Crushed
by
Mar 26, 2007
The agonizing crush that had me
in its cruel grip has been resolved – not quite the way I’d hoped, but it’s
resolved all the same.
I was hanging out with the
Hotness two days ago, just talking (or so I’d like to think: I was probably
being transparent and embarrassing).
OK, I admit to some serious ogling and perhaps a few impure
thoughts.
But we do talk and have done for
ages. He’s my friend. (I now know why guys dread the Friend Zone. There’s no escape.)
He had been telling me that his
buddies had been urging him to get a life (he’s kind of a male version of me in
that sense), we talked about what movies we were interested in seeing, how
neither of us did much but work and sleep, blah, blah, blah.
I was trying to work up the
courage to ask him out when his phone rang.
It was another woman texting him
to ask him out on a first date.
Right out of the blue.
He accepted the invitation. With a smile. And then promised to give me the details, because we’re friends:
we’ve talked.
Holy fuck! Did I ever read that one wrong!
At first blush, this doesn’t look
like a particularly fortuitous development – but I see it as a sharp nudge from
the gods to get a clue and back the fuck off.
Since they normally use mallets to make their point, this is a nice
change.
But it was bloody surreal, I’ll
tell you. Does this shit happen to
anyone else or am I right in believing it’s just me? Anyone?
Hmm. Girls, I can’t say I care much for this “loose puck” status (what
my crush said the other guys thought I was) I have. Everything’s so uncertain. This is not a natural habitat for a control freak. It makes me anxious. I suspect that I suck at this.
But let’s look at the evidence,
shall we?
I realized a fantasy and dated a
fireman -- and had an entirely dreary time of it. It was not hot – I’ve had that fantasy since puberty and I feel
cheated. I always imagined it would be
crazy hot. See? Be careful what you wish for (though the
fireman thing seems gratuitously cruel, even for the gods).
On the yawning heels of that
debacle, I manufactured an attraction to someone who is completely indifferent
to me. I was only just prevented from
making a total idiot of myself by an act of divine intervention and even so, I
still managed to garner more than a fair share of humiliation along the
way. And I will run into this man on a
regular basis.
Fuck. I hate moving.
Clearly, some counsel is called
for. I emailed my mole and laid it all
out for him. Why was this happening to
me? Would he be honest and tell me if I
had no game? Does he think I’m too
aggressive?
His response:
You do know that you can be alpha, without ACTING like
an alpha? True power isn't demonstrated. It just IS. Just sitting there people know that you are not to be
fucked with. Think more Japanese samurai than berserker warrior.
You don't need "game". There is no game. Just show
up. That's it. You don't have to prove to everyone
how huge your dick is, unless you are still trying to
convince yourself. Just R E L A X !!! Ye gads, how
many times have you read that from me?
Astounding! This man will just
not sugar coat it – whatever I ask him, he’ll answer me honestly. Even when I don’t ask him, he’ll volunteer
it and so far it’s always been the truth.
Getting total honesty from a man
is a disorienting, out of bodyish experience but I may as well make hay while
the sun shines, ladies. I’m going to
pump him for information before he clams up or is unmasked as a spy and killed.
This could get interesting.
Till next time,
Morrigan
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