(Updated: August 5, 2001)
A Compendium of hurl-worthy comments and experiences from the
readers of Heartless Bitches International
People that even after I'm not interested in having sex with them keep
mentioning how horny they are throughout the whole fucking conversation and
then complain because they can't find any. Goodness! I know there are women out
there that want a good fuck just go find one.
People who don't think the rules of the road apply to them and give you the
finger when you have the right of way and take it. Hello, there was a stop
sign in front of you!
Classmates who think that I am a loser for not drinking/smoking/having sex
with every guy in the room and think that all my 3.5 GPA is the result of the
fact that "its easy for me." What did you think I was doing while you were
out killing brain cells and cheating on your boyfriend or girlfriend?
People who feel the need to tell me all about their
drinking/smoking/what-have-you because they think it makes them "cool." Sorry,
you must have mistaken me for someone who cares.
During a time of upheaval in my office, an asshole male superior was
assuring me that my job was in no danger. "One of these days you're going
to get married and leave us, but we're not going to leave you before then."
Get married and leave, huh? Does it occur to him that when I finish college
in two years I will embark on my own career and establish myself, and that
having a ring on my finger will have nothing to do with this?
- People that think my lesbianism and "goth" look are a phase.
- People that assume since you like women you must be "butch."
- Men who think that I'm a lesbian because I can't get any guys.
And most of all...
- People who refuse to admit that they masturbate. IT'S NO BIG MYSTERY. Everyone does it; get over it.
- Madness.
- People who try to impose their religious beliefs upon others
- "Humanitarians" who tend to isolate people because of their different religious views. If you are a TRUE Christian, aren't you supposed to pursue love and kindness towards everyone?
- Women with extreme feministic views. I think that they are missing the point.
- The wide spread notion that strong, intelligent, independent women are primarily lesbians
- Stereotyping people
- Ignorance, mediocrity and other mental disabilities.
- The concept that if you are smart and literate, you are a NERD!
Extremists who bring God into their fascist ideals.
I'm a Christian myself. It really irritates me to
hear people say things like, "God hates fags." I
don't think God would appreciate having words put into
God's mouth (I don't view God as being male or female
so I don't use terms such as "his" or "her"). I
figure that if homosexuality is wrong (which I surely
don't believe), God would do something about it and
not leave it up to a bunch of ignorant right-wing
extremists. In addition, Christians who condemn the
Jews, such as the KKK. Do these people have any clue
where Christianity originated? Jesus Christ, he was
Jewish, he was king of the Jews, have any of these
morons really thought about that before? Hey, wasn't
it Jesus himself who said "He who is without sin shall
cast the first stone"?
People who think it's fine to cheat on their partners, but go up the
wall when the partner cheats on them.
The money people spend on weddings. Like Catherine Zeta Jones
spending $100,000 on her dress; I thought I would puke just from
reading that.
Hollywood--its so-called stars and their fucked-up behaviour, its
blatant hypocrisy and arbitrary re-writing on facts, its perpetration
of skeletal women as attractive and the whole soulless moronic
shebang.
The Taliban regime in Afghanistan--women not being allowed an
education, being stoned for showing hair, and having medical
access forbidden. I don't recall seeing this in the Koran.
People who go to important occasions deliberately dressed like
shit, then claim they're being "individual." No. Going to someone's
formal 50th filthy and unkempt actually just makes you rude.
The photographers working for Dagens Industri (a business paper in Sweden). *All* the photos of business men are taken as to make them look stern, powerful and authoritative - *all* the photos of business women have them smiling, looking friendly and charming/motherly (depending on age).
People who refuse to listen to you when you are debating with
them, and continually just rant off on their own topic like you
haven't already covered that bit, and proven it wrong.
Magazines that say things like, "This will cover a multitude of
sins," and they're talking about some article of clothing or beauty
treatment. I would like to know which religious scriptures say "Thou
shalt not have a great fat wobbly arse, by order of God!" On a
similar note, foods described as "sinful." Eating is not a sin.
Women who show up for something for which they've volunteered to help
(moving, painting, gardening, etc.) in delicate clothes and precarious
shoes.
Guys who leave the moving, painting or gardening to make sure these
dainty excuses-for-femininity have a clean place to sit, a nice cold drink
and company. (Y'know, the women who are more than decoration would
probably be a LOT more interesting to talk to!)
People who assume that because I sew a costume or cook an occasional
spectacular meal I have "too much time on my hands." (Yet I've never
seen ONE of these assholes refuse the fruits of my labors!)
People who assume that well-behaved kids are ill or overly regimented.
Of course, their little hellions are "normal" children.
The guy on my train who tried to chat me up and
upon finding I was taking a Forensic Science degree asked, "what's a pretty girl
like you doing taking a subject like that?!" Well, maybe it's because I want to
do something worthwhile, which will exercise my brain? Looks don't last forever!
Besides, it's not like *he* was such a great alternative.…
A group of acquaintances who, at the slightest
mention of a party, feel the need to buy pot, and then attack me when I express
my frustration. Well, I'm sorry if they feel that the company of friends will be
completely dull and uneventful unless they get stoned. I'd kinda like to be able
to remember things the next day.
An American acquaintance who claims that the word
"fuck" is the ultimate in swearing for Americans and will then proceed to use
it in EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE. Oh, and he claims that he won't say "cunt" or
"twat" because of their sexist connotations, but he has no objections to saying
"pussy." Christ, they all describe the same thing!
A current advertisement for a Funk album, which has
a semi-naked woman rubbing oil over her torso and dribbling it on her lips.
That's just plain disgusting, not to mention totally unnecessary - it's bad
enough having obligatory sex scenes in films and TV programmes, without having
it in advertising campaigns too!
My work colleagues, who upon discovering I was
bisexual proceeded to ask several invasive questions about my sexual
preferences.
People who apply to graduate school but end up failing out of their
degree program. I work as a graduate advisor, and the sob stories
and excuses these slackers come up with are unbelievable. If you
can't get your shit together by the time YOU CHOOSE to go for an
advanced degree, you deserve to be kicked out.
Men that say they don't judge women by their
physical appearance, but obviously do.
Men that assume that because I am disabled that I'm
retarded.
Divorced mothers who have marketable skills and/or college degrees
but decide to "move back in with mom and dad" for the "sake of the
children" so they won't have to face reality and work full-time after
their divorce. They wallow in their self-pity and end up living
with and mooching off their parents for years and years. GAG! What
a sorry example you're setting for your kids! Get out there and
stand on your own two feet and show your kids (and your ex) that
independence and self-reliance rule! There are plenty of other divorced
mothers out there with all the disadvantages in the world who manage
to kick major ass. Quit insulting these Heartless Bitches and grow
the hell up!
Anyone who saw the movie Bridget Jones' Diary and thought Rene Zelleweger
was chubby or fat after gaining 20lbs for the role. She looked perfectly
normal to me.
Restrictive weight-loss diets and those who endorse them. And women
who take any type of "diet drug" expecting permanent weight loss.
Give me a break! First, try eating less and moving more.
Concerned friends and relatives who think that a side business will
never work out and that I should stick with my "day job."
People who refuse to learn how to operate a computer and then complain
about "just not getting it" or blame the operating system for "messing
up" all the time.
People who say the following:
"expecially" instead of especially
"orientated" instead of oriented
"had went" instead of gone
"irregardless" instead of regardless
What gets my goat are when people try to set you up with a guy (against your
wishes, by the way) and the only thing they can say about the person is that they're "nice." being "nice" doesn't cut it. You ask "Well, are they cute? Intelligent?
Caring? Good personality?" etc, and all they say is "oh he's so nice! You'll
love him." more often than not, this supremely "nice" guy is a complete
pansy ass whiner who bitches about how every girl he tries to get together
with loses interest in him after a week because they find a "good looking
asshole"--translation: anyone but him. Did it ever occur to them that they
might be the problem, not the women? Try not whining about how everyone walks
all over you, and that nice guys finish last. Grow a backbone, for goddess'
sake. Learn some self-respect.
People who call themselves open-minded and then rail blindly against any
opinion that differs from their own. What's worse, most of them are
self-professed "liberals" (a term I detest). Hell, at least closed-minded
"conservatives" take pride in being assholes.
Grown adults who resort to immature ways of dealing with their
frustrations, just because things aren't going their way. HOW exactly do
they expect that people are going to treat them like the adults they are,
when they're stomping around the house and kicking random things around like
a two year old? Buy a punching bag if you need to hit things to get out
your frustration and get over it, already.
Women who think that male friends are just husbands that you don't fuck.
These same women get offended when I won't "be their everything" and skip a
night hanging with them to go on a REAL date with a woman who can actually
admit to being interested in me. Yet they call me every day and tell me that
if I were taller (I'm 6 feet tall already), more muscular (It's not my fault
that I put on muscle without it showing), or had a less angular face (My
fault too?) I'd be the perfect marriage material. HELLO people! Since when
does face and/or body type exclusively designate who is or isn't a perfect
mate? I understand that beauty makes it easy on the eyes for 30-40 years,
but when we are ALL 80, you will be married to that used-to-be good looking
guy who treats you like SHIT, secretly pining for me, while I'll be married
to a REAL Heartless Bitch who understands that the only beautiful thing that NEVER fades
is the same winning personality that makes you want to be my friend in the
first place!
Oh, I forgot to mention that these female friends get insanely jealous when
I meet someone who is actually interested in me. If I'm such a great
commodity, TAKE ME OFF THE MARKET! I don't mean to come off like I have
women taking tickets to get to me, I'm no heartthrob, but I'm sick of
hearing that I'm everything that women want in a man (gag, spew, upchuck,
not necessarily in that order), then having to listen to these women
complain about how their current S/O doesn't measure up to me. And yet,
these same women expect me to make up for their S/O's bullshit by "being
there" for them! Get real. I'm a nice guy, but I'm NOT a surrogate
boyfriend, not for you, the next woman, Natalie, or anyone!
People who tell me that I'll change my mind about having
children. I'm 31; I work with them all day, _every_ day, I have no desire to
take them home with me. Get it through your skulls, I've never wanted children,
I never will. Accept that you can't decide what's best for me based on your vast
experience of females i.e.. your mother, sister and wife.
People who insist on talking "baby" talk to children. "Goo Goo
Ga Ga," you're only making an idiot of yourself and embarrassing everyone
else.
The "men can't help being unfaithful, you see it's
biologically encoded in them to spread their seed to as many women as they
can." RIGHT - and women can't help wanting children, it's biological, if the
same holds true, don't vilify them for deliberately falling
pregnant.
Men who, in their youth, spent 4 years in the
military and profess to be "knowledgeable" and "experienced," particularly on the
subject of WHY women should NOT EVER be in the military.
People who post to forums with general opinions and
general concepts, instead of actually doing a bit of investigating before they
submit.
University faculty, who look down on you when
they THINK you don't have a degree, then kiss your ass when they find out
that not only do you have a degree, but you can make a website for
them.
"How to land that 'perfect' man in 12 easy steps" kind of books.
Women who blatantly take advantage of feminist gains and then turn around
and huffily deplore feminism. (Examples: Phyllis Schlafly, Marilyn Quayle,
Laura Schlessinger.)
Right-wing activist women who blast working mothers, when they are working
mothers themselves. (Examples: see above.)
People who, when I say I don't want children, tell me that "when [I] find
the right man, [I'll] want to give him children." Newsflash: the right man
for me won't want kids either!
Rush Limbaugh whining about the "liberal-biased media." If the media were
anywhere near as liberal-biased as he claims, he wouldn't even be on the
air, let alone be as powerful and respected as he is.
Rush Limbaugh fans who think that because they get their "news" from
Limbaugh they are incredibly smart and savvy, when in fact they are neither.
People who cannot tell the difference between "your" and "you're."
Female supervisors who are petty terrorists to all women except those
higher-ranking than they, but syrupy sweet to all men, no matter what their
ranking.
Right-wingers who made fun of the entire concept of sexual harassment when
it was Anita Hill accusing Clarence Thomas, but then suddenly became fervent
advocates for Paula Jones when she accused Bill Clinton.
Mothers who treat their sons like they can do no wrong, while treating their
daughters like rivals.
People who think it is no big deal (or worse, funny) to hurt and abuse cats,
or act like hating cats is some kind of badge of pride.
People who say I should donate to charities for humans rather than animals.
Humans can go out and earn their own money. Animals cannot.
Parents who just stand there wearing "aren't they cute?" smiles while their
hellion child runs through a public place screaming at the top of its lungs
and slamming into people.
Parents who take their small children to R-rated movies and refuse to do
anything when their kid starts crying or otherwise acting up...and justify
it by saying they couldn't afford a babysitter. Well, then they should have
saved their money until they COULD afford one...or (here's a novel concept!)
STAYED HOME.
Anyone with a sense of entitlement. The world doesn't owe you a damn thing,
people. Get used to it and start earning your own way rather than whining.
Women on "Jerry Springer" and other talk shows who defend their cheating,
lying scum of a husband/boyfriend until the cows come home, and focus all
their rage on the "tramp" who "tempted him and lured him away," as if doing
so will erase the fact that the man they're fighting over isn't shit to
begin with.
Women who have affairs with married men and hold onto the dream that the men
will leave their wives and marry them. I want to say to them, "He is not
going to leave his wife and marry you...and even if he did, what would you
have? A man who left his wife for another woman."
Those dumb-ass bumper stickers "to all you virgins, thanks for nothing" Okay, here's one: "to all you assholes, thanks for not impregnating me."
People on the Internet who say things like "Wow, you're so intelligent. I
can't believe you're a *woman*!"
Old ladies who pat me on the arm and say, "it's all right, honey, you'll find
someone" when I announce that I don't have a boyfriend.
People who, after I tell them I've decided not to have children, take it
upon themselves to talk me into motherhood.
Other childfree people who tell me I'm not "truly childfree" because I am
willing to listen to the point of view of an open-minded parent, because I
don't despise the very sight of children or because I'm not sterilized (I
would be if I could afford it).
People who give me a hard time when I use "big words" in their presence.
These are usually the same people who give me a hard time for not having a
college degree.
Men who think that my being open-minded about sex means I want to sleep with
*them*.
People who stereotype Christians as being
overbearing and hypocritical, when they think they're so liberal. If they were
so liberal, why are they persecuting Christians, can't we all believe what we
want to. I'm not telling you what to think.
People who assume that I'm a lesbian just because I defend those in same-sex
relationships. Why should I be labeled something I'm not due to other
people's inane and unfounded comments? Some people need to get in touch with
their own sexuality, and if they were truly comfortable with themselves, they
wouldn't feel the need to condemn those who live a different lifestyle- and
that applies to more than just sexual preference.
To begin with, men who talk about having children by saying things like 'when we got pregnant...." We? We got pregnant? No, no, no, no, no. "We," did not get pregnant, "we" are not carrying around the baby, and "we" are not giving birth to it. That would be "her." SHE is the one who's pregnant, SHE is the one who is carrying around the little bundle of love, and SHE is the one who is going to have to squeeze the watermelon out from between her legs in nine months time. The only thing that truly was a "we" experience was the getting together of spermy and eggy in the first place.
Now don't get me wrong, it's not that he's not part of the experience- stressed out, doing everything he can to try and cope with her mood swings and food cravings. But he ain't the one that's preggers, so saying "we're" pregnant is a total misnomer.
The fact that Catherine Zeta-Jones is awarded 5 million bucks for every year she's married to Michael Douglas. Call me cynic but that sounds like a very expensive pay-as-you-go marriage. Not that there's anything wrong with pre-nups, but for goodness sake, earn what you earn of your own accord and take it with you if you part, don't take what HE's earned unless you really, really need it. And moreover, doesn't he realize he's given her great incentive to walk out after 5 years, 25 million dollars richer?
My best friend's parents, who constantly condemn me because I am white and
engaged to a Hispanic man. All right, instead of someone who truly loves me
and treats me right, whose national origin happens to differ from mine, I
suppose I should just go out there and get me a white guy who is a total
asshole and treats me like the shit he eats for breakfast. But that's OK, of
course, because he's white. For Christ's sake, let me make my own decisions!
"Homophobia-" just that word pisses me off. No, hatred for gays is not some
kind of clinical fear. It's simply a form of stupidity.
Any male who associates the word "bitch" with woman. Very few of us are
worthy of the praise of being called a bitch.
My biological father. He abused both my mother and me physically AND
emotionally, drank constantly, used drugs, never takes responsibility for his
own actions-"It's your fault if I hit you, because you made me angry," never
sticks to his word, throws temper tantrums every time something doesn't go
his way like a fucking three-year-old, and THEN wonders why my sister and I
"never want to spend any time with him." Get a fucking clue.
Guys who say, "We could never work long-term. You're too outgoing for me." My
humble apologies for not being the submissive gherkin you apparently are
looking for, dipshit.
When someone thinks I'm a lesbian because I ride a
motorcycle.
When I have the hood of my Mustang up and I'm
working on it and any male in the area--even if he's mechanically
clueless--thinks he needs to not only help or offer advice but take my tools out
of my hands and take over for me. I'm ASE certified, thank you very much.
When I'm driving my 69 Mustang or CJ-5 or lifted F
150 and someone says "Nice car/truck. Is that your
boyfriend/husband/brother/dad's?"
When a woman wastes months or years of her life
dating an abusive self-centered jerk, only to finally dump him and immediately
go home with someone just like him.
What really makes me wanna puke is the "seduction" scene in Rocky where Sly
Stallone romances his love interest by blatantly refusing to walk her home
when she wants to leave his place, refuses to call her brother to come get
her, ignores a dozen "I need to go home now" statements, takes off her
glasses, insisting she looks prettier without them, then says, "I'm going to
kiss you. You don't have to kiss me back, but I'm going to kiss you." Then
the next morning he has a faithful girlfriend. THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO A
LADY'S HEART, BOYS. THIS IS DATE RAPE. Thank you. Goodnight.
All the advertisements, commercials, and entire magazines that are aimed at
women, but have half-naked models lounging around with Come-Fuck-Me looks,
designed by men for men. Why would I want to read, never mind buy, a
magazine that is trying to be sold to me with a "sexy" woman on the front
showing me her silicone-inflated cleavage? I've got my own T&A, I don't
need to buy it. And, no, it doesn't make me want to look like her either!
Women I work with who complain about how dirty and
dusty it is (it's a home improvement retailer) who can't seem to understand
how a broom or dust cloth works. If you are standing in 1/2" of dust and dirt
and you don't like it, CLEAN IT UP.
The managers (men) who seem surprised that I would
lift heavy items, clean the area I work in, and do my job relatively
efficiently.
Women who think they have to be in a relationship for their life to be
complete, and as soon as the relationship ends so does their pathetic little
world. It is okay to have casual sex without having to make a life long
commitment to someone. This does not make me a slut. Just because their
are millions of men in the world does not mean that I have to track down my
so called Mr. Right so that my world can be whole again. I have a life and
enjoy it with or without a man.
Women who think we are all "sisters." Sorry, sweetie, but having tits and
a cunt does NOT make you my sister. Try finding a brain first, and it's
not between your legs, okay?
Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
People who, after hearing that I don't support the
current welfare system and that the government should stop giving hand outs to
people who wont get off their lazy asses and work, yell at me for being a white
suppressor or a rich fuck who doesn't know about the "pain of poverty." FIRST OFF
you yuppie schmuck, I've BEEN on welfare. I have waited with my mother in lines to
get food stamps, ashamed of having to ask for it. I live in a two bedroom
apartment with five people. I've had to rely on food banks and the charity
of strangers to feed my family on occasion. I have been on the brink of
homelessness three times, almost having to live in a van with my dog, parents,
and little brother. My money from babysitting has kept us in rent a couple of
times, and I am paying for my college education myself because I don't want to be
a poor little ghetto child forever. JUST because I use proper English and doesn't
mean I am not poor. Don't assume that I don't know what I am talking about,
shitheads.
Men that dump women over the phone or vice versa. That just
shows how inconsiderate and immature they really are.
People that take up the handicapped spaces in parking lots
when they are not disabled.
People who, no matter how many times you tell them, still
insist on drowning themselves in cologne! I want to fucking
breathe!
MEN WHO GO ON AND ON AND ON about how big their penis
is! I couldn't care less!
Being asked DAILY when I am having
children. I was married 2 months ago, and it's as if I was just waiting to get
married and start popping out babies! I'll be 30 soon so now I am told that
my time is running out! WHATEVER! Also...I hate the way some women treat me
now that I am married. I never realized. Not all. But some. And to that some
I can only say...you suck.
People that think parents should
"CONTROL" their children.
Fake women who go around with dried up platinum
hair, 5 inch nails, fake boobs, and with 10 pounds of make-up on giving me dirty
looks because I don't.
People who think it's okay to comment on how thin I
am and ask me if I'm anorexic. You wouldn't tell an overweight person, "You're
so fat, do you have a glandular problem?"
Every woman who outlines their lips in some dark color, then doesn't put
lipstick on!
What's the matter? Dying to look like a cheap whore?
Guys who think that women can't possibly understand as much if not more than they do about sports. "Oooh, please explain that difficult infield fly rule to me again, big boy." On the other hand, I want to hurl when guys who assume that just because you DO know a lot about sports, it must mean that you're a lesbian, a social misfit, or there's something seriously wrong with your personality. Excuse me, but women can love baseball and football for the same reasons you do, asshole - and it's not to see cute butts in those tight pants.
Protestants who insist on witnessing to you despite the fact that you
are a devout and confirmed Catholic who has a strong faith in the power
of Him, insisting that you are not of the "correct" denomination.
Technical support people who assume that because you are female you know
nothing about computers.
The look on people's faces when they find out that I (a 17 year old
girl) am a classic computing buff.
People who assume that you are overweight because you eat too
much/exercise too little and rule out factors such as glandular
problems.
What makes me want to puke? Fat, middle-aged losers who give me the once-over, feet to head, and think they aren't being obvious. Their eyes scour me as thoroughly as a Brillo pad. HELLO, guys, do you really think women don't notice, especially if you are co-workers who do this to us EVERY SINGLE DAY? C'mon, you practically give yourself whiplash and fall out of your chairs trying to inspect what we're wearing today! I look the same as I did yesterday and the day before -- what unmentionable body part do you think you are finally going to spy?
The fact that you need a license or other credentials of some kind to do
just about anything that could have an impact on society, but any old
back woods, redneck, and shithead can have children and abuse them.
The fact that some other men I've meant and heard of don't seem to
realize that women are people, too, with their own thoughts, dreams,
hopes, and desires. Not objects of sexual conquest, free maids, sex
starved whores looking for guys just like them.
Or all of the above.
Society's current obsession with overly skinny models, don't get me
wrong; naturally skinny women are just as attractive as larger women are,
but when it comes down to it, I'd rather go to bed with a real, living
person, who feels good to lie next to; rather then a total skeleton, I'm
no Necrophiliac!
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