Sarah
I've learned some lessons the hard way. I wasted my first year of college spending all my time with one of those self-described "victimized" men you talk about. He was four years older than me, and it all started because he made me feel sorry for him, making claims that if I didn't stay with him, he'd have no reason to live and he'd drive his car off a bridge. Unbelievably, it worked. (Believe me, I'm horrified, too.) He played the "woe-is-me" card very well, making it out that everyone else in his life was against him, even in school, and he desperately needed someone to show him love and affection, and the nurturer in me fell face-first for it.
For a while, he seemed nice enough, so I actually changed my whole life for him, to make him happy. I went to college near him and everything, far away from home. I sacrificed far more for him than he ever did for me. And what did I get? The more I knew about him, the more I saw he wasn't quite the tortured soul I thought he was. The guy turned out to be socially inept, perverted, obsessed with weird things like comic books... and on top of that, I realized I wasn't even attracted to him physically. Eventually he started revealing a nasty side, constantly calling me a "dumb blonde" and commenting on how fat my legs looked... weird things like that. My self-esteem actually plummeted for this man (and I use that term very loosely).
Towards the end, during an argument, he admitted that those comments that he'd made in the beginning, that he'd kill himself, were just to make me feel sorry for him. I was seething, naturally. One of the last straws, I think, was when he hit me, hard in the chest. Something deep inside me told me I definitely deserved better than this louse, but it took a while for me to actually wake up and see what a loser I was with, and I bravely dumped him all by myself the summer between freshman and sophomore year without giving any warning whatsoever.
It took a bad relationship for me to know what a healthy relationship is... and thankfully, I've found it. My fiancé and I are best friends. I've become pretty Heartless now, though -- I see my friends doing stupid things for whiney guys who are less than worthy, and it fucking angers me. One girl actually married one of these guys so she could live closer to him to make him feel loved, and all he wants to do is stay home all the time (i.e., never taking her anywhere, quite literally) and be treated like a baby. Unfortunately, she is still in denial, but I hope it hits her one day, as it did with me, that it just ISN'T WORTH IT to sacrifice yourself for a "victimized" guy.
I found this site about 2 years or so ago, a few days after breaking up with the ex-boyfriend I mentioned, and I've always wanted to join.
Country: United States of America
Yes! I want to read more from Real Life Heartless Bitches
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