Ann
Gal Pal Yvonne and I were running errands downtown in her car this morning. She spotted a female acquaintance of hers, pulled over, and introduced said acquaintance to me. Yvonne asked the woman I now knew as Sharon: "Are you still a member of the Elks Club?" Sharon replied: "Oh, only the men can be Elks -- we girls are called The Does and we're allowed in only to help the men. My husband and I [blah blah sexist shit blah blah more sexist shit]..."
Batting her baby blues in perfectly-feigned innocence, Yvonne then asked Sharon: "Could Ann and I join the Elks?" Sharon swelled with indignation and tartly spat: "No, of course not! You two are single women! You have to be married; your husband has to be an Elk in good standing [blah blah sexist shit blah blah more sexist shit] ..."
The sarcasm dripped from my lips as I grinned my widest Cheshire Cat grin and sweetly tweeted: "Well, it looks like I'll just have to start growing a penis." Sharon's 60's-era bouffant quivered with suppressed rage as she began to sputter something that I interrupted by smacking Gal Pal on the arm and loudly announcing: "Oh my stars and garters, Yvonne! We have to run home and change our calendar! We've got the wrong year on there -- it's really 1906, not 2006!"
Sharon turned on her heel without saying bye-bye and huffed away down the sidewalk (doubtlessly en route to do the clubhouse maintenance/cleaning shitwork so the "real members" can sit on their entitled arses and drink themselves into mid-day stupors at leisure).
Yvonne and I exchanged a triumphant high-five, and pronounced ourselves once again Most Excellent Bitches For the Cause. That's our M.O.: Yvonne does the set-ups and I lower the booms -- on male, female, or otherwise alike. Wherever we smell bullshit, we're right there with our verbal can of air freshener called "Cut the Crap, Asshole!" Yvonne isn't into using her computer for anything besides her accounting practice, but I'm retired now and am itching to celebrate my glorious Cronehood years by hitting the 'Net with some full-tilt Bitchin'n'Witchery. Thus have I submitted this application to make my goal official via your most worthy and worth-joining organization.
Country: United States
Yes! I want to read more from Real Life Heartless Bitches
| 
