And the honorary Heartless Bitch of the week award goes to….

September 29, 2008 | Filed Under Politics, The Heartless Bitch Way | 2 Comments

Heather Malik, for her heartlessly scathing article on Sarah Palin, and her refusal to apologize for her opinion piece originally published and then yanked by the CBC. Other (male) journalists have said as much or worse, and not gotten the same backlash. Yes, it was hyperbolic. Yes, some of it was over the top, but much of it was dead on the money as far as I am concerned, and the CBC editors are a bunch of spineless wimps. A huge heartless raspberry to the CBC for apologizing for, and pulling the piece.  It was *opinion*. So much for free speech. 

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The foolish things we do for fun…

September 29, 2008 | Filed Under Lifestyles of the Heartlessly Bitchy, Random Silliness, Work | 1 Comment

Our CEO has this philosophy of encouraging people to stretch their limits – to try things they have never done before.  So when our corporate “fun day” options came up, I chose paintball over the other 4 activities offered.  Though I love laserquest, I’d never gone paintballing before because I bruise really easily, I’m just not into sharp nasty pain, and I’ve heard it really HURTS.  But my whole team was going, so I figured I’d face my fear of paintball head-on (so to speak) – and in the end  that’s where I took most of my killshots – in the facemask.

The night before, I asked the youngest spawn what I should do to prepare since both he and his older brother were avid paintballers in their teens.  He looked at me and said, “Do you have a winter vest?”
I replied “Yeah. Well, it’s kind of a fall vest…”
“And do you have a neckwarmer of some kind?”
I said, “Yep.”
“And gloves?”
“I have some old leather ones I can sacrifice.”
He looked at me gravely, “Good. Wear all that, and then pick out the baggiest set of coveralls there – because you’re gonna need them  – you bruise like a PEACH mom.”

Graphically descriptive, but very true.

I wore the vest, the neck protection, knee-high cross-country ski socks, jeans, the most padded bra I could find, my “batten-down-the-hatches” tank top from kick-boxing, and a long-sleeved jeans shirt. I took cheapo fall leather gloves, and then picked out that baggy set of coveralls.  They provide you with a mask and goggles, but in future, I’ll bring my own goggles – the ones there were scratched and terrible. I could hardly see a thing, fogging up aside.

They said I looked like the Michelin Man, and I suffered innumerable taunts, but I didn’t care. It was worth it to leave with my body relatively bruise-free.

I didn’t feel a single shot except one on my hand that didn’t break (thank god for the gloves – I can’t imagine how much it would have hurt if my hands were bare) and one that somehow came through the mask and left me with a mouthful of paint and a bit of a red mark above my lip that lasted a day.  I thank my lucky stars, considering that one guy left the field with 35 welts on his body.  One had a huge lump on the top of his head.  Except for the real hard-core paintballers, almost everyone else had multiple battle bruises.

The thing IS, it didn’t feel like the same adrenaline rush you get with LaserQuest (which I love) – my heart wasn’t pounding at the end of each game, and I wasn’t breathless.  You don’t do nearly as much running around – it’s mostly crouching, hiding and scurrying from cover to cover. But I felt kinda shaky after the 5th game and was glad it was over and lunch had arrived. 

That being said, it’s now brutally clear that the adrenaline WAS flowing and really masks a world ‘o hurt.  The next morning I was in AGONY.  I had two bruises on my thighs that spontaneously appeared, (I don’t recall being shot in the legs), and every fucking muscle in my body was screaming. I thought my shoulders were going to seize. I had to use my arms to lower myself down onto the toilet because my quads were too weak and shaky.  Going down stairs was torture.  The bf thought it was hilarious. He giggled at my every whimper, the bastard.

All I can say is, thank god I have a hot tub.

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Brilliant…

September 19, 2008 | Filed Under Politics, The Heartless Bitch Way | 3 Comments

 

SNL’s spoof on Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/13/tina-fey-as-sarah-palin-o_n_126249.html

“In conclusion, I invite the media to all grow a pair. And if you can’t, I will lend you mine.”

God help us all if the Republicans get elected again. And I’m not even American.  Look at what your economy is doing at the hands of the Republicans.  Do you REALLY want to re-elect these assholes?

I mean, I’d love to see more women in politics, but not there simply because they have a vagina or look good in front of the media.  Palin’s politics and beliefs scare me, as does her vapidness. She is against abortion, even in cases of incest and rape. She thinks “abstinence” should be the only thing taught in schools. Oh, well THAT kind of teaching really helped her OWN child, right?  Too bad the kid didn’t learn about important things like BIRTH CONTROL, since the whole abstinence thing clearly didn’t “take”. 

Personally, I couldn’t give a shit about what goes on in the woman’s personal life or family except for the fucking hypocrisy of it all. (And for a great look at that hypocrisy exposed, check out this episode of The Daily Show

I’d love to see a woman in the White House, unfortunately, this one is an embarrassment to us all.

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Being a “parent” again…

September 16, 2008 | Filed Under Lifestyles of the Heartlessly Bitchy, Parenting | No Comments

This past week, I had not only my two adult male children here (plus one girlfriend), but also my 17-year-old nephew on a 4-day stopover (on his way back from Russia, and on to Toronto before heading home).  Add to that mix 2 cats, a roommate and a boyfriend, and it was a FULL house.

The dishwasher went through at least 2 times a day – when I got on the young males’ case to load/unload it. (I’m seriously thinking of adopting my eldest’s girlfriend. She’s smart, funny, slightly evil, and does household chores like cleaning up after herself without being asked.)

And even though the two of them are 20 and 21, I had to go into the bedroom one night at 12:30, kick two of the boys out (the youngest and the nephew were playing computer games on the oldest’s computer) and remind my oldest and his gf that SHE had to work the next day, and HE had school. Really. I think kids DO regress when they move back home.

But as much as I rag on them, I DO enjoy having my spawn around again. It’s been 10 years since I had both of them living with me, however, and it’s taking some getting used to.  I’m not a neat-freak by any stretch, but these guys cause me to hit my “critical mass of mess” orders of magnitude faster than on my own, and that critical mass usually results in a sentence starting with, “Ok.Get your asses in here….”.

And then there is the “interaction” between the two of them – they haven’t lived together in the same house for 4 years.  And it’s like nothing ever changed.

Tonight, the youngest was sound asleep on the couch, snoring, when his brother came in, noticed him there, and decided to “hug” him.  The kind of hug that isn’t borne out of affection, but deliberately meant to annoy. The kind of hug you see 12 and 13-year-olds  giving each other to piss each other off. I’m here to attest to the fact that the effect is the same when they are in their 20’s. “**** What the fuck!? Piss off!” was the younger spawn’s response. The oldest of course protested that he was just trying to show his brother AFFECTION!  The bf found it terribly amusing. Apparently HE never had that in his repertoire of tricks for bugging his younger brother.

And then there is the sense of humor. The two of them play off each other -they riff each other’s personal lives and TV shows, and joke about turning the cat into a submissive masochist (that’s ANOTHER story). And the oldest does accents. Mostly Scottish, sometimes British or  Australian, but tonight he was cracking us up by suggesting that Keanu Reeve’s poorly delivered lines in the movie “Constantine” would be MUCH better if delivered by Sean Connery, and then repeating those lines in a perfect Sean Connery accent. We all cracked up.

My house is a disaster. We go through 6 litres of milk a week, I’m thinking of taking out shares in Costco, and I’m trying not to lose my sanity with the mess that accumulates. But on the whole, it’s good to have them back. Even if they are adding grey hairs to my head, the laughter that comes with them is worth it.

 

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