Despite our best efforts to dissuade you, many of you have still decided to write to us with your problems, complaints and crises of the moment. We don't have a trained therapist on staff, and this isn't "Dear F*ckin' Abbey", but we DO have Bonnie, who has graciously volunteered her time and heartless perspectives in order to minister to (or macerate) the misguided, with "Dear Fuckin' Bon..."

April 28, 2002

Normally I wouldn't waste my time writing such 'flame' messages, but something about reading the nice guys section really made be both laugh and grow very interested in the person who wrote this. Like any such work, it tells a great deal more about the writer then the subject. Just as this will speak more about me then what I intend it to say.

Well, you're right about that, this speaks volumes about you. I've mentioned this frequently, but I think it's so fascinating that people who write to whinge about a concept or article here seem constitutionally unable to understand that while there may be several contributors who have written more than one of the rants/articles, the vast majority were written by different people. Thus if you write whinging to the Supreme Bitch, or to me or to JadeSyren, more times than not you're *arguing* with us about something we didn't personally write.

Now I'm going to just skip the needless introduction because clearly by reading these letters you should be perceptive enough for me to not bore you further. I'm writing to inform whomever reads this of the following:

The "Nice Guys" = Bleah! Article is missing something critically important.

See what I mean? The Nice Guys = Bleah! is a collection of quite a few articles, which were written by many different people.

I'm so unsurprised that you miss the POINTs in those articles. We don't need clingy, whiny, manipulative (and your writing the way you do shows why that hit YOUR buttons) guys (or women) who don't take responsibility for themselves. This does not mean we are looking for hells angels, you dweeb. You need to go back and re-read and try to get the point through that thick old skull of yours.

Lets talk about consequences 'Bon', if that is what I must call you, consequences of the choices we foolish mortals make all too often.

Yup, I can see why you're having a problem, you start off condescending and manipulating with a big bang. Whether "bon" is my real name or just my column name, clearly you should manage to call me that. Putting it in quotations doesn't do a thing for YOUR credibility. And while I'm sure you wanted to sound contemptuous, you merely come off as aggressively stupid.

Lets start with RAPE, an ever popular topic, as certainly it seems to be more commonly conducted by the exciting and dangerous youth verses the average 'Nice Guy.'

Amazingly manipulative. Having a little difficulty with your polarity glasses, or what? Better have that prescription checked, and soon. You not only totally missed the point of the nice guy articles, but you are now implying that anyone who isn't manipulative, needy or clingy is "dangerous" and you're painting them as more likely to rape. Your beliefs are scary, buddyboy, and I wonder what *that* says about YOU and your difficulty with women.

Have ever seen a violent rape Bon?

I bet you have. I bet you've rented rape-porn more than once. You seem to think YOU are a big expert on rape. I think your obsession with it is quite creepy, especially since you're using it to defend manipulators and needy whiners. Additionally, the manipulative tactic of trying to put the question to me the way you do here is classic. What kind of a "challenge" are you trying to make? Even if I wasn't calling you on the tactic, I'm still willing to bet I've done more research on the psychology of both sex and rape than you have. *Your* dichotomy of "nice guy" vs. "evil rapist" is wrong, inflammatory, and just stupid.

Certainly not one of the things most young women expect out of an evening, and somehow I doubt it is what they have in mind when they think of a little excitement. No, I didn't mention this topic simply to imply that every interesting, sexy, confidant, or otherwise alluring male is out to have his way with every women he meets.

Certainly not a healthy thing for a young man to be obsessing about. More condescending as well as manipulation. This is a sneaky little way of blaming women somehow for rapes. Further you don't "imply" that interesting, sexy, confident (how fascinating that you see this as the "opposite" of "nice guy". You're confusing YOURSELF now), you come right out and SAY that "nice guys" are at least less likely to rape. And it's a faulty premise. Men who rape present in very different ways. Some are "dangerous" and bullying, and others seem very nice indeed until they have a woman in a vulnerable position. I would suggest you do more research, but in light of your unhealthy view of women and rape, I hope that you try to deal with your own issues rather than continuing your creepy obsession.

(Most have enough fun without much effort anyway) I started with this because it is a good example of the increased risk that goes along with such ideas expressed under persona in "Nice Guys."

More evidence that you completely missed the point, and you're mixing up your stereotypes now. The so-called "nice guys" are the ones always whining that women don't put out for "nice guys". The last part of the sentence doesn't even make sense. "Nice guys" are all about blaming the women, just like YOU. And I think your ideology is not just misguided and incorrect but seriously whacked. You have major power and sexuality issues, and I recommend that you get some help with it.

I suspect few people realize just how more likely the odds become. There are far worse things out there then rape (subject to argumentation) that I could mention, but this serves the point just as well.

Yup, there it is again. If we don't like needy manipulative wimps, WE are making it more likely that we're going to get raped. Classic nice-guy-itis with major underlying misogyny. The underlying indirect premise would be that we had damn well better put out to manipulative little whiners like you or *gasp* "we're asking for it."
You are a sad strange little man.

Now contrary to what I have probably sounded like just now, I have been called a compassionate man by the majority of the people that know me. That being said, I am not one to waste my affections upon such 'psychic vampires' as come in both male and female varieties.

(*gasp* Did he actually get ONE of the POINTS?)

Truly, some people should look first to themselves for the causes of their difficulties and I am far from an exception to this line of reasoning.

I love people who do something and then say that they aren't going to/didn't/wouldn't do it. Your whole letter is a big whiny exception to that line of reasoning. YOU'RE blaming the WOMEN rather than having the "nice guys" take responsibility for themselves.

All this being said, I have witnessed both sides of the fence ( so to speak) and I feel the article greatly lacks perspective as it is clouded in emotional bitterness towards the Nice guy personality. I can tell you from personal experience that much of the things spoken are probably approaching the honest truth, but there are many angles to an issue and clearly the afflicted do deserve some defense more than what was given. It seems to me, having suffered the yoke of attraction by the same personified women silently idolized by the speaker, that I am as good a candidate as any to take up their side. I challenge you 'Bon' or whomever wishes to defend this flawed construct. Try telling it like it REALLY is. That is if any of you don't lack the courage of your conviction can handle someone who has seen what happens to the followers of this flawed ideal first hand.

(Look at the manipulative technique he uses above, people. He starts out with talking about angles and issues = confusion. He says he's going to "take up their side" though he hadn't yet and doesn't subsequently, and then demands that we rework the information based on HIS looney ideas. Talk about flawed, the man is essentially stomping his foot and saying "No, no! Write what *I* want you to say")

By the way, buddyboy, you've seen both sides of WHAT fence, being a nice guy and also a rapist? You demonstrate your argument to be invalid the more you talk. What you're not saying directly is that YOU think you're a nice guy, (and you certainly are a manipulator) and you're dressing up all the frustration and anger (YOURS) in intellectualized double-talk, but the bottom line is that you're saying if we women don't like and put out for "nice guys" like you that we are asking to be raped and it's our own fault. And that is telling it like it really is about YOU. Further, if YOU don't like the nice guy rants, it's YOUR job to refute them. All you're doing here is tantrumming that you didn't like the characterizations that you RELATED to.

I'm willing to bet that often enough the same pathetic guy that foolishly adores you might just be the only one that meets your arrogant ass that would. I say compassion is a merit, and the strongest of wills often have it in tragically short supply. Each of you should think very carefully before crushing their fragile egos so quickly. Or would you rather end up like this recent case?

What a drama queen you are. Transparent and pathetic. (also more than a little bit incoherent.)

The last one of your philosophy found her man quite exciting up and to the point where he impregnated her, drugged her up, and lit the room of her party house aflame. Oh I thought it was damn funny waking up the next morning to learn that the same whiny, unpopular little emotional whipping boy we all treated like shit was the only one to pull her, her drunken boyfriend and my lover out of there all by himself. Sufficient to say, perhaps you could use a little rethinking. Or at least, don't allow your own emotions to so overpower your thought. After all, I sure sounded clearer and more logical before I started rambling about this little incident didn't I? Think about it.

No, in fact "clearer and more logical" were never part of this pathetic missive. You should take your OWN advice. Since I doubt you will, here's mine:

First, you clearly don't comprehend "our philosophy" so I'm doubtful that your "example" would be a Heartless Bitch. We aren't that common, and I'm doubtful there are any hanging out with you, not with your hairy sexual issues.

Second, this whole ridiculous premise of yours is flawed. Some rapists/assholes appear very "nice" or sophisticated or whatever, you're just setting up as opposites two things that AREN'T. I don't have any hope of you comprehending it since you're so invested in defending dweebs, but saying we don't like clingy whiny manipulators like YOU doesn't automatically mean we go for non-communicative "dangerous" "bad-boy" types either. "Taking responsibility" hardly means "being an asshole," now does it? Besides, you're a "nice guy," and YOU'RE being an asshole here, so there you go. There are more than two "types" of men, ya dweeb.

(Oh, why am I bothering?)
bon