Leo: Profile of a Heartless Bitch
I had no idea there were other fine
women who shared my views and beliefs. I am so surrounded by whining and
weakness. I am strong and evil, and I take perverse delight in the
belittlement of pathetic men. I am a professional and I just cannot turn
it off. I am an engineer and I work with mostly men, pretty much to prove
to them that I am frighteningly superior to them in every conceivable
way. I knickname them, like pets.
I have a list rotten things that I say to them, I mostly just think
them up on the fly, however I do like:
- "Looks like a penis, only smaller"
- "If you were the last man on Earth, I could not guarantee the
propagation of the human race"
- "Obviously his wife dresses him"
- "Shut the fuck up before I snap your neck like a fucking twig"
- "Go ahead and read it-- I'll help you with the big words"
I hate many things, including:
- Michael Bolton and all weak-assed, lovesick, vomit-inducing songs that
others warble
- Stupid-ass "women's" magazines that tell you in one breath how great and
strong we are and then give helpful hints on "keeping your man"
- Date-movies
- Those midriff-wearing "Friends" bitches and all those scrawny, cappucino
swilling GenX bitches like them, that really dig Hootie
- Country music
- Puffed-up, tanned, empty-headed, muscle-head guys
- Turtlenecks on guys
- Guys that look better than me
- Cheating, lying scum
Things I really like:
- My hair, I will never cut it. It is a fantastic mane, and it is wild and
gives me power
- Henry Rollins ( a real MAN )
- Espresso
- Coca-Cola
- Good music, as deemed so by me... what ever strikes me anything from
'40's big band to Beastie Boys to the Cure to Toadies
- Being smarter and cooler than everyone else I know (at least in my head)
- Black clothes
- Al Pacino, Robert Deniro, Rosanne, Space Ghost
- My red convertible
- My son (who will be brought up to be a real good MAN)
- Women of execeptional character and strength ( I only really get to be
around a few...My friends Liz and Rachel, and their mom, Tawny; my fine
grandmother, Lenore; my best friend, Carol; and a fine woman I work
with, Deborah)
As a member of Heartless Bitches, I will continue my
onslaught on the weak and ignorant.
Respectfully submitted,
-Leo
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