Diane
I work managing a maze of low-income housing, employed by a contracted firm that preaches the gospel of affordable housing. Nice idea. Lousy tenants. Most of them are young women with children from an ex-boyfriend, insist they have an "order of protection," and within a week after move-in, the man they are afraid will come back, comes back. And moves in, under-the-table construction jobs and $29,500 pick up trucks in tow. And then the saga of evicting these stupid girls begins. Scamming the taxpayer is not something I tolerate for more than 12 minutes. What I would like to say to these young women is simple: "You're stupid, go back to school, get a real job, and stop getting pregnant on the fifth date."
I'm 47 years old and a survivor -- a loud mouthed, cocky survivor -- of an abuser husband. The myth of the "battered wife" is that of a meek, charming, nice girl who has to hire a therapist once 42 social service workers helped her leave the abuser. In my case, I suppose I annoyed all those social workers. I kicked his ass out of the house and I didn't care that all his 4,000 friends and his entire family of dysfunctional siblings couldn't believe I dumped such a "great guy." The less-than-subtle truth about abusers is all over the internet -- for 10 years, at least. It's not as if people can't read a few articles and learn that abusers are usually charming, "shirt-off-my-back" guys at Happy Hours across the city. I'm living with my three interesting, fascinating, intelligent children now in a calm, peaceful, stimulating home, and offloading an abuser has me liking men again. The bottom line is that most men are not abusers. I think I like rattling the cage and showing people that "domestic violence victims" can -- if they WANT TO -- ditch an abuser and not let fear lead them by the nose after they do it. I'm okay. He wasn't. And the men I meet now at work and elsewhere prove to me that, while often annoying, they aren't him. It's wonderful proving people wrong.
I've traveled to six countries--not on tour buses and I don't do hotels--and return to the United States each time appreciating that in our young, rowdy, less-than-cultured culture, we can be real broads. Hell, German men are still upset that women can vote. But their apartments are spotless.
I live in the boondocks of central New York State, and was born in New Jersey. Do the math on that. You couldn't bribe me with gold futures to move back to Jersey. Nice to visit before rush hour, but not my lifestyle. Where I live, I can take my perfect dog, a female Labrador who detects house fires two miles away at 4:00 a.m., and watch her work the trail. Therapy is outdoors.
I returned to college last semester to finish my History degree, interrupted in 1980. I like being the old mama in the classroom. More than a few of the young men in my classes ask me why girls they liked dumped them. Oh, the power.
My goal is to see my kids through college -- my oldest son is a sophomore taking 927 math courses, eee gads too smart -- and then move to New Zealand to paint ranches for a year. Just because, no need to explain that to anyone.
I also think I look better now than I ever did at 27. I know why I think that. I've been separated from "the idiot" for 14 months (in New York State, YOU try to get a quick divorce), and two months ago a 57-year old man began to flirt with me. He's crusty, loves to cook homemade pasta sauce, and we have a dirty-joke contest ongoing for weeks now. Once he realized he could flirt, and not do more, we became instant friends. I plan on making more male friends. I have no interest in a new partner or husband. Making it clear to decent, smart men that they are not the enemy is liberating.
I have a 14 year old daughter as my middle child. I remind her (and her brothers) that she was the biggest of the three when born, by a full pound. She creates animation panels that are professional grade. Her father thinks she's weird. I didn't have "teenage" problems with my 19-year old son. I'm not having "teenage problems" with my daughter now, either. HELLOOOOO?
Attention, parents! YOUR CHILDREN ARE INTERESTING! ENJOY THAT! SCREW THE DISHES AND VACUUM TOMMORROW! They teach you. They show you a new world. And I am still busting their chops that they didn't know Bono was already famous in 1984.
Country: United States
Yes! I want to read more from Real Life Heartless Bitches
|
