Taking a Chance?

by

Mar 12, 2007

Maybe it’s the imminent arrival of spring, but I’ve just noticed that many of the men I meet during my day are hot.

One in particular. And it’s not only his hotness I admire. I like this guy.  I respect him.  He’s smart (so smart in fact that the nickname used to describe him is "Aristotle"), he’s funny, he’s kind, he’s single, he’s straight, he’s not hard on the eyes - I could go on.  He seems to find me not entirely repugnant, at least on a platonic level.

But apart from some long conversations, that’s all she wrote.  Admittedly, he’s a captive audience (kind of in a physical sense but without the whips and chains) and that always changes the dynamic.

Leaving aside the unknowable issue of his consent, I come across this guy in the course of my business day and I do not shit where I eat. 

They say it’s a man’s world and girls, they ain’t lying.   The double standard is alive and well and this should be news to nobody.  A man could get away with having an affair with a coworker and come out unscathed, no problem.  In fact, he’d probably be getting high-fives from the other guys.

A woman can’t, not if she wants to retain her professional credibility.  I work mostly with men and every single one of them is an Alpha Male.  Can you imagine what I have to deal with?  These guys gossip like schoolgirls and any word of impropriety on my part would guarantee me overnight fame throughout the city - their grapevine is second to none.

As unfortunate and politically lamentable as this is, it is a certainty.    I think this guy would keep his mouth shut, but there’s no way it would stay quiet for long notwithstanding.  It’s right on the border of "worth the risk" but I don’t make such obviously stupid mistakes with my career.  This could blow up in my face.  I’ve worked too hard to allow that to happen. 

So I’ve ruled it out.  (Which has the happy consequence of making the question of his consent a moot one.)

But it was surprisingly difficult to do.

Perhaps I’ve lived in this man’s world for so long that I’m beginning to think like one.    Although I’m not proud of it, my thought process went something like this: 

...Hmmm.  On the one hand, this would be a really stupid thing to do.  It could conceivably ruin my career.

On the other hand... he’s smoking hot.

Clearly, the first thought has far more to recommend it than the second, but it took considerable persuasion and preternatural focus before I convinced myself of that.  

And then I had an epiphany:  this must be what it’s like for guys to struggle to think with their big head when their little one is hogging all of the blood.  It’s exhausting.  I can’t imagine what 24/7 of it must be like.

It’s the oddest thing: rational thought abandons you and there’s a big porn movie playing in your head.  You are compelled to picture people naked.   With increasing frequency, you imagine yourself interacting with them in some fashion -- friends, coworkers, complete strangers - it’s all terribly distracting.  Under these circumstances, forming a coherent sentence is an achievement akin to splitting the atom.

While I’ll spare you the agonies of what has turned out to be an ongoing struggle, let’s just say that shortly after I met him, I began to grind my teeth in my sleep.  Probably just a coincidence.

Hopefully I’ve been fairly subtle about the lust thing (eyes rolling) - oh let’s face it:  I’m surprised the pheromones haven’t suffocated him.

And yet he hasn’t responded.

Could it be that all of this is only happening in my own head?  (Has winter really been that long?)  Is it possible that he only wants to be my friend?

It gets worse.

I could really fall for this guy.

I talked it over with a male friend I have in my old city, a useful and truthful source.

I was fortunate enough to have another such mole years ago and wow, the stuff you can learn.  ALL women need a man like this.  (His take on the above:  "Get real -- guys never just want to be friends.  We’re always trying to get into your pants.  It’s the Prime Directive.")

Here is his reply to my current dilemma.  Aside from its refreshing candour and pithy tone, even I have to admit that he has a point:

If you like the guy that much then GO OUT WITH HIM! 

 

Lots of men do manage to conduct themselves with discretion and honour.  You just seem to gravitate to the dangerous ones .  Probably so you can keep yourself in a constant state of isolation, which you perceive as "safe". 

 

If he asks you out, friggin go for it. You don't have to maul him right out of the gate.  If you don't DO anything, he will have nothing to report. No doubt if he starts running his mouth, it will get back to you and you can say with a clear conscience that you did absolutely SFA.  Stop over thinking. Take a GD risk, will ya?

 

Besides, how has being a prude helped your career thus far?

 

Who gives a crap if someone knows you are getting railed?  That is what people do.  They have sex.  They have fun.  It only becomes a point of shame if you make it so. 

 

I hope you go for it and take a chance with the guy. 

 

Keep me posted.

The subtext?  "Face your biggest fear, or it’s back to the Tower with you."

It’s bloody masterful. 

Till next time,

Morrigan