Tahiya
I'm a Heartless Bitch because my motto is "No Apologies!" Apologies in my book are all the ways that I responded, at one time, to the moronic conversations in my head where I berated myself for the signals that I wasn't picking up or reading right, for all the ways that I might be offending someone, for all the unexpressed needs that I wasn't responding to, for all the "behavioral communication" that I "over-reacted" to. Apologies are those insincere smiles that you put on when you have no feelings about an event inside, but you know that whoever is staring you in the face expects to see some feeling there. Apologies are all the reflexes that your upbringing installs and my motto is what was left when I reformatted the hard drive. I don't even feel the slightest of an apologetic twinge for my existence, my appearance, my speech, my brains, my talent, my being better at most things than most people without trying all that hard.
I don't apologize for the way I work, the way I fuck,
the way I eat, the way I cook, the way I take on anything. I'm brilliant and I know it and I don't feel any guilt about it ever. I even have the tests that prove it, but I know the tests are bullshit too.
I don't feel bad if someone is bugged because I'm better than they are at something. I used to avoid competing because I didn't want to make anyone else lose. What a load of shit. I could say it was my mentally ill parents that created a bunch of crap for me to trudge through, but in reality I couldn't have picked a better pair of petty tyrants to test my mettle against. Not only did I survive the inanity of their ridiculous child-rearing behavior, I did it with grace and style and dignity. I never gave up hope, I never gave up on myself, I took care of business and did what needed doing. I raised my brother. I raised myself. I had some backfill work to do when I got out on my own, but I never shied away, I never turned tail, I never let the fear stop me. I still don't.
And I never apologize for any of it any more.
I think that makes me a Heartless Bitch.
Yes! I want to read more from Real Life Heartless Bitches
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