(Updated: April 30, 2001)
A Compendium of hurl-worthy comments and experiences from the readers
of Heartless Bitches International
People who "apologize" months or years after an incident, in order to
soothe their OWN guilty consciences, rather than to provide real healing
or care to the person harmed. These people don't want to have to deal
with the anger or hurt the injured party might express - they expect
that the words "I'm sorry", alone, with no further work on their part,
should magically erase the past and grant them the redemption they are
seeking. If you want absolution and redemption, don't come crying to me
-- join the catholic church.
When any one sees no problem with blatantly writing out the phrase "I would of."
The sexism and racism that appears to be matter-of-fact in
the punk rock scene these days. Actually, it's more like the
nouveau butt rock scene. Since when was punk rock about
inept cartoons of impossibly proportioned women and cowboy
hats? Whenever was anyone who wasn't white told they were
not welcome? My fellow veteran punk rockers seem to have
collectively decided that moronitude is the way to go. Barf.
People who always know what is best for you. They tell you go to the
doctor, and when you refuse, they call the doctor "just for you." They tell
you where you should apply for a particular job or try to set you up on a
"chance encounter" with someone they think you should date. Your life is
just never good enough for them. Why don't they change their own lives
instead of worrying about mine? If they know so much about my life,
probably because it mirrors their own, stop avoiding their own personal
problems!
People who try to tell me I'm not a "real woman" because I don't have or
want children. Having a uterus doesn't obligate me to use it any more
than having biceps means I have to become a weightlifter.
That people assume that Christian women are submissive, passive, and uninformed individuals. I am a Christian, and I am none of those things. I think being a "bitch" has less to do with being a sex-crazed bad girl and more to do with being an independent, well informed, determined, and accomplished woman. Since when does being a bitch require one to use profane language? That doesn't really say bitch to me, that says uneducated and lacking vocabulary.
Friends who get irritated if I mention weight because apparently as a slender, small-breasted woman, I am not allowed to bring up this subject, but I am expected to sit quietly through their discussions of "flat-chested women" and how such women are not very feminine. HELLO...shouldn't we have all learned by now that neither weight nor breast size makes the woman?
Idiots who assume that the only reason I work out is to lose weight. No,
I work out because I want to live longer and not gasp for breath when
going up a flight of stairs! These are the same people who warn me to be
careful lifting weights because I "don't want to let my muscles get too
big!" Nah...gods forbid I be a powerful girl instead of having fucking
"girl power!"
On the same subject, who came up with this "girl power" shit anyway?
"Feminism is skipping a date to go out with your friends instead." What
the hell? Gee, last I checked, feminism was a movement to get people to
accept that people are the same whether they're male or female!
Those damned Lane Bryant ads that feature only skinny little models.
What's up with that? Their clothes start at 14/16! Are they ashamed of
what they sell?
People who think PMS jokes are so clever. Look, moron, if you're being a
jerk, my hormones have NOTHING to do with why I'm irritable!
That ridiculous magazine "Cosmo Girl" makes me want to puke. The entire magazine, just like Comsopolitan, was about fashion and pleasing guys. The only good thing about it was that it brought me many hours of laughter. But that was so great either, since I was laughing out of pure horror.
The Sylvia Plath story is told to girls who write.
They want us to think that to be a girl poet means you have to die.
Who is that told me all girls who write must suicide?
I've another good one for you, we are turning cursive letters into knives....
Children whose parents can't control them.
The Israeli-Palestinian situation, as a resident of Israel, I think we
need to find a solution in ANY way possible.
People who say Capitalism is wrong. Since when is making money and using
it for profit wrong.
Girls who employ that sniveling, idiotic "Tee-hee I am soooooo naughty!" giggle whenever their Male-of-the-Week makes a vague suggestion of kissy-kissy in their direction.
Or, worse....they PURR.
Ye Gods.
The new feminist "VAGINA DAY" (hold fingers up in 'peace sign' salute
please). Some really dimwitted woman must have come up with this one. It is
on Valentine's Day.
Athletic gear companies that sell products that they tout as being "made
especially for women," but they're only made for women who wear size 14
and under, have a bra cup size C or smaller, and wear shoes only in a B
width. I guess being a size 16/18, with a DD bra and a D width shoe
makes me a non-woman. Either that, or it's assumed that us "fat girls"
don't exercise anyway, so why bother providing us with decent clothing.
The idiots, usually males aged 16-23, who insist on forcing the whole
neighborhood to listen to their house-rattling, megabass car stereos at
all hours of the day and night. If only it were legal to use them for
bazooka target practice....
Men who say I am frigid when I don't pay attention to their failing attempts
to pick me up.
Books on "how to pick up women."
I really can't stand people that think you are dumb
because you have blonde hair. "Well, it must be a darned scientific fact that if
your hair is blonde you are destined to be an illiterate, uneducated fuck." Then there are the assholes that constantly go on about how dumb blondes are, then two weeks later they are brunettes turned peroxide blondes, and would you believe it they're acting like dumb bitches already? Get over it
asshole, your hair colour like your skin colour does not determine who you are
and what your IQ is.
I hate made-for-tv movies that portray women as irrational creatures who
blame all their problems on hormones (PMS and menopause) and for whom the
solution to all life's problems is chocolate.
I also hate women who buy into this ridiculousness and spend all their time
taking anti-depressants and other drugs because their anger makes the
world uncomfortable. Sometimes the problem is your life choices and the
world itself, not your hormones.
One more thing- the new syndrome, PMDD. Another way to blame all women's bad
moods on their periods and medicate them to make the world a "better" place
for everyone else.
Guys who criticize women who spend a lot of time on their appearance, and claim not to want to date them. Yet, the only women they will give the time of day to are the ones with perfect bodies, perfect hair, perfect make-up and perfect outfits. Do they think some women wake up looking this way?
Girls who are only attracted to "bad boys" and won't date a guy who is "too nice", yet complain constantly about being treated badly by men.
Guys who ask you to sleep with them, and, when you decline, start bitching to you that nobody will sleep with them. Has this ever worked? Ooooh, now that I know you're hard-up AND a jerk, I REALLY want to sleep with you....
Guys who say, "I like a girl who eats. If I take her on a date, she better not order salad. She should order dessert!" Yet, they only date skinny girls... I don't know where they hope to find all these skinny girls who eat like pigs...maybe in the bulimia ward of the local hospital. If a skinny girl eats a big meal and then orders dessert, people are charmed by it. If a fat girl eats the same thing, people are secretly thinking "Well, THAT'S her problem...."
People who think I'm bitter when they say some celebrity is attractive, and I point out her prominent ribcage. I don't care how messed up and brainwashed society gets, I, for one, will never think a woman who literally looks like a walking skeleton is attractive.
Other more stereotypical lesbians who laugh at me or say I'm not a *real* lesbian because I have long hair, wear make up and
get my nails done....excuse me? Aren't you the same one's that get pissed
off when someone calls you "sir?" Diminished femininity does not a lesbian
make. I prefer hairless legs, and acrylic nails...and my girlfriend
appreciates them too!
People who complain about being "so tired" or "so busy" or don't have the
time to do their fucking dishes. All of us are busy, I'm writing a thesis
for chrissake! You are only doing what you've been doing for three years,
so don't piss about it. Your life isn't that bad.
That random woman in the video rental store who told me not to rent Dogma
because "it's so stupid, and it doesn't have a storyline." Really, thanks, I
needed your opinion to make my choice. Especially since she was talking to
her boyfriend about how funny See Spot Run was when she saw it last night.
If your cinematic choices are so insanely filled with guys who hit
themselves on the head and dogs who slobber on people for laughs, don't tell
me what I need to watch.
The plumber who came to fix my faucet the other day and proceeded to call me
"sweetie" and "hon" whenever he went to his truck to get something.
The kid in my religion class who told me that I'm going to hell for not
being Catholic. I'm just waiting for the day when we discuss so-called "New
Religions" and I get to educate everyone about Wicca.
Women who use their sexuality to manipulate men.
Men who let women manipulate them with their
sexuality.
Those loud and obnoxious adolescent boys I have to
live with, who wake me up at 4 in the morning to ask
me for cigarettes, and wonder why I'm so cranky when
they wake me up at that hour.
Stupid boys, and sometimes girls, who tell me about
how much I need to get laid. Yes, I'm a 22 year old
male, and I'm a virgin, WHO CARES? What's the big
deal? I also have much better things to do with my time than
hang out at bars and night clubs trying to find some
airheaded bimbo to have a one night stand with.
Girls, or women, who think that because I'm a man,
I'll do anything to get into their pants. So when
they become my only hope for getting a homework
assignment, my asking, "Hey what are you doing after
class? I need to photocopy that handout, could you
meet me in the lobby?" will actually mean something
like, "You're hot, I'm horny, let's get together."
People who go to college, slack off for a whole
semester, and wonder why they get straight D's and
F's.
Psychologists. I am a psychology major, but there is
seriously something wrong with psychology today. Most
psychologists I've been to are complete quacks. I'm
content right now, and they always try to throw out
all these reasons why I shouldn't be content. I
shouldn't be content because I don't have a
girlfriend. I shouldn't be content because I was
miserable in the past. I also think it's absurd that
they label everything as a psychological disorder and
then prescribe a drug that's supposed to cure it.
"Social anxiety, take Paxil," give me a break. The
only way to get over a fear is to face it head on and
deal with it.
I tell friends of my own age, my own damn generation that I feel no need to
have a family, get marry to feel a whole person, that I feel whole as I am.
They look at me with a condescending look in their eyes and exclaim "Ah, all
that will change when you meet the right person!"
Straight couples who go to gay clubs to show how
open-minded they are, almost patting themselves on the back for being so cool,
hip and with it, but who give themselves away by: smiling politely at you
all night long as if you're a member of a possibly violent tribe, hanging
on to each other for dear life because they're afraid someone might feel the
urge to pinch their scrawny butt and who finally seek refuge on the
dancefloor, only to take up way too much space in a sorry attempt to compensate
for that scary minority-feeling that has crept up on them for the first
time in their lives. Either blend in or get out, for Peppermint Patty's
sake!
Anyone who spells because bcuz.
Black women who think black men should only date/marry black women.
90210, Dawson's Creek, Popular and any show where overdressed teens
have too much time on their hands.
People who think I have some kind of "in" because I'm light skinned.
Okay, okay any adult who says DUH.
Anyone who brags about how much money they have and then wants to
borrow something from you.
Any medicine whose side effects are worse than what you're taking them for.
Women who don't know how to go home. We went out, slept together, had
breakfast, took showers, bought coffee. Don't you have something else
to do?
My lesbian friend who wants to meet someone but goes to straight clubs
and then hides in the corner further insuring she won't meet anyone.
Women who complain nonstop about what jerks their
boyfriends are, but don't dump them. Tonight I was
listening to one of them complain, she mentioned that
her boyfriend has hit her in the past. I was already
quite fed up and I yelled, "WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU
DUMP HIM RIGHT THEN?" and she told me, "He was
drunk, he's not like that." This guy also has a bad
drinking problem. If he's drunk often, that's one
reason to dump him. I don't care how different a man
is while sober, there is no reason to stay with a man
after any kind of physical abuse.
Men who treat their girlfriends like shit, and then
wonder why they leave them. I knew a guy who always
cheated on his girlfriend, he would refer to her as
his bitch, he was just a complete jerk, and he was
baffled when she dumped him.
Women who dress up like sluts, and then
wonder why men treat them like sluts.
Girls who finally realize that I don't want to get
into their pants, and then assume that I must be gay.
Stupid boys who think that because I have many female
friends and acquaintances, I must be a pimp, and I
must get laid a lot.
Other stupid boys who hear from someone that I'm a
pimp (see above) and ask me for advice on how to get
laid.
Close minded people that label me a
sellout, traitor, etc because I'm a strong minded female, who happens to be gay,
AND happens to like Eminem. Em being able to call me a dyke allows you to
be able to call him an asshole.
The caption: "It's a guy thing."
People think they can say anything they want, no matter how insulting it may
be, and think that adding "Just kidding!" will make it all right. No, I'm
not too sensitive, *you're* just being an asshole!
Medical Science for trying to find ways to make a man
pregnant.
People who apostrophize plurals (i.e.: "He had multiple
tattoo's"). What English teacher ever taught anyone that this
is correct?
The black man who got mad at me for being a white girl
with dreadlocs. I am a pasty-faced Polish woman who has dyed her hair platinum
blonde. I am most definitely not trying to be black. This from a man standing in
a British pub drinking a pint of Guinness, wearing Dockers, loafers and a
button-down Gap shirt.
The above makes as much sense as me getting mad at every black
woman with a straight weave.
Live and let live.
All these artsy fucks you meet at parties who tell you "I
can read people very well", and proceed, after knowing you for four minutes,
to uninvitingly summarize your character. "See, I've read The Celestine
Prophecy. This makes me the most evolved, in-tune-with-my-third-eye, mature and
insightful human being in this room. This also makes me an authority on you,
though I'm the only one who knows it yet. I can see that despite the obvious
front, you are, deep down, desperately insecure and fragile, and you must
just cry yourself to sleep every night because of how much you hate yourself.
But don't worry, I can teach you to be like me. And if you are the least bit
offended by what I've said, it's obviously because what I say is true, and you
won't admit it, and you are not as mature and as in-tune-with-your-third-eye as
I am. But don't worry, you'll get there one day."
Please. Suck my ass.
Guys who won't go down on me. If you don't eat it, you don't
need it.
The girl I saw at the bar last week: fake tan, collagen
lips, colored contacts, bleached hair, hair piece, acrylic nail tips, breast
implants, makeup a half-inch thick. Girls, real beauty is not built on artifice.
Real physical beauty comes from the confidence of being able to leave the house
without a dab of makeup on, with your ass jiggling all over the damn place, and
knowing, without a doubt, that you are One. Fine. Looking. Dame.
Oprah magazine. Anorexic models are depicted wearing
clothes for anorexic women, while clothes for "fuller figured" women are
depicted lying on the bed or hanging from a hanger -- a marked absence of real
people. There's also pull-out cards with daily affirmations about "why
it's ok to be me!" The magazine should be marketed with a 1-800 number for
on-call psychotherapists (validate me! validate me!) and a bonus week's supply
of Prozac.
Men who have their wives killed (or who kill them) so they won't have to
pay alimony and child support. If you didn't want to support your
children, then perhaps you shouldn't have had any to begin with. And of
course, leaving them motherless is an ideal solution.
Men who go on and on about how they want to be FREE, and how they're so
afraid of compromising their independence, and who then proceed to marry
women who totally control their lives and are basically their "mommies."
The half-wit retards who lined up at the Montreal courthouse to see
Dave Hilton because he's a celebrity, shaking his hand and asking for
his autograph. The guy is a sexual deviant; he is on trial and has
been convicted for sexually abusing two teenage girls, and he acts like
he's at the Oscars, and these idiots treat him like he's a movie star!
People who think I'm a bitch without really getting
to know me. Assuming that since I have a hyphenated name that I'm a feminist, or
deciding that since I'm divorcing I must be a man-hater. Only my true friends
know how much of a heartless bitch I am.
Women who treat their kids like shit, but their boyfriends like kings.
Mindless wanna-be's who think acting and dressing like everyone else, means you are original.
Women who use abortion as a form of birth control--think before the fact, NOT AFTER.
Teenage giggly gumdrops. who wear more make-
up than their mothers and wear less clothing than their
dogs.
My unemployed roommate who called me a "greedy whore" when I asked for
his half of the rent money and then started to get all philosophical on
me, saying that "Money ain't shit. Why is money so important to you,
anyway?" Yeah, and when I kick his lazy ass out on the streets and he
can't afford a place to stay or any food to eat, money's gonna be pretty
damn important to him too!
People who refuse to even try to learn a damn word of the language of
the country they've been living in for like 5 years, and then accuse you
of being racist if you suggest they take an ESL class to make life
easier for their coworkers and themselves.
TV commercials having to do with -- well, anything, really; they're nearly
all chauvinistic from what I've seen -- but in this case specifically the
ones for convenience food, showing the situation in which Mom is not home
and when the child asks "what's for dinner?" the dad has panicked visions of
pots and pans. Then he realizes, "Hey, we have this ultra-easy food in the
fridge" (the worst is individually wrapped Oscar Meyer hot dogs that simply
have to be nuked for 30 seconds), and later the child is shown devouring
whatever overprocessed product the commercial is for and praising Dad for
what a GREAT cook he is! Also the fact that all advertising I have ever
seen for cleaning products is aimed directly at women.
When I tell people that I'm going to study art in
university and people ask me if I'm going to be a
teacher. What makes me even sicker is when I respond,
"No, I want to be an artist," they tell me that I can't
possibly make a living from that, as though THEY know
what art entails and the opportunities I have, and
just because I'm not going to be a lawyer or doctor
means that I'm doomed to being what they consider to
be "unhappy." These are the same people who need to
make half a million dollars a year or more to be happy
and can't comprehend that I'm willing to not live as
extravagantly so I can have a job I love.
The Grammys, Academy Awards, etc. Stupid frigging
popularity contests. How can people like Britney
Spears and Julia Roberts get nominated, when they
can't sing/act?
People who force their political beliefs on you and
refuse to listen to your own if it differs from theirs.
Women in labour and delivery wards who
refuse to be nursed by a MALE nurse because it makes them uncomfortable to
have their "nether regions" cared for by a man, yet have no problem with a MALE
OB/GYN. A nurse is a nurse, whether male or female, and do you really
think that a male nurse is working in L&D just to get off looking at women's
crotches?
People that use the labels "male
Nurse" or "woman doctor."
Men (and women to a lesser degree)
who, when they find out that I worked in a hospital ask "Oh, were you a
nurse," as if that is the only thing a woman can do in a hospital. When I
reply "No, I was an autopsy assistant" or "nope, a neurosurgeon," the look on
their faces was priceless! (I actually was a Medical Lab Technologist,
which could get me ranting on about another old worn out assumption that women
know nothing about technology and machinery!)
My former boss who said "I'll just get
my girls to work on that lab test for you!" Oh, are your daughters working
for you now?
People who ask if I'm dating anybody YET, and when I say no, want to know
why, when they know that I'm attending college, have a job, and I go to
martial arts and life drawing classes. Maybe I'm too busy to go to the
trouble of sorting through the masses of losers to find somebody that I'd
consider worth spending time with!
Guys who get offended because I want to pay MY half of the date! If I
wanted a fucking free meal, I'd tell your weak-ass to cook!
Greasy people who paste those ridiculous "playboy" stickers along the side of their cars, mimicking the way WW2 fighter pilots would "paint" a silhouette of a plane to mark every time they shot down an enemy plane. I mean, really. Grow up. Who in their right mind would get in that car with you, anyway?
I want to puke every time some weak willed Christian type can't decide on a
course of action and therefore throws their hands up saying that they will
pray for God to lead them. Maddening! Make a decision people, don't look for
a supreme being to magically light up a billboard with directions for your
life. Life is all about taking risks...sometimes it's about making
mistakes. Get some chutzpah and figure out what it is YOU want to do...then
do it for Christ's sake!
People who think that medical school isn't for women, because
you won't have time to raise children while working.
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