Daizy
I woke up six months ago and realized I had given up six years of my life for him. It was the same feeling you get when you walk out of the end of a stupid movie, not only did I give up two hours of my life, but I PAID someone to take them from me. I was a fucking cute 20 year old, valedictorian of my fucking class, in the honors college of a good university with a full ride scholarship. I was finally getting a chance to be myself after a lot of hard work. So what does an intelligent girl do...fucking gets married to the first guy who feeds her all the lines she has never heard before.
So six years and three kids later I realize my husband does not respect me. Why should he, I have spent the last few years becoming a former shell of myself trying to make him happy. Thankfully I was smart enough to finish my undergrad even though I change from chemistry to a fucking psychology degree so I could be a better stay at home mom.
Why the drive to be a stay at home mom? It had been pounded in my head from infancy that a women's place was to be a mother, and to avoid the work field unless single, divorced, or you HAVE to work after all motherhood was our highest calling. Thank you Christianity, where would women be without your guidance and direction?
I have told my husband there would be changes in our life and marriage, some days he is on board others not so much. I don't care anymore, and I don't feel like I have to beg for him to respect me. I am applying for a job, and law school. I know he feels like I am not keeping my "promises" to him, but he isn't the same person whom I made those promises to. I am allowed to grow and change. I plan on having my life on the path I want in one year. He can choose to follow or leave.
I realized after standing up to my MIL that you get respect from others, not by being nice by kissing their ass, but by establishing boundaries and consequences. The first time I stood up to her, she went ballistic, even drove three hours to come to my house to confront me. Too bad I was out living life it would have been interesting to have her arrested. I stopped allowing her to scapegoat and yell at me. It finally led up to an eight month cut off, but I did get an apology. Now she is kind, considerate, and extremely polite to me. All it took was me respecting myself enough to demand respect from another person.
In the six months I have started taking pride in myself and my appearance. I have researched what I want to do to become a lawyer and taken the steps to have it. I have told my husband my boundaries and what will happen if he doesn't respect them. I have actually developed a relationship based on respect with my MIL.
It was easy to just fall back and be dependent on my husband and others, but I was not happy. Yes I feel guilt over my children, what mother doesn't, but I want them to grow up with a healthy respect of women and their right to independence. I don't want my daughter sacrificing her life for anyone. I now demand the same respect I expect for my daughter, time to watch how that plays out.
Country: United States
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