Leslie
For most of my life, I've prided myself on being a cold-hearted woman (which, based on your web-site, I suspect is a sub-set of Heartless Bitch.) I have done my best to live my life by the two "R's"; Rationality and Responsibility.
Rationality - Since I REALLY don't enjoy traumas, accidents, harmful situations, losing, emotional turmoil and such, I find being rational is the way to go. Primarily because a rational viewpoint gives me the best chance to successfully predict, plan for and react to the world around me.
This seems self-evident but it constantly ASTONISHES me how many people out there base their expectations and reactions on what they "rilly, rilly," want. Instead of observing the world around them and making educated guesses as to its behavior. Lottery? Oh, my god! Marry your soul-mate and live happily ever after? Huuurrrkk!
This is NOT a Romantic Comedy, it's not TV, it's not a novel. Those things are FICTION. This is real life. Look around you. Run the numbers. Probability is a cold Bitch, but it's *far* better to be rational about a situation so you can make accurate, effective plans, than to wallow in the blind hope/faith that things will work out 'cause you really want them to or you "deserve it."
Duh!
Responsibility - I think that the key to responsibility is being able to differentiate between what one is responsible for and what one is *not* responsible for. Unfortunately a great many women of my age and background were trained to take responsibility for EVERYTHING *except!* -- god forbid -- their own reactions. To me, this is exactly bass-ackward.
Shit happens. Ocean liners hit icebergs, car accidents occur, the guy cheats on you. Sure, there *might* have been something you could've done to prevent it (depending on the level of prescience and omnipotence you wish to ascribe to yourself) but overall it's happened. It's done. Learn from the experience. Pick up the pieces. And MOVE ON! Because while there are a great many things in this world that one can't control, one can *always* control one's own reaction. And NO event is made *better* by panicking and finger-pointing. Not one.
However, if it *is* you causing (or inviting) the disasters, it's up to *you* to change. Not to blame your parents for a bad childhood, not to point at a 'genetic tendency' or even a real physical issue, not to blame the situation.
And in case it is needed, one of the best ways I've found to tell the difference between "shit happens" and disasters of one's own making is frequency. If one is involved in one bad relationship in ten years, then the guy was a jerk. If one is involved in four bad relationships in as many years -- honey, what are you doing to yourself?!? It's just that simple.
And note - challenges aren't disasters. When a challenge is responded to inappropriately, *that's* when you get a disaster. No one - but no one - leads a challenge-free life. Life is never fair and wishing for/demanding something else won't change that. (See the first "R": Rationality.) The ONLY two things that Life guarantees are that you will take up space and that you will die. The rest is up to you. Identify what's causing the disasters and ACT to change it.
And, puh-leeze!, whining, venting and complaining are NOT acting. One of my husband's favorite quotes is "Your right to swing your fist ends at my face." My corollary is "Your right to whine ends at my ear." The whole idea of 'venting' being healthy or 'active listening' makes my skin crawl. If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem. Asking for advice or help is fine. Asking for a little sympathy or some validation *while* seeking help is dicier, but still may be okay. Expecting me to waste my limited time on this earth by passively soaking up your complaints about how-unfair-it-is-that-you-can't-have-everything-you-want is not.
So.
May I say that whether or not you elect to add me to the Elite Sisterhood, I have truly enjoyed my exploration of the Heartless Bitches site and will continue to do so. Thanks for bringing a thought-provoking and wickedly funny time into my life.
Leslie
Country: United States of America
Yes! I want to read more from Real Life Heartless Bitches
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