Michelle
I'm just coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship. He
demolished any sense of intelligence, competence, sanity, and self-worth
that I might have had. For 4 years I endured this, until I was so
desperately miserable and suicidal that I knew I had to escape him to
save my life. I also knew that to accomplish this, I would have to
endure a torrent of accusations of bitchiness, selfishness,
childishness, etc.
You should know that for the longest time, those accusations had kept me
"in my place" and never failed to make me back down. Or, rather, bend
over and grab my ankles. I'm not sure why the words were so powerful to
me, but I guess I'd been pretty well programmed by society and my
parents (mostly my don't-make-waves mother).
I somehow found it within myself to accept the mantle of "bitch" with
pride, if it meant that I would no longer permit him to treat me like
shit. Steeling myself against the repercussions from him and his family
and friends (I had by this point little-to-no contact with my own, as
he'd carefully isolated me from them) and their accusations bounced off
me, ineffective.
Currently, in spite of his whining and continued, strenuous attempts to
make me believe (like I used to) that I'm unreasonable, wasteful,
dishonest, careless, incompetent, and all-round insane, I am living the
life that *I* want, and look forward to our divorce being final in June
or soon thereafter.
Whereas before I'd falter and cave before his displeasure, I know now
that I am stronger than him, and have more stamina and courage. Every
time he tries to bullshit me with his usual manipulative crap (how our
marriage crumbled because of me and my failings, while he was the
stalwart one who tried valiantly to save it but I LEFT HIM, how
horrible), I point out what he's trying to do to me, and how he's
failing. I can actually *hear* his penis shrink every time I do this.
So I guess that, to me, being a Bitch means not fearing the stigma
attached to society's expectations for all women to be sweet and
yielding. Once I learned to embrace the concept of being a "bitch" I
have respected myself so much more than ever before. And now I know that
that is all that matters.
Yes! I want to read more from Real Life Heartless Bitches
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