Despite our best efforts to dissuade you, many of you have still decided to write to us with your problems, complaints and crises of the moment. We don't have a trained therapist on staff, and this isn't "Dear F*ckin' Abbey", but we DO have Bonnie, who has graciously volunteered her time and heartless perspectives in order to minister to (or macerate) the misguided, with "Dear Fuckin' Bon..."

April 15, 2001

Dear Fuckin' Bon...

I recently began dating a very attractive co-worker who I've known at the office for almost two years. I don't know if she's an official Heartless Bitch, but I first learned about your web site from her.

Anyway, we definitely click and I'm crazy about her. But there's a catch: She says that before we can progress to a physical relationship, I will need to buy and wear this male chastity contraption which she gave me pretty detailed info about (where to buy and how it works, etc. The manufacturer even has a web site at (site not published for various reasons).

She also wants me to give her the keys. All the keys. She says she wants to be sure I can be true to her and she "won't tolerate a guy who plays with himself". She also says she can improve me. What do you think?

Sincerely,

Eric (last initial)

Dear Eric,

More important than what I think is what do YOU think? How well do you really know this woman? Do you want to give up control of your own sex life? (I thought the description in the site was fairly histrionic. I *don't* think that normal men ignore their lovers because they're masturbating 2 or 3 or more times a day. Do YOU agree with it?) Do you think that even occasional masturbation is a bad thing? And finally, do you feel you need or want her to "improve you"?

If she (and you) enjoy HBI, and really get what it's about, you both know that it's about personal responsibility and control of one's own self, not control of anyone else in one's life. That said, if this is a game or a lifestyle choice that you're both into, I say go for it and have fun. If you really don't know what you think about it, maybe someone else *should* be in control of your dick. If you think it's too controlling or just plain too MUCH (and the only sense I get of that is that you wrote me about it at all. You don't express any alarm or displeasure.) then obviously you should do some serious thinking and some serious talking before you hand over the keys and control of both your dick and your sex life.

choose wisely, and feel free to update me on whether you permanently assign your co-worker as your personal designated driver.

bon