Natalie
I'm a Heartless Bitch because I'm strong, intelligent and I stand or
fall by my own decisions. I have a very strong sense of personal
responsibility and I have no time for those with a victim complex.
I have the skill to make few avoidable mistakes, the wit to learn from the
ones I do make and the courage to apologise to those I inconvenience in the
process.
I am polyamorous. I have two partners, both of whom are aware of each
other and both of whom knew before the relationships began that this was
something I wanted. They are also free to have other relationships and one
has accepted that offer. Each relationship is negotiated (though that
sounds somewhat clinical) and everyone is aware of the rules/expectations.
This is evidence of me being a Heartless Bitch, not because of the polyamory
itself, but because I looked at the world, decided what worked best for me and
then made it work whilst treating everyone involved with respect and maintaining
my own integrity.
I was recently asked about the value that meant most to me. Lots of
people had answered with "inspiration", "love" or "honesty". I came up
with 'choice'. The phrase most designed to get my hackles up is "I didn't
have a choice". There are very, very few situations in which that is the
case and all of those are extremely serious violations. What most people
mean is 'I didn't have a choice I liked' or 'all the other choices had nasty
consequences'. You're more likely to hear me say "Given that I feel that X
is an unacceptable consequence, the only choice left to me is Y".
My aggressive emphasis on choice is particularly strong where alcohol is
concerned. I drink but I acknowledge that I have chosen to drink and,
therefore, I take responsibility for my behaviour whilst inebriated. "I
couldn't help it. I was drunk" will also get short shrift from
me.
I also aim high. I don't believe in doing anything else. My
academic field is neuroscience and I'm currently doing research for free in
addition to my full-time job to ensure I can get funding for a PHd from Oxford
University (or a DPhil, if you want to be precise). My aim is to be a
lecturer here. Yes, research and university teaching is a male dominated
sector. No, that's not a problem. I want to dedicate my life to a
career I believe in and find fulfilling. Gender is not a factor in
that.
I'm known as being 'scary' by friends, work colleagues and even my
boss. I don't get browbeaten. I stand up for what I believe
in. I don't push my beliefs down other people's throats but those who make
unacceptable or unsupportable statements around me often come to regret
it. Despite being scary, I'm also the person they turn to when
everything's gone wrong. My friends know that I'll make sure they have the
space and the resources to cope, provided they make the effort to learn.
Those asking me to help them learn to cope with a specific problem find an
invaluable resource. Those asking me to 'make it all go away' have to grow
up very fast.
I don't believe I conform to any major stereotype. I can leave the
house 10 mins after getting out of bed. I can clean out the carbs on my
own motorbike. I don't hate men. I don't want to be a man. I
like being me perfectly well. As I've said, I'm strong, independent,
highly intelligent with an iron will and rational approach to life. I know
what I want and I work hard to get there. I'm beholden to no-one but I
don't hurt others without good cause either. I will, however, expose
stupidity and lazy thinking wherever I find it. In short, I'm a Heartless
Bitch.
Country: United Kingdom
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