Altaira
Dear Heartless Bitch,
Here is a list of reasons why I make a wonderful Heartless Bitch.
1. Shark attack
I use a powered wheelchair for mobility. Just the other day, as I was getting off the bus, someone said "the wheelchair's getting off". I replied that it's driver wasn't even breathing hard.
In similar circumstances, I'm often asked by children "What happened to you?" . If they seem genuinely curious, and well mannered, I'll explain that in fact, nothing happened, but that I have a disability caused by my mother's uterine condition. If they ask in a shadenfreuder, or sassy manner, I tell them it was a shark attack, or a condition caused by trying to quit Starbucks cold-turkey. (Bitchy, I know, but oh so fun! And maybe this will help them to realize one day that to get a useful answer they have to ask a useful question.)
2. Think before you speak
I verbally Bitch slap at least two people a day for speaking without thinking. I am not indiscriminate about this though, I only dish it to those with some potential to improve. Often though, I don't need to say a thing, as I have well trained eyebrows. Last night, my new friend Jackie started to attempt to complement me on "how well I manage". She had barely a sentence out when my expressive eyebrow sent her into a stutter. "Darling, I'm not skewering you because I like you", I said. "But you only get one freebie." I challenged her to a cherry stem tongue tying contest, which I won hands down(Not being able to use your hands has hidden advantages). Honestly, I don't mind being complemented on how well I have adapted to my disability, but I do mind totally cliché, ill-considered compliments. Tell me why what I'm doing is interesting, not how I surpassed your unexamined expectations.
3. You've got - issues
I divorced my ex-husband because he put AOL on my computer after I specifically asked him not to. To some, this might sound unreasonable, but obviously other problems had led up to this point. However, that really was the last straw for me. As a programmer, I am Very attached to the well being of my computer, and AOL is one virulent program. It was impossible to fully remove it from a Win 98 system. Since then, I have upgraded to a multi-kernel system, and several excellent lovers.
4. WILPF vs. HBI
I never try to change people's assumptions. I will challenge them, but I don't waste my time proving anything to anyone, with the exception of scientific theories, and systems analysis.
It's actually chapping my ass a bit to write this. I know that you can't accept everyone, but the mental process of formulating how to prove my Heartless Bitchiness is starting to feel like a sorority rush application. On that note, let me tell you why I want to be a card-carrying member of HBI. A few years ago, in reaction to our eminent bombing of Iraq, I joined Women's International League for Peace and Freedom. I worked my hiney off organizing antiwar rallies, fundraisers, and meetings. After an embarrassingly long time, I realized that this, and many other leftist organizations, served only as a psychological salve to white liberals. The organization made no attempt to work on concrete issues, and my own volunteerism for the local homeless population was actually met with disdain. After nearly a year of maintaining my WILPF membership in name only, I have decided to quit, and write them a letter explaining why. I believe they deserve to understand why I am quitting, after having been such an active member. However, this will not be easy for me, and I would love to say to myself, "I may have quit Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, but I've joined Heartless Bitches International".
5. Bitch on wheels
I came across this website while Googling "Bitch on Wheels". I plan to dress as a female dog for Halloween, and wanted to research common usage of the term.
Thanks!
Altaira
Country: United States of America
Yes! I want to read more from Real Life Heartless Bitches
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