Last
night, talking to Deathwing about the computer that we’re going to Frankenstein[i],
I had an epiphany in three parts:
- It’s
almost impossible to be both a woman and a geek without also being a
heartless bitch; and
- Both
"geek" and "bitch" are used as derogatory terms. "Geek" especially is
downgraded from a noun of power into an adjective of control.
- Therefore,
if one is a woman, one must be willing to ignore the naysayers in order to
be a geek. And by ignoring the people who say things like, "That’s just
too geeky!" one is almost guaranteed to then be called "bitch." If one
name-calling doesn’t do one in, those people are always willing to try
another name to control one.
The
trick, then, is to embrace both names. As is standard, it’s important that I
first define the terms which are in question. While I would normally turn to
the Oxford English Dictionary or the Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, the truth
is that neither one of them have applicable definitions for the terms I’m discussing.
Thus, I was forced to define my own terms, based on my own experiences and understandings
of the meanings.
A
"geek" as a person who’s interested in technology, or semantics, or other
intellectual pursuits, who enjoys thinking, no matter how that manifests, be it
through web design or gaming or reading all of the speculative fiction that
they can get their hands on, etc.
A
"bitch" is a person who doesn’t care what most people think of her, personally,
and therefore either ignores attempted put-downs or verbally blasts the
aggressor out of the water; a bitch is a woman who advocates for herself, who
is upfront, forthright, and tolerates very little, if any, abuse.
And
as I mentioned earlier, these two terms are often used in tangent with each other,
as one rejects the notion that one is "too" anything, one is then slammed for
rejecting the original criticism. For example:
"You’re too geeky."
Bite
me.
"It’s not that I don’t like
you, it’s just that you’re too geeky what with the computers and the gaming and
stuff." [ii]
0100011001110101011000110110101100100000011110010110111101110101[iii]
"You’re a member of the
sci-fi club?! Eww!"
And
your opinion matters to me why?
"Bitch."
Exactly.
For
reasons I have yet to determine, some people are genuinely threatened by my "geeky"
hobbies, or even with the aspects of my personality that could be considered
so. As a result of feeling threatened, those people then feel entitled to make
comments about the things that I do, or the things they perceive me to be.
Although
I haven’t figured out the "why" behind their feelings, I do know the "why"
behind the comments. It’s about control, about trying to make me stop doing
something or being someone that’s causing the feelings of alarm. It’s as though
by calling me names, they’ll be able to shame me into hiding, into changing.
But
when the comments of "you’re too geeky," or "you’re weird," or my favorite, "no
one cares about that stuff," thus implying that I’m "no one," are ignored or
met with raised eyebrow or finger, then those people feel even more threatened!
I’m not going to stop! I’m going to continue being threatening! I’m going to
spend my money on tech, not shoes!
So
they try the same strategy, but with a different name. I haven’t responded to
"geek," but I’m still a woman, and no woman wants to be called a "bitch."
Except
that the new name doesn’t move me, either. If it’s a question of control,
random stranger X isn’t going to be the one to change me, to save me, to save
all of the other random stranger Xes.
I
am in control of myself. Geek, bitch, techie - all just names. What counts is
attitude. And control.
Marguerite is a geek extraordinaire who has grown up on HBI, Computers, Gaming, and Science Fiction.
to send her your comments.
