the accompanying witch hunt of people who don't think this
was the biggest tragedy of unparalleled proportions to ever hit the
world. Can we say Hiroshima, Dresden, Northern Ireland? They
were appalling and should be remembered, all of them. Sep 11th's
legacy would be considerably more positive if it weren't treated as
the only mass murder that ever happened and rammed down our
throats until we gag.
The "obesity epidemic". Millions of pounds/dollars spent on research as
to why people are getting fatter, and nobody prepared to admit that
some people do no exercise and just eat way too much.
The National Enquirer, and their ilk, and the people who buy them and keep them in business.
Magazines who report wide-eyed that a celebrideeeee actually waited in a queue! Or acted like
a polite, normal human being! Well, bugger me and hold the front
page!
The complete lack of respect and control dished out to teachers,
doctors, nurses, firemen and so on. These people should be way
up the list.
Neds: the girls in white-shellsuits with wet-perm hair scraped up
into a gelled ponytail on top of their heads. The boys in shellsuits
and gold jewellery with baseball caps and a pierced ear. They drive
around in knackered out cars causing crime waves, hang around
drinking strong cider and shouting abuse at people, and breed like
rabbits. Argh!!!
Star Wars - what a load of old crap!
"I never meant to hurt you". Usually accompanied by a confession
of cheating. In fact, any excuse for cheating, which all come down
to manipulation and the fact that the cheater shagged someone
else rather than tell their partner they had problems.
Women who let a man crap over them from a great height, tell
all their friends and family what a shit he is, and then go back for more
- "BECAUSE I LOOOOOVE HIM" - how pathetic!
People who assume, just because I'm female, that the only reason I like
baseball is because "Derek Jeter has a nice ass.. hehehee". I can't
possibly know anything about the sport. That's when I say.. "Hey,
fucknuts, maybe you can tell ME who played second base for the yankees
in 1952?"
The phrase "her babydaddy". Wrong on so many levels, such as tacitly
agreeing that personal responsibility is optional, that commitment to a
lifelong partner before spawning isn't necessary, and language skills
are unnecessary for parenting.
Commercials that show Mr. and Mrs. Suburbia. Mrs. Suburbia is perky,
well-groomed, stylishly dressed, thin, and smiling vacantly. Mr.
Suburbia has very little hair, a potbelly, and is wearing a rumpled
white T-shirt. Mr. Suburbia cannot or will not do a damn thing around
the house, either.
People who ask me what religion I am, hear that I'm Wiccan, and proceed
to ask the most outrageous and insulting questions possible. No, I do
not sacrifice and eat babies, and I really wish people would get their
so-called information from a source besides talk shows.
The fucking assholes who tell me I'm not "normal" or I'm an "unnatural
woman" for putting my kids up for adoption. Yes indeed, it would have
been soooo much better to keep them and raise them in poverty, hating
them and myself all the while.
Men who are pro-life. When you're willing to foster the unwanted fetus
in your upper colon and spend the next twenty years wiping butts, paying
bills, working your job AND keeping up the house, without help, then you
can tell me what to do.
Men who want kids, but whose entire notion of parenthood is a
rose-colored vision of teaching Mini-Me how to play baseball one golden
summer afternoon. Show them a dirty diaper and they run screaming for
the hills.
Anyone who refuses to date a person who's not physically perfect, but
who's carrying a lot of extra weight themselves.
Diamonds. I cannot believe that the entire country's been brainwashed
into this stupidity. Diamonds are nearly worthless; it's the
artificially created shortage of them that makes them pricey.
Insurance companies that won't cover contraceptives or
sterilization, but who shell out for Viagra. While I'm on the topic, why
the hell did Viagra come into being before birth control that doesn't
royally screw up your body and that is actually reliable?
Women who beg their shrink to give them drugs because they're too weak
to deal with their problems with a clear head.
Brainless women who say things like "I HAVE to be married by the time
I'm 25 at the latest!"
Men who refuse to date any woman who isn't a blonde haired, big boobed,
size 2 model - and constantly whine about how they can't find a
girlfriend.
My mother insisting that it has to be the MOTHER who stays home with the kids
and not the father. Bleah.
Girls in college who get married and drop out because they want to "just be a wife."
"Women in Peril" movies. In fact, any movie where the woman stands there
screaming like an idiot waiting to be rescued instead of taking action.
Females that wear pink daily and have stuffed animals littering their beds.
"Reality" TV shows and the obsession people have with them. GET A LIFE OF YOUR OWN.
Women who talk baby-talk to anything but babies - and even THEN, it's revolting.
Abercrombie and Fitch, and their pedophilic "thong" underwear for young girls.
What's next? G-Strings for boys?
People who think that everyone else will think their child is as "adorable" as THEY do, and proceed to they let the kid
run around the restaurant wreaking havoc.
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