Despite our best efforts to dissuade you, many of you have still decided to write to us with your problems, complaints and crises of the moment. We don't have a trained therapist on staff, and this isn't "Dear F*ckin' Abbey", but we DO have Bonnie, who has graciously volunteered her time and heartless perspectives in order to minister to (or macerate) the misguided, with "Dear Fuckin' Bon..."

March 26, 2002

One more time, brothers and sisters, dweebs and MMs. If you're going to write to dfb and ask about *someone else's* rant, try to at least show the intelligence of crediting them, and don't go off on me as though I wrote everything on the site. Try this for old dfb, willya?

I enjoyed reading your article about the typical nice guy. However, authors like yourself fail to reflect on the many aspects of the "nice guy." I consider myself a nice guy because people will tell me that to my face. I kind of like it because they say it respectfully. Women like me because I am intelligent and friendly at the same time, but only as a friend. However, I dont resemble your definition of a nice guy at all.

Sure you do. You are the quintessential nice guy, soooo intelligent and "friendly" while you're really just looking for the formula to manipulate. It's classic that you think only jerks with "cheesy ass pick up lines" get laid, let alone that "getting laid" appears to be your major goal.

I would say I am more of a chill guy, which means I like to have a good time but fail at getting laid. This brings up lame pick up lines. Why do women always fall for the assholes that come up with cheesy ass pick up lines.

Not all do. What, did you follow all these people to their bedrooms, or do you just believe everything your bragging buddies tell you? Why are you so focussed on jerk guys, pick-up lines, and the women who may or may not be falling for them, anyway? Why? Because you're not very nice at all, you just want to "get some".

These women are not my type. My type of woman would come up to me and say a friendly word or so. So maybe its not all on the nice guy shoulder, it can also be put on women who dont know what they want in a dude.

Tis the season for sour grapes. Are you *really* only around women who aren't your type (because we all know you're not getting any) or do you just think that you're superior to all the women around you? This may be part of you're problem, oh Mr. coolest-of-all.

Additionally, all you've been talking about is women who *aren't* "your type" (heaven help anyone who you consider to be good enough), so I think before you tantrum that women don't know what they want, you should consider what YOU may really want. Oh, that's right, you wanna get laid. In one breath you're claiming that women say respectfully to your face that you're a nice guy and you like that, and in the next you say that YOUR type of woman would say a friendly word. What, a compliment of your personality isn't "friendly" enough for you?! It never happened, did it?

I wish you'd gather up the balls (try a golf course) to just admit that all you really want is to get laid, and consider why that's not happening, instead of blaming your own niceness or the women. (classic manipulative nice-guy behavior again)

I know that I am a nice guy and not a Loser and yet women seem to be intimidated by me.

This I find VERY doubtful.

In fact, I think i am pretty damn cool, possibly the coolest. I would say I am a handsome man with an incredible intellect and a good sense of humor. These are the qualities that can get you far in life and in bed yet women still like to look at me as their friend rather than a sex slave. ???

Do you come off to these poor women as (YOU) thinking you're all this coolest, handsome, incredibleness? They aren't intimidated, they think you're self-absorbed (true), conceited (very true), and pompous as hell. And there again is your real goal (getting far in bed) showing clearly through the "nice guy" facade. You think most women don't read that in so-called nice guys? Desperate as hell is just not a flavor most women appreciate, and you clearly don't have any sense of humor at all about your shortcomings.

I hope next time a nice guy article is written, you can take into account

Oop, another classic nice-guy/manipulator lead in. WE should take into account, women! It's on US to tell them exactly what to do to reach their goal. (Hey, Flintstone, maybe the overriding glare of your *goal* is a lot of the problem). You don't have ANY women friends, do you?

that not all nice guys are whimps and pencil pushers who want to lather their special lady in flowers and candles 24\7.

You manipulative little stinker, you. Who doesn't like the *occasional* romantic gesture? You really don't get that it isn't a scorecard, do you? Flowers and candles can be a lovely gesture of affection if the woman you care for likes that kind of thing (but you don't care about what she wants anyway, you just wanna get her in the sack) but it doesn't give you some kind of points towards an obligatory fuck, you know. GET A CLUE.

about those nice guys who are athletic, intelligent, handsome, outgoing and respectful.

Some are members here, others write in non-whiney fan male (see the Male-Bag section on those who get it), and remarkably enough MOST take responsibility for their own sex lives, and don't blame all them women for "locking up that access" (*snort*).
(by the way, neener neener neener.)

Tell me if this is strange also, the ladies that are a lot older than me dig me a lot more than college girls. WHATS UP WITH THAT? Not that I dont mind having a hot mom hit on me, its just that I would rather hook up with someone a little more my age.

If this is true, and I'm willing to bet you're exaggerating, it could be that she just played the game better than you do, or could see that you weren't "real" relationship material, or maybe she was just lonely. But I thought you were whinging that you can't GET laid, so I'm guessing that maybe one older woman showed some brief interest in you. Were you at a bar at the time?

Look, you are *either* having problems with your relationships (not that you mention being interested in anything so ... so ... MATURE as that) or you're wonderful and just the coolest. You can't have it both ways, and you go pretty far overboard with the "I'm so great" chant. I think you need to realize that you're coming across like a giant walking hard-on looking for the proverbial knothole. That's where your problem is in terms of not scoring. Dildos just aren't as annoying as you must be.

Thanks for reading my rant, but I have one question I want you to answer. How can I become irresistable to women without losing my respect for them? You're the coolest.
-WIGGLER

I don't think you have much respect for women that you can lose. I certainly don't think that if you were suddenly up to your elbows in willing women that you would develop any. Further, I think that self-respecting and interesting women are going to find you very resistable indeed, because it's hard to respect a desperate "nice guy" whose major goal is to score. (ick) You know perfectly well that very nice not-necessarily-gorgeous men who are calm and confident and aren't always clutching for women's breasts and crotches (figuratively. I guess I better spell this out for you, because either your bulb is dim or you're just using some manipulative phrasing and quoting) often "get" the girl. Maybe because they recognize her as a person and are interested in HER, not just *being* such a nice guy to try to "get" the everlasting lay.

My advice? Grow up.
Bon