Chel
Just recently, I've come to a couple conclusions that have changed my life in a hugely positive way.
I've finally realized that 1) some people are not worth my time, and 2) if they're not, I'm under no obligation to put up with their bullshit.
In fact, I've recently learned to call them on that bullshit when I see it. It's taken me years to accept that I was culturally conditioned to try and keep the peace and be a good friend to everyone. But the problem with that outlook is that not everyone's going to deserve it, or even play by the same rules. Hell, some of them aren't even going to LIKE me- and I'm finally ok with that!
The bottom line is that I don't WANT lying, deceitful, backstabbing, selfish, immature, whiny and/or sexually irresponsible people as friends. If they can't be bothered to make a modicum of effort to better themselves and/or treat other people with compassion, they aren't worth any of my time or any of my "brain real estate."
Because of this realization, I am finally free to tell them what I think about their behaviour, and accept that their hatred has a lot more to do with who they are than who I am. In fact, in some cases, their hatred is high praise!
While I'd love to live in a world where everyone is accountable for their actions, friends treat each other as such, people honour their commitments and the combination of self-control and compassion is seen as sexy... I refuse to wait until that world exists, to LIVE MY LIFE!
Also, I'm hetero AND monogamous. This means I only have eyes for my partner, and I keep ALL my promises on that front even when they're inconvenient. This is the right thing for me, in the context of MY life. This does not mean that I hate you or think down on your alternate lifestyle. I don't. My way isn't the only way to be- duh! Gay? Poly? Transgendered? Honestly... it's really not relevant to me, unless you bring it to my door and shove it in my face or use it to try and disrupt my life. My existence doesn't threaten you in any way, nor does yours threaten me. Please grow up and learn to deal with my non-enmity. In fact, if you can deal with the fact that I don't hate you, you can probably embrace the fact that I'm potentially an ally and we can do something together to make the world a better place.
I've been a doormat for a long time in the interest of keeping the peace, and out of a useless old social code. In doing so, I allowed a lot of ugly to flourish because I didn't feel I had the right to point it out when I saw it. I'm done with that part of my life, and done pandering to people who want to play me small and won't show me the same courtesies that I've shown them time and time again.
Sorry so long, but that was great to articulate! :)
Country: United States
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