Amy
When my older child was two, my mother had a conversation with another
one of my wacky, tradition-bound, overly-involved-in-my-business
relatives that, when I heard about it, absolutely enraged me. The gist
of it was that I didn't seem to NEED a man in my life and she was
worried about that. At that point, I hadn't needed a man for several
years and didn't see a sudden shift in the ecosystem that was going
to make me require one any time soon. On the other hand, if I happen
to want one, an important distinction I think, (or a woman or a
Pomeranian, or whatever), I do know where to look.
The fact that this conversation even happened vaguely annoyed me.
After having left my son's father when I was five months pregnant,
and never looking back (not even a between-the-fingers-sideways-
glancing-peek because after all, once you've figured out THAT one
is a prick, what's the point?), I would think it was pretty damned
obvious that I didn't NEED a man, and WHY would that be a topic of
conversation, anyway?!? But you know what really pissed me off.
I finally realized that instead of accepting me for who I am, my family,
the neighbors, and that woman from the PTA who keeps inviting me to her
church just think I'm rebelling and will eventually come into the fold.
God bless them all. It's not gonna happen.
Because if living my life on my own terms, without apologizing to anyone,
including my current partner whom I love dearly but still am not going
to marry, and with whom I have another born-out-of-wedlock-unbaptized-
hellbound-if-it's-anything-like-it's-mother-product-of-sin
(who's absolutely adorable, wanna see a picture?) is rebelling, then
play Dixie for me again, sweet cheeks. This is who I' gonna stay.
I also have a job I don't feel guilty about, and a lot of hobbies that
don't include children, but may include power tools. One of my New Year's
Resolutions is to give out copies of Gavin DeBecker's book, The Gift of Fear,
with the line that says 'a man's greatest fear is that a woman will
embarrass him in public, but a woman's greatest fear is that a man will
kill her' highlighted and starred, to every woman I meet who doesn't
understand that her life is worth defending. (Physically or ideologically,
because if you're alive but have no soul, what's the difference?) And I
don't apologize or make excuses for anything that I do. I think all that
makes me well-rounded, well-adjusted and here's a novel concept, HAPPY,
not rebellious or confused or in denial about my role in life or any
other adjectives that, when translated means 'she's bucking the
bullshit repressive patriarchal traditions we keep telling her are for
her own good, but give her some space, pretend to be tolerant and
eventually she'll give in and come around.'
And pretty much somewhere around the day I packed up, left the prick
(who I never speak badly of in front of the kid, 'cause he's smart
enough to figure it out himself and why should I lower myself?), and
stopped listening to what my mother said was the right way to do things
(because when did her ideas ever make HER life perfect?), I also
decided that I could do what made me happy instead of what made
other people happy. Whatever that is. Apparently that makes me a
Heartless Bitch, at least to some folks. Whatever. Have a cookie,
they're fresh-baked.
Yes! I want to read more from Real Life Heartless Bitches
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