Supermouse
I like to look smart and well groomed. 'Pretty' doesn't come into it. I get angry when 'girly' gets used as an insult and call people on it. I call people on a lot of things and it doesn't make me popular when I make people defend what they say, when the underlying (or sometimes overlying) message is that women are, by nature, weak and inferior.
I'm annoyed at myself for bothering to try to conform even to your website, but I like what it says, about relationships and stereotypes.
My husband is my husband, not my hubby or DH. He's an adult male with all the rights and responsibilities thereof. If he pushes the first without paying attention to the last, he can walk.
Just now, I don't work and he keeps us both in funds. This isn't because of choice, it's because I am too ill to work. He does most of the housework as well, and I can do things he can't, so I do. Oddly, none of those things are because of my ovaries, and ovaries aren't a prerequisite to being able to use the washing machine, just as testicles are not considered useful by either of us for mending the car. Neither of us is slave to the other. We're together because we both want to be, not because we need to be. He doesn't get sex as a right. Nor do I. We're both thinking, feeling, human beings, after all. If you forget this, then I won't rip your heart out. It's a waste of time and effort. I'll just ignore you.
I like looking at pictures of cute fuzzy kittens and having flowers. Neither are a reflection on my womanliness. Men like cute fuzzy kittens too. If I want flowers, I can go and buy my own bloody flowers. If he wants to express his love, then a cup of tea is always appreciated and I hate 'romantic' dinners. I'd rather eat at the drive through and really talk, with the radio in the background. That's romantic, because we're both having a good time and we're relaxed doing it. Or we can go and drive over a mountain, that's good too. I make his bed because it gives him a warm fillip when he goes to bed. If I don't, there's no grief about my 'failure'. If there was, then we'd have a long, long talk and there would be an apology. This goes both ways. Nearly everything goes both ways, and those that are one-sided are because of preferences, not because of some gonad-given right.
Outside the home, I make intelligent conversation, when I can. Sometimes I will be quiet and listen, sometimes I will talk. I want to be able to do both of these things, not just one or the other. If I think I am right, I will argue my side. I expect you to argue yours. With, you know, logic and facts and some degree of coherence. It is not all about you. It is not all about me, either. Make a generalisation around me, and you had better be ready to back it up. I will not apologise for not being a mind reader. I will not apologise if I did something offensive and could not have known and was not told, and did not pick it up from obscure social cues that are obvious to you. I will apologise if I was told, and did it again anyway, because that's bad manners. My bad memory is no excuse for being offensive. Your bad communication might be.
I reserve the right to get bored when an argument gets circular. I reserve the right to change my mind in light of new information. I reserve the right to be treated with respect. I reserve all of these by standing up for them, because no one is magically going to do this for me. Anyone trying to speak for me had better be absolutely on the button.
Country: United Kingdom
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