Things that bug me:
The amazing lack of self responsibility.
My daughter is three and very verbal. Her father and I have always
talked English to her, so she
now speaks English. Sure, alter your tone of voice and the pitch of
your voice to capture a baby or young child's attention, but don't
use baby talk - or don't be surprised when no one can understand her
when she attempts to communicate.
I'll smile if I feel like it, not because you tell me to.
Along the same lines, don't expect me to get hysterically excited
when I get good news. If I say, "That's great!" then I am excited.
I'm not going to jump up and down and have conniptions to convince you.
I'm a witch. Really. No, not a Satanist. My religion isn't based on
the Judeo-Christian mythos.
I'm a pagan. In both the dictionary and philosophical sense of the word.
And if it scares you, you're reading the wrong books. Ask me about it
and I'll answer your questions. I won't try to convert you to my
religion. Please extend me the same courtesy.
No, I'm not kidding when I say size doesn't matter. I prefer to make
love to the whole person. Believe
it or not, penises are not the measure of a man.
I've never understood the concept that "married" means
"joined at the hip." We're partners, OK? We
don't have to breathe each other's air all the time in order to
remember that we have a partnership. He's great company, but so
are other people. I've got my list of things to do, he's got his,
and we hook up later and talk about the interesting parts of the day.
The neighbors who won't let their 4-year-old boy in our house
because I have a very tame snake in a
very secure cage that I don't allow young children anywhere near.
They don't like snakes, and they want to be sure to pass that phobia
down to the next generation.
And the neighbors who think that because I go out on Saturdays
with two male friends that I must be a)
a swinger, b) a nymphomaniac, or c) cheating. C'mon, my husband
walks out to the car with us, we talk about where we're going,
and I kiss him and my daughter before I leave. Does that sound
immoral to you? We're going to a movie, fer crying out loud!
And for that matter, what difference does it make to your life
what I do? I'll live the way I like. Deal with it.
Doctors that tell me I'm overweight and should go on a diet.
I have a damn mirror, I know what I look
like. I threw the scale away for a reason. Treat the cough I came
in for, don't give me diet lectures. The diets have a 98% failure
rate anyway. And a diet won't fix the cough that you've chosen to ignore.
Yes! I want to read more from Real Life Heartless Bitches
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