Stephanie
First, I want to apologize, in advance, for any mistakes in this 'essay'. I had brain surgery a few months ago which has left me with a new lease (and view) on life, but with a few deficits. Sometimes, I will mix words or my sentence won't make sense. I will read through this and try to prevent as much of that as possible.
That surgery is what brings me to who I am today. Whether the clarity I feel is from some false post-operative effects or actual changes will be told in time. However, the last year had forced me to look at life and myself.
I have to admit, I looked at this site before. I laughed in amusement and took it as validation to be the actual angry Bitch I was being. I was trying to act Heartless and cold. In reality I was insecure and unsure. I think I completely missed the mark of confidence and self awareness this site seems to celebrate. Women are called Bitches when they put themselves and their well-being as an important priority. Being an actual Bitch only serves to feed societies negative opinion on strong, independent women. In losing some independence, I have learn that it is not defined by insulting or degrading behavior that women seem to use as some shield against their loss of confidence. When you put on fake airs about how strong and Bitchy (mean) you are, it becomes a constant battle of (male run) society pushing back on our bad behavior. To some, it only serves to prove their negative opinions on independent women.
Being in total control doesn't entail to conforming to some rule or image. We are guilty of conforming when we take on society's ideal of us as well as the rebel some Bitches are trying to be. It's in our strength, our honesty, our integrity and in really living our lives we become in control of ourselves.
I was smacked into reality in a way a lot of people don't get (nor shouldn't, admittedly) get to experience. I lost all control. I thought I was going to lose my very life. In looking at the loss of that, you tend to look at who you ARE. I don't need to convince anyone of my independence or self-confidence. When you are trying to prove it you probably don't have it. I have a new lease on life. In having that, I have given up trying to prove myself to anyone. I have given up trying to conform, or not, to anyone's idea of who I should be. I love my child. I love my husband. I love life. I have stopped trying to please others and have begun to live it. Ironically, in facing death, I am more alive than I was before - because when you try to be someone, you miss who you are. I had to lose control to find it.
Country: United States of America
Yes! I want to read more from Real Life Heartless Bitches
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