This Week's Real-Life Heartless Bitches:
(For the week of May 3, 1998)
Dawn - "I never really knew if I liked men or not.....but then I met you..... AND I MADE MY DECISION!!!"
Shampoo - "They call me Shampoo, but it's not because of my bubbly personality. Its because of the way I wash assholes out of my hair and effortlessly hang them out to dry."
Melissa - "I remember the important things. What did you say your name was again?"
Emily - "Just doing my part to piss off the religious right wing!"
Arwenna - "I'm a flame-thrower in a world of little paper matches; fuck with me and I'll burn your worthless ass."
Angel - "If you had a couple of ribs taken out you could do that yourself. It'd save you the trouble of having to buy anyone dinner."
Amanda - "NO.......a great word, don't be afraid to use it!"
Heather - "I only nurture people I give birth to."
Sara - "I'm young, college-educated, and female... I'm every "good ol' boy's" nightmare!"
Sarah - "This sums it all up: Flaccid is placid; Erect is direct. I'm a very DIRECT woman."
Elaine - "Baby, if you put a welcome mat over your head and lay flat, you just can't blame the jerks of the world if they come along and wipe their feet."
Sarah - "I pity women who have to use a bathroom scale to determine their self-worth."
Jewel - "My heart belongs to one person--ME!!!"
Lisa - "Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them."
Hope - "You want the girl next door, then go next door."
Tricia - "Just because I'll talk to you doesn't mean I'll have sex with you, loser."
Stephanie - "Don't piss me off asshole, or you'll be getting a sympathy card from John Wayne Bobbit!"
Holly - "What goes around, comes around, and boy are you ever in trouble."
Tracey - "Where is my man?? In the trunk in very small pieces....."
Tracy - "Mary Poppins, I ain't and June Cleaver doesn't live here!"
Lanine - "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, If you want to keep your dick.. DON'T FUCK WITH ME!"
Stephanie - "Stop sitting on your ass and whining about how others have wrecked your pathetic little life, get out there and DO something for fuck's sake!!!"
Jacqui - "Back off buddy.. I'm a Sociologist."
Tarryn - "No one rattles my cage..it's automatic!"
Sabine - "It's easy to entertain men - all you have to do is sit down and listen."
Rinat - "CREATIVE MINDS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN KNOWN TO SURVIVE ANY KIND OF BAD TRAINING!"
Erin - "Wonderbras and spandex don't mean girl power."
Sofia - "Don't you have anything to tell me that I don't know AND find interesting???"
Flo - "I'm a Heartless Bitch because I think Lesbians are the Future, the New Millenium and the Apocalypse! Besides, they make love like Goddesses."
Melissa - "Are those bug bites or are you getting some BALLS?"
Kristin - "Don't think cause I understand, I care. Don't think cause I'm talking, we're friends." -Sneaker Pimps "6 Underground"
Kennedy - "Isn't that what your hands for???"
Femmepooky - "I get what I want...and if that means I have to step on a few dicks to get there...SO BE IT!!!!"
Susan - "Excuse me? I can't look at your ass and read your mind!"
Susan - "Sure, you can kiss me. IF you want your tongue bitten off."
Lissa - "Men will talk (sometimes in complete sentences) but more often than not to women on the street. In my case, I hear a lot of , "Yo, Blonde!" What exactly am I supposed to do with a comment like Yo, Blonde? Yell back, "Yo, Bald!" or "Yo, Short!""
Vicki - "Don't even bother trying to say something clever. Clever is as clever does no matter what it says." - Ani DiFranco
Randi - "I don't have an attitude problem, it's supposed to be like this!"
Lizabeth - ""I never knew how many stupid people were out there until now...""
Debra - "It's a big mistake to assume I'm a bitch just because I'm a woman; it's a bigger mistake to assume I'm sweet for the same reason."
Janet - "Your wife don't understand you? What makes you think I will? Get a life dweezil!"
Jana - "I wasn't born a bitch, it's something that I strive to perfect every day of my life."
Cheryl - "I got a gun for my husband--good trade, huh?"
Amanda - "I resent sharing oxygen with arseholes."
Debra - "If you aren't going to help me, get the hell out of my way."
Susan - "Your proctologist called....they found your head."
Lisa - "A woman's place is not in the home, unless that's where she chooses to put her office!"
Farah - "Not even with her tongue, buddy!"
Ana - "I hate warm fuzzies."
Sue - "If 'bitch' were a bush, I'd be the poisonous fruit."
Sandra - "You attack me because you lack the intelligence to discuss my ideas."
Laura - "Quit following me around, sniffing after my crotch, and licking my hand...I'm not THAT kind of Bitch!"
Ardis - "Don't confuse being complex with being fucked up."
J.l. - "Grow your own dope, plant a man!"
Linda - "Don't kiss ass to get where you want to be, kick ass and be where you deserve to be."
Barb - "Jerk off in a cup and drink it and THEN talk to me about swallowing!"
Natalie - "I don't care how suicidal your "cheating asshole of a boyfriend" makes you. Oh looky, I found a knife...will this help?!?"
Anita - "The 4 B's to life, Big, Bad, Beautiful and 100% Bitch...without them you're nothing!"
Sidra - "The world may be full of idiots, but that's just another reason to take up target shooting."
Kit - "My goal in life is to see Courtney Love kick the Spice Girls' asses."
Lady - "Being called a Bitch means, you're doing something right usually."
Christina - "Excuse me, sweetheart, but I'd like to cordially invite you to the REAL WORLD!!"
Jennifer - "Per a former co-worker: "So many guys would be attracted to you if you never opened your mouth.""
Denise - "Guys call girls bitches when they feel intellectually inferior."
Suzanne - "If you don't like what I have to say, what are you doing here?"
Karen - "I'm a Heartless Bitch because I couldn't do that hair~flip thing if you paid me. So, move over Barbie, before I run you over on my way to the top!"
Chrissie - "You want to have a go at me...take a number and stand in line."
Michelle - "Deal with it! I'm not going to fade away."
Leisa - "If you're not femme, you're butch. Well, that's too bad baby, 'cause I'm both but you can call me Bitch. And I don't have fake nails, but my real ones will do just fine if need be. You know what that means, stud."
Corrina - "Why are you huffing and puffing, I'm the one faking all the orgasms."
Candice - "Freud didn't know dick about women."
Narnia - "People are morons, and I should be able to pick the less than 10% who get to live."
Laurel - "I get knocked down, but I get up again."
Vonnie - "My motto is: I have the right to be choosy... I have earned it"
Mistress - "On your knees and shut up!"
Vesna - "I practice our old national ritual - I build a tower that will be named 'The Tower Of Dicks'."
Sondre' - "Yes, it is that time of the month...the time of the month when pathetic assholes like you try to pick me up!"
Jenn - "Don't expect me to butter your damn bread for you...you got your own knife, do it yourself asshole!"
Danielle - "Thank you, Fuck you, Die!"
Lauren - "Oh, Fetch-boy!! ...the kitty litter needs to be scooped...and you're welcome."
Janell - "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing!"
Mychele - "The problem with some women is they get all excited about nothing--and then they marry him!"
Courtney - "Do you not know that you just wasted 5 seconds of my life that I can NEVER get back?"
Lisa O. - "If God had meant for me to be a doormat, I'd have been born on the front porch, with WELCOME stamped across my face."
Gayle - "Well rounded women don't starve themselves. Some people think life owes them a payday just for showing up!"
Anna - "Reality is a short, fanged, scaled, demonic creature with 4 inch nails, and you two should get to know each other. P.S. Reality has a great sense of humor, you are proof."
Denise - "Live up to me...I'm tired of living down to you."
Christina - "If you can't take the truth, stay the hell away from me."
Bonnie, - "Well, it's not really a "bitchy" saying, but from a 'toon called South Park: "...Remember..there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.""
Emma - "Why do women try to smash through the glass ceiling in stilettos, ludicrously short/tight/just plain stupid skirts? I will not be a prisoner of Cosmo!"
Lacy - "Don't talk to me man, I don't speak dumbass!"
Cassandra - "You don't need Prozac, you need a brain."
Anne-marie - "I wield my feminism like a four-letter-word."
Michelle - "If by calling me a bitch you mean that I am standing up for my rights and refusing to do things your way - then yeah- I AM A BITCH! Wanna make something of it?"
Rita - "It's better to assume they have no intelligence to insult rather than give them more information than they can process."
Heather - "Chance favors the prepared mind."
Heidi - "You made your bed, now YOU have to lie in it. If it's uncomfortable, for Christ's sakes change the sheets!"
Henry - "Why suffer fools? They make great kindling ..."
Princessdrama - "Excuse me, dear ... you seem, perhaps, to have forgotten ... this is MY drama in MY theatre, dammit! Either stick to the script, or your role is recast."
Jeanette - "'All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.' --Fran Lebowitz"
Susan - "If cucumbers could take out the trash, we wouldn't need men at all..."
Beth - "Look, we're having a one way conversation here, and it's mine!!!"
Elektra - "I used to hate myself...now I hate you"
Vylet - "Being a Bitch takes a clever woman"
Yes! I want to Read about more "Real Life Heartless Bitches"
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