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2 years ago today, I did not have spine. Correction, I did in fact have a spine, I just didn’t use it.
Emotionally. Abusive. Fucking. Relationship. Blahblahblah, those stories are all the same and always boring so I’ll spare you the details and skip to the part where I start kicking ass.
I recognized that I was nowhere near a mentally- or emotionally-well place, so, being in my senior year of high school and living with my mom, I asked her if our insurance covered therapy. She said yes. I said awesome.
So, I got me some of that. I had pretty much decided that, yeah, I was done with the shit. I was sick of hating myself, I was sick of being afraid of disapproval, I was sick of letting panic attacks hold me back, because when I was perfectly honest with myself I had to admit that I was really quite beautiful and incredibly brilliant and had a shit load of potential.
I went to cognitive behavioural therapy, I was brutally honest with myself, I wrote a shit load of really angry journal entries, and for 7 months I worked my emotionally-stunted little butt off because I didn’t want to be that crazy nut anymore.
And by the time I had graduated high school and was ready to head off to college I had discovered I did in fact have a spine, and I learned how to not only use it some of the time, not just the majority of the time, but all of the time.
Now, I’m pretty much a badass, going to a great university, scoring lead roles in plays, turning heads everywhere I go, and intimidating the dickheads by being too intelligent and generally awesome for them handle, and being friends with the worthwhile guys because I’m just not that interested in dating at the moment. And if they’re worthwhile friends, they’ll respect that.
I’m a Heartless Bitch because I’ve been there, sweetheart. And it sucks, I know. And I’ll empathize with you and give you advice and try to nudge you in the right direction so you don’t make the same mistakes I did, or repeat mistakes you’ve already experienced firsthand. But don’t give me that I’m-a-helpless-victim-of-a-cruel-cruel-world bull crap. Learn from your mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up for them, but at least try to recognize where you went wrong and don’t do it a-fucking-gain. Seek help if you need to, we all need help sometimes, but don’t, for the love of all that is holy, wallow in your own tiresome and trite self-pity. You have a spine, learn how to use it.
Country: United States
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