Stephanie
My independence and refusal to change who I am or compromise my standards make me a Heartless Bitch. Please read on for my detailed explanation.
When I was about ten years old, I decided that I would have a degree and a career before I even considered the possibility of marriage or children. I also learned how to cook for myself, change a fuse, and thanks to my father (who made me watch CSPAN) could tell you who the Speaker of the House was and what he actually did. So far this has worked out pretty well for me. I have my degree and am working on my career as a teacher and a musician. I can still fix most of my own stuff when it breaks, and I'd still rather read Time or Newsweek than Cosmo. I fit in with "normal people" about as well as I did when I was ten; I identify more with the ass-kicking, alien chasing character of Scully on the X-Files than I do with any of the female characters on Grey's Anatomy or the mothers on TLC's reality shows.
I'm frightened by people like some of the women I went to college with, who went straight from their parents' houses to the dorm to their husbands' houses. I refuse to do what so many women my age do all of the time and define myself by whether or not I'm in a relationship with a man. I have other important relationships, like the ones I have with my friends and family. When it comes down to it, I like men, but not enough to sacrifice who I am. When I find a man who enjoys my independence and assertiveness, it will be fantastic. Until he comes along, I'm quite happy to stay single.
I've learned to align myself with other Heartless Bitches. (Before I found this website, I referred to them as "fabulous Bitches.") Generally when dealing with other people, we've found it advantageous to abide by the following principals:
1) It's nice to be liked, but people don't have to like you to respect you.
2) Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is be honest with them.
3) You don't have to show compassion for someone who has put themselves in a bad situation and is whining. They need to learn to suck it up and fix whatever they did wrong. (example: "You're right, it will be tough to get by after losing your job. Maybe in your next job you should show up on time.") This is very different from showing compassion for a person in a situation they had nothing to do with. (example: "I'm sorry your mom died. I'll feed your cats while you're gone for the funeral.")
4) It's good to have standards. Rewarding mediocrity (in any aspect of life) brings us all down.
5) Don't indulge needy people. It works with needy adults just as well as it works with kids: if you're not bleeding, vomiting, or on fire, chill out and stop crying. You're probably going to live.
I enjoy being a Heartless Bitch. Sure, it makes a few people uncomfortable, but so what? If I didn't have standards and speak my mind, I wouldn't be where I am today and I wouldn't be able to affect positive change in the lives of people I work with. Live long, Heartless Bitches!
Country: United States
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