- When we were first dating, my husband begged me to grow my hair long. So I caved and grew my hair out - ALL of it. I didn't shave my legs or my armpits for a year!

- A man tried to hug me at a social gathering and said, "What's wrong? Hugs are good!" I replied, "Yeah. So are boundaries."

- When I returned to work after maternity leave, management tried to get me to pump my breast milk in the women's room handicapped stall. I said, "I don't eat where I shit and neither does my daughter. Find me an empty office." And I got my office.

- Don't whine to me that you need "support" when your "issues" are "triggered". What am I, a kickstand?!

- Nothing gets me hotter than watching two heterosexual-looking men do each other!

- Once, someone suggested I should try beating pillows with my fists to "manage my anger". I asked, "Can't I just beat YOU with my fists instead?"

- When some survivor-type girl whines, "I know I made a mistake, but the important thing is that I don't beat myself up for it," I think to myself, "No! You should TOTALLY beat yourself up for it, loser!"

- I hate to even be in earshot of women's CONSTANT conversation about diets. The relentless pathos around weight loss is really boring. Sorry, but I don't get praise by skipping meals. I get it by having a LIFE - and maybe they should look into it, too!

Country: United States

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